(Kitchen Nightmares theme plays)

Fresh off of his hit shows, Chef Gordon Ramsay has been to thousands of restaurants throughout America. Dealt with the worst of the worst when it came to food, management, and the quality of a restaurant. In some cases, it has included the owners themselves. He has met with only one failure throughout his entire career. It was a few months after America had created an alliance with the world of Equis in the pursuit of mutual understanding with the hopes of peace. One of the Princesses had come through the portal back to America on a rare visit with one of her emissaries to speak with Chef Ramsay. The lavender alicorn called Princess Twilight Sparkle had news organizations from around the world speculating about her, but still unsure as to why Princess Twilight had chosen Chef Gordon Ramsay. He was the first official human to meet with her and Ambassador Pinkie Pie. The Kitchen Nightmares team here hopes to be the first to get the scoop on the Princess of Friendship's odd course of action upon visiting Earth. We have been told that she will be arriving at the Nevada headquarters in downtown Las Vegas to meet with Gordon in just a few short hours.

(Twilight Sparkle's POV)

For over six months now, Ponies, Gryphons, and Minotaurs have been getting deathly ill, all across Equestria. Hospitals everywhere are filling up to their maximum capacity and nobody is entirely sure why. Many nations are facing economic collapse due to the amount of illnesses. The only answer I've gotten out of anypony is that the last thing they remember is going to a local restaurant where they live. I've asked the restaurants that they have mentioned, but I can't seem to get a straight answer out of anypony. Pinkie came to me a few weeks ago and mentioned that someone on Earth might be able to help. Some famous celebrity chef named Ramsey. I instantly pictured a ram wearing a cook’s uniform at the time. Kinda silly, I know, but my mind does come up with weird things sometimes. At first I thought she was just being her normal crazy self until I decided to take a closer look at this human's qualifications. Needless to say, I'm more than impressed with his accomplishments. He was among one of the best chefs on Earth. Among his many television shows, he also doubled as an Emotional Counselor, Food Critic, Hotel Critic, Building Renovator, and a Health Inspector. I looked him up and as it turns out, he's currently living in the western province or state as Americans call them; California where I first discovered Earth when I came through the portal. His main office however is a few hundred miles away in Earth's equivalent to Las Pegasus. Since Pinkie and Rarity are more knowledgeable about food than I am, I figured that bringing them along might help. What with Pinkie’s years of experience in the kitchen and Rarity’s distinction as a licensed food connoisseur; even though I had no idea that was an actual thing. She was probably just embellishing everything about herself as usual, but I didn't mind. I trusted Rarity to behave on such an important mission, but I had my doubts about Pinkie. Humans are a little bit less open minded than ponies are, so I was worried how Chef Ramsay would respond to her...explosive personality. I didn't think that it would have been this much of an issue though...

A few weeks after the epidemic had spread all over Equestria, Twilight and her friends Rarity and Pinkie Pie came through a portal to Los Angeles. She was uncomfortably reminded of how much more dangerous crossing over to an alternate multiverse of reality was than simply crossing over to a parallel universe. Traveling to Canterlot High was a simple stroll compared to what they were going through. They landed in a recreational park in the Midtown borough of Pasadena. The first sensation to hit her was the smell. The human world was markedly different than that of Equis in more ways than one.

Their arrival did not go unnoticed as they were met with a large crowd of paparazzi who took their pictures and asked them a barrage of questions. Minutes later, police showed up to break up the crowd. They were instructed to lead them to a group of federal agents who had been informed of their arrival.

As it turned out, the men were from the local branch of the Secret Service and Homeland Security. They were sent to be their liasons. Upon their request, Twilight, Pinkie, and Rarity were given an escort to Las Vegas all the way to Chef Ramsay's office. They spent hours on busy highways going through the many boroughs of LA, past coastal mountains, and across the desolate desert grasslands of California. It was mid afternoon by the time the girls began to get somewhat weary of their long drive.

"I spy with my little eye, something that is...tan-colored," Pinkie stated innocently.

"It's sand STILL dahling," the white unicorn replied from behind her magazine.

"Ugh, Pinkie, will you give it a rest?" Twilight tiredly said as she yawned. "We've been at that game for hours."

"Never thought I'd see someone go at a game of I Spy for four hours, let alone one." one of the agents in the back seat said with a chuckle.

"You should see how bad it gets back home," Twilight chuckled. "The trip to Las Pegasus was a nightmare."

"Sorry Twilight, this is just taking a REEEEAALLY LONG time, so I thought I'd do something fun to pass the time," Pinkie replied.

"Sorry about that your highnesses. With the holiday season here, the local comic book convention in town, and the big local games going on, LAX is gonna be overbooked for a while." the agent replied.

"That's alright. Actually this kinda reminds me of the train rides back home now that I think about it."

"Except those never had these delightful magazines with these juicy gossip articles," Rarity replied as she showed off her first issue of Vogue.

Twilight just smiled and rolled her eyes at Rarity. Upon their request, the agents bought a dozen magazines of varying genre at their last gas station for them to read. Twilight had only been casually reading a few for research on various Earth subjects. Rarity on the other hand, quickly became addicted to them. Just not for the same reasons that Twilight was. She found quite a few designs within the pages of the magazines that gave her inspiration to create new lines of clothing once they had a break from their investigations back in Equestria.

"Don't worry your highness. After we see the next marker, we should be heading off of Highway 15 and into Las Vegas within the hour." the driver replied.

"Well that's a relief. That's not to say though that I'm not enjoying the sights of your...state I believe you called it?" she asked.

The agent simply gave a nod in confirmation before going back to reading his newspaper.

"That mountainside covered in those "wind turbines" like you called them, were amazing! I don't think I've ever seen that many generators working together like that."

Twilight prattled on and on for the next half hour about all of the things that she had seen on their drive across the state and into Nevada. Only the brown-haired agent sitting with them looked interested in what she was saying. For the most part he would just listen and only answer questions when he was directly asked about something. Soon though, their trip was just about over as they drove to the top of a hill and saw the city of Las Vegas in the distance. They were quite pleased that they had finally reached the city, now it was just a matter of searching for the man they were looking for in a large city. Luckily, their escorts seemed to know exactly where they were going.

They came to the Vegas Strip where they were assaulted by a manner of sights, sounds, and a number of unpleasant smells. From car exhaust to a number of uncouth scents that led them to understand why humans had taken to nicknaming this large, bright town "Sin City". Even some of the names of the businesses made her nervous. A restaurant called the Heart attack Grill disturbed her deeply. One of the agents mentioned a few of the more civilized sights that he liked taking his kids to on occasion. One of the places he mentioned was something called the "Gold and Silver Pawn Shop" and another he called "Count's Customs".

The car drove up to a large white building with a sign near the top that said "Caesar's Palace" in gold lettering. Twilight made the connection to a similar hotel casino back in Las Pegasus called Haaflinger's Palace. Instead of right towards the building though, they drove towards an adjacent three story building with an unusual large fountain in front. in the middle of the fountain were large metal letters spelling out an initial: H.K. In between the letters was what looked like a trident sticking out from in between the two of them.

They parked and the three ponies exited the car with the two agents who helped escort them into the building. The agents were forced to dissuade any curious onlooker who had tried to approach Twilight and her friends more than a few times.

The inside of the restaurant was nothing like what they were expecting. The interior was a mix of metal plating and colored glass with elegant furniture and glossed wooden floors. The entire floor was busy with diners and servers who were going about their business. On the far side was a large open kitchen for all of the diners to see how their food was being made. Little kids who were with their parents went up to the girls and asked them if they could brush their hair. To which Twilight felt mildly offended at for a reason she couldn't fathom.

More than a few reporters were there that pelted them with countless questions, ranging from harmless to ludicrous. If the agents hadnt intervened, Twilight would have blasted them out of the building with her magic.

Trying to avoid the people and the stares they were getting, they moved to a side room and up a flight of stairs where they eventually came to an office complex on the second floor. The agents escorted them to the end of the hall where they
found a silver door that seemed to be different than the rest of them. Twilight could hear a heated discussion going on on the other side of the door with a lot of shouting that seemed to be occurring.

"Oh dear. I hope we aren't intruding upon anything important he might be doing", Rarity thought aloud.

"Uh oh, it sounds like he forgot his morning mocha," Pinkie said humorously.

"Well, there's only one way to find out," Twilight concluded as one of the agents opened the door for the three of them.

"OH THAT'S FANTASTIC YOU STUPID LITTLE SHIT! DO YOU TAKE PRIDE OUT BEING A SPOILED LITTLE BITCH?"

"Uhhhh," was all the three girls were able to get out of their wide eyed slack jawed expressions. Their eyes turned to the size of pin heads the further they overheard more of the conversation.

"GET THIS THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULL. EVERYTHING WAS FUCKING RAW AND RANCID. YOUR FOOD IS SHIT! DON'T SEND ONE OF YOUR LITTLE LAWYERS AFTER ME BECAUSE PEOPLE JUST HATE YOUR FOOD!"

To say that Twilight was stunned at the sight before her was an understatement.

"YOU ARE SELLING ROTTEN FOOD TO YOUR CUSTOMERS YOU DUMB FUCK!"

The man who they assumed to be the chef, was having a shouting match with somebody over the phone. He was clearly in a tense state from behind his desk. His blonde hair seemed to be ragged and his eyes bloodshot from whatever debacle he was currently facing and his ice blue eyes were seething with an unquenchable rage. Twilight had never felt anger this intense from a person in her entire life save for Fluttershy's when she had seen Opalescence smack a baby mouse around. They watched him and whoever he was talking to shout at each other for about five minutes before it ended abruptly.

"YOU NEED SOME FUCKING PROZAC YOU STUPID LITTLE PISS ANT!"

The chef slammed the phone so hard back into its charger and ended the call that they all thought that he was really going to break it by accident. It even broke Twilight, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie out of their dumbfounded states. He then tried to breathe in deeply to calm himself down as he began rubbing his eyes with his hand.

"Just like Fieri told you Gordon, it isn't worth it. It isn't worth it." he said to himself as he was breathing in and breathing out deeply.

Twilight tried clearing her throat to get his attention as he seemed to not have noticed them yet, and it appeared to have worked. He looked up at them from his desk and his entire demeanor instantly changed. He got up and walked over to the three of them with a small gentle smile now adorning his face.

"Hello there. I'm assuming you three are the Equestrians?" he asked cheerfully. "My apologies for you hearing all of that. I had a bit of a bad business experience recently, and I'm trying my best to work it out."

"Uh, ahem, yes. I am Princess Twilight Sparkle. And these are my friends and fellow ambassadors Rarity Belle and Pinkamina Diane Pie," she said as she introduced the three of them.

"Just call me Rarity dahling," Rarity replied.

"And me Pinkie," Pinkie said as she giggled.

"A pleasure to meet you your highnesses. Call me Gordon." he replied. "Or Chef Ramsay. Whatever you prefer."

"Alright then Gordon, thank you for meeting with us. I realize this must be strange for you to be meeting us like this," she said considerately.

"Getting a call late at night that a pony princess wanted to meet with me, I did check my glass of water to see if it was laced with something but I've been through weirder things." Gordon replied while remembering an incident involving a red spandex wearing mercenary with an obsession for tacos. "Although, I would like to know what this is about".

Twilight went on to explain everything that had happened in Equestria for the past few months and how they had come up empty with any answers. The explanation took about roughly fifteen minutes as Twilight insisted on going into exquisite detail about their problem. Chef Ramsay found himself thinking that Twilight could probably write a multitude of books talking specifically about their calamity.

"I must admit that we are kind of at a loss here. None of my magic can seem to detect how these ponies are getting deathly sick or why. Its happening at every major restaurant and hotel in Equestria. So when Pinkie came to me and mentioned you, I was more than skeptical at first, but your credentials impressed me when I look you up."

"That does sound like a major problem. And basically, you want me and my team to go with you: an alien princess I've just met, to a world I've never seen, to fix the problems of hotels and restaurants I know nothing about?"

Twilight began to laugh nervously. She was obviously not liking how this meeting was turning out.

"Yupper dupper Gordy," Pinkie replied cheerfully.

"That's pretty much the full story Mr. Ramsay," Rarity replied.

"The problems with all of this are multi-fold," Gordon stated concerned.

"I unfortunately want to keep human government officials away from Equestria for the time being, so I figured you and your team would be less of a risk if you crossed over with us."

"And you want me and my team to be the first humans to go to this...Equestria?"

The three of them nodded vigorously.

"Oh, what the heck? I don't have anything else big on the itinerary at the moment. When do we get started?"
Next Time:
Episode 0.5 - The Brit meets the Pastel Colored Ponies

Tonight on Kitchen Nightmares, we are going to receive an opportunity of a lifetime that everyone dreams of at one point in there life or another. To get the chance to visit and document a world beyond Earth. Not just any world though, a world inhabited by candy colored ponies who can use magic! Just a week ago, one of the royalty of Equestria, Princess Twilight and two of her ambassadors came to our own Chef Gordon Ramsay with an unusual request. To come to Equestria to deal with an epidemic of illness spreading from every famous restaurant and hotel in Equestria. She allowed us to accompany Gordon as a TV crew like us would pose less of a risk than a government official. What kinds of restaurants and hotels lie on the other side of the portal for our titular Chef to review and critique? Stay tuned to find out!

Twilight and her friends were given an opportunity to stay a week at the presidential suite in Caesar's Palace while the Chef and his team prepared to make the trip to the other side of the portal into Equestria. Their Secret Service liasons provided them with transportation and protection in Las Vegas as they spent the time exploring the city's numerous sights. Pinkie was busy most of the time winning countless games and slot machines in the casino, much to their confusion and dismay. Her favorites had included a game named after a cousin of their friend Applejack and the human's version of Poker. She even managed to beat a few championship winning players with ease. Rarity had been busy browsing the many fashion shops at the local malls and boutiques, getting inspiration for her next fashion lines. Twilight had been enthralled with a series of shows on the History Channel that all seemed to be based in Las Vegas. So she thought it would be prudent to take the time to visit each location and gain valuable knowledge on human history and culture.

Before they all knew it, the week had gone by and they were just about ready to be on their way and head through the portal back through Equestria. Twilight had discovered a way to summon the dimensional crack from Pasadena all the way to Las Vegas, but in order to make sure they can safely go through, she had requested that they would be taken to a remote place away from the major population and away from prying eyes so that she could preform the spell. So the agents directed them all out into the desert towards an old gas station for all of them to rendezvous.

During the car ride there, Twilight told them about the things she had learned and the people she had met.

"Mr. Rick Harrison was actually pretty helpful and really friendly. His pawn shop was full of so many fascinating things. Though that golden clock on one of his shelves gave me the willies. He called it the Death Clock because a lot of people died while making it. His father kept on asking if he has spiked his drink when he saw me. Not surprising I guess, humans can barely comprehend our existence in this world. His son's friend Chumlee I think, kinda reminded me too much of Pinkie. The rare more irritating side of Pinkie anyway. When I showed him what our bits looked like he seemed to want to give me a lot of money for one of them. It seems that gold is somewhat rare here compared to Equestria."

"What about that...car shop darling?" Rarity asked. "Did you enjoy yourself there too?"

"Are you kidding me? It was amazing!" Twilight exclaimed. "I believe the owner's name is Danny "The Count". He was more than willing to show me a lot of fascinating things about how cars work. And it's pretty complex! Though I did run into another odd guy there. A man named Mike who was a little obsessed with horns."

The girls soon arrived at the meeting point with their liasons early in the morning just as the sun began creeping further and further into the eastern sky. The desolate landscape surrounding the gas station began to drastically change back from its freezing climate at night to its scorching climate during the day. The growing heat was starting to become brutal, especially for three ponies covered in fur.

"Ugh, can we please hurry up with this darling?" Rarity whined. "I love getting my Vitamin D as much as the next girl, it does wonders for your complexion in healthy amounts, but this is going to cook me. And I really don't like getting all sweaty."

"I'm not liking this heat any more than you are Rarity, but have to wait for Gordon and his team. The whole reason for being here was to bring him back with us over to Equestria so he can help us. We can't just leave him," Twilight stated firmly.

"Well he'd better hurry up. It's becoming practically an inferno out here."

The brown-haired agent, who formally introduced himself a few days ago as Agent John Myers quickly concluded a call with the Chef in question.

"Chef Ramsay is on his way your majesties. He said he won't take more than a half an hour to arrive. Apparently he had to buy a new camera for one of his cameraman after....uhhh, something about Miss Pie in an incident involving a fountain, a banana, and a pineapple in one of the casinos?"

"Trust me. You don't want to know," Twilight chuckled. "I just hope this doesn't sour our relationship with him. I'd like to try to make friends in the human world too.".

"I had no idea someone with that much booze could move like that," one of the other agents mused.

"In my defense, that Whis-Key stuff you mentioned did funny stuff to me. Even with sugar!" Pinkie explained from the inside of an old gas pump globe she had stuck her head into.

"Is that type of behavior common with Miss Pie?" Myers whispered to Twilight.

"Its best not to question it. Believe me, I've spent years trying to." Twilight replied wryly.

After a few minutes of biding her time by studying the nearby desert environment, A few cars showed up and Gordon and his team emerged. Gordon was wearing light casual clothes that were suitable for the growing temperature of daytime Nevada. He seemed to be eyeballing Pinkie Pie with a vaguely irritated look before he turned his attention to Twilight as he seemed keen on asking her a few questions.

"Pardon me for asking your highness-" Gordon started.

"Twilight," she interjected.

"Pardon?"

"You can call me Twilight, Gordon. There's no need for formality here," she replied. "I'd like to get to know you while I'm working with you."

"Alright then, Twilight I would like to ask why we are out here? Wasn't the "portal" seen in Pasadena?"

"Yes, but we are pressed for time, and a car ride would only delay us. I believe I have found a way to bring the rift or portal as you call it to our direct spot. I can't risk somebody accidentally following us in, so I had my liasons here find a location like this one where little to no people are in the area."

"Understandable. Security and all that," he replied. "But uh, how are you planning on bringing the portal here?"

With a smirk, Twilight walked a few feet out towards an open spot where only a small patch of grass was and stood in a tense position.

"Observe."

Pinkie pulled her head out of the gas globe and put on a comically over-sized welders helmet in preparation for the spell.

Twilight ignited her horn with a bright lavender glow that sparked with raw magical energy. It glowed brighter and brighter until the light blinded the eyes of all who were there, until they heard a loud warbling that seemed to be coming from where Twilight was standing. When they opened their eyes, they were greeted to a mass of swirling light blue energy which they took to be the portal.

"HOLY SHIT!" Gordon cried.

"Don't worry, don't worry. We are completely safe here."

"And just about time that the portal got here too. I've been starting to worry about somepony giving Sweetie and her friend Button Mash tainted food," Rarity dramatically stated.

The girls began walking their way back to the portal casually as if nothing was wrong.

"Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa!" Gordon snapped.

"What is it Mister Ramsay?" Rarity asked. "We really must be on our way as soon as possible".

"Through that???" Gordon and his crew cried in unison and disbelief as they pointed at the portal.

"Why yes Gordon. It is the only way to get to out world after all." Twilight stated matter of factly.

"Uh-Uh," he declines. "I like my molecules stable and untampered with thank you."

"Pinkie? Can you be a dear and help me with him?" Twilight asked mischievously.

"Okie dokie lokie!" Pinkie giggled.

Pinkie just comically stretched out her mane with her hoof and absorbed all of their equipment into it like a vacum cleaner and then began pushing Gordon and his crew towards the portal all at the same time, much to their dismay and utter confusion.

"Oh come on Rammy! Its gonna be fun having you over!" she said with glee.

Twilight and Rarity just giggled at the sight before them. Gordon and his entire crew being bulldozed into the portal by Pinkie's mane like rocks in front of a tractor.

Right before him and his team were launched through the portal, Gordon heard Pinkie yell "wheeeee!!!!" as they jumped through together.

Gordon couldn't make out what was around him, but vaguely saw what looked like he was falling down a hole filled with lightning and spiraling clouds of different color.

He then began to feel faint as he blacked out from the force of the fall.

"He just went all "splat" and then there we were!" was the first thing Gordon heard when he began to stir from his unconsciousness. Underneath him, he felt the distinct sensation of soft flowing grass.

"Yes Pinkie," he heard Twilight say deadpan. "We all saw it".

"Twiight dear, I think he's waking up," Rarity said.

"Damn, I feel like I've fallen a hundred feet down a fucking well," Gordon said deliriously.

"I'm SO so sorry about that Chef," Twilight consoled while helping Gordon up on his feet. "I don't entirely understand all of the mechanics of the portal yet, so there are still some physical risks when making the journey.

Gordon saw how upset she was at his bruising, so he tried to cheer her up.

"Ah, that's alright Twilight. Let's just try to make sure that doesn't happen again alright?"

"Sure. Perhaps I can put down some safety measures here for future trips to and from Earth."

"Fantastic," he replied. "Now, where are we-"

As his crew were helped up by Pinkie and Rarity, they saw Gordon slack-jawed at their new surroundings that they found themselves in and did the same right as they gazed upon the same wonders that he did.

They were dropped right in the middle of what Gordon could only describe as a kingdom from a child's storybook. Small two story buildings in a variety of earthen colors completely surrounded them. Gordon recognized it as some kind of town square due to the placement of the buildings and the large four-story pagoda-like structure lying right in the middle of everything. The whole environment of the town had its own oddities as well. The sun was lower in the sky to the west signaling that it was early evening.

"I think I'm high," Gordon said trying to restrain his anxiety. "Definitely high."

"Then we might be all high at the same time Chef," his director Daniel replied. I really hope we aren't in a coma or something."

"No silly, you're in Ponyville Square duh!," Pinkie replied energetically. This is where we get off of the interdimensional express. Please make sure you remember to pick up your luggage and never accept packages from strangers.

"Its nothing to worry about Chef," Twilight urged. "This is Ponyville. Where you and your crew's primary lodgings will be while we "ahem" deal with the situation here in Equestria."

"Well, I suppose it looks pleasant enough," he replied as ponies going about their daily duties began to notice the humans with the princess and walk right up to them curious of the new alien visitors to Ponyville. "This is probably the nicest ecstasy trip I've ever had. If this is all in my head anyway."

A tan pony with white hair and glasses trotted through the growing crowd of chattering ponies up to Twilight and Gordon to meet them.

"Princess Twilight! Its good to see you made it back safely," the mare kindly said. "And who is this?"

"Mayor Mare, this is Chef Gordon Ramsay. I've brought him and his team over from Earth to help us with our health crisis in Equestria," she explained. "Gordon, this is Mayor Mare. She runs Ponyville primarily around here."

"Fuck it, I might as well try to enjoy this as much as I can," he quietly concluded. "Pleasure to meet you miss...Mayor Mare was it? I hope I can be of some assistance."

"Well we are certainly glad to accept any help we can get our hooves on," she replied.

"I am glad to help in any way I can, but first we probably need to get my bearings on where we are".

"Of course, just stick with the Princess and her friends and you shouldn't have any problems. If you need any assistance at all, just let me know. Absolutely ANYTHING!" she said as she moved her face to right within inches of Gordon's face and then moved off after a solid three seconds of staring into large blue eyes.

She then walked back in the opposite direction to help disperse the crowd of ponies who continued to gawk at the humans in awe. Gordon could vaguely hear them talk about how familiar he looked to another famous pony in Canterlot.

"May I ask what the fuck was that about?" Gordon asked slowly.

"She's a fan. I showed her one of your cookbooks and she became instantly hooked," Twilight replied.

"Ah" he simply replied.

"I'm kind of surprised that they seem to be THIS surprised by humans," Twilight thought out loud. "We've had a human here just a few months ago."

"Someone else was here before?" Gordon asked.

"Well humans are kind of new in Equestria and your little friend was just one human as opposed to a group of them."

"And with that, I am afraid I must take my leave Twilight and Gordon," Rarity said as she looked at the sinking sun. "I need to get home quickly to prepare dinner for Sweetie Belle and I."

"Yeah, I should probably get back home too. i'm babysitting the Cake Twins tonight," Pinkie added.

"Alright, I'll see you two tomorrow then," Twilight said. "Meet me with the other three in the throne room at noon first thing tomorrow."

Pinkie and Rarity went off in separate directions, leaving Twilight alone with Gordon. She escorted him and his team through the streets of Ponyville for about ten minutes until they finally reached the outside walkway of her home which caught the humans completely off guard with its massive appearance.

"Wow," Gordon said visibly impressed.

"Is that castle made of solid crystal?" his director asked.

"Yeah, my home tends to get that reaction a lot from ponies and humans."

She led them down the street and right into her castle home.

When they got inside the massive front doors leading into the main hallway, they began to fathom just how large this castle was from the immense size of the first chamber which echoed their every step. Gordon could tell that it was masterfully decorated and furnished. Banners of purple with accents of gold hanging down from the walls on either side, An impossibly long maroon carpet trailing down the main hallway and into separate hallways complimenting the various shades of purple and blue that seemed to make up the color scheme of the whole castle.

"Your home is quite nice Twilight. I can tell that you put a lot of care and love into it."

"Thank you. But I can't take the entire credit for decorating it. A lot of the decorations just sort of...came with the castle."

As Gordon began to raise his eyebrow in questioning at that statement, Twilight began to call for someone.

"Spike! Spike!," Twilight shouted. "Where are you? I've got our guests from Earth here!"

"I'm coming Twilight, I'm coming!" they heard from down one of the halls.

When the owner of the voice came around the corner to greet them, Gordon wasn't sure what he was looking at. A short chubby purple lizard with green spines running down its back. It seemed to be grasping what looked like a feather quill in one of its claws. Gordon's eyes furrowed in complete confusion.

"What?" Gordon asked in a vaguely frightened tone.

"What is it Twilight? I WAS in the middle of taking inventory of the library like you asked me- oh," he said as he noticed Gordon and his production team.

"Spike, this is Chef Gordon Ramsay and his production team. They are going to be staying with us primarily in Ponyville while he helps us deal with the outbreak," she explained. "Gordon, Daniel, this is my adopted son and top assistant Spike. He will be traveling with us with the other girls while we solve this little crisis."

Spike walked up to the humans with a raised eyebrow and looked Gordon up and down and as the man began to feel mildly offended, Spike put on a smile and outstretched his tiny claw.

"Nice to meetcha. I hope you can help us out," Spike said cheerfully. "Things have been getting crazy around here. Much more than usual."

"Ah, well. I guess I will do everything I can to help. But first I think I will need more details on what is going on." Gordon replied.

"And I agree. But even I am not entirely sure what is going on. Princess Celestia seemed to know about the situation better than I do. Which means I need to bring you all up to Canterlot first thing tomorrow."

"Canterlot? Ponyville? Damn, if the other cities have names like this, I think we may have our work cut out for us," Daniel quipped.

"Oh knock it off Daniel. Who's Princess Celestia if I might ask?"

"Oh, she's the primary ruler of Equestria and the one who moves the sun," Twilight explained nonchalantly.

"Wh-Wh-Wh-What? She moves the...."

"The Sun yes," she replied for him.

"Christ. This is going to get weirder every minute." he lamented. "Oh well, what's on the menu for dinner here?"

"Oh yes, I almost forgot," Twilight replied. "Spike!"

"Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, I'm on it, don't get your tail in a knot," Spike said as he ran off into another hallway and into one of the doors.

They then heard the sound of pots, pans, and plates banging and crashing to the floor and breaking into a million pieces.

"Oops," they heard him say.

"Fuckin hell," was all Gordon said before he followed Twilight in Spike's direction.

The sound of crashing plates and clanging pots could be heard all the way from the main kitchen of Twilight's Castle of Friendship. Twilight had hoped that Spike might make them a little food while they discuss a few things for the evening. Instead, Gordon accompanied Twilight to see what the little dragon boy had gotten himself into. They quickly made their way down the hallway and into one of the many identical doors on either side.

Inside, they came to a very troubling sight. Twilight's kitchen was a complete mess. A thick layer of smoke was coming from the stove which made the duo cough violently the moment they entered the room. All kinds of food was splattered all over the walls, shards of plates were scattered about all over the floor and pots and pans were laying haphazardly on the stove. In the middle of all of this stood the young boy with a sheepish look on his face and globs of food sticking to every inch of his tiny body.

"Uhhh.....hi?" he tried to say.

"Oh, my god! What the blazes happened in the ten seconds you were in here?" Gordon exclaimed. "It looks like an army of gremlins ransacked the place."

"Spike, what the Tartarus happened here?" Twilight exclaimed.

"I swear! I don't know how it happened! I was just getting some plates from one of the shelves and it just launched them everywhere!"

Gordon looked at one of the shelves that Spike was referring to and went over to it to investigate. He grabbed ahold of the shelf and lightly tried to shake it. Much to his displeasure, the shelf was incredibly loose and unstable.

"Don't worry about it son. This wasn't entirely your fault," Gordon concluded. "These shelves are an insane safety hazard! Why are these not bolted down?"

He was trying his hardest to keep the shelves balanced and stable.

"I had no idea that they were that bad," Twilight replied genuinely surprised.

"He could have seriously hurt himsel-WHOA!" Gordon yelled as he nearly slipped and fell.

Looking down, he found the floor was completely covered in vegetable oil.

"How do you make such a mess in only a few seconds?"

"Sorry about that," Spike said mournfully. "I'll go get the broom....and the mop."

The little boy quickly went over to a nearby closet and pulled out a mop and a mop bucket and started washing the floor.

"I'm not mad at you Spike, but I would like to know. What were you trying to do anyway?" Twilight asked.

"I was just trying to make that dish your human friend made for us Twilight!," Spike insisted in a distressed tone as he moved around the mop. "I just thought the Chef would like it too!"

When Twilight and Gordon looked around at the state of the kitchen, Twilight raised her eyebrows, but Gordon simply kneeled down to Spike's level and looked at him calmly.

"That's alright son, just show me what you were trying to make and I'll see what I can do to help you out," Gordon said kindly.

Spike put the mop back in the bucket and went over to a drawer and pulled out a picture of a noodle dish filled with different kinds of vegetables. Gordon was starting to feel a little nervous at what he thought he was seeing.

"He called it Vegetarian Pad Thai with Tofu," Spike said.

Gordon simply slapped his face in annoyance the immediate moment his blue eyes came into contact with the picture being held up.

"Oh, fucking hell," he said bluntly.

"What's wrong?" Twilight asked.

"Sorry, I just have...well something of a bad experience when it comes to that dish," Gordon replied remembering a certain incident with a Thai chef. "But, I think I may be able to help. As long as I get it right this time around. First things first though, we need to clean up this kitchen really badly".

"I agree, stepping on all this glass could be dangerous for us." Twilight replied as she ignited her horn, causing Gordon to yell in surprise as the dishes and pots to glow purple and float before disappearing and the pot being placed back where they were.

"What the bloody hell was that?" Gordon exclaimed as he jumped with surprise and shock.

"M-my magic," Twilight replied nervously. "I-I just teleported the dish shards to the trash. I always make sure we have a huge stockpile of plates on hand. Parties and meals here in Equestria can get destructive from time to time, so its kinda normal when plates break easily".

"Well can you please WARN me next time you are going to do that? You scared the living daylights out of me."

"Sorry," she says apologetically as she folded her ears back. "I've used my magic so much that its become second nature to me and I don't think about who's around me."

"Now then, why don't we get started on--" Gordon began before he saw the state of the stove.

"What in God's name happened here lad? You've burned every square inch of this. What are you a damn dragon?"

"Yes," Twilight and Spike replied in unison.

He simply rubbed his face before breathing in and out deeply to calm himself.

"Just pretend you aren't going batshit insane, and maybe this will all go away," he whispers to himself.

"Well, I think we can make this work. Just until I can help you replace the equipment in here. This kitchen is a fucking disaster waiting to happen! Who the hell designed this place? For one thing, why are your pots and pans stacked up on unstable wooden shelves that your son nearly got seriously hurt by? The ovens aren't sealed, the floors look like they haven't been cleaned in days, there's dust in every crack and crevice, and why are there greasy burlap bags hanging from the ceiling?"

"I think that's Rarity's cheese. I think she calls it....Rock Fort?" Spike replied unsure.

"Well you see...my castle wasn't designed exactly. At least not most of the rooms in it anyway."

"How do you mean?" he asked with a raised eyebrow genuinely intrigued.

"My castle, was...well...grown." she replied sheepishly. "Most of this except for the stuff in the main throne room and my own bedroom just sort of appeared."

"Grown?" he asked obviously more confused than before.

"Its best that you don't question it yet Chef, Twilight gets long winded when she talks about magic," Spike chuckled.

"Might as well, or I might go mad. Let's see what we have to work with here. Twilight my darling, where do you primarily store your food? I haven't seen much resembling modern technology here, so I assume you have a pantry somewhere here?"

Twilight directed him to one of the pantries where their clean vegetables for the dish were being stored.
When Gordon went inside, he felt a refreshing rush of cold air blasting into his face. Twilight went on to explain that she applied the idea of the refrigerator from her human friend by using a group of ice and mist runes carved into the pantry so that she could keep food fresh much longer. Needless to say that he was impressed that she as at least keeping their food in a moderately chilled place and throwing out food whenever it went bad. Something that many a restaurant on Earth that he had visited failed to do. Then she directed him to the dry ingredients in the second pantry. He was impressed that they were all in sealed glass containers to protect from bugs and contamination. When he had found everything that he needed to make the dish, he gathered all of the ingredients. He then began going through the process for Twilight and Spike on how to make the dish.

"We start out by soaking the noodles in a small bowl of cold water," he explains as he places them in a bowl of water.

Twilight and Spike simply nodded to confirm that they were listening carefully.

"Mix all of the wet ingredients," he continues by mixing soy sauce, lime juice, chili sauce, and brown sugar in a small bowl.

Twilight had pulled out a notepad and quill and was furiously writing down everything Gordon was doing and saying for future reference.

"Prep the wok, and mix the vegetables."

He then preheated the wok and added in tofu and eggs. After mixing them together, he added in the vegetables and allowed them to be seared for a few seconds, moving the wok around in a circular motion. The wok sizzled over the red hot flame.

He then added in the wet mixture he made and stirred it into the wok, right after bringing the heat down to a simmer.

"And finally, add in and toss the noodles and finish off with a pinch of salt," he concludes as he finishes off the pad thai.

Twilight watches him as he grabs the large stack of plates from the shelf and each of them down on the counter as he prepares well around 20 in an artistic fashion for them and Gordon's crew.

"And finished," he concluded as he set them all down on the kitchen counter.

"Amazing!" Twilight mused as she clapped her hooves together. "I don't know that much about cooking but that was amazing!"

"Well thank you, I pride myself on the quality of my work. Now why don't bring these out to the others so we can all eat?"

"Yes, let's eat!" she agreed.

"And afterwards, perhaps you can tell me more about this Princess Celestia and Princess Luna you keep talking about. Didn't you say back at the casino that Princess Luna is training herself to cook?"

"More like she's training herself to destroy food," Spike quipped.

"She's tried to feed us her... unique creations more times than I would care to admit." Twilight explained. She's one of my family and I love her like she was my own sister, but she can get a little pushy when it comes to her cooking. And sometimes I'm afraid how her dishes might affect us if we try to eat them."

"Oh, I'm sure it can't be THAT bad," Gordon stated hopefully. "If not, I'll do what I can to help her. I've worked with much MUCH worse."

Meanwhile in Canterlot,

The great capital of Equestria was bustling as always. Nighttime strollers and businesses thriving under the light of the moon. Noble ponies and Ponies of great wealth were going about their business keeping the city constantly moving. The castle of Canterlot had seemed quiet as usual this fine evening, Its glowing lights illuminating the city, guards and servants going about their daily duties. The daytime guards switched around for the nighttime guards. The Princess of the Sun had just started to move the Sun into its daily scheduled descent into the horizon to make way for her sister's own Moon. Everything seemed calm and quiet and completely normal in the grand and beautiful capital city of Equestria.

But out of nowhere, a large bang sounded off from the inside of the castle like a cannon being fired off.

The Royal Kitchen had become enveloped in a noxious cloud of black smoke after a large explosion that a certain self-proclaimed cook had accidentally created.

The smoke soon parted enough to reveal the navy blue princess of the night with her hair in a frizzy mess.

"Well, I suppose its back to the cutting board," Luna lamented.

A set of large graceful hooves came clattering frantically down a nearby hallway and into the Royal Kitchen to reveal the tall white alicorn who belonged to the large set of hooves. The concerned expression she held on her face changed into a mildly irritated look as she looked at her disheveled appearance and then at the group of servants and maids of to the right that were bound in magical bindings.

"Luna! Why are you trying to force feed your...culinary creations to our wonderful castle staff?"

Luna turned to Celestia with a mad grin on her face."Ah, dear Sister! We were just preparing our culinary crafts for the arrival of the great Ram Say! We simply wished to use our servants as test subjects before the great one our new alicorn sister Twilight has been speaking of arrives in our fair city."

"You could try asking them next time instead of keeping them captive," Celestia chuckled as she ignited her horn and released the servants, much to Luna's dismay. The servants carefully ran off before mouthing "thank you" to Celestia without Luna noticing. Celestia simply smiled and nodded back at them in response.

"Oh, come now sister, we need some pony to test our palatable creations on before the great Chef Ramsey arrives in our fair Canterlot." Luna proudly stated.

"I'm sure Gordon will be delighted to assist you with uh....ahem. Bettering your great skills."

"We simply wish to confirm how great our skills are dear Sister. We already know that they are great and mighty."

Celestia simply chuckled internally and shook her head.

'Oh, I hope you are made of stern stuff Chef Gordon Ramsay. Cause my sister might turn out to be quite a tough nut to crack for you.' Celestia thought humorously.

"If you insist on continuing all of this, can you refrain from igniting the stove when the gas is turned on to full blast?" Celestia replied. "I just had the kitchen fixed from the last time you decided to practice cooking."

"Very well sister," Luna said. "May we have your attention for a few short minutes Celestia? We wish to show you our newest creation: Betteraves Phrançaises!"

Luna then presented a bowl with a unique dish inside covered in an assortment of unpleasant colors.

"I didn't know that you could boil eggs at this altitude." Celestia replied in surprise.

"...Its supposed to be a salad."

After dinner, Twilight, Spike, Gordon, and his production team shared many a story with each other about the things they had been through in recent times. Twilight could tell that Gordon was finding her world and all of the tales of magic and monsters a little much to handle all at once, so she allowed him to take over the storytelling. Gordon went on to tell her quite a number of stories about his time on his first few shows and some of the more crazy locations that he had visited all over America. Twilight had kept her notebook out to write down any important details she felt was significant enough to record.

Before long, the clock had struck twelve and Twilight decided that it would be a good idea for all of them to get some sleep. They would all need to be well rested for their trip to Canterlot to see Princess Celestia. After Twilight sent Spike to bed, she directed Gordon's crew to separate rooms that were set up with bunk beds. Gordon was given the royal guest room next to Twilight's and changed into his sleepwear that he had packed for the trip to Equestria. He fell asleep almost immediately after contemplating how he would successfully do his job in a world of ponies instead of a world of humans.

The following morning, Gordon woke up at the crack of dawn, fully expecting to be in his own bed back on Earth. Instead, he was thoroughly surprised to find out that he was still in the same nonsensical world.

"Ugh, either this is the longest fucking acid trip I've ever been on, or all of this is real," he concluded.

With a groan, he rolled out of bed and started doing his morning exercises to wake up his muscles and his body.

Afterwards, he quickly changed into his work clothes and began moving his way back towards the living room where he assumed everyone would come to meet when they woke up. After a few minutes of walking down a really long hallway with virtually identical doorways on either side, he made it to the living room where he found Spike sweeping up where his crew were sitting the previous night.

"Ah, Spike!" Gordon exclaimed cheerfully. "You seem to be up early."

"Oh hi Chef!" Spike greeted. "I was just doing some of my early morning chores. Its my turn to do this today."

"Pardon me for asking lad, but why is a prince of all things, doing things like cleaning and cooking? Don't you have castle staff for that sort of thing?" Gordon questioned. "A few servants, or a cleaning crew, a janitor?"

"Prince?"

"Even if you are adopted to Twilight, the way it sounds, you are still legally her son. So wouldn't the son of a Princess be a Prince?"

"I...never thought of it like that." Spike admitted. "I admit it sounds nice, but I'm not cut out to be royalty. I learned that the hard way after trying to do Twilight's job a while back. Princess Cadance once offered me to be something called a Con Sort, when I came of age, but I turned her down. Besides, Twilight never believed in castle staff, and I enjoy being her number one assistant anyways. Twilight would run herself ragged and starve herself if I wasn't around doing all of the gritty stuff."

'I'd better ask Twilight if she knows this Cadence person, cause I didn't like where that was going,' he nervously thought.

"Well, its nice to see how dutiful Twilight's son is," Gordon replied. "Do you do all of her cooking here too?"

"Yeah!" he replied. "And I'm usually very good at it. Heck, with Pony food, I'm the best at my age. At least, I like to think I am. Human food just throws me off I guess. Twilight's friend tried to show me how to make something called a Ravee Oli, but I kept messing it up."

"Don't worry about it, it takes practice to learn a new form of cuisine." he encouraged.

"I just wish we had good equipment to use that didn't blow up in my face every week."

'I suppose re-hauling Twilight's castle can go into the "maybe section" on my to do list while i'm in this crazy country,' Gordon thought.

"Which reminds me. I need to wake up Twilight!" Spike exclaimed. "She DID want to get you guys to the train station early."

He then finished his sweeping and put the broom away in a nearby closet. He briefly told Gordon to stay in the living room while he woke the others up from their deep sleeps.

Meanwhile, Gordon took the opportunity to browse one of the small bookshelves that Twilight had set up in the living room for a temporary piece of reading material while waiting for the others. He came across a number of different books, including one with a main character, strikingly similar to America's own titular Indiana Jones. He went looking through quite a few of the books until he found a small book called A Brief History of Equestria that he cracked open and found a good spot that he could lay back on the couch with his legs crossed. For the twenty minutes that he had while he was reading, he learned a few basics about Equestria like its structure, who ruled it, and the things the different races of ponies had to deal with when they first founded the nation. He also learned that Celestia and Luna were picked to be the rulers of Equestria as opposed to forcing themselves to be, but the book didn't quite go into why they were picked or where they specifically came from.

In a half hour, his production crew came out to the living room fully dressed back into their own work wear with Twilight in tow.

"Oh, there you are Gordon! I see you took to researching our history," Twilight said cheerfully. "I can get you a more recent version of that if you'd like. That edition is a little old. The 32nd edition by Lilac Quill has all of the updated history right from the princess herself"

"Maybe later Twilight. But I did find your history rather...unique and interesting. Not bad, but interesting. I just might come back here later to look into it more."

"Well I'm glad you think so. Maybe when we can come back here to have a break, I can set you up with a few more."

"Well thank you Twilight. I think that would be lovely."

"Are you all ready?" she asked. "Princess Celestia wanted me to bring you to meet her first thing today. She said that she wanted to have breakfast with you and your team while we give you the full story on what has been going on here."

"As ready as I will ever be. But how will we get to this Canterlot if I may ask?" Gordon inquired.

Out of nowhere, a pair of blue eyes and a big toothy smile exploded out from under a couch cushion to answer his question.

"BY TAKING THE TRAIN SILLY!"

"HOLY FUCK!" Gordon screamed. "You scared the fucking shit out of me."

"PINKIE! What are you doing here? Twilight exclaimed.

"The Princess called me too silly filly! Spike gave me a letter last night while I was making my Peppermint Peanut Butter Pastries for Gordon's Welcome to Equestria party!" Pinkie rambled happily. "Although I still need to tinker with some of the ingredients a little bit. It's a new recipe after all. Hey, that's a funny word. Tinker! Tinker, Tinker, Tinker, Tinker, Tinker, Minker, Pinker, Linker, Shrinker, Dinker-"

Twilight notice that Gordon was beginning to lose it the more Pinkie rambled on and on just by his expression. She jumped in before things could get nasty.

"Alright!" Twilight shouted. "Th-That's fine Pinkie. Why don't we head over to the train station so we can get to Canterlot?"

"Okie Dokie Lokie!"

She happily hopped out of the room leaving them all with an awkward silence.

"There are SO many things wrong with that girl," Gordon said as he breathed heavily. "I nearly shat myself from that."

"Yeah, but she means well," Twilight replied sheepishly. "Its best you don't question her, you'll just get a headache trying to figure her out."

They gradually made their way across town greeting the citizens of Ponyville that hadn't met Gordon and his team. A few of them were somewhat wary of the humans, but most of the ponies were very friendly, much to Gordon's delight. When they finally made it to the other side of town where the Ponyville Station was located. Five other ponies were their to meet them, two of which Gordon had already met. The sophisticated white coated unicorn Rarity Belle and the cray pink coated pony Pinkie Pie. There was also a light blue pony with wings and a rainbow mane, a gold coated pony with a Stetson, and a timid yellow coated winged pony with a bright pink mane.

"Twilight darling, you made it just in time!" Rarity exclaimed happily.

"We just had to pack a few things before heading out." she replied.

"Why don't you introduce us to yer friend Twi?" the gold-coated pony asked. "Rainbow, Flutershy, and I had to stay here to deal with the poisoned crops here in Ponyville while you, Pinkie, and Rarity went to Earth.

"Alright then, girls I'd like you to meet the man who is going to help us figure out what exactly is going on," Twilight explained. "Chef Gordon Ramsay of Earth. World class chef, businessman, health inspector, animal rights activist, and therapist. Gordon, I'd like you to meet my other friends Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Fluttershy."

"Sup," Rainbow Dash greeted. "I bet you haven't heard of me yet on Earth, but I think you will know me soon enough. I'm kind of like a big deal around here. Like a REALLY big deal. I'm the fastest thing anywhere. From what I hear, humans line up around those "tee vee" thingies just to see how awesome I am. Maybe I can show you my favorite carrot dog joint here. Get you some more cred."

'Oh, great. One of THOSE kinds of people' Gordon thought. 'I guess pretentious people are a constant thing in every world. Just nod and pretend you are listening,' he thought.

"Well, I look forward to it," Gordon replied politely.

Then the gold coated pony with the Stetson stepped forward with a hearty smile on her face.

"Howdy there Gordon. Ahm Applejack," she said happily as she stuck her hoof out to shake Gordon's hand. "Mah family runs the major apple crop here in Ponyville. We supply everything apple-related to every corner of Equestria."

'Well, I guess standards in this batshit insane country are different than on Earth, cause naming your daughter after an alcohol usually doesn't go over well in the long run. This girl seems pleasant enough in any case.'

He decided to reciprocate the greeting as he grabbed Applejack's hoof and shook it firmly. All of the other ponies present winced as they prepared for Gordon to receive the shaking of his life. However, they were immediately surprised after a few seconds of nothing happening.

"Wow, that's a mighty strong grip you got there Chef. Along with a set of nicely built arms" Applejack complimented. "Most new people and ponies get shaken up like mah famous Cinnamon Appletinis in an earthquake."

"Well, I'm a bit more firmly built than most," he admitted.

Then the yellow coated pony stepped forward timidly with half of her face completely obscured by her bright pink mane.

"He-hello. I'm Fluttershy" Fluttershy muttered.

"Sorry darling, didn't quite catch that."

"Come on Fluttershy," Pinkie urged as she pushed the pegasi's cheeks together with her hooves and stared deeply into her eyes. "Its been 8 seasons and over a hundred issues of our comic. You can trust the nice human."

The pony known as Fluttershy lightly pushed Pinkie aside and gave her a raised eyebrow.

"I'm STILL older than you are Pinkie. You know that right?," the yellow pony said vaguely irritated. "Sorry. I'm Fluttershy. Its nice to meet you Mr. Ramsay I take care of the animals and local wildlife around Ponyville and provide ponies with any animal related service."

"Ah, so you're the town gamekeeper?" Gordon asked.

"More like Animal Caretaker and veterinarian, but yes," she replied happily.

'A little timid, but I think she will be nice enough to work with,' he thought as he shook her hoof gently.

"Well then, Miss Shy, I think we are going to work just fine together."

A few minutes later, the train arrived at the station with a loud shrill coming from the engine signaling the group of humans and ponies to board. When the conductor saw Twilight and the rest of their group, he personally saw to giving them an entire first class car to fit the rather large group. When they got inside, they each found their seats, with Gordon being given a window seat right next to Twilight. After fifteen minutes of other ponies boarding, the train finally got underway to begin its two hour journey all the way to Canterlot.

Meanwhile, back in Canterlot...

The castle was all abuzz with activity. After hearing of Twilight's journey by train to the city, Princess Luna took it upon herself to start five hours before the Sun came up to gather the best chefs from Equestria, Griffonstone, Zebrica, and the Woodland Kingdom to prepare a large banquet for the group of humans and ponies. Celestia had just woken up to attend to her Day Court when she found the throne room ablaze with activity. A large table adorned with the finest cloths, flowers, and food was being set up along the length of the room. On the Throne of Midnight, she found Luna directing the entire castle staff.

"Garcon! Send word to Wolfgang Buck on the other side of town. His princess requests his presence," she barked.

"Yes your majesty," one of the servants replied.

"Prim Prop, head over to our royal seamstress to repair our dress." Luna boomed. "We must look our best when the great guru Ramsay arrives."

"Right away your eminence!"

Celestia walked up to the throne with an awkward smile on her face.

"Luna? What's going on if its okay to ask?" Celestia questioned.

"Dear Sister! We are glad to see you have awoken from your slumber!" Luna exclaimed. "We are preparing a grand "break of the fast" banquet for dear Twilight and the great Ramsay! Tis our royal tradition to welcome an esteemed figure from another realm in such a manner is it not?"

"Couldn't we just have a simple, calm breakfast?" Celestia asked.

"I should think not!" Luna huffed. "We have a reputation to uphold dear sister! We must show the humans we are worthy to be their friends!"

Celestia just rolled her eyes and slowly went over to her throne before sitting down with a big thump.

"Well, if you insist on going through with this, I'm going to have a bit of tea before heading out to the train station," she said calmly.

As if on cue, her personal butler brought out a small tray with a pot of tea and her favorite silver teacup.

"Oh! Thank you Penn Worth," Celestia accepted happily. "You have always been very helpful."

"Of course Madam," the aging grey coated stallion replied stoically. "I live to serve."

Celestia picked up the teacup from the tray in her golden glow and began to sip gingerly as she watched the ponies rushing about from each of her orders.

"Penn Worth, you have my permission to speak freely, so please. What do you think of...my sister's little endeavor here?" Celestia asked nervously. "All of the ponies here look beyond uncomfortable."

For a moment, the butler said nothing, until he breathed out sharply and leaned his head discreetly towards her.

"Its become maddening my lady," the colt replied wearily. "I have come to adore your sister just as I adore you my lady, but this whole thing has gotten a little out of hoof! And over something as trivial as a famous human Chef from Earth."

"Luna has always clung to the old ways of honor and distinction," she agreed. "Even after 2 years of being back, she still has to adjust. I think this is just her own way of coping."

"Well, I do hope it doesn't go TOO far," Penn Worth replied.

Then suddenly an explosion of food and smoke came flying out of the hallway.

"HUZZAH!"

"That may already be too late," Celestia replied sheepishly.

Next Time:
A Royal Kitchen Nightmare

The two hour train ride to Canterlot went by smoothly without a hitch. Gordon thoroughly enjoyed gazing upon the open countryside of Equestria outside the window of the train car. It reminded him of his many leisurely drives through the hillsides of the U.K. The color scheme of the train was a little too.... pink and sugary for his tastes, but it was comfortable enough, despite being built primarily for people of an Equine build. The only big drawback to the train was that the ceiling of the train car just barely gave him enough room to stand up. Everything was just sized slightly smaller than the human man was used to.

Other than that, the ponies and humans thoroughly enjoyed each other's company, sharing stories about each others worlds. Unfortunately, Applejack had to constantly keep her eyes and her lasso on Pinkie to keep her appetite from devouring the entire snack trolley that ran up and down the length of the train. Fluttershy and Rarity were spending their time conversing with Gordon's team about the various exotic locations they have been to on Earth with Gordon. Whereas, Twilight and Spike were busy reading and going over lists next to Gordon on his train seat.

Before long, the city of Canterlot came into view as they circled their way up Mount Canter up towards the city. The train then began to gradually slow down as they approached Canterlot Grand Central Station. Soon, it came to a screeching halt as they finally arrived.

'Well, here we are," Twilight stated as she sent her long lists away with a puff of purple smoke. "Come on everyone, let's go".

They disembarked from the train and found many ponies and a few other species boarding and disembarking from their trains as usual. A group tall bipedal humans at the moment were the least of their worries as they were too busy going about their business to even care.

"Well, I suppose crowded train stations and airports are a constant in a lot of different places," Gordon mused.

"Oh, you have no idea Mr. Ramsay," Rarity dryly remarked.

"You should see it during the Solstice Celebrations here four times a year," Spike added.

"Even the Wonderbolts have a hard time getting through here," Rainbow agreed as she looked up.

The space above them seemed to be occupied with flying ponies and what appeared to be gryphons of all shapes and sizes.

"I just wonder how you are able to get to this Canterlot Castle in all of this shit heap of a mess," Gordon wondered as he crossed his arms. "I sure hope it isn't like this throughout the whole city, or getting to that castle might become nasty."

"I'm hoping my presence here will help to avoid that Chef Ramsay," a heavenly voice stated from off to the side.

"Huh?"

Gordon turned around to face a large snow white horse with long flowing hair of many vibrant colors, a long horn that protruded from her forehead like a spear, and a pair of elegant wings folded neatly at her side. The one thing that confirmed Gordon's suspicions about this large white horse was the golden necklace and crowned adorning her body. Plus, a pair of guards in guilded golden armor and intimidating lances were accompanying her.

"Princess Celestia I presume?" he slightly bowed in respect.

"Welcome Gordon Ramsay," she said kindly as she bowed back. "It is good to see you all made it here to Canterlot. I'm glad to see that you made it back to Equestria safely."

Twilight trotted up to her old teacher and they sweetly embraced each other.

"Its nice to be back Princess," Twilight replied. "But why are you here?"

"I thought I'd come to meet you this time. I do like to get out of the castle from time to time," Celestia admitted. "Plus, Luna is handling....er a bit of a surprise for all of you. While also handling most of my Day Court responsibilities for the hour. She was very insistent on doing so."

"Are you here to escort us to the castle princess?" Rarity asked.

"Not immediately, Rarity." Celestia said mischievously. "I figured that we could take the scenic route through the city, back to the castle to allow Luna ample time to complete her little surprise for all of you."

"A surprise? Oooooh! I can't wait to see what it is," Pinkie exclaimed.

"Well, then lead on your highness," Gordon replied.

Princess Celestia escorted the group through the city, right down the main roads, with the intent on allowing the citizens of her capital city to get used to seeing the group of humans. Unfortunately for her, all that did was earn them a lot of upturned noses and hushed jeers coming from a sizable number of the Canterlot Elite. Most of the middle class citizens of Canterlot however, allowed their curiosity to take hold as they approached the group to observe them, but still kept their distance in case Gordon turned out to be something potentially dangerous. After a few miles, Celestia guided them down a narrow side street where all of the buildings seemed to be geometrically and architecturally uniform in appearance, each with a hanging wooden sign stamped with three hoof prints. The group was confused when Rarity and Pinkie Pie immediately groaned in annoyance just from the sight of the street.

"Princess? I don't know too much about your city, but isn't your castle the other way?" Gordon questioned.

"And why are we going down Restaurant Row?" Twilight asked.

"All in good time you two," Celestia replied calmly. "I simply wished to show you the first "official" project in fixing the many culinary establishments in Equestria."

"Ugh, fixing THESE restaurants with Gordy is so not going to be fun," Pinkie groaned.

"Gordon Pinkie, but I concur." Rarity agreed. "Gourmand is stubborn, insulting, and prideful beyond all hope Princess."

"Not to mention snooty!" Pinkie complained. "And that glare...."

Pinkie shivered.

"Gourmand?" Gordon asked clearly confused.

"Zesty Gourmand," Twilight replied. "Its a little too complicated to fully explain right now, but let's just say a certain magical source sent Rarity and Pinkie to help one of the restaurant owners around here that was dealing with a family problem. Or friendship problem as I like to call them. I believe they said that it was a Marwarian restaurant called The Tasty Treat. It didn't change according to what Zesty claimed was perfect cuisine and she gave them zero hoof stamps."

"Hoof stamps?" Gordon asked.

"Do you see these hoof stamps on the signs?"

When Gordon nodded, she continued her explanation.

"Zesty is a restaurant critic that rates each of the restaurants with a certain number of hoof stamps on signs that she has placed on every restaurant here. Much like the star rating system I believe Earth uses where you come from."

"More or less what America and England uses, but I think I can follow. However, I have to ask. Is this Zesty Gourmand the ONLY critic in Canterlot? Cause trusting the word of only one person-er pony is very dangerous in the restaurant business. That's why we have thousands of different people rating food back in America. Gives multiple views on certain restaurants and allows people to make their own decisions."

"Unfortunately yes." Celestia confirmed sounding disheartened. "From what I have been told, most of the professional health inspectors and food critics that were once based here in Canterlot were pulled to the other major cities around Equestria like Vanhoover, Manehatten, and San Palamino by other agencies."

"Forgive me if I'm being rather cross, but I don't buy that Princess. That sounds awfully suspicious." Gordon said. "Agencies from specific cities don't just give up their health inspectors to other cities."

"All the more reason you and Twilight are here to help investigate this Gordon Ramsay. My sister and I can't be everywhere at once and it doesn't help in the slightest that we have to deal with all of our daily royal duties along with trying to properly manage this mysterious famine. On top of all of that, I can't shake the feeling that many of my little ponies have been lying to me about the state of my city."

"Well, I'm not magical, but I will see what I can do to help." Gordon replied confidently. "I will see what I can do about this Zesty Gourmand. After this....feast your sister has been kind enough to put together.

Afterwards, Celestia circled back around and guided the group down the correct path and towards the castle. Soon the group finally made it to the castle, where the doors were immediately pulled open as soon as Celestia approached.

The moment they stepped through the front doors of the castle, all of the sound and commotion of Canterlot was replaced entirely with an unsettling silence throughout the castle. While Gordon and his team was marveling at the sheer size and scale of Celestia's home, the princess in question was rolling her eyes and sighing in vague irritation at what was sure to come in a few short minutes. When they finally made their way to the throne room after walking for what seemed like fifteen minutes down a long hallway, they were greeted to a large table that stretched from one end of the throne room to the other, covered in various assortments of food and a certain Princess of the Night waiting for them right in front of it.

"GREETINGS DEAR FRIENDS AND GREETINGS GREAT RAMSAY! Luna bellowed with delight.

She then galloped up to Gordon and proceeded to bellow directly into his face.

"WE WELCOME THEE TO OUR WORLD GREAT ONE, WITH A ROYAL FEAST FOR YOUR BREAK OF FAST!"

"Hot damn!," Gordon shouted as he grabbed his ears. "I think you burst my damn ear drums!"

"Are you alright there pally?" Applejack asked concerned.

"Oh dear, I was afraid of this." Celestia lamented. "Luna! Please lower your voice and don't scream into our guests' ear. You could have hurt him."

"WHAT WAS THAT? OH GOD I THINK MY EARS ARE FUCKING BLEEDING!"

"Look's like she already did," Rainbow snickered. "Now he knows how I felt last Nightmare Night."

Celestia silenced Rainbow with just a look.

"Oh my goodness!" Luna exclaimed sadly. "We are sorry dear Ramsay. We did not intend to bring harm to thou."

"What was that? Oh good fucking lord, I think my eardrums have burst! Why did you do that?"

"Luna!" Celestia said condescendingly. "What did we say about using the Canterlot Voice?"

"Only use it from a distance" she muttered in a really put out manner.

"That's right. Now can you please try to refrain from using the Canterlot Voice? I understand wanting to welcome him, but we can't hurt him!"

"Very well," she simply replied. "Allow me then to at least tend to his injuries that I unjustly caused upon him."

Luna's horn glowed blue and two balls of blue light engulfed Gordon's ears.

He wasn't sure what happened, but as soon as Gordon heard the Princess spoke, he thought a bomb had gone off, which caused him to grab his ears in pain. The princesses seemed to be saying something, but he couldn't make it out. Then all of a sudden, the princesses' horn glowed and he felt a soothing warmth go into his ears and tingle around his head. Suddenly, he was able to hear once again.

"Are thou alright now great Ramsay?" Luna asked with concern as she extended a hoof to help him up on to his feet.

"Peachy," Gordon replied dryly. "That's one way to make introductions I suppose."

Gordon grabbed on to her rather soft hoof and was surprised to find out how strong she was, despite her size. He brushed himself off and tucked his shirt back in.

"We are terribly sorry for shouting in your ear. We became too excited."

'Well, at least she's courteous' he thought. 'I guess first impressions aren't everything.

"No permanent harm done thankfully," he replied.

"Didn't the same thing nearly happen to you at Nightmare Night Twilight?" Applejack snickered.

"Good thing my Starswirl hat was in the way..." Twilight replied.

Luna briefly gave an embarrassed look and coughed to regain her composure.

"Allow us to properly introduce ourselves. We are Princess Luna. Guardian of Dreams and Ruler of the Night," she proclaimed.

"A pleasure princess," Gordon replied as he shook her hoof.

"Now that we have introductions out of the way, why don't we get started with this feast you took the time to put together?" Celestia asked.

With that, Luna directed each member of the rather large group to their own seats at the table. To his confusion, Celestia insisted that Gordon sat in the seat next to her at one of the ends of the table as Luna began to call out other servants. The servant ponies that came out were visibly shaken and nervous about something. They were sweating profusely as they carried trays covered in what appeared to be plates of strangely colored food. As they placed the plates down on the table, they quickly scurried off back to where they came from.

Gordon raised his eyebrow as he was unable to tell what they were just served. What was on the plate nearest to him was a grey blob overfilled to the brim with cheese. Various black specks were sprinkled all over the dish. Presumably spices that had a bad run in with the unusual blue princess.

"Oh, lord!" he said in shock as he cautiously poked the entree. "What is this?"

"I believe that would be the dishes you made personally Luna?" Celestia guessed.

"Verily dear sister! Gordon Ramsay! We have seen the Vi-Dee-Ooos of thy exploits in the culinary world and that has inspired us to chase our hobby of cooking in this modern era. Our first break of fast dish that we have made for thou is something we believe thou in America call an Omelette."

He stared at the dish and then back at her for a solid moment with a blank expression, before he finally spoke.

"Well, I can tell you one thing Princess," Gordon slowly replied,

"And what might that be Gordon Ramsay?" Luna asked excited for his answer.

"It definitely has qualities left to be desired. Its like food you would feed a sewer crocodile! I don't know how much pony stomachs can endure, but a human stomach would instantly vomit that back up."

Absolutely everyone in the room went completely silent in disbelief as they were unable to process what he just said to one of their princesses. A pin could almost be heard dropping to the floor. Twilight and the rest of her friends widened their eyes in terror at what they dreaded was about to come next.

"YOU DARE TO MOCK OUR CREATIONS? she screamed in her Canterlot voice.

"Oh dear, now it begins," Celestia lamented.

Next Time: A Royal Kitchen Nightmare part 2

"Go ahead and feast great Ramsay! Test our culinary creations and tell us how skilled we are!" Luna cried confidently to the man in question.

Gordon looked cautiously at the odd looking dish he was just given and was unsure whether it was safe to eat. The grey blob filled to the brim with vegetables and strangely colored cheese forced him to inquire what he was going to eat, before he made himself sick.

'Maybe this is something unique to this world that they make reguarly?' he thought hopefully. 'At least it appears she worked hard on making it....maybe?'

"What, if I might ask is this dish that you have made?" Gordon asked Luna.

"Tis our first and greatest breakfast dishes: a Vegetable omelette with sourdough toast."

He raised his eyebrow at her before looking at the dish and then back at her.

"Well there's a bit of a problem with that," Gordon stated.

"....What might that be if I might ask?" Luna asked cautiously.

"Its absolutely dreadful. If I bite into that, it will make me sick," Gordon replied. "Its like a fucking soggy clam that died after being force fed ten pounds of moldy cheese!"

The entire throne room hallway went so silent that you could hear a pin drop to the floor.

"You..." Luna hissed. "YOU DARE TO MAKE A MOCKERY OF OUR COOKING?"

"Oh, dear....now it begins," Celestia muttered in anticipation.

"WE SHOULD HAVE YOU HUNG BY YOUR LEGS IN THE DUNGEON FOR TALKING TO US IN SUCH A MANNER!"

"Don't scream at me your worship," he replied condescendingly. "I'm just calling it like it is. The greyish-yellow coloring to the eggs is a dead giveaway. You served me fucking rotten food!"

"We cooked thou's food Ramsay. We did not serve thou rotten food," Luna said back snootily.

"ARE YOU STUPID?" Gordon snapped. as he jumped out of his chair "ROTTEN FOOD IS STILL ROTTEN EVEN WHEN ITS COOKED! YOU USED FUCKING FAULTY INGREDIENTS!!!"

"HOW DARE YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT YOU FILTHY HUMAN! WE HAVE SQUASHED STALLIONS BIGGER THAN THOU FOR SAYING SUCH HORRID THINGS TO US!!!"

"I DON'T CARE WHO YOU HAVE SQUASHED PRECIOUS!!! I'M GOING TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH!! THAT's WHY I AM HERE AT ALL!!!"

'This is turning out worse than I thought. Perhaps I should step in before Luna makes with the skeleton removal spell on Gordon,' Celestia thought.

"I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW OUR ROYAL CHEFS OBTAIN THE FINEST INGREDIENTS IN THE WORLD FOR OUR OWN FOOD YOU FILTHY CRETIN! OUR CREATIONS ARE THE FINEST IN THE LAND!"

Gordon had just about enough of her high and mighty attitude and wasn't going to take it any longer. He slammed his fist on the table and got into her face. She was so surprised at his audacity that she backed up a few feet.

I DON'T GIVE A DONKEY'S FAT FLABBY ARSE IF YOU GET YOUR INGREDIENTS FROM FUCKING THE FUCKING POLAR ICE CAPS OF MARS. YOU COULD LITERALLY KILL PEOPLE WITH FOOD LIKE THIS!!!"

Luna's face seemed to deflate and her expression turned into a look of confusion and fear.

"What?" Luna asked in bewilderment. "W-we....c-could kill ponies with food like this?"

"HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW THAT? ARE YOU STUPID OR ARE YOU SOME KIND OF MEDIEVAL MINDED TWIT?"

"Well, he's half right on the second one," Rainbow quietly snickered which earned her a smack to the back of the head from Applejack.

"I can't believe this is really happening," Twilight lamented. "Gordon is going to be banished to the moon, or worse."

"I'm more worried about the Princess," Gordon's director Jay chuckled.

"I'm gonna drop by Wade's to get some popcorn and hot sauce, this is getting good!" Pinkie exclaimed quietly as she zipped away to an unknown location.

"Where is your kitchen? I can show you EXACTLY what you have been doing wrong here." Gordon concluded firmly.

After a moment of silence, Luna pointed down one of the hallways and started walking down it, signaling Gordon to follow. With curiosity, everyone in attendance at the feast followed the duo down the hallway and down a corner where they came across one of the largest kitchens that they had ever set their eyes upon. The ceiling was about 30 hooves above them and the length of the kitchen had to be half the size of a hoof ball field. Twilight smiled in remembrance at the tiled room filled with wonderful smells where the Princess would get her snacks as a filly. The counters in the center of the room for preparing food were made out of marble with a swirling white and black pattern. Luna directed Gordon to one of the counters on the other side of the kitchen that seemed to be smoldering with various ingredients and globs of food spread about all over the place. Bits of burnt food could even be seen crusted to the bottoms of the pans and stove top. Spices of various origin could be seen poured out all over the counter top presumably after being knocked over by accident.

"Holy crap!" Gordon exclaimed. "This is disgusting!"

"Oh my," Fluttershy gasped. "This is...definitely a bit of a mess."

"It looks like mah own kitchen after Apple Bloom tries to use it herself. Or Rainbow's after making spaghetti tacos smothered with liquid rainbow," Applejack quipped.

"Hey! That happened like once!" Rainbow replied jokingly. "Only my ceiling was damaged. The floor just got a small scorch mark."

"I'm afraid Princess I respectfully must concur with Gordon. For the few times I have been in her kitchen when she bakes, even Pinkie knows to thoroughly clean when she makes a mess like this," Rarity agreed.

Gordon went up to the counter and took a peek at the eggs that Luna was using. He picked up one of them and immediately knew what he was dealing with.

"Alright, first major problem here is these eggs are spoiled!" Gordon cried. "How long have these been out?"

Luna looked down in shame and then picked her head up a little bit to answer him.

"We believe that we may have accidentally kept those out for about a week. I understand those need to be kept frozen?"

"NO, NO, NO, NO, absolutely NOT!" Gordon snapped. "You do not freeze eggs. That will ruin them. You just need to keep them chilled. Now what about all of these spices?"

Gordon sniffed one of the blackened pans and reared back in disgust.

"Oh, my god. Is that burnt salt and paprika? Why are there layers of burnt spices crusted to the pans?"

"W-we thought we had to put the spices down first before we put the eggs down on the pan," Luna replied timidly.

Gordon slapped his face with the palm of his hand and gave a deep sigh.

"Looks like I have my work cut out for me with this one," he muttered to himself. 'Looks like she's still a bit immature mentally, so I suppose a bit of tact might do her some good.'

Trying to remain as calm as he possibly could, Gordon had Celestia, Twilight, and the other girls help to clean up Luna's mess which surprisingly took them a half an hour to complete. Celestia herself chipped in by mopping up the floor which was covered in food and dirt. Then he went over to one of the kitchen's many cupboards to look at the state of their ingredients. He had hoped that their pantries would be of the same pristine state that Twilight's enchanted pantry was. Much to his dismay, he found that the pantry Luna had been getting ingredients from for her personal use was barely holding together.

"This pantry is barely holding together," Gordon said before sticking his hand on the inside to check the temperature. "And its warm! Don't you realize that food ingredients in a storage place like this will never turn out good?"

Afterwards, he pulled out a clean frying pan that was left off to the side and showed Luna how to properly make an omelette. He opened a cupboard and pulled out a number of ingredients.

"Turn on the heat to medium," he began explaining as he slightly turned the dial on the stove and lit a small flame.

When he saw that Luna understood, he continued.

"Put olive oil into a hot pan and wait for a minute. Then finely chop a few different vegetables."

He grabbed a wooden cutting board and a nearby knife and proceeded to cut the vegetables with pristine skill and speed.

"Then add the chopped tomatoes," he continued as he scraped the tomatoes into the sizzling pan. "Then the spring onions, and proceed to fry them."

He quickly glanced over at the group and saw how mesmirized they were by his demonstration. Even Twilight and Princess Celestia were vigorously scribbling down notes into notepads they had materialized. When he saw that Luna was listening, he went on to the next step.

"Now, here's the kicker," he said to her. "LIGHTLY season the frying veggies with salt and pepper. Too much will overwhelm the food you are cooking."

He grabbed two nearby salt and pepper grinders that she had been using and gave each grinder a few good twists to lest out a modest amount of salt and pepper before setting them aside.

"Usually, I would have used prawns in this recipe, but since we have a vegetarian audience here, I'm gonna have to use something else."

Gordon heard Fluttershy whimper in distress at the mention of cooking prawns. He had heard from Twilight about her sensitivity towards harming any kind of creature.

'Perhaps I should have a calm chat with her later,' Gordon thought.

"However, I can still make do," Gordon continued as he grabbed a pinch of red pepper flakes and sprinkled them all over the other ingredients.

He then grabbed a carton of eggs from a cooled pantry nearby, a medium sized bowl and a metal whisk.

"Next you beat four eggs, and then heat up another frying pan with olive oil. Then when it is heated up enough, pour in the eggs and wait a few seconds to let it firm up."

For the next step, he grabbed a fistful of an herb from a bag beneath the counter and a spatula for the pan.

"Sprinkle on freshly chopped oregano, which works brilliantly with eggs. And then carefully spoon over the spicy vegetable mix, before folding one side over to the other to make a great omelette".

He carefully folded the omelette in half and placed it on a plate. To top off his creation, he placed a small piece of parsley to decorate the dish.

"And finished," Gordon said as he pulled out a handful of forks from one of the drawers.

He then placed them on the table, and motioned for the group of ponies to come over and each have a single bite. To which they all proceeded to do. Luna levitated the fork and gingerly took a small piece of the omelette. They bit down on their pieces and slowly chewed, allowing the flavor to sink in. Immediately after swallowing, they all burst into faces of pure bliss. A number of pleasant groans could be heard coming from each of them as if they had just been given the most wonderful massage in the world.

"Excellent Gordon, absolutely excellent," Celestia chimed.

"That was absolutely divine Chef Ramsay!" Rarity happily exclaimed.

"Oh, dear Celestia, that was amazing!" Twilight added.

"Wow, that was awesome!," Rainbow agreed. "Got any more?"

Everyone else had their own response to Gordon's excellent cooking. To which caused Luna to slowly make her way over to Gordon and get on her forelegs into what Gordon could tell was probably their version of a bow.

"Mighty Ramsay! We beg of thee!" Luna meekly cried. "Accept us as thy student in the ways of the culinary. Thou have proven thy mastery over us."

"Now hold on a moment," Gordon interrupted. "I don't have mastery over you princess. However, I believe I might be able to come over from time to time to...instruct you on how to cook properly. If that is alright Princess Celestia."

"I think that is a lovely idea Gordon!" Celestia said. "I think we both would like a proper teacher around here."

"We are honored to be accepted by a glorious individual such as yourself Gordon Ramsay," Luna said as she was still kneeling.

'Jeez, this woman needs to calm the fuck down and loosen up a little bit,' he thought.

Instantly, a loud gurgling could be heard from everyone's stomach present in the room. Which caused them all to laugh.

"We got so caught up watching Gordon's lesson that we forgot to eat our breakfast," Twilight said sheepishly.

"What a shame," Rarity lamented. "All of the food has probably gone cold by now."

"Aw, i hate puttin good food to waste," Applejack said with a depressed tone. "Espcially the food yer own wonderful chefs made Princess Celestia."

"Oh, don't worry Applejack, things happen. We can just have them make more. And I think I know what we should have them make," Celestia said thoughtfully. "Chef Buck! Can you and your chefs come in here please?"

Then all of a sudden, an aging unicorn stallion with a grey mane and yellow fur galloped into the kitchen accompanied by a group of chef stallion and mares.

"What may I do for you your highness?" the chef asked.

"This is the famous human chef Gordon Ramsay," Celestia explained while pointing to the human with her hoof. "He has a recipe that I want you to make for all of us for breakfast. I would like you to listen to him. If that is alright with the two of you."

"I don't see why not," the elderly stallion replied as he walked up to Gordon and shook his hand. "Whether pony, human, or any race, It is always nice to exchange knowledge from fellow culinary artists."

"Likewise," Gordon replied respectfully. "I'll do what I can to help. Just make sure your team pays close attention. I go a little fast sometimes."

While Celestia, Luna, Twilight, and the others went back into the throne room where Luna had set up their dining table, Gordon quickly repeated the recipe that he had shown Luna. It wasn't long before dozens of plates came out and replaced everyone's cold meal with a fresh, hot one. Gordon came out with his own and set it down where he was sitting.

"Now that we are all here," Celestia started. "Why don't we enjoy ourselves? Let's eat!"

Then suddenly, a familiar pink pony popped into the room out of thin air.

"Eargh!" Twilight exclaimed. "Pinkie! Where have you been? You missed Gordon's demonstration and Luna's learning moment."

"Nuh-uh," Pinkie jokingly replied. "I was up in the rafters eating my friend Wade's specialty wasabi popcorn watching the show! His cable was bad at his apartment, so I came back to see the hi def version."

"What in all things apple orchards are you talkin about girl, and who in Sam Hill is this friend of yers anyhow sugar?" Applejack asked with her eyebrow raised.

"He's a sneaky red ninja who's currently voicing a yellow mouse who's addicted to coffee and shoots lightning out of his butt," Pinkie nonchalantly replied with a large smiled plastered all over her face.

"Woman, I have known mental cases more understandable than you," Gordon said.

"I don't know what that means, but I'll say thanks anyway!" Pinkie replied.

"Uggghhh"

Next Time on Kitchen Nightmares: Equestrian Misadventures:
Casing a Gourmand part 1

After their eventful breakfast made better by Chef Ramsay's timely intervention, Celestia led Gordon, Twilight and the rest of their large visiting group down the many halls of Castle Canterlot and into a large study filled with many bookshelves and a large coffee table where they could all sit together and discuss Gordon's first official job in the land of Equestria and what it will entail. Unfortunately, because of their numbers, people and ponies were forced to squish together into couches and love seats. Spike was forced to share one with Gordon, which he didn't mind as long as Spike managed to keep his spines and spinal scales to himself. Celestia and Luna however had their own personal cushions colored with their signature color schemes to sit down upon. The rest of Gordon's production crew seemed comfortable enough just sitting down on the luxurious carpet that adorned the floor of the study.

"Now, let's get down to business now that we are all comfortable. At least, mostly comfortable," Celestia lightly giggled into her hoof as she watched Pinkie wiggling in between Applejack and Rarity.

"Verily sister. I am assuming dear Twilight told thee of Equestria's unusual plight Ramsay?" Luna asked the man.

"In extensive detail, I can assure you your majesty," Gordon replied with a chuckle as he saw Twilight's death glare from the corner of his eye. "From what I can gather, ponies are coming down with serious rare diseases in your hotels, resorts, and restaurants, and nobody knows exactly why?"

"That is correct, Gordon," Celestia replied. "This has been going on for a few months now and I am ashamed to admit that we are completely stumped. Which is why we came to you asking for your help."

"And from what I understand, this Zesty Gourmand is linked to the outbreak here in Canterlot?" Gordon asked.

"That's what has been reported yes," Celestia said. "I have tried quite a few times to investigate Miss Gourmand's establishments but I have been unable to get anywhere. She can be quite......difficult at times."

"Oh, you don't need to sugar coat it your majesty. Zesty Gourmand is a stubborn, opinionated, and a quite shortsighted mare." Rarity said sternly. "She was quite rude to our dear Marebai friend Saffron."

"Oh, that's right!," Twilight said. "We weren't there with you during that friendship mission, so the rest of us still need to meet her."

"Marebai?" Gordon whispered to Twilight.

"I believe your world's equivalent would be India." Twilight whispered back.

"What's fuckin next? Vanhoover? Los Pegasus? Fillydelphia? Trottingham? Coltumbus?."

She giggled nervously back at him as she tried to let the subject quietly die before Gordon unleashed his rage on her.

"So, what do you need for your evaluation Chef Ramsey?" Celestia asked.

Gordon crossed his legs and put his hand up to his chin.

"Well the first thing we need to do is send a message to Miss Gourmand. I'd rather let my clients know they I am coming. That way I can properly meet them, and try to see if the problem is with the owner, staff, manager, or all of the above," Gordon explained.

"Well, I can certainly do that," Celestia replied. "One of my guards can bring a message directly from me to her very easily."

"Next thing would be to send a few of my team to set up the cameras in her main restaurant a few days before I head on over. Reason for that being, I believe Twilight wanted me to bring my show over here as well. Something about slowly introducing Equestria to humans?" Gordon said as he gave Twilight a sideways look

"We can certainly arrange that," Luna replied. "Better yet, I will accompany your cameramen to Gourmand's restaurant. I am curious about the many electronics of Earth. We can also bring the message of your arrival"

"Ever since Twilight's human friend got you that Playstation 4 I believe its called, you've been obsessed with human technology," Celestia giggled.

Luna humphed and crossed her hooves in an indignant manner which made all of the other ponies laugh.

"Can we please show Gordy The Tasty Treat before he goes to that meanie's restaurant Twilight? Can we huh? Can we? Can we? Can we?" Pinkie begged with her eyes becoming as big as dinner plates.

"Only if its okay with Gordon." Twilight replied as she rolled her eyes.

"I don't see why not. Doing a small bit of sight seeing before doing my first Nightmare here might help me get my bearings in this crazy world."

"That might be a bit of a problem Gordon," Gordon's director Jay said. "I don't know about you, but I don't think these ponies have electrical outlets for us to charge our stuff."

Jay explained to him how they have been filming everything since they arrived in Equestria and that caused most of their equipment's power to be spent very quickly.

"May I see your equipment?" Celestia asked. "I believe I may have a solution to your problem Mr. Hunter

"I don't see why not," Jay replied in an interested manner to see what Celestia had in mind.

He had the other crew members approach Celestia and Luna so that they could get a closer look. They ignited her horn with golden and deep blue glows respectively and touched their horns to their cameras. The other crew members winced, believing they might be burned by the blinding light that followed. Their equipment was instantly illuminated in the same glow as their power was instantly restored. She then took her horn off and allowed them to open their eyes again.

"Now you can have your cameras on for as long as you want. I made them solar powered, so you shouldn't have to worry about losing any power." she explained.

"And we made your cameras waterproof and Lunar powered. That way you may use them at night if you so wish," Luna explained. "Though, I do implore you to respect our ponies privacy and not record anything without their consent first. And if we request of you to turn off your equipment, I ask of you to please comply with our wishes."

"Fair enough I suppose."

Afterwards, Luna took Jay and a few more members of Gordon's crew members with her to Zesty Gourmand's main restaurant. Gordon stayed behind to be shown around the city by Twilight and two of her other friends. Rarity took the rest of the group to the Shopping District to blow some bits.

As Gordon and the rest of their group walked through Canterlot, Twilight noticed how many different kinds of looks that were being sent in their direction.

Many a noble was aghast at the newly crowned Princess Twilight's appearance in Canterlot without their prior knowledge.

Rarity warned her that the nobility of Canterlot most likely considered her to be appetizingly malleable this early into her princess hood compared to the more experienced Royal Sisters. If they had their way, Twilight would be spending days on end listening to petty problems, going to parties with ponies she didn't know, and dealing with slimy stallions trying to win her hoof in marriage.

Thankfully, Twilight was saved by this horrible fate by the terrifying and--if the upper-crust of Canterlot was being honest-- ugly Minotaur-like thing that she was leading through the city.

Ponies couldn’t help but gasp whenever the princess, her little dragon pet/servant, and the monster passed, instantly turning toward their fellow noble to gossip about this scandal.

How could Princess Twilight besmirch her name and the name of her fellow princesses by associating with such a beast?! Had it done something to her mind?

No, some insisted, the Princess must be bringing this creature into their fair city for some noble purpose.

Maybe it was some kind of new species that she wanted Canterlot’s greatest minds to study, maybe she was bringing it in as a prisoner to face the justice of some unknown crime, or maybe it was going to be the newest addition to the city’s zoo; these and many other theories--some of them ridiculous, some even more ridiculous-- were tossed around by almost every pony in the city.

"Why am I getting these looks Twilight?" Gordon asked. "Normally I wouldn't give a damn what somebody thought about me, but we were all together for the whole morning in front of thousands of these ponies and no one reacted in the slightest.

"Don't worry about it Gordon, they do it to us too." Applejack said noticing the stares.

"Too bad; They probably don't know how awesome we are." Rainbow lamented. "And after all of the butt kicking we had to do to save their flanks again and again."

"Most noble ponies-or at least those who like to consider themselves to be, don't really register a lot in the morning until 10 o clock rolls around," Twilight explained humorously. "I've grown pretty used to it while growing up here."

Their first destination was to a place that Twilight felt like she had an obligation to see every time she visited Canterlot. It was a three story building that Twilight knew all so well. Comfortable and friendly, but surprisingly modest compared with the other mansions on the block. An assortment of multi colored Cacti adorned one of the first story windowsills facing the street. As Twilight approached with Gordon, she sighed in vague irritation.

"I'm sorry Gordon, I just need to get this over with before we can move on with our tour. If I don't I won't ever hear the end of it from her," Twilight cryptically stated.

"No worries, my first Kitchen Nightmare doesn't happen until I hear back from Jay. Do what you need to do. Seeing any of this place is completely fine by me." Gordon replied.

Little did he know, a pair of eyes widened with glee as they stared out at the group in front of the door. Suddenly, the door exploded outwards, revealing a white, middle-aged unicorn mare with white and purple hair looking at the three with child-like excitement.

"TWITTER BUG! SPIKEY POO!" the mare exclaimed.

Gordon, Rainbow, and AJ watched on in amusement as Twilight and Spike tried to book it to escape their love starved mother. Getting into an adorable little pouncing stance and sticking her tongue out in concentration, the mare was gone with a pop, appearing beside Spike one second-- grabbing the now squealing dragon-- before teleporting right in front of Twilight. The purple mare in question groaned in anticipation of what was inevitably coming.

Gordon bit back a snort as the mare wrapped Twilight and Spike into a bone crushing hug, rocking them back and forth. “Oh my babies! Why haven’t you come to see me? Why don’t you write more often? Don’t you love your mother?!”

“We...were….here…*urk*....other….day!” Spike wheezed, trying to free himself while the mare nuzzled his cheek.

"I just love seeing you two!" the mare exclaimed.

“Why do you look so skinny, Twilypoo? Have you been eating enough?”

“Mom! Let go of me, we’re in public for Celestia’s sake!”

“Mom, I can’t breathe!”

“And look at you, Spike! Oh, my little drake’s getting so big!”

Gordon heard a throaty chuckle coming from just inside the house, and, turned around, he saw another pony standing in the open doorway, this time a deep blue unicorn stallion. “Velvet will never change,” the stallion muttered, mostly to himself.

After watching the three for a few seconds, he trotted up to Gordon and extended one of his hooves.

"Hello there," the stallion said graciously. "You must be the human Chef Ramsay that we have been hearing a lot about."

"I presume you are Twilight's dad?" Gordon asked as he reciprocated the hoof shake.

"That's right."

"A pleasure Mr Sparkle. Your daughter has been quite delightful since I met her a week ago." Gordon pleasantly replied.

"I'm glad. She can be a handful sometimes, but she is a well meaning girl. And call me Night Light Chef."

"Alright. Nice to meet you Night Light," Gordon replied.

“Velvet, sweetie,” he called, getting Velvet’s attention. “Why don’t you leave those kids of yours alone and come and meet our famous house guest!”

To Gordon and Night’s amusement, Velvet turned a bright shade of pink with embarrassment as she let her children go-- Twilight and Spike hitting the ground and gasping for breath, thanking every deity that they could for their father’s quick-thinking-- and made her way over to Gordon, who smiled politely at the mare.

"Hello ma'am," Gordon said as he bent over slightly and stretched out his hand to her. "Very nice to meet you. I've heard quite a few things about you from your daughter."

The mare smiled bashfully at him. “And you heard only good things, I hope,” she replied with a giggle.

"Oh absolutely."

For the next two hours, Twilight, Gordon, AJ, and Rainbow visited with Mr and Mrs Sparkle and talked to each other about things that have been happening. Rainbow Dash and Twilight took pride in talking about all they had seen while in the human world.

Meanwhile, Luna and Gordon's director Jay Hunter were busy scouting Zesty Gourmand's main restaraunt at the end of Restaurant Row: Subtilité Du Goût

Luna never really liked it when most of the attention was on her, so it was to her delight that along with a small squad of guards, she was also accompanied by a group of humans who drew most of the attention away from her. As they approached the doors, Luna came to a halt and turned back to the other humans.

"Jay Hunter, we request of you and the rest of thou's crew to remain here until we inform Miss Gourmand of the situation and call you in." Luna commanded.

"Alright, well be waiting out here." he replied nervously as he looked at some of the other noble ponies staring at them with foul gazes.

Luna gave him a small mischievous smile.

"Don't worry, Jay Hunter. All these ponies are capable of doing is flinging crumpets in thou's faces. But I will leave one of my guards out here to keep you safe. You three stay out here as well until we have finished with speaking to Miss Gormand," Luna said as she acknowledged the girls.

"Okie dokie lokie!"

"Alright, just come back out if you need any help," Fluttershy kindly replied.

"I'm not complaining. I'm in no hurry to see that mare again" Rarity replied spitefully

The moment Luna went inside the doors, all sound in the restaurant went silent. The guard pony accompanying Luna stepped forward to announce her.

"Announcing, Princess Luna!"

Every pony in the restaurant were stunned at the recluse princess making a public appearance. Even the host pony at the front door's podium was stunned for a moment before he regained his composure.

"H-how may I help you your excellency?" the pony asked nervously.

"We wish to speak to Zesty Gourmand about a matter of great importance. Please summon her." Luna commanded.

"A-At once, your majesty," the host pony said as he gave her a quick bow and ran off somewhere.

After a few minutes of waiting in awkward silence in the restaurant, a tall, thin middle aged pony with a vibrant neon pink mane of short length came out of a side room with a stiff stride. As soon as she saw Luna, she quickened her pace and approached her. She then gave a deep dipping bow to her.

"Princess Luna. It is a great pleasure to welcome you to my humble eatery." the high pitched mare said. "How may I be of service?"

"We are assuming that thou knows of the unusual crisis plaguing many of Equestria's numerous businesses?"

"Yes, it is an unfortunate thing." Zesty replied stiffly. "Rest assured, we are faring as well as we can despite the crisis."

"We have been informed by our sister that your restaurant was also plagued by this unusual crisis as well, and we have come to relieve you of this unfortunate circumstance." Luna explained.

"Yes, the Princess came by not long ago to investigate my restaurant and I will tell you just as I told her your grace, that I have everything quite under control--"

"Please Zesty Gourmand, don't insult my intelligence," Luna replied sternly. "As Princess of the Night it is my duty to watch over the dreams of all the ponies of Equestria and intervene whenever they grow dark and your dreams have become dark as well. Sometimes, that even includes peering into their thoughts and memories. I know that there is more than what you have told my sister."

Both mares glared at each other for ten seconds, not giving an inch. Then, the tall, thin mare deflated slightly, but still kept her stiff posture.

"Very well your highness." the mare grumbled. "What would you have me do then? I am at a complete loss as to what is happening with my restaurant. I've been attempting to get the other noble ponies to assist me with this matter, but it seems that most of them are indisposed at the moment."

"Our newest alicorn sister Princess Twilight Sparkle has summoned a great sage of the culinary arts from the planet Earth. The mighty Chef Gordon Ramsay. He is a human of many accomplishments including saving thousands of establishments, becoming what Twilight calls a "wealthy Bright-ish celli-britty," and owns thousands of restaurants and hotels across his entire world that millions of his own people believe to be among the best. Twilight has brought him over to assist ponies such as thee with this plight overtaking fair Equestria."

"A disgusting white ape like the one Princess Twilight keeps around with her coming into my restaurant and tainting it even more with its presence? I think not. And you have no right to tell me what to do--

"ZESTY GOURMAND!" Luna roared in her Canterlot Voice. "DO NOT TAKE ME FOR SOME LOWLY CONJURER OF CHEAP TRICKS! AND DO NOT MAKE THE MISTAKE OF INSULTING OUR HUMAN FRIENDS, PEASANT COOK. GORDON IS NOT HERE TO HARM YOU!"

Everyone, including Zesty Gourmand herself seemed to shrink away from Luna as a giant magical aura radiated from her and made the room seem darker with her presence. Even her own personal guard stepped away a few paces from the mare. Then as she calmed down, the light in the room began to return and the dark aura retreated back into Luna's body.

"Gordon Ramsay is here to help you Zesty Gourmand." she finished in a more kind voice.

The mare in question slowly recovered from her shock as she stood up and finally regained her composure.

"Very well your Majesty," the mare finally replied. "What do you require of me?"

"First things first, we shall bring in Gordon's production team to set up cameras in your restaurant. I believe they are for recording all of what goes on inside and to create an episode of his educational show that involves displaying how he returns various hotels and restaurants to their former glory."

"Interesting...."

She went outside with her guard for a moment and called Jay Hunter and the rest of Gordon's production crew into the restaurant. A few of the ponies were apprehensive of the humans, but most of them were more curious of them and what the purpose of their "strange black boxes with glass" was. Then Jay and Luna spoke with Zesty about the things that she should be aware of with the process of setting up the show. Zesty Gourmand at first objected to the bold idea of giving Gordon whatever he wanted to try for free, but was assured that Luna and Celestia would pay for any expenses.

Next time: The First Nightmare in Canterlot part 1

Meanwhile, back at the Sparkle house, Gordon was becoming quite the popular one as he gave them another demonstration of his skills as a chef by making lunch. It seemed that Night Light was quite impressed with Gordon as he began to mimic Twilight by pulling out a notepad and furiously scribbled down everything that he saw Gordon doing. Applejack and Rainbow Dash were thoroughly amused by how similar the unicorn and former unicorn acted. Spike on the other hand was indisposed as Velvet insisted on giving the little drake a bath and dressing him in a tiny tuxedo after she heard they were all going to Restaurant Row; Much to Spike's dismay and Twilight's amusement.

After their social visit to her parents, Twilight and the rest of their little group went around to a few of the more upscale sights of Canterlot to get Gordon a bit more acquainted with the place. At Gordon's request, Twilight helped him speak to some of the local ponies to get the local scoop on Zesty Gourmand's restaurant. Twilight set up a small booth in the Plains District on the outer section of the city. They found from many of Canterlot's more sociable residents that Zesty Gourmand's style of mostly tasteless food with poor portions drove away most of the normal tourists and residents who weren't in the upper class. Lately however, even she had trouble keeping her own customers in the nobility coming to her restaurant, though nopony was entirely sure why.

After a few hours of investigating, the group decided to head back to the castle for the night. They made their way back into the Royal District and entered once again into the Royal Palace. Inside, Twilight then guided the group into the dining room where they found the Royal Sisters and the rest of their human and pony friends occupying seats at the very large table going up and down the center of the room, and joined them.

"Everything go smoothly Jay? Luna?" he asked.

"Oh yeah, we did alright all things considered," Jay replied.

"Verily. Other than a fool that temporarily needed my wrath to see reason--" Luna started.

"Luna, don't tell me you paralyzed another pony," Celestia asked humorously.

"Not...this time sister. We simply stamped our authority on the fool verbally with our Canterlot Voice. It seems that their fear of it has brought me more than one benefit in this modern age. Zesty Gourmand was just as difficult as Lady Rarity described her to be and I fear you may be facing great peril Sir Gordon. We do not wish harm to befall thee this soon into thou's exploits around Equestria."

Gordon simply smiled at her for her thoughtfulness. It was vaguely strange for him to relax so casually with and talk with what was essentially royalty in this manner. It was rather refreshing to him to talk so casually with a member of royalty in this way. He remembers the times when he has cooked for the Kremlin, The White House, and Buckingham Palace, but he never got the chance to actually sit down with the President or the Queen and just talk with them like this.

"You just let me worry about that your Majesty," Gordon said. "Though, I will admit that this does put a bit of a twist on how I usually do my show."

The next morning, Princess Celestia had arranged for a few of the castle servants to wash Gordon's clothes along with all of his team so that they could look presentable for the public. While they were doing this, they each had the opportunity to wash off in one of the castle's thousand shower rooms which they greatly appreciated. After two days of running around, and falling into the dirt after their haphazard teleportation into Equestria, they were glad to get the chance to clean themselves.

After a quick breakfast with Celestia and the other girls, Gordon finally set off with his team, accompanied by Rarity and Twilight to Zesty Gourmand's main restaurant to begin his three day process of changing it into something people and ponies alike can enjoy dining at. The other girls stayed behind, as requested by the Princess so that they can attend a friendship summit to meet Prince Blackthorn of the Woodland White Tails.

They had made it halfway to Zesty's Subtilité Du Goût when Gordon started thinking of a few more things that he wanted to inquire the girls about before they get started.

"I don't think I've asked yet Miss Rarity. Since you know her a bit better than I do, didn't you say that Zesty was just a food critic initially?"

"Yes, that's right. Before, she was primarily Canterlot's top food critic." Rarity explained. "Those hoof prints on those hanging signs you saw the other day were proof of that. The fate of every restaurant in this town used to depend on Zesty's evaluation of it. I used to think that system separated the rabble from the quality eateries, but dear Saffron proved me wrong."

"What happened?" Gordon asked with an eyebrow raised.

"Ms. Gourmand made the critiquing business into too much of a monopoly." she continued. "When ponies took the time to try out the restaurants she critiqued and forced into changing, every restaurant on the row began to be shut down, and her reputation was ruined. It serves her right. We used to be somewhat close acquaintances, but after she insulted me and my friends, she lost that privilege."

"From what I understand, the Princess had to call in somepony named Chef Wolfgang Buck from Manehatten to fix everything and assign new restaurants to the Row," Twilight finished for her. "Now Chef Buck is the premiere chef here in Canterlot."

"I still can't get over the fact my colleagues have doppelgangers with fuckin ridiculous names here," he muttered. "I can only imagine what kind of name my doppelganger has or what he looks like."

Twilight and Rarity looked at each other and giggled sheepishly.

"Don't tell him yet," Twilight whispered to Rarity who nodded violently.

Without Celestia and Luna dissuading them from approaching, reporters and various upper class citizens tried to swarm them, asking various questions and giving Twilight petty requests. They decided to take a less conspicuous route to their destination. Dodging and ducking through the side roads of Canterlot, the group eventually made it back to the bustling Restaurant Row. At the end of the street, Gordon came face to face with Zesty Gourmand's premiere eatery.

"Well, let's see what I am getting myself into," he said to himself as he went through the front door.

At the front counter was a unicorn mare that didn't appear to be that much older than Twilight. She had a lemon yellow coat of fur and a cyan mane with white high lights. As soon as she saw Twilight and Rarity alongside Gordon coming through the front door, she jumped in surprise before calming herself down.

"Princess Twilight! Lady Rarity!" the mare exclaimed. "How may I help you? May I get you a table here?"

"No thank you, we are simply here to help our friend here with what ever he needs." Twilight respectfully declined.

Gordon stepped forward and outstretched one of his hands in a friendly gesture.

"Hello there miss, I'm the chef that was called by your princesses. Gordon Ramsay."

For a moment, he expected the mare to shrink away and cower in a corner, but she then immediately stuck her hoof in his hand and shook it vigorously. A bright smile adorned her face while she was doing it which Gordon reciprocated.

"Thank you very much for coming Chef Ramsay! I'm Lemon Drop. I am the manager and hostess of the restaurant," she explained.

"Very lovely to meet you miss Lemon Drop," Gordon replied. "I can tell you that the appearance of your restaurant makes for a good first impression. Its very....clean at least.

"We very much appreciate it," Lemon Drop said happily. "We take pride in the appearance of our eatery."

"If its not too much trouble, may I meet the famous Miss Gourmand I have been hearing about?" Gordon asked kindly.

"Absolutely! Please give me a moment and I shall have her here momentarily."

The mare gave Twilight a quick bow and then moved to off somewhere else for a moment to bring in Zesty.

Meanwhile, Gordon took another look at the surrounding restaurant and scanned its overall decor and appearance.

Twilight was watching him and scribbling down everything that Gordon did in one of her notebooks for future reference.

"So what are you doing now Gordon?" Twilight asked quizzically.

"I'm observing the overall look and decor of the restaurant." he replied. "The look of a restaurant is very important to draw the attention of potential customers."

"I didn't know it was that important." she thought out loud.

"Of course. Much like the dresses Ms. Rarity makes, the design of a restaurant has a subconscious impact on potential customers." Gordon explained. "The color of the restaurant has to not only appeal to the customer, it has to coincide with the genre of the food they are serving. For example, a lot of fast food restaurants where I come from use the color red. For whatever reason, red increases people's heart rates and makes them hungry quicker, eat quicker and leave quicker so that more customers can fill up the restaurant. Different colors do different things to people. Sometimes they are good, and sometimes they are bad for a restaurant depending on how much of a certain color you use."

"I think I understand darling," Rarity nodded. "The same thing certainly applies when I make clothing. Certain colors go well with the fur color of specific ponies and others don't."

"And does Zesty's restaurant have that problem?" Twilight asked. "It seems like the colors here are kinda on the dulled out side."

"Heavily," he agreed with irritation. "A light color scheme like this, when used properly, is great for small, I repeat SMALL upscale bistros and casual eateries, to make them look clean and relaxing, but here there's too much of it. It makes everything look sterile."

Suddenly, a grey colored mare with a bright pink mane came walking out of a side room with Lemon Drop in tow. In an instant, Gordon could see how overly confident this mare was just by her stride and her stiff posture. As soon as she set her eyes upon Gordon, the mare put on a forced smile in a vain attempt to be welcoming.

"Ah, Princess Twilight," the mare said as she approached her and gave her a short bow. "It is a great pleasure to have you grace my humble eatery with your presence. You....as well Monsieur Ramsay."

Zesty gave Rarity a sideways glare causing Rarity to give an indignant and audible "hmph!" as she turned her head away in disgust.

"A pleasure Miss Gourmand," he respectfully greeted as he shook her hoof.

She raised her eyebrow for a moment at the gesture but respectfully returned it.

"Why don't we find somewhere to sit so I can get a more proper grasp of what is going on from the owners themselves?" Gordon suggested.

"A reasonable request Monsieur Chef Ramsay. I will show you to one of my premium booths so we may speak," Zesty replied haughtily. "Come Lemon Drop."

"Right away Madam," Lemon nervously said.

Zesty guided Gordon, Twilight, Spike, and Rarity to the back of the restaurant where a large round white table with an oversized plush bench circulated the booth. Gordon's group sat down next to each other on one end of the table while Zesty and Lemon Drop sat down at the other end.

In Zesty Gourmand's office

"One thing about Zesty that I have always struggled with is that she has an inability to change from her past life as a critic," Lemon said to her interviewer. "It has absolutely hindered things for us."

"How much did you spend while bringing this restaurant to life?" Gordon asked.

"The full amount that went into bringing my vision here to life added up to three and a half million bits Mr. Ramsay, though I don't understand why that should matter."

'Damn! And I've seen these bits that they are talking about. They're pure gold and about the size of a quarter. With the going rate of gold in the U.S at the moment, three million of those bits comes out to a little over $728 million back on Earth!' he thought to himself. 'I can see why these ponies don't just let anyone come here'

"Well the success of a restaurant ultimately depends on how much profit you earn back from how much it took to build it and the love of your customers so that they come back." he finally replied. "What kinds of problems do you think your business has that might hinder that?"

"Nothing in my restaurant is the problem Monsieur Ramsay. These heathen ponies simply do not appreciate the subtle tastes of art that I offer at my eatery. If it were not for a certain group of ponies, my restaurant would have gained the title of best restaurant on the row," she proclaimed.

During all of this, Gordon noticed how silent Spike and the girls were being while he was speaking with Zesty.

"Well, I'd say that's a pretty bold statement." Gordon replied. "I think we shall order some lunch now if that's alright. Then I will make my judgments or praises from there."

Zesty Gourmand simply nodded and clapped, signaling Lemon Drop to follow her away from their table and off to wherever their kitchen was located.

"So. What do you two think?" Gordon asked the three.

"All I know about this place is what I heard from Pinkie." Spike replied.

"Zesty Gourmand is just causing all of these problems herself." Rarity snootily replied. "She makes mistakes and throws her toxic attitude at everypony else."

"Rarity, we all know your clothes are always beautiful. Don't let that get to you. I will say that it seems like Lemon Drop probably has something to say about all of this. You should probably get her side of the story."

"Oh, believe me I will," Gordon agreed. "That poor girl seemed to be deathly afraid of her boss. I'm gonna have to see if we can talk to her while Miss Gourmand is not around. Let's just hope we can survive whatever our server brings us to eat."

Twilight, Rarity and Chef Gordon had just arrived at Zesty Gourmand's newest eatery on Canterlot's premiere Restaurant Row where the finest culinary accomplishments in Equestria are supposed to be located. Their first impressions of her restaurant were extremely mixed as they came in to be greeted by the friendly and inviting manager of the restaurant, Miss Lemon Drop. After leaving the three in silence for a few minutes, the group noticed how drab and dull the color scheme of the restaurant was. The owner of the eatery and former high class Food Critic Zesty Gourmand then came out of the kitchen and Gordon's first impression of her seemed mostly decent, except for the fact of his suspicions of how she treats her manager Lemon Drop.

Lemon Drop then came back out of the kitchen a few minutes later showed the trio to a table while Zesty Gourmand herself retreated back into her office while her staff took care of their orders. The booth itself was by the window, allowing them to have plenty of light while they eat their food. Lemon Drop gave a short quick bow to the trio, and then moved off to assist the few customers that were still in the restaurant.

Gordon gave the server a strange look and then looked back to the girls and Spike.

"So. What do you three think?" Gordon asked the three. "You have the home advantage as it were being born here and having more knowledge on Equestrian customs and culture.

"All I know about this place is what I heard from Pinkie." Spike replied. "And usually, when it comes to advice about food, I try to listen to Pinkie. And she says this place stinks."

"Zesty Gourmand is just causing all of these problems herself." Rarity snootily replied. "She makes mistakes and throws her toxic attitude at everypony else. She tried to discredit me in front of Canterlot's citizens!"

Spike knew exactly what she was alluding to the moment she said it. Pinkie had told Spike not too long ago of how venemously Zesty had spoken to Rarity while they were assisting Saffron Masala and Coriander Cumin.

"Rarity, we all know your clothes are always beautiful. Don't let what she said get to you," Spike encouraged. "I'll be sure to give her a piece of my mind if she ever tries to talk to you like that again."

Rarity's scowl turned into a warm smile as she leaned over and pecked the young dragon on the cheek, causing him to turn as red as a ripe tomato.

"I appreciate that very much Spikey Wikey, thank you." she happily replied. "I'm just a little flustered by this whole thing that's all."

"I will say that it seems like Lemon Drop probably has something to say about all of this. You should probably get her side of the story." Twilight observed.

Gordon nodded and looked over to the kitchen door for a moment.

"Oh, believe me I will," Gordon agreed. "That poor girl seemed to be deathly afraid of her boss. I'm gonna have to see if we can talk to her while Miss Gourmand is not around. Let's just hope we can survive whatever our server brings us to eat."

As if on cue, a young mare with white fur and a short yellow mane and tail came out with a forced smile. Gordon noticed that her large ears were pointed back against her head as if she was stressed out by something. She made her way over to the table in a fast walk. Not running as to be disruptive, but still keeping up a brisk pace.

Rarity put a smile on her face and gasped at the server mare coming around the corner.

"Senko dahling, Is that you?" Rarity asked.

The server mare widened her green eyes and began to smile.

"Miss Rarity! It is very good to see you again." the mare replied cheerfully. "And to serve the newest princess too! What an honor!"

Gordon noticed that she spoke in a clearly Japanese accent as she went into a bow, attempting to respect Twilight, who was clearly uncomfortable with the display.

'Does Equestria have equivalents to all of Earth's ethnicities and cultures?' he thought quizzically. 'Let's hope the English equivalents aren't as cringe worthy as that Pipsqueak lad Pinkie introduced me to earlier.'

"Please Miss Senko, I'm here as a friend and a fellow purveyor of food alongside Gordon here."

"You two know each other?" Gordon asked Rarity politely.

"Oh very much so, yes. I worked in her Boutique as a cleaner for two years. She was always so kind to me and my family. Unfortunately, my family had to move here for personal reasons."

"I always miss your personal touch Senko. You were always a delight to have in my shop."

Gordon thought that this might have been as good a time as any to interject and attempt to get a bit more information from the server on Zesty and the state of her restaurant.

"May I ask you a few questions my darling?" Gordon asked kindly and politely.

"Oh, um. I don't see why not," she replied. "But I dont know how much help I'm going to be though...."

"Any information will help Miss Senko. We are here to help fix this place in any way we can." Twilight stated.

She seemed to be reluctant for a moment, until she looked behind her to make sure that no body was listening, and leaned forward.

"Miss Gourmand has been having some money problems lately. I am not familiar with all of the details, but I have overheard loud shouting coming from her office late in the evening just before closing," she whispered. "I'm afraid I don't know much more than that."

"That's alright. You may have provided me with a lead to look into." Gordon replied politely. "Now, why don't we all order lunch shall we? And see whether or not this place is up to snuff."

"Yeah, I'm starving." Spike agreed.

"Yes, let's." Twilight and Rarity agreed.

Senko nodded and handed the four of them menus to look at.

Gordon noticed immediately that there were a multitude of dishes that included nothing but various types of plants and flowers. Something that was definitely going to be a problem for a human like himself.

"Well....everything here looks, interesting. I'll give it that." Twilight said.

"What am I even looking at?" Spike asked confused.

"A typical example of a high class restaurant with small portions my boy," Gordon replied as matter-of-factly. "These types of restaurants I usually try to leave to others, but I have had a bit of experience with them. I attempt to stay in the range of medium to large portion eateries."

"I'll help you order something fairly simple as far as these kinds of restaurants go." Twilight offered.

She then went over to Spike's side of the table and assisted him.

"I think then I will try your Petit Gold Artichoke with Walnut Sauce. Unfortunately humans can't process most flowers and grasses without getting seriously sick." Gordon requested.

Rarity seemed to be stumped on making a decision regarding her order, so she just went to the next logical conclusion.

"I believe I will have the same as well." she replied candidly. "I am not feeling very strong one way or the other today."

Senko nodded and grabbed their plates as she began to head back into the kitchen to inform the cooks of their orders.

Inside the kitchen, many of Zesty Gourmand's staff were nervous about having to serve food to not only Rarity, one of the single most influential ponies in Canterlot, but also Spike the Saviour of the Crystal Empire and Princess Twilight, the newest Princess of Equestria. To add on top of all of that, they were preparing to serve a dignitary of an unknown race from another dimension.

"Slap Chop! Have those orders out on the double!" the head chef barked.

"I'll have them out when I'm ready!" the sous chef Slap Chop sassed back as she was lazing about on one of the spare tables.

The head chef came up to her and grabbed her by the scruff of the neck.

"Are you ready now?" he growled.

"....Yeah, I'm ready." she replied sheepishly.

As Slap Chop slowly got off of the table and began making her way to her station, Flambe Briquette the head chef angrily gave her a solid smack on the plot, causing her to quietly shriek and hurry up.

Fifteen minutes later, the server pony Senko came out with two black trays and multiple plates across her back and supported by her tail as she ignited her horn and deposited all of the food on the table. She then deposited water goblets on the table for each respective customer. Senko then bowed to the group once again and then moved off to somewhere else.

As soon as their food came into sight, various types of reactions on Gordon's table, varying from extreme confusion from Spike and Twilight, to digust and apathy from Rarity and himself. What was placed in front of him looked like a small slab of green mush that had been flattened by a car tire and drizzled in an unknown substance. He tried using his fork to dig around in it, attempting to find something of worth within the dish, but was sad to come up with nothing.

"Wow," Gordon exclaimed. "Doesn't that look absolutely hideous?"

"I have to strongly agree with you Gordon. This is beyond subpar," Rarity nodded.

Gordon then tried eating it as he grabbed his fork and knife and carefully sliced off a small piece of his tiny dish.

"My God, that's just mad." he said morosely. "Its chewy, stale, and feels like its been beaten the crap out of."

He lifted the whole dish with his fork and knife and began to notice how slimy it was.

"That's just super fuckin disgusting. What about the dish you two got?"

Twilight and Spike were still busy chewing down on their food. After a minute, they painfully tried swallowing what they were served as they chugged down their water.

"Eating that Corn Spinach Tarte aux Rasins was like chewing on a piece of rubber," Twilight coughed out.

"Yeah, and feels just as rough on the way down," Spike coughed out.

Spike and Twilight only coughed more violently and violently, causing him to become more and more worried.

"Oh Lord, hold on you two. Senko my darling! Can we please get some more water over here? I'm afraid the Princess and her son are having a hard time with the food." Gordon called out with a small amount of urgency in his voice.

"Right away Chef Ramsay!" she replied fearfully.

It was only a few seconds as she dashed in and back out of the kitchen with a large tray of ice cold glasses of water which she deposited on to the table, allowing Twilight and Spike to chug them down one by one.

Gordon looked at them with concern.

"You guys alright now?" he asked kindly.

"Yeah," they replied in unison.

"Shit weasels, that fuckin food almost killed you!" he cried.

Lemon Drop overlooking the situation from the entrance to the kitchen began smashing her head against a wall from a blatant mistake that nearly gravelly injured two of their royals. She angrily marched back into the kitchen, trying to figure out who made the mistake.

"Who the buck sent those out!?" she snapped. "The Petit Gold Artichoke with Walnut Sauce was slimy as a newt and the Petit Corn Spinach Tarte aux Rasins was tough as leather! Our newest Princess and Prince nearly choked to death on that!"

"I flipped it really quickly in a couple of seconds, but it looked ready!" one of the sous chefs replied defensively.

"Well, It obviously wasn't numb skull! Did you tenderize it and soak it for five minutes?"

"Yes I did," he replied.

"Did you overcook it?"

"No, I did not overcook it Lemon!"

Back in the dining room, after Gordon and Rarity made sure Twilight and Spike had properly recovered from their culinary mishap, Gordon tried his best to continue through eating the meal as Lemon Drop came back out to apologize for the sous chef's painful mistake.

"I'm back again," she greeted in a disappointed tone. "Are you alright now your Highness? I am so sorry for the asinine actions of my kitchen staff. Please forgive me."

"The crisis was averted, so I suppose there's no harm done," Twilight calmly replied.

"Even though it was their freaking fault that we nearly choked to death," Spike snidely remarked to Gordon.

Gordon cut a small piece of his dish and handed it to Lemon Drop.

"Here, just try a piece of that. It is so damn undercooked." he insisted.

After a moment of reluctance, Lemon did as he asked. The moment the food went on to her tongue, she tasted a multitude of bland and overcooked flavors just as he said.

"Its just smothered in that fucking sauce!"

"Yeah, I see what you mean," she agreed. "That is absolutely unacceptable."

"And just look at this," he said in an unbelieving manner as he used his fork to sweep dozens little black clumps to the corner of the plate.

"Is that charcoal?"

"Yeah, your twat headed cooks nearly fed Rarity and I charcoal." he replied angrily.

"I agree! How is that even physically possible?" Rarity added.

"Being around Pinkie for as long as I have, you learn to be more accepting of bucking insane things happening in your life,"
Spike replied.

She rubbed the bridge of her snout with one of her hooves and began picking their plates up.

"I'll just take those away for you and see if I can't get you something better." Lemon Drop said tiredly.

Back in the kitchen, Lemon Drop deposited the plates on the preparing line for the cooks to see.

"He found clumps of what looks like charcoal in his food. CHARCOAL!" Lemon Drop angrily said to the cooks. "It made the food all grungy and nasty!"

A few of the sous chefs there tasted the food and nearly puked from what they tasted.

Zesty Gourmand who had just stepped into the kitchen to check on progress a few minutes ago was taken aback by this. She rushed over to where the plates were and examined them. After a few seconds, a furious glare adorned her face.

"Charcoal?!? I give you all positions at my prestigious restaurant and this is how you repay my kindness?!? By causing accidents that nearly poisons my most prestigious customers?!?" Zesty snapped. "Get their next dishes out on the double and do it right this time!!!"

"I am not usually willing to speak candidly like this, but since Her Majesty Princess Luna commanded that we speak with you, I suppose there is no hiding anything Monsieur interviewer." Zesty said to the cameramen interviewing her. "However, if I see another bungle like that from them, I will make it my life's work to ruin their lives."

Things were definitely not going well at all for Gordon, Rarity, Twilight, and Spike at Zesty Gourmand's new restaurant in Canterlot. After being given the cold shoulder by Zesty herself and seeing the poor restaurant color scheme that seemed to be driving away customers, the four decided to try the food. Their first dishes ended in complete disaster as Gordon and Rarity found their food to not only be over beaten, but also over cooked. Princess Twilight and Spike got the worst of it as the dishes they ordered were so hard to chew that they nearly choked had Gordon and their waitress Senko had not quickly intervened. After the crisis had been averted, Gordon inspected his first dish even further and found clumps of charcoal accidentally mixed into the food. When Lemon Drop and her boss Zesty Gourmand found out about this, they were absolutely livid with their cooking staff.

"He found clumps of what looks like charcoal in his food. CHARCOAL!" Lemon Drop angrily said to the cooks. "It made the food all grungy and nasty!"

"I am not usually willing to speak candidly like this in most situations, but since Her Majesty Princess Luna commanded that we speak with you, I suppose there is no hiding anything Monsieur interviewer." Zesty said to the cameramen interviewing her. "I will give them another chance with this next round of dishes. However, if I see another bungle of that magnitude from them, I will make it my life's work to ruin their lives.

In the kitchen, the head chef Flambe Briquette and his right hand sous chef Slap Chop were in the process of completing the next dishes for their prestigious guests to taste and hopefully give high praises to. The rest of their staff were keeping busy with dishes for the few other high class and well off middle class customers that bothered to come to Zesty's restaurant.

Lemon Drop quickly came back out with their dishes and proceeded to place them on each sides of the table.

"Chef Ramsey and Miss Rarity, here we have a Petite Tarte à l'ail et aux agrumes avec Pesto for you, and for you my Lord Spike and my Lady Twilight, we have a Tarte Jonquille et Lilly à la vinaigrette aux mûres."

"Finally! Something recognizable!" Spike exclaimed annoyed.

"Well with ours, that is up for debate Spike, my lad." Gordon dryly retorted.

There were two distinct things that he noticed about this dish when he laid his eyes upon it, the first being that he found a few little pieces of an unknown substance that he tossed into his napkin.

"Little yellow bits and crap like that..." he muttered.

The second being that his dish was swimming in an unnecessary amount of whatever sauce the chefs poured all over it.

"Why is it absolutely drowning in this fucking sauce? Sweet shit!" he exclaimed.

"The last time I had this much sauce on my plate it was at Twilight's parents house!" Rarity added. "Velvet's pasta prima vera is to die for, but its a little overwhelming with its portions."

Lemon noticed it too as she put on a morose face.

"Ugh, I'm afraid I'm unable to answer that presently chef." she replied sadly.

Gordon tried to see if the taste would mask the bad overall appearance of the dish as he cut off a piece of the food with his knife and proceeded to chew on it. His face contorted into a look that Lemon immediately knew was bad.

"Ugh, shit. It tastes like baby vomit mixed with sour candy! That is all just gross. Does the chef not cook all this themselves?"

"We have.....inconsistencies." Lemon Drop admitted.

Back in the kitchen, one of the chefs realized that he had made a grave mistake when it came to prepping their dishes.

"Hey Slap Chop, I think I should have grabbed the Tarte Pesto that we cooked this morning."

"Why do you say that?"

"The one I just grabbed that was sitting there fresh wasnt even properly oiled yet," he replied.

"Which one did you give Lemon?"

"....The one from yesterday," he replied embarrased.

She grabbed the plate that didnt go out and started munching on the leftover food. She shrugged her shoulders with indifference as she devoured the food.

"It still tastes good!"

Lemon walked in with a tired look and went towards Zesty Gourmand who stood there waiting for her answer.

"What, he didn't like the taste?"

"I'm sorry maam, he didn't like the taste" she replied. "It was awful. He said it was like eating baby vomit."

The entire kitchen staff dropped their jaws in surprise and fear as they watched and waited for Zesty's explosive reaction.

Zesty Gourmand's shade of grey blue turned a bright shade of red as she was seething with anger and vainly trying with all of her might to contain it
"That is quite...the opinion" she breathed out trying to cool off. "I'll.....be......right back. Come Lemon, we shall see what other insulting issues this Gordon Ramsay has."

"Yes maam," she sighed as she followed closely behind.

Lemon Drop and Zesty Gourmand came out to the dining room to meet Gordon and the others to try to resolve their problems.

"Oh, hi there. You must be the chef," Gordon greeted as politely as he was able to muster. "Come over here!"

Lemon Drop carefully made her way over to the table feeling an immense amount of dread radiating from the mare behind her.

Gordon just handed the elderly mare a fork with a piece of the tart jammed on to it.

"Apart from being just, completely drowned in sauce like its the fucking Green Sea or something, the tart is just mush; Would you mind?"

Zesty Gourmand began gingerly chewing on the piece of tart tiny bite after tiny bite taking ten seconds at a time before swallowing as if she was trying to maintain some odd custom.

'Jeez, this mare looks crazier than Pinkie made her out to be," Spike thought.

'Ugh, I'm usually able to restrain myself, but even when she moves, this mare does nothing but infuriate me now,' Rarity thought. 'I cant believe I ever had her endorse my business'.

"It's like its overcooked or something, disgusting," Gordon added.

"The flavor is not...as terrible as you make it out to be Chef Ramsay," Zesty replied defensively with an angry tone.

"Oh, I disagree," Gordon bluntly retorted.

"You disagree with me you say?"

Lemon was beginning to sweat profusely as she worried that her boss might snap at any moment and try to attack Gordon and the royalty accompanying him.

"The sauce is bland, there's no seasonings at all in the tart or the sauces to speak of, regardless of your "small amount" motto that this beyond strange restaurant seems to go by. The big fundamental problem here is that you deliberately made a tiny tart with little flavor. Especially since tarts are meant to create an explosion of flavors in your mouth. That's the strangely embarrassing part. Just go and take this back to the chef and have him taste that, or at least attempt to."

"Take ours too, I have no idea how or why a chef would ever cook a flower, but yours definitely found a way," Twilight said in an annoyed tone.

She ignited her horn and levitated their plates over to Zesty who stepped out of the way and forced her manager Lemon Drop to catch them.

"Can you just get the chefs to taste those? And see if he can't actually make a good assessment off of them for once."

Zesty made an audible "humph" as she moved off to the kitchen with Lemon as she followed behind with her had hung low. The group sat there for a few seconds until they knew they were out of earshot.

"Jesus, how the fuck does that happen?" Gordon asked. "I'm no expert on this world yet, but from what I understand, dont you grind them up if you want to cook them into something or eat them fresh and whole after you've washed them?

"I have absolutely no idea," Spike shrugged.

"Why yes Gordon, that is exactly how it is done," Rarity replied. "I though usually when I am at home and not eating out, restrict myself to boiling flowers to make herbal tea. A practice that I am glad is apparent in your world as well."

Back in the kitchen, things were becoming worse and worse by the minute as Lemon once again presented the failed dishes to their chef Flambe and Zesty Gourmand herself barely restrained her anger.

"He said it was drowned in sauce, the flavor is bland, and it tastes overcooked," Lemon stated bluntly.

"WHAT?? OVERCOOKED???" Flambe growled.

He used a clean fork to saw off a small piece and popped it into his mouth. After two seconds, he spat it out into a trash can.

"SLAP CHOP! Get your skinny plot in here and you better make the third dish right! Or do you want to man the tail cleaning booth outside again?"

Quicker than their eyes could track, the sous chef in question quickly got to work as she began cooking their guests third round of dishes and hopefully the round that they will like this time around.

"This lady is supposed to be an expert on food?" Gordon asked the others with disbelief. "She is really leaving a lot to be desired in that department."

"Ugh, I'm really hungry, and we've gone through two things already that we can't even eat," Spike whined.

"Oh, dont worry Spike, if these schmucks cant clean up their act by the time I'm done with this Nightmare, I'll personally make another large banquet for all of you later back at the castle." Gordon replied.

"Well, we certainly would love that," Twilight added.

After another fifteen minutes had passed, Lemon brought out the third round of dishes which all happened to be the same thing this time around so they could save up on time.

The moment Gordon saw what the dish was comprised of, he was immediately confused. It appeared to be a tiny fish cake with bits of parsley and oregano, a mussel sticking out the top, and all covered in marinara sauce.

"Wait a minute. I thought ponies were vegetarian," Gordon questioned.

"Oh, we are for the most part," Twilight replied. "However, we ARE omnivorous and are able to stomach down certain kinds of protein such as fish, shellfish and on exceedingly rare occasion....other.....meats, but that's still pretty rare. Only ones in our group who can eat meats completely are Spike for obvious reasons, and Rainbow who's hung around her gryphon friend Gilda long enough to develop a Human-like constitution for most kinds of foods."

"And Fluttershy?..."he asked.

"Oh, she will be fine with it soon enough," Rarity added. "She feeds meat to some of her animals, so I wouldn't be surprised if she can as well."

They then went on to trying their dishes, and the immediate moment Gordon bit into the fish cake, Gordon's taste buds were assaulted with an unexpected sour taste that made his eyes water. The second thing he immediately noticed about the dish as he chewed into it was that it was far too chewy. Especially the mussel that had come with it. He struggled but managed to swallow down the bite of food as he noticed the others occupying the table had gained the same reaction from the dish.

"Fuck man, what the hell was in that?" Gordon exclaimed. "That was like so fucking overwhelmingly sour!!! They just taste so frozen. Can you just check with your chef, cause they are so chewy?"

"Absolutely Chef," she replied.

Lemon sulked back into the kitchen as she prepared for the verbal onslaught that she was expecting from the staff.

"Are the mussels frozen?" Lemon asked Flambe.

"Yep, why?"

Lemon simply walked off back into the dining room as Zesty looked as if she was about to reach a boiling point.

"You imbeciles do not use fresh mussels? I put that foul commoner's dish on my menu so that we could bring in more customers and you morons can't even get a simple dish right?" Zesty snapped.

"Boss, we cannot use fresh mussels all the time with a menu that has insanely expensive ingredients!" he retorted.

Lemon then walked back into the dining room to give their esteemed guests another piece of bad news.

"Yes Chef, unfortunately they are frozen," she said ashamed.

The entire group sighed heavily as Gordon rubbed his eyes and got up out of his chair.

"Can you come on into the kitchen? You three follow me as well, this might be educational for you. Cause I feel like after all of this I'm gonna start knockin some heads in, I swear to fuckin God."

Blunder after blunder has made Gordon Ramsay and Twilight Sparkle's visit to Zesty Gourmand's restaurant not only disappointing, but also potentially dangerous as the Princess and her son Spike nearly choked on one of the dishes that they were served. On top of all of that, rumors from the servers working at the restaurant are circulating of staff members that are being threatened by Zesty Gourmand herself to remain silent. Chef Ramsey and his royal companions are beyond disappointed with the food that they have been served and is in dire need of an explanation.

"Can you come on into the kitchen Lemon Drop, my darling? You three follow me as well, this might be educational for you. Cause I feel like after all of this I'm gonna start knockin some heads in, I swear to fuckin God."

Twilight, Rarity, and Spike all got up out of their seats with annoyed looks and all agreed that it would be a good idea to get to the bottom of all of the problems.

"Absolutely chef," Twilight replied "This is ridiculous."

"And I'm still hungry too!" Spike whined.

"Oh believe me my boy, I am too and I get a little cranky when I'm hungry," Gordon admitted.

"If we don't eat anything properly here by the time night comes, I'll be sure to personally make you something yummy Spikey," Rarity offered as she nuzzled the tiny drake.

"I'll probably help you!" Gordon added. "I think we could all use a palette cleanser after all of this."

Gordon lead his group straight into the kitchen with the intention of meeting the head chef and his inept team that prepared their substandard dishes. The first thing that he was at least satisfied with was that the interior of Zesty Gourmand's kitchen appeared to be as clean and spotless as their dining room. Gordon found most of Zesty's staff their with the exception of their server Senko. Twilight gave all of them a deadly glare, thinking at first of saying something, but reserved that honor for Chef Ramsay

"Uhhh, I really don't know where I should start with all of this." Gordon admitted. "Our experience at lunch was absolutely dreadful. Plus, there was nothing authentic about the food you served, and I'm struggling here. The biggest kicks in the balls for me, was not only the food you served almost killed my royal companions here, you managed to burn one of the dishes, and you also managed to somehow include fucking frozen clams in one of my meals. Those things nearly broke my damn teeth when I crunched on them. Why are you all serving frozen clams?"

The entire kitchen staff with the exception of the sous chef Slap Chop who was not paying attention at all, as she played around with the spoons and the soup ladles. That only made things worse for them as Rarity chimed in with her own glare that could kill.

'Twilight and dear Spikey almost died and this hussy is fooling around?' Rarity thought angrily.

"Now, I need to know here, because the menu specifically stated that everything here is fresh, I'm only going on what you and your restaurant here told me."

"W-We don't sell enough clams for me to have them every week," Flambe Briquette tried to explain.

"So then what's the most important thing to do about that dish if that keeps happening?" Gordon asked incredulously.

Flambe began nervously playing with his hooves as the pressure on him began to grow.

"Take it off the menu," Flambe replied under his breath.

"Sorry? Come on, speak up, we need to hear it!" Gordon barked.

"Take it off the menu!"

"Yes, take it off the menu. So why haven't you?" Gordon snapped at the large unicorn.

Flambe nervously looked off towards the door to the dining room where a pair of disapproving eyes was gazing through the glass.

"Sh-She doesn't want to take it off the menu chef." he replied.

"She? Who is she?" Rarity asked angrily as she got in Flambe's face. "What excuse do you have to keep substandard food like this in a restaurant like this that should be for the Canterlot Elite?"

"Took the words right out of my mouth Miss Rarity," Gordon agreed.

"My moth- I mean Miss Gourmand."

Twilight immediately caught what he was about to say and intended to discuss that little detail with Gordon later in private.

"Why would she do that?" Gordon asked.

"Maybe we can't afford to make new menus I don't know, he replied.

At that comment, Zesty waltzed back in to the kitchen with her chest puffed out intending to interject herself into the situation.

"I make it my goal to not allow frozen food into my eatery or on the menu, I assure you Chef Ramsay," Zesty stated.

"Stop! Just Stop!" he snapped. "I make it my goal to not allow frozen food on the menu, did you really just say that?"

"Yes, I did say that."

"And yet, they are frozen!" Rarity added in. "I had the same dreadful thing happen in my dish as well!"

Zesty struggling to control her temper, stuck her chin up in the air in a sanctimonious way.

"Then him as a chef, it is his responsibility to inform me whether or not there are tainted and frozen foods in my restaurant, is it not?"

"I did tell you," Flambe grumbled under his breath.

"Him as a chef?"

"Why yes! Just as Miss Rarity here as an....adequate fashion designer must learn to keep her nose out of the culinary world."

'I'm not entirely sure about much of what's going on here, but I can already tell that I really don't like this Zesty Gourmand very much' Spike thought. 'Cause I'm about a few seconds away from decking her pretty little face'.

"But I DID tell you," Flambe tried to reply.

"WHY IN THE HELL IS IT STILL ON?" Gordon asked.

Everybody in the kitchen remained silent, afraid of what the response might be if they answered until the sous chef chimed in with an annoyed voice.

"Its still on because there's a constant circle of miscommunication and fighting like a married couple between Briquette and Gourmand, and by the time the week passes, things like that tend to stay on the menu," Slap Chop explained tiredly as she leaned up against a nearby warmer in an uncaring fashion.

Gordon looked at all of them with a disappointed and disbelieving look that made all of them uncomfortable. The look from Rarity was even worse as the death glare she gave Zesty made her step back a few steps.

"I do not know what it is, thinking that you can just buy a restaurant literally after failing your job of being a food critic." Gordon wondered out loud. "Your fundamentals are just all screwed up. And the issues you have here are pretty darn big! From making sure your food isnt burnt to proper seasoning and taste testing. You've got more of a chance winning the lottery, than you do becoming a success here, I'll tell you that much.

Without another word, Gordon walked out of the kitchen with Twilight, Rarity, and Spike following suit. Going back into the dining room and out the front door, the group left the restaurant to recoup and prepare for their return later in the evening for the restaurant's dinner service. To say the least, Rarity in particular was not pleased in the least that she would have to come with them again to the restaurant.

"It has been quite a pleasure working with you Gordon, but I'm afraid I must take a wee break before I go back into THAT place," Rarity said venemously as she gestured to Zesty Gourmand's restaurant.

"Oh I can understand that," Gordon replied. "Take all the time you need."

"Can we get something actually good to eat now?" Spike whined. "I think that nasty food back in there made me even hungrier than before."

Twilight smiled and patted Spike on the head.

"Sure Spike we can do that," Twilight agreed. "To be honest, I'm feeling a little peckish myself."

"Make that four of us," Gordon replied dryly. "You wouldn't happen to know a restaurant around here that actually has some common sense do you?"

Rarity put her hoof on her chin for a brief moment before smiling and giving him a nod.

"I know just the restaurant Gordon. Senko's mother amusingly enough owns the most adorable Neighponese place just around the corner. Ichiraku Ramen I believe it is called."

"Well lead the way then Rarity, I'm famished," Twilight replied. "That sounds pretty good right now."

Later that afternoon....

Gordon, Twilight, and Spike began their walk back to Zesty Gourmand's restaurant to observe how they carried themselves during dinner service and what may or may not have to be done to improve their performance. This time however, Rarity decided to begin going back to castle where the diplomatic proceedings with the White Tail Woodland Kingdom were occurring. Applejack as it turned out needed a break from her tasks as well and requested to take Rarity's place in their group. Before they left back to complete their respective tasks however, Rarity took it upon herself to quickly dress them all in formal attire as they began making their way back to Restaurant Row.

Gordon slipped into his clean white chef uniform while Twilight and Applejack each donned beautiful sparkling dinner gowns, one red for Applejack and one midnight blue for Twilight. Rarity took the most pride however in dressing Spike as when his turn came, she grabbed him with her magic and pulled him into a changing room at a boutique near the castle. In her spare time before they came to Canterlot, Rarity had made a special tuxedo for Spike which she quickly slipped the little drake into.

"Hey, at least it isnt like those massive gala dresses she forced you to wear a few weeks ago Applejack," Twilight giggled.

"Yeah, you looked like a giant poofy flower with a grumpy face," Spike snickered.

"You don't look any better, "my little penguin", Twilight teased poking him in the shoulder.

Spike began to turn as red as a fire truck as he remembered the new pet name Rarity gave him only a few minutes ago.

"Well, I can't deny that. At the very least I don't feel restricted in this thing," she replied. "So you said we are going to this bad restaurant or something? What did you need me for?"

"Well, other than the fact you have experience working with food and handling employees," Twilight started. "Rarity thought you should "have a taste of Canterlot's Restaurant Row".

"Any help is welcome Miss Applejack. Plus, I figured that I might start a new system with my show as long as I'm in Equestria. Have at least two to three members of your royalty accompany me so we can find out what exactly is plaguing your food and hospitality businesses. That might lead us to why and how your country's food supply is being poisoned."

Back at Zesty Gourmand's, after hearing that the Princess and one of Canterlot's best fashionistas had come, many of the ponies on the Row had decided to give it a fair shot considering how two members of royalty found it well enough to grace it with their presence. Unfortunately for the restaurant in question, things were about to looks even worse as Gordon, Twilight, Spike, and Applejack when they came back to the kitchen to observe just how bad the staff work with each other.

"Alrighty then, just give me a quick run through of your process," Gordon requested. "How does the line work here?"

"Well, I try to stay on my side, Slap Chop stays on her side and she is supposed to try not to step on my hooves, literally and metaphorically."

"Not to mention that we cant give him tickets," Slap Chop added as she shuffled a stack of something in her magic.

"Give those to me, why can't we get tickets here?" Gordon asked.

"Cause these are all we got that's why," Slap Chop sassed back.

After giving the Sous Chef a glare, Gordon grabbed out of her magical grasp what appeared to be a stack of scrap paper with the orders written down on them.

"So you just use bits of paper and crap like that?"

"Yeah, we use bits of paper and crap like that."

'I'm not at the point where I want to slug this mare yet, but I don't want to get to that point either,' Gordon thought to himself.

"That's nuts! How are you able to stay organized and know what has been ordered properly if you don't have a ticket system?" Spike asked.

The girls and Gordon all turned and looked down at the small drake with raised eyebrows.

"What? I've watched Pinkie at work along with Miss Fur Frou at our cafe back in Ponyville. I picked up on a few things."

"Well, I'm glad you pay attention to somepony at least," Twilight teased.

Gordon went on to inspect how they cooked their seafood into their dishes as he watched one of the other cooks prepare a recipe. Almost immediately, he noticed that something was wrong as he spotted what appeared to be a tall plastic container of shrimp.

"Can you show me those shrimp please?"

The cook hesitated for a moment, but agreed as he levitated the vat over to Gordon allowing him to inspect the container. Not liking the smell, Gordon cautiously grabbed one of the shrimp out of the liquid filled vat and smelled it, being immediately confused.

"What the hell? Where do you get these? How do you prepare these?"

"Um, I think those are....defrosted in hot water," the cook said meekly.

"So they were frozen then?" Gordon asked rhetorically.

The chef simply nodded back at the man.

"Just asking, thank you."

The cook seemed to want to follow Gordon as he went around the kitchen inspecting its overall quality. Twilight and Applejack stayed behind in the dining room to talk to guests and local press at the restaurant as best as they could while Spike stayed close beside Gordon to learn as much as he could. Spike noticed that Applejack slipped back into her "proper" Manehatten accent in order to appear more presentable.

Soon enough, Gordon found something suspicious in one of the sinks that was used in the kitchen. It was filled with a disgusting red liquid that appeared to be from the seafood that they prepared many of their signature dishes with.

"Fuck, what the hell is that?" Gordon exclaimed.

"Clam juice I think." the cook said.

"So you defrost and soak your fish too in a washbasin that's filled with slime and fish blood? And then you prep it next to what appears to be cooked prawns?"

"That looks really disgusting," Spike commented. "Even to me, and I smell my own feet."

Gordon went back into the dining room where Zesty Gourmand herself was conversing with a few of the noble ponies that took the liberty to come and dine at her restaurant that evening. Twilight and Rarity were on the opposite end politely conversing with some of the members of Canterlot's middle class. Gordon discreetly called Zesty back over where he intended to get to the bottom of the latest development that he had just discovered back in the kitchen.

"To be honest Ms. Gourmand, I am not really seeing much of what you tried to portray on the menu and what you claimed to me earlier in person, you know about the fresh ingredients and the understanding of good food. Not to mention that a lot of the seafood that you are bringing in is super damn frozen." Gordon began.

"I assure you that I always try to buy fresh ingredients to include in my dishes." she insisted. "Anyone caught serving frozen food is dealt with harshly."

"Well, I'm telling you that I just found a bag of frozen fish, clams, mussels, and other various seafood articles. Come with me and I'll show you.

Gordon walked back into the kitchen with Zesty Gourmand in tow where he found the cook that had answered a few of his questions. The cook clarified to Zesty that the seafood was indeed frozen which Gordon even further proved by walking with her to the wash basin that he found the disgusting slime, blood, and grime mix.

"The seafood is not fresh, its frozen, and you seem to be defrosting it in the sink here. You told me all of these seemingly wonderful things about your restaurant here when we first met. You told me about your freshness and your fresh ingredients. That's what you told me that is what you stand for."

"I-ahem, assure you Chef Ramsay, I had no knowledge of this," Zesty replied with a barely veiled hint of anger. "The ponies that have been doing this will be dealt with."

"All I can say to all of this fucking crap, is that you may be telling me one thing," Gordon said in a patronizing tone. "But you are telling me the other! Something is not right in this restaurant."

After feeling extremely misled by Zesty Gourmand about the freshness of the food, Gordon and Spike decided to inspect the storage rooms of the restaurant, starting with the basement where their freezer was located. As soon as they opened the door, the appearance of everything drastically changed. The stairway was covered in dust and grime from neglect.

"Jeez, this place is a complete mess." Spike said as he pinched his nose closed. "Twilight would have kittens and gut me if she ever saw the house this dirty

"No kidding," Gordon agreed. "Even especially with how clean most all of the rooms back up there were. The near spotless dining room was the first thing that caught my attention when I first walked into this restaurant. Its like complete night and day."

At the bottom of the stairs, they come into contact with two large freezers. One that stands upright and one that lays out horizontally to allow for more storage and freezer space for much larger food articles. Gordon quickly proceeded to inspect the one that lay flat on the ground to take a good look at the damages that he was dealing with. He opened the freezer and found a large number of bins filled with various kinds of seafood. He then went to the up right freezer and pulled out bags of even more kinds of seafood.

"How much crab does one restaurant need?" Spike asked clearly bewildered. "I like eating it with Twilight well enough when the curtains are closed but not enough to eat this much of it!"

"And look at that there," Gordon said as he pulled out one of the bags. "That must be calamari and its frozen up to fuckin high heaven."

He pulled out another bag and found a large stack of frozen mussels on the bottom shelf of the freezer, no doubt the clams and mussels that they had been fed in their previous dishes.

Intending to get to the bottom of this latest development, Gordon went back up the stairs and called over Zesty Gourmand to allow her to explain what he found and what reasons she had to keep it that way. Needless to say, Zesty was not pleased at all from having to step into a stairway and a room that was absolutely covered in filth.

"Why must I come down to this horrid place?" Zesty asked indignantly. "You cannot handle things on your own?"

"Oh shove it Gourmand," Gordon snapped.

He pulled out the numerous tubs and bags of seafood that filled both freezers to the brim and dropped them right in front of Zesty Gourmand's feet with a thud.

"You keep telling me that you get things in fresh and yet I come down here and find God knows how many bags and tubs of seafood in here that are fucking frozen to the damn bone!"

"We get everything in fresh Chef Ramsay," Zesty growled.

"And then you freeze it to send it all back out to your customers as food," he stated. "Why should anybody wait for shit like this? You are crazy! Why are you in so much denial right now?'

"This room is not my responsibility heathen," she said with malice. "I have more than enough responsibilities, so I shouldn't have to disgrace myself as to come down here and touch even a single inch of this filthy place."

"Who in Celestia's fault is that?" Spike muttered rhetorically.

"How could you not know all of this?" Gordon asked in disbelief.

"I am not as experienced in the restaurant business as I was in the critic business Chef Ramsay," she pathetically tried to say in her defense. "Even one as great as I cannot see everything."

"If you are making all of these grand statements about your restaurant about the authenticity and the freshness, you don't need years or even days of experience with this sort of thing! You should know everything that goes on in every room, fridge and sink."

"Are you implying that all of this is my fault?" Gourmand asked venemously.

"That's exactly what we are telling you sweetheart," Spike dryly commented under his breath so that they couldnt hear.

"Well if all of this isnt your fault, who's fault is it then?"

"I am not the head chef, why don't you stop wasting my time and bring my bumbling head chef down here and explain all of this?" Zesty asked.

"Well then let's do that!" Gordon stated angrily.

Gordon tried going back up stairs to get Flambe Briquette to explain what is happening since Zesty Gourmand herself was unable to do so. Unfortunately for him, Flambe was also unable to provide adequate answers for Gordon either. All Zesty did was repeat the same excuses over and over again, all the while sounding more impatient by the second. Flambe just stood there beside Gourmand quietly looking forlorn as he vaguely appeared to be afraid of her.

"I have told you once and I will tell you again Mr. Ramsay. I always make sure that I buy the freshest ingredients on the market. I've even stuped to bribing the food delivery ponies. Its been positively a nightmare for me to keep up with everything."

"You keep telling me all of these things about how you prepare all of this freshly and I fucking believed you, sitting there like an idiot!" Gordon began You are running a business endorsing all of this shitty tasting food that is frozen as fuck and you have the nerve to serve all of this to your customers!"

"There actually is a reason why we do this...." Flambe muttered.

Zesty gave the colt a dagger glare as if she was daring him to say the next few words.

"What? What reason or excuse could all of you possibly have to allow all of this insanity to happen?"

"Well...the boss here has is what's called a Supertaster," he explained. "She has a condition-

"THAT'S QUITE ENOUGH OUT OF YOU FLAMBE! NOW GET BACK TO YOUR DUTIES BEFORE I LOSE MY TEMPER!" Zesty growled.

Flambe ran back up the stairs while Gordon just sat there, dumbfounded.

'Perhaps discussing strategy with Twilight might be prudent while trying to deal with this mare," he thought.

"This whole thing is just astonishing!" he exclaimed. :Miscommunication, neglect of food, abuse of employees! This is stupidity and negligence at its finest! And especially the biggest fuck up that I've encountered so far, your batshit stupid employees are defrosting the frozen food in hot water!!! You could kill ponies with food like that! Its almost like you want to cause a plague in this city!"

Without another word, Gordon walked back up the steps to the main floor and back into the dining room where he decided it would be a good idea to sit down with his three companions and discuss the next step of their plan to attempt to turn the restaurant around for the better.

"I'll tell you one thing, Mr. Interviewer," Flambe started. "My.....moth, I mean boss may have most other people convinced that I am the bad guy when it comes to the decisions that happen around here pertaining to the restaurant but with Chef Gordon Ramsay here, I really hope he helps me root out all of the lies that Ms. Gourmand have been telling about all of us."

Next Time: End of the First Nightmare

After being frustrated with Zesty and Flambe over the deplorable state of their food storage, Chef Ramsay heads back upstairs to their kitchen to check the state of their walk in cooler. Gordon almost immediately found moldy and rotting food items as he pulled out a moldy avacado from one bin and then countless bunches of collard greens in a box on the bottom shelf that had gone bad and turned slimy .

"Damn, a lizard in a desert wouldnt eat this, and this here is just completely rotten through and through," he replied completely disgusted. "Er, no offense Spike my boy."

"None taken," Spike chuckled. "Though, deserts are fun to run around in. I love sand baths."

"And here are what the packages claim to have fresh turnips, but when you open the package.....oh my god!" he exclaimed as he saw the slimy rotting blob that used to be a turnip.

Pulling out a few more boxes, he found more food items that had been rotting including a box of moldy potatoes and a box of mushy tomatoes that had gone bad days ago. Chef Ramsay was struggling to keep his composure and not throw up as he was forced to power through the rancid odors that permeated through the entire walk in cooler.

"All of this shit fucking makes me gag," he lamented.

Going back in to the kitchen, Gordon fully intended to attempt to get answers from Zesty and Flambe, knowing full well that he probably wasn't going to get a straight answer.

"Flambe! Zesty! What the fuck is that?" Gordon said as he presented one of the moldy avacados to the middle aged mare.

"I don't, I don't use these," Flambe stumbled trying to reply. "These are mine."

"So you keep your own groceries in there? fuck." Gordon tried to rationalize.

"How many times a day do you go into that walk in?" he asked one of the other staff members.

"About a hundred."

"A hundred?....disgusting. Fucking disgusting." he stated disappointed as he reached into one of the boxes for another item for them to explain away.

He pulled out the bunches of greens that had turned slimy. He waved it in front of their faces trying to get them to speak.

"I...believe that was the collard greens left over from my cousin's wedding" Zesty muttered.

"They are left over from your cousin's wedding? Oh my god."

Then he pulled out the rotten turnips in the packages that had become rancid and ripe.

"Do you have any idea how bad a turnip needs to go before it gets that's bad?" he asked the mare unbelievingly. "Touch it, just touch it."

Zesty Gourmand was starting to get more and more irritated as time went on.

"WE ARE NOT SERVING IT HEATHEN! WE ARENT USING IT," she snapped.

"No disrespect, but what the hell would you know what's being served?" he retorted accusingly. This is not funny. I am fucking pissed off at the lot of you. But wait...just wait. It gets even worse. I can't wait for this fucking excuse."

He then pulled out a bin filled with squid that had been sitting for days.

"Do you have any idea how bad squid needs to go to get that color?"

He smelled one of the pieces of squid as his eyes watered in protest.

"Smell that," he commanded to Flambe and Zesty who reluctantly obeyed.

He saw Zesty's eyes water as well as she began to cough.

"That smells absolutely rancid. How long has that been in there idiot?"

"It couldn't have been in there for more than two days Miss Gourmand," Flambe replied.

"Oh, fuck off! Two days?" Gordon retorted. "WHAT IN THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?"

Flambe simply shrugged meekly as he attempted to defuse the situation.

"You don't fucking care do you?"

"Of course I care."

"You don't give a shit!" Gordon growled.

"Says who?" Flambe retorted.

"That walk in there, is a disgusting mess. You all should be ashamed."

"Hair in the food!"

Gordon looked around for who had just called out.

"Who said that? Who said that there was hair in the food?"

The manager Lemon Drop trotted over to Gordon and sat the dishes in front of him. Gordon was beginning to steam as he saw a clump of somepony's mane hair in one of the dishes. Even Spike began to step back slowly as he saw Gordon get madder and madder every second that went by.

"That's fucking it. I'm closing this place down until I can work out something for all of you to fucking abide by." Gordon barked. "Lemon my darling, can you go out there and apologize to every customer?

"You dare to direct my own employees around-" Zesty started.

"I DONT WANT TO HEAR IT FROM YOU. YOU UPPITY BITCH!" GORDON ROARED. "YOUR PRINCESS ORDERED ME TO FIX THIS PLACE BEFORE YOU KILL SOMEONE AND I'M GOING TO FUCKING DO THAT! AND THERE'S NOT A DAMN THING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT! "

"I think Luna gave us the authority to arrest any restaurant owners who cause too many risks to the public," Spike whispered. "Did you want to do that here?"

"Not now, but I'll keep that option in the back of my mind," Gordon quietly answered back. "Somepony may need to face some heat."

Gordon then turned to Lemon who jumped slightly from his gaze.

"Lemon, if you please."

"Yes chef!," Lemon replied fearfully before dashing into the dining room.

In the dining room, Lemon got everyone's attention including Twilight and Applejack who were preoccupied with speaking to nobles.

"May I have your attention please? We here at Subtilité Du Goût apologize for any inconvenience to you wonderful ponies of Canterlot tonight, but we are shutting operations down. We are not worthy to continue this service."

Twilight and Applejack looked confused as they followed Lemon back into the kitchen as the customers began to leave angrily.

"Can we close that door please? Its just going to keep getting hotter in there and more stuff is going to go bad." Flambe said.

Spike and Gordon were taken aback by Flambe as they gave him an incredulous look.

"What else can get worse that hasn't already gone bad?" Spike asked loudly.

"Exactly, tell us. Just tell us." Gordon asked barely keeping his calm.

"I have no idea."

"And now, in the last sixty seconds, you suddenly start to give a fucking shit about what's going to go wrong? You got lazy. All of you got so lazy. And yet you just cannot accept it."

Having Flambe and Zesty walk outside of the restaurant with him with Spike, Twilight, and Applejack in tow, Gordon was determined to have a serious chat with them in order to attempt to get to the heart of the issue.

"You look like you are just done with all of this aren't you?" Gordon asked Flambe.

"For the night?"

"No not for the night. I mean just in general. You look like a spent force." Gordon said thoughtfully.

"No, I haven't. If I have I would have left her a long time ago."

"Well, at the very least, you are being a good son, but from what I understand, not good enough," Applejack chimed in.

Zesty glared at Applejack.

"How did you-" Zesty started.

"We aren't stupid Miss Gourmand," Twilight said. "I don't know what problems could have arisen for you to treat your own son the way you do, but its obviously hurting your business. "

"If Granny Smith treated us and our business the way you do to Flambe, our farm would suffer," Applejack added.

"I suggest you two tell us the truth. I am your princess and she is the Element of Honesty," Twilight stated sternly.

Zesty seemed to deflate as a look of defeat slowly came on to her face in place of a look of defiance.

"She thought all of this could work. She thought that this was all easy, just because of her experience as a critic and I told her it wasnt going to be easy. Especially with her condition making the food so damn bland."

"She's a super taster right?" Twilight asked.

Zesty then looked at Twilight with a venemous glare as if she was daring her to speak.

"How could you possibly know that?" Zesty questioned accusingly. "I took great lengths to keep that information a secret."

"A what?" Spike and AJ asked.

"Its a fairly rare medical condition where the tongue tastes things with an intensity far greater than the average tongue. Normal things for us would taste overwhelming for a super taster." Twilight explained.

"That is not the customers problem! You should be catering to your customers, not to yourself Gourmand!" Gordon barked. "And you Flambe. If your mother is doing all of these things, why aren't you stepping up?"

Flambe just stood there with a frustrated look and gave a shrug.

"All the pressure, all the tension, everything is just building on top, especially with me not getting paid in what- months now?" Flambe tried to explain.

"There's a reason why you haven't been getting fucking paid in months! Do you ever stop and ask yourselves? You all are making SO many mistakes that you don't have any idea what's right or wrong now! And you are allowing him to do it Zesty!"

Zesty began to look more and more broken and defeated as time passed hearing everything that she was hearing.

"YOU BOTH ARE DESTROYING EACH OTHER! AND I'M AMAZED THAT YOU'VE MANAGED TO STAY OPEN FOR THIS LONG!"

"Even I cannot be everywhere, doing everything, and checking produce-" Zesty started.

"Why did you buy a restaurant when you haven't even worked in one?" Gordon shouted questioningly. "Any fucking yahoo can be a critic Gourmand. Heck, everyone back on Earth considers themselves a critic, especially with how connected everyone is through our internet. But you need to learn special skills to run a restaurant."

The entire group just stood there for ten uncomfortable silent seconds, until Flambe decided to break it.

"I have no idea what to do next, I don't have a clue," Flambe admitted.

"For the first time in my life chef...I don't know what to do," Zesty agreed tiredly.

"Well that makes three of us," Gordon added. "Cause as of this moment, I have no fucking idea where to start!"

Applejack stepped forward and jabbed Zesty and Flambe in the chest with her hoof.

"I highly suggest to you that you first work on being a better family," Applejack urged. "A mama should not be treatin her colt the way you do Gourmand. And a colt as big and strong as you look like Flambe, should be the boss and taking the bull by the horns. Not cowering in a corner like a little newborn filly. How do you think mah brother became my business partner? He may not say much, but he's certainly a lot bolder than you are."

"I totally agree with that Miss Applejack, cause I see only two things here. A chef who has checked out and given up, and an owner who's not only in fucking denial, but who's also so damn narcissistic its nauseating."

Leaving Zesty and Flambe outside with their pressing thoughts to meditate on, Gordon, Twilight, AJ, and Spike started on their way back to Canterlot Castle to recoup for the night. Mostly though, to get some real food that they could actually stomach down. It was roughly around ten o clock when they left the restaurant. Not that many ponies, except for the more hardy night going tourists were strolling about the streets, so the group made it back to the castle without too many issues.

Gordon, Twilight and the rest of their group had just arrived back at the castle while Rarity was busy playing up her charms to one of the White Tailed Deer Nation's diplomats, Lord Blackthorn. A tall buck with ebony black antlers, piercing blue eyes, and a broad muscular physique. He and his son had volunteered to stay behind and assist any way he could with Equestria's mysterious famines while his brethren returned home.

After having a quick dinner with the others, Gordon went to bed with many interesting thoughts on how he was going to properly resolve the issues that his first Kitchen Nightmare had brought to him.

The next morning....

Fed up with both Zesty and Flambe, Chef Ramsay had devised a plan to get everything once and for all out in to the open. With a bit of permission from Celestia, Gordon was allowed to use one of Canterlot's community centers to gather Zesty, Flambe and most of her staff for a little test. Gordon directed them up to individual speaking podiums above a gallery where he could speak with all of them. Twilight, Spike, and Applejack came along to try to keep everypony orderly.

"Okay, Zesty and Flambe. Each of you, is going on trial. A mock trial of course, but still. So what we are going to do is one at a time, you are going to come down here to defend yourself. Keep in mind that whatever you say is guaranteed to not have any negative reprecussions on your job. Got it?"

They all nodded as Gordon called one of them down.

"Zesty, I want you to go first," Gordon asked politely.

"Oh, very well. Though I fail to see how this...mock trial of yours is going to help our problems." Zesty grumbled.

She trotted down to the gallery below beside Gordon where most of the staff was able to see her.

"Now, Miss Lemon Drop. What would you say are Zesty's weaknesses?"

"She uses discipline to an overt extreme with the staff. She needs to tone down her anger in the front of the restaurant. She needs to tone it down in the back kitchen and let us work properly. She is far too cruel with the staff."

"I have built my reputation on being firm with everyone I encounter, but I do not see myself as the cruel tyrant you are making me out to be."

"You are being cruel cause you threaten us and you take your "firmness" to an insane level!"

"Tread carefully Miss Lemon..." Zesty retorted in a dangerous tone.

A glare from Gordon and Twilight made sure Lemon was able to proceed without any interruptions from Zesty.

"Unorganized, Mismanagement, No follow through, even when her scoldings of the staff are warranted."

Zesty then made a face that set off Lemon's temper.

"Don't give me that look Gourmand, you know, you bucking damn well know!"

"I am simply one pony Miss Drop, I cannot be everywhere at once. If my job was just to manage and be the owner, and sit in my office and take care of my bills, I would have everything handled, and I would be out on the lobby floor directing all of you."

"Then why may I ask hasn't it been like that? I walk out of the room for a moment when there is a rush of customers and I find you futzing with the noble ponies."

"Because nopony is being a proper host for my restaurant. If somepony were to do that, perhaps I would be going around checking produce and inspecting that walk in cooler. Last night was an eye opener for me and I certainly will endeavor to do things a little more carefully."

Gordon then tried calling Flambe to give his own assessment about his mother, not knowing how quickly things were about to turn on their heads. Flambe did his best saying what everyone else was saying about Zesty, but like a predator, she took the advantage of his uncertainty and went in for the kill.

"You would have been fired and thrown out into the streets a long time ago if you were in anyone else's kitchen. Why aren't you taking the initiative to display your passion to the world that you lost? For a chef, you have always been....above average at the very least. You are the one who wished to follow in your father's footsteps and become a chef. I simply gave you a small character building push to become a chef, but I certainly did not force you."

"Okay, maybe this is the wrong way around," Twilight thought aloud.

"i think so as well. Why don't you get up Flambe and swap places with your mother?" Gordon agreed. "Let's go. Because its just starting to shift to you my boy. You also have got to take some responsibility for your own actions that have lead up to all of these problems."

Zesty trotted up to the podium where she fully intended to get into a shouting match with Flambe, but once again, Gordon and Twilight's presence pacified any rage that might have been building up.

"I shall continue. Why are you letting go you disloyal ingrate? Why?"

"I feel like I do all of this work, and I don't get any credit for it and I don't really show my true passion anymore cause of all of the problems that have come up working in a restaurant with a menu that is extremely large and filled with inedible food that most ponies can't even stomach." Flambe explained.

Slap Chop simply scoffed and snickered.

"You have got to take responsibility too dude," she said with a sarcastic chuckle. "Its not just hers and its not just yours, but at least take some of the responsibility for the restaurant like an actual stallion."

"I don't have the time or money to go-" he started.

"YOU ARE THE CHEF YOU SNOT NOSED CHILD! TELL ME YOU WANT TO MAKE A MENU! If you truly wish to make a change in my restaurant, stop being a ball less gelding and do something useful for once in your life!"

Spike did a spit take while drinking from a water fountain and tried his best to hold back uncontrollable laughter while Twilight and Applejack's pupils shrunk from the language Zesty used. Flambe as he stood in the awkward silence, felt the blood drain from his face. Gordon decided once again to pick the conversation back up.

"You are a chef young man. You just really need to find your voice in all of this!" Gordon encouraged.

Flambe nodded in agreement before going back up to the podiums to wait for what else Gordon had in mind for that day.

"Let me tell you something," Gordon began. "You need input, from another source.

Going over to the front door of the community center, Gordon opened the door, letting in what appeared to be dozens of various ponies from all across Canterlot, including Sir Fancy Pants himself. Having just been knighted by Celestia, Fancy sought to attend any important events that he might offer assistance in. Gordon stepped forward and shook his hoof firmly, welcoming him to his little mock trial.

"I'm not sure how much ponies know each other here, but this is Sir Fancy Pants," Gordon said.

'Another fucking ridiculous name, but I'll let it slide since this guy is actually a very pleasant person.' Gordon thought.

"And Fancy Pants has brought a rather large group of his friends along with him. These ponies are here to represent the city of Canterlot. You may recognize them. That's because all of them have dined in your restaurant Zesty."

Spike turned to Twilight in confusion and tried asking Twilight for answers.

"May I ask how Gordon knows Fancy Pants?"

"Apparently he was with Rarity yesterday at the diplomatic summit with the White Tail Nation. Rarity introduced the two when we came back. I think you were already asleep on my haunches," she giggled.

They turned back to Gordon, looking forward to where he was going with all of this.

"Ladies and gentlecolts, the owners and the staff all need to hear about your recent experiences when you went to visit Subtilité Du Goût." he instructed.

One by one, ponies came up to the speaking podium down in the gallery all having problems that they had when they visited Zesty's restaurant. Fancy Pants came up first.

"I cannot fathom if you were having a bad day or not Miss Gourmand, but when my wife and I had our meals served to us at your restaurant a few weeks ago, we were quite flabbergasted to find dead flies in our food." he explained calmly. "We just...as Lady Pie would put it, "Split out of there like a banana". It was unfortunately appalling to say the least."

"Zesty, do you have anything to respond to that?"

"I...am ashamed and I apologize for dishonoring you Sir Pants," Zesty attempted at remorse.

"Thank you Fancy Pants, next please?"

Another pony identified by Twilight as Jet Set approached the podium.

"The food and the service at your eatery have been more or less subpar Miss Gourmand. I went there with my family and when we ordered our food, all of our entrees came out at different times, making it very difficult to enjoy our meal."

"We have had that problem for quite some time," Flambe agreed. "Food sitting on the line and not getting delivered to tables immediately. Its probably because we are just so short staffed."

"Its not the customers problem that you are short staffed." Gordon hissed. "Its not just the service. Next please."

Spike recognized the next pony as he ran up to her. It was an older mare with a blonde mane and wearing a purple dress shirt. Twilight identified her as Harshwhinny as Spike shared a short hug with her before allowing her to go up to the podium.

"My experience at your restaurant was beyond subpar Miss Gourmand. I don't know what possesses you to make food without flavor in such a manner, but its rather disrespectful to the profession of cooking. I was forgiving the first night around and decided to give you another chance. And yet when I come back, I find the food is not only still bad, its even worse. I suggest you either change your act or go back to being a washed up food critic."

Zesty was getting cold sweats as she was facing a wave of humiliation from all of her mistakes.

"....I am quite sorry for that experience that you were forced to endure Pamela." Zesty replied meekly

"You lost the privilege to call me that a long time ago Gourmand." Harshwhinny retorted as she stepped off the podium.

Trotting around the large crowd of ponies and over to Spike she gave the dragon a small smile and a gentle pat and a peck on the head by one of his green scales.

"It is good to see you again Mr. The Dragon." Harshwhinny greeted. "Its not every day I come to an event that involves my favorite Crystal Empire Champion."

"Whut's that about sugar cube?" Applejack asked the alicorn. "That Harshwhinny seems to be awfully touchy feely with Spike."

"Apparently, after the Games, Spike and Rainbow saved her from a Minotaur team that was disqualified two years ago for cheating. They've been stalking her and hurting her ever since. So I don't mind if she gets just a little bit friendly with Spike as long as its within reason. The poor mare got PTSD from those thugs. That's probably why she looked so dishelved and rough when she first arrived in the Empire."

"Are ya lookin into the damn varmit that ordered those goons around?" AJ asked hopefully. "Ah wouldnt mind caving their skulls in mahself with a few well placed bucks."

"Oh yes, Princess Celestia sent out an investigating team of ponies to look for them. Cadence took it personally upon herself to send the minotaurs to work in the Crystal Mines below the castle. She figured it might serve as a proper punishment."

The mare in question was speaking to Spike about the things he has been doing alongside Gordon the past few days.

"Can you stay for the royal banquet?" Spike asked the orange mare hopefully. "I want you to meet the rest of my friends and the princesses."

"I'd be honored my little friend," she replied cheerfully. "Now...are you going to leave her waiting or are you going to introduce me to the Princess here?"

For the next fifteen minutes, Zesty Gourmand was pelted with accusations and stories that made her feel worse and worse by the minute.

"I can tell you one thing Mr. Interviewer...it is true what they say. The truth does indeed hurt," Zesty said to Gordon's interviewer.

"This feedback, this morning has been pivotal. I hope, you all will be willing to give Subtilité Du Goût one last chance," Gordon requested. "On behalf of the owners, and the team, I'd like to say a big thank you to you all. I appreciate you all showing up."

The ponies then began making their way back out the door and vacated the building, leaving Gordon, Twilight, Spike, and Applejack to discuss their upcoming plans for Zesty's restaurant.

"I suppose...if it means jeopardizing my own health to get my restaurant back on the map and restoring my reputation. I suppose I will have to do what your Chef Ramsay says and change the face of my eatery entirely." Zesty admitted. "Whatever it takes...."

The next day, convinced that Zesty and Flambe are now fully aware that change is their only option, Chef Ramsay goes into Stage 1 of his plan. Which includes changing the bland drab decor of Zesty's restaurant. With Celestia's help, Gordon and his team gathered a few ponies while Zesty and the rest of the staff were out, to begin tearing down the interior of the restaurant. They worked tirelessly, conversing with each other on how to come up with a design for the eatery that would not only actually draw in ponies instead of pushing them away, but also reconfiguring parts of the kitchen to better suit Flambe and the rest of the staff.

Spike, Pinkie, and Princess Luna arrived to assist the group with the reconstruction of the restaurant. Their efforts ultimately had mixed results that set them back a few hours. Spike started out helping well enough when he did some of the painting and polishing. However, when he tried using the paint mixer to get the right color for the walls, the machine proved to be too powerful for the miniscule drake as it shook him like an earthquake and launched his head through the ceiling.

Luna only made things worse when she tried hammering nails by throwing the hammers at the wall as if they were axes. Gordon's crew had to duck and dodge just to remain safe from the overzealous attempts at what she thought was helping. Twilight even had to bring up her strongest magic shield when Luna was accidentally introduced to the staple gun and hot glue guns brought over by Gordon's crew. Gordon himself even had to join in when she brought her new immortal pet possum Tiberius who tried scurrying into the kitchen when nobody was looking.

Pinkie Pie's efforts to assist with the reconstruction were no less problematic. Trying to quickly paint the whole restaurant in a quick amount of time, she dunked her mane in a paint bucket and then began using it like a large brush as she dragged her head against every inch of the wall and ceiling, only to realize afterwards she had used the wrong color. It took Twilight, Applejack, and Rarity together to tie up the trio and sit them down in a closet on time out until the night was done to get them to stop.

"Was that really necessary?" Gordon asked concerned. "Isnt that like unlawful imprisonment?"

"Details darling, besides, they'll be fine." Rarity brushed off. "Besides, Twilight's owl said Spikey has always wanted to be tied up by me and thrown into a dark room."

Gordon struggled to hold in a belly laugh as he shoved his fist in his mouth, while Twilight felt her face heat up and turn brick red. Rarity simply looked at the two in utter confusion.

At least twelve hours passed, as Gordon finally completed the new design of the restaurant with the help of Rarity, Applejack, and Twilight who assisted the human and pony crews with the construction. The next part to come would be to bring Zesty and the staff back in to see how it fits to the owner's liking.

Bringing Zesty and the rest of the staff back into the restaurant with blindfolds across their face, Gordon prepared to unveil the result of all of their hard work.

"Morning," Gordon greeted.

"Good morning chef," they all replied.

"Before we begin today, I'd just like to welcome you all to the new and improved Subtilité Du Goût. We all worked tirelessly the past night and day turning Zesty Gourmand's restaurant into something that will draw more business and ponies to you."

"And ya'll couldn't have done it without us Gordon, don't you forget it," Applejack said proudly.

With a signal from Gordon, Rarity gently pulled off their blindfolds allowing them to see what had been changed.

Twilight smiled as she witnessed all of the wide range of positive emotions emitted by the entire staff. Even though Zesty's reaction wasnt extravagent, she could tell that she was impressed with their work.

"Oh my goodness!" Senko exclaimed.

"Are you seeing this?" Flambe said excitedly.

"This is great!" Lemon Drop said proudly.

"It is quite....different," Zesty admitted with a vague hint of gratitude.

The restaurant was completely different from the ground up. Old tables had been changed out for new ones, the curtains had been removed in place of different colored ones, even dining ware had been changed out. The interior color design had gone from stale white everywhere to cream colored walls and a sharp granite ceiling. Tiny porcelain pots carrying various herbs lined one of the walls giving it a fresh inviting feel. Even the sterile white floor tiles had been changed out for a slightly darker tan.

"Look at how not only bright and refreshing, but also comforting and inviting everything is," Gordon proclaimed.

"I love it Chef," Flambe said gratefully.

"Gone is that simple white color, we've freshened up the walls, the ceilings, that beautiful cream color and that beautiful granite dark grey that makes a stunning contrast."

"This is just all wonderful!"

"Gone are those hideous table in the middle, replaced with centralized, beautiful and rustic but clean glossed white oak tables, courtesy of Miss Applejack and Rarity."

Rarity and Applejack seemed to beam with pride as they received compliments from every member of the restaurant staff.

"Making tables seems to be an unusual talent of that charming brother of yours Applejack," Rarity added. "Along with archery for some odd reason."

"He inherited Uncle Pine Apple's skill for carpentry too. I got Aunt Fugi Apple's knack for makin wooden stuff look perty." she shrugged. " Maybe later I ought to tell you how Uncle Pine got stranded on an island for five years. I think he owns some big multi billion bit company now or something. It's been a while since Ive seen him."

"Well I can safely say they look great Applejack," Twilight complimented.

The next thing Gordon drew their attention to, was something in the back by the entrance to the kitchen.

"And over there, we got a little bit creative, adding something to catch everyponies eye in a welcoming way. We decorated the wall in cherry wood cutting boards."

"Typically, I would never sully myself in such a manner to compliment somebody else's work, but....this is all....splendid, I must say." Zesty admitted to the interviewer. "I'm just speechless on the new condition of my restaurant and as most ponies could tell you, I'm never speechless."

Gordon then came over to the front counter by the entrance to something that was covered by a large cloth. Twilight seemed to be excited as he approached the counter.

"When I first arrived here, this area in particular has been heavily suffering, especially since your P.O.S system or lack thereof is primitive even by this world's standards. What I am about to show you, is unique. This will be a game changer. Cause you have now, a state of the art, brand new P.O.S system made by Princess Twilight here herself."

When he pulled off the cloth, it revealed what appeared to be a silver pony type writer with special prompts for different orders in the restaurant.

"May I take over for a moment Chef?" Twilight asked respectfully.

Gordon gave her the floor allowing her to bask in pride and explain her invention.

"This pony type writer is inspired by the "computer P.O.S" systems I witnessed back on earth." Twilight explained. "And while we are prohibited from bringing any sort of human technology over in an effort for us to discover and invent such technology ourselves, that doesnt mean I cant draw influence. I used Auto Pen's type set spell and Ink Well's mind to hoof writing spell as a base and with a bit of tinkering thanks to The Doc- I mean Ponyville's resident machinist Clock Work, I attached a compact printer to the typewriter so you can take orders and run them back to the kitchen with ease."

When she was finished, she stepped back and motioned for Gordon to continue.

"With it, you can also track your inventory, you can adjust your costs, what you need to hit on a weekly basis, and trust me, chefs will be so much less of a confusion in your kitchen. This thing is going to be an absolute dream for you." Gordon proclaimed. "Are you all excited?"

The entire staff exploded into affirmatives and applause as pleasure at their hard work reverberated throughout the room. For a moment, Gordon and Rarity could even swore that they saw Zesty Gourmand herself put a small smile upon her face.

"This is absolutely amazing!" Lemon Drop exclaimed. "Thank you so much Chef."

"My restaurant definitely looks a lot better than it has in quite a long time. I suppose it took another actual expert in my craft to remind me of what true perfection looks like." Zesty admitted. "I am quite thrilled with how it turned out."

Next, Gordon took the group over to one of the tables where there seemed to be an assortment of dishes lined up for all to eat. Twilight and Applejack blushed when their stomachs began to loudly growl like a pair of tigers.

"Girls, try to stay composed and keep your stomachs under control," Rarity whispered.

"Take a good look at Subtilité Du Goût's new menu," he stated. "If you please Miss Gourmand, take a menu and pass them along."

Zesty simply nodded as she grabbed the stack of menu's with her mouth and passed them over to the others while Gordon drew their attention to the first delectable dish.

"The first course, Steamed Mussels. Fresh. When the shells are opened, they are cooked, and you send them out. Simple as that. That is how you should be serving a bowl of mussels."

"Amazing, really amazing," Lemon said.

"The next one we have is a nice Cavatelli with Sauteed broccoli and garlic sauce. Light and creamy. Next to that, you have a nice rich tomato soup with a basil pesto drizzled across the top and served with a slice of toasted sourdough bread. Then, you have a nice pan seared Salmon served on a bed of risotto and sprinkled with tomatoes and parmesean and drizzled with an olive oil vinaigrette."

"Everything looks pretty good!" Applejack beamed. "I wouldnt mind shoving all that down my gullet myself."

"There are a few more dishes I want to go through, before I have you try to make them yourself," Gordon instructed. "We have a long day ahead of us preparing for the dinner rush tonight and I want you all to be more than ready. First though, I have something special to do. I wanted to give Zesty Gourmand the chance to enjoy the food that I have created for your restaurant. At first, I didn't know how to properly do that. Until Miss Twilight Sparkle here hit me with a rather interesting idea."

Twilight stepped forward as she pulled a large silver chain necklace with a small peridot hanging off the end of it.

"When you told us you were a super taster, I went through a couple of books on ways we might be able to help you or incorporate your tastes into your menu, and I came up with this," Twilight said proudly as she displayed the piece of jewelry to the mare.

"What might that be your majesty?" Zesty asked curiously.

"It is an enchanted necklace with the specific purpose of diminishing your taste sense to a point where you can taste normal food. It took some doing to come up with, but I worked it out with the help of an old professor of mine here in the city. Peridot in Equestria has a unique effect on a ponies senses when enchanted a certain way."

With her magic, she stringed it around Zesty's neck as she motioned for her to eat one of the dishes that had been set out on the table.

Zesty reluctantly stepped forward as she inched towards a plate carrying a seared salmon and proceeded to pick up a fork and gingerly cut and stab a piece of the salmon off. She picked the fork up and slowly inched it towards her mouth as she smelled it carefully, before letting it go into her mouth. Everyone waited impatiently to see what her reaction would be as she started to chew.

Her entire mouth seemed to be shocked with a million pleasant sensations as the enchanted peridot did its job and kept her condition in check. She looked around the room as she continued to chew down the food as in front of everyone present, tears of joy began to stream down her cheeks as she began to smile. A face that Flambe had not seen on his mother in many, many years.

"It is wonderful, truly wonderful," Zesty stated happily.

The room burst into applause as Twilight beamed with accomplishment at her magical inventions success with helping Zesty.

"I can tell you one thing, after all of this, I am never serving frozen food here ever again." Flambe said excitedly. "Fresh, clean food with fresh clean ingredients from here on out. Especially now I know my Ma can properly try my food."

That evening, Gordon, Twilight, Applejack, and Rarity decided to organize a relaunch night for the restaurant and they were determined to change Subtilité Du Goût's negative reputation for the better.

The first order of business was for Gordon to invite back all of the unhappy customers that had arrived at the public gathering the day prior. Even at Twilight's request, Ms. Harshwhinny and Fancy Pants took the time to come around.

Very early in the service, Flambe Briquette's attention to detail and leadership in the kitchen is finally paying off in the kitchen. He is managing to give out orders and have his staff take them in a timely fashion as more and more ponies flood in to the restaurant. As dishes go out, customers seem to be thoroughly enjoying Chef Ramsay's new menu.

Unfortunately, just midway into service, Flambe is overwhelmed by the constant rush of tickets coming into the kitchen.

"I need Steamed Mussels at table 4!" Lemon barked out.

"I'm working on it!" Flambe snapped back as he looked at the tickets. "Now which table did she say needed the mussels at?"

"COME ON!" Gordon yelled at them.

Suddenly, the relaunch that had started at such a positive note is in jeopardy. Thirty minutes had passed and Flambe was struggling to get out three separate orders. Lemon ran back into the kitchen to see what was wrong.

"I'm still waiting on table 4, what's going on guys?"

"Its gonna be a little bit longer, unless you want a well done prawn plate?" Flambe replied with a hint of snark.

The kitchen crew spent the next minute trying to get organized as Gordon supervised them and tried to motivate them, until one of the orders came up to the line. Unfortunately, what Gordon saw did not please him in the slightest. It was a bowl of Equestrian Ciopinno or Seafood Stew that that felt cold to the touch and looked undercooked.

"ALL OF YOU! COME OVER TO THIS SIDE!" he shouted. "QUICK PLEASE!"

The kitchen crew shuffled to his side of the line where he began to rail on each and every one of the staff there.

"IF YOU THINK I'M SERVING THAT, YOU ARE DREAMING! WE MAY AS WELL GO BACK TO WHERE WE WERE WHEN WE STARTED! ALL OF A SUDDEN WE JUST DROPPED OUR FUCKING STANDARDS! THE NEXT PONY WHO THROWS ANOTHER DISH LIKE THAT AT ME, I AM THROWING THEM OUT WITH THE PRINCESS JUST SO SHE CAN DANGLE YOU OFF A BUILDING!"

"Yes chef!" they all replied meekly. "Let's get this right."

Grabbing Flambe by the mane, he pulled him outside into the alleyway to get an explanation from him.

"Come here you," Gordon growled. "Is that what you personally answer for?"

"No, No, No," Flambe insisted. "Absolutely not."

"COME ON! ITS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR FUCKING FACE! GET IT THE HELL TOGETHER!"

"Alright."

"There are two ways a kitchen functions, either you run it, or it runs you!"

"Yes, absolutely, this won't happen again."

"I sure fucking hope so!"

Gordon then threw the plate against the wall, shattering it into a thousand pieces next to the dumpster as he went back inside.

He finds Zesty in the front where she should be, over seeing all of the restaurant's operations, as he tries to get her to fix the problems that are beginning to arise in the kitchen.

"Ms. Gourmand! I need to speak with you for a moment."

Excusing herself from one of the nobles she was conversing with, Zesty approaches Gordon with a more controlled, more stoic face. He is somewhat pleased that the reality check he gave her the other night got through to her. Only time will tell if she truly takes his lessons to heart.

"Your son makes one tiny little mistake, and BOOM! He sinks to oblivion," Gordon stated. "Get in there, and get him to lift himself up. You here me?"

She strutted into the kitchen with an irritated look on her face, determined to see what was going on.

"We have over a hundred guests pouring into our restaurant. More than we have had in a very long time. I expect the greatest quality out of you, especially tonight Flambe. Do not let a small mistake get in the way of that!" she snapped harshly. "We are finally getting the chance for greatness, do not screw it up!"

"My....son is under a lot of pressure as my head chef, I am fully aware of that. But I chose him, partially because I knew he could handle all of that pressure," Zesty explained to her interviewer. "What I am hoping for tonight is that he does not prove me wrong in all of this."

Finally, after all of their forceful encouragement and work, it seemed like things were finally starting to turn for the better. Flambe was coordinating his kitchen staff and quickly and properly getting dishes out to customers in a timely fashion. Even the members of the staff who couldnt stand Flambe to begin with, were finally beginning to warm up to him.

"I need a Hoovington Delight up, I need a Cavatelli at table 4! I need a seared salmon with brown rice sent to Miss Harshwhinny at table 7! I need appetizers sent out to table 9! Let's go! go! go!" Flambe barked out. "Slap Chop! Get me a walnut pasty to table 2 on the double! Fancy Pants is here with all of his friends and I want to make a good impression!"

"Coming right up! They're gonna love my nuts," she exclaimed excitedly.

"I had never seen anything like this since I first started working here!" Lemon exclaimed. "It is certainly jarring to see Flambe finally grow a spine and a voice to boot! I can only hope that it lasts."

After a successful dinner service, Twilight, Applejack, Rarity, and Zesty personally thanked satisfied ponies for giving the restaurant another chance as they left the building. Many of them stated that it had been their first time visiting the restaurant and trying its food, but it would not be their last. When they gave Zesty compliments and praises, she felt a sense of pride in herself and in her restaurant that she had not felt in a long time. Even Ms. Harshwhinny, took the time to give her a stoic congratulations, albeit a rather emotionless one before she left the restaurant.

When all of the guests had left, Gordon gathered all of the staff and his new pony friends together for a proper farewell.

"Let's be honest here. Tonight, was not perfect in the slightest, but I can safely say that you all have come a long way to impressing the people of this city" Gordon complimented.

He turned his attention to Flambe who had improved greatly in the past night.

"Young man, I finally heard your voice tonight. And I can say that it is strong and confident. But it has got to be there, from the beginning, and onwards. You cannot have your head up your ass anymore. Cause this place is going to be busy. While I am leaving right now, the princess is going to be sending ponies here reguarly to check up on your progress. It is your behind if ponies start dropping like flies eating your food after all."

"Thank you very much chef," Zesty said respectfully as she gave him a deep bow. "Thank you very much for your assistance."

Flambe stepped forward and stuck his hoof out as he shared a handshake with Gordon.

"Thanks a lot Chef, I really mean it," Flambe said happily.

As Gordon and the rest of the girls were about to say their farewells to the staff, they heard a whooshing sound coming from the nearby broom closet and a bright blue glow coming from under the door as it exploded outwards.

Luna, Spike, and Pinkie hopped out still wrapped in ropes as faces of pure terror were plastered over their faces.

"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES PEASANTS!" Luna exclaimed. "ITS THE APPETIZER!"

They hopped off to the side as a eldritch horror made of cheese and feathers came out of the closet and began roaring at everybody in the restaurant. Leaving Gordon and Twilight to share only two words.

"Oh fuck".

The next hour was spent fighting and throwing spells at everything as Twilight and Luna did battle outside the restaurant with their grotesque opponent. They had found a way to lure the shoggoth outside without it destroying the restaurant Gordon and his crew put so much labor intensive time into creating. Unfortunately, the mess it created in doing so ended up keeping the staff and the rest of Gordon's crew busy with the clean up. The creature didn't last long as Luna finally remembered the spell to banish the shoggoth back to the nightmarish realm that she had accidentally summoned it from.

After Twilight had helped Princess Luna properly dispose of the eldritch horror that the princess had accidentally summoned, Gordon left Zesty Gourmand's restaurant and began their slow, tiring return back towards Canterlot Castle with Princess Luna, Spike, and Pinkie Pie in tow. Twilight had Spike sit on her haunches and Pinkie help Gordon's crew carry their gear back to the palace. Businesses along the Restaurant Row strip were beginning to shut down their daytime operations as other night time tourist food stops were beginning to set up. The night time bat pony guards were beginning to come out as they noticed Princess Luna and saluted whenever she came in sight. Two even ran up two the group as they helped escort them to the castle

As they made their way out to the center of the square, they found ponies in a panic as the moon was flying all over the night sky. Once or twice, it even dropped rapidly to the horizon as if it was a rock being dropped to the ground.

"Nightmare Moon has returned!" one noble pony dramatically cried.

"She's gonna steal our souls out of our plots!"

"The horror! The HORROR!"

"Should...that be happening your majesty?" Gordon asked. "Last time I checked, a moon doesnt do a fucking mambo."

"Twilight...were you messing with the placement of the moon again?" Spike asked accusingly. "Last time you did that, Ponyville Lake rose up and flooded half of Sweet Apple Acres!"

"You...tried to move the moon?" Gordon asked clearly confused with the small lavender mare.

"Key word being "tried". It didnt turn out so well. That was merely part of the scientific method Spike," Twilight replied haughtily. "Now I know not to have it above bodies of water."

"Nay young Spike, I believe our Sister just wished to have somepony attempt to raise our moon since we were otherwise occupied by our brief imprisonment in Zesty's eatery." Luna replied as she ignited her horn as it glowed bright blue.

The moon seemed to slow down and stay in a single spot high in the night sky.

"We apologize for our rash actions great Ramsay and we thank thee for being merciful with us with our punishment by only keeping us imprisoned for 4 hours," Luna said with a deep bow.

"Its fine," Gordon said. "We all make mistakes. Accidents happen."

"We disrupted thou's heroic efforts to restore a piece of our capital's community," Luna said shamefully. "We deserved harsh lashings from our personal fox o nine tails, but thou proved thy greatness by showing us mercy."

"Doesn't she mean cat o nine tails?" Twilight whispered.

Luna stood up on her hind legs as she gave Gordon a crushing big bear hug. Twilight and the others stood there giggling like mad ponies while Gordon suffocated from the Princesses love.

"Ok-Okay, Okay, Okay, everything is alright. I forgive you. Can you please let me go? I need my lungs to fucking breathe ya know."

"Oh, sorry." Luna replied sheepishly as she blushed and released Gordon.

Making their way back to the castle, they passed the guard checkpoints once again as they were allowed entry. They walked through the main throne room and into the dining hall looking to make themselves a bite to eat. The hallway's torches were darkened and everything was silent. Carefully stepping around where they assumed the empty dining hall table to be, they worked their way around the room and towards the kitchen, when suddenly, the room lit up revealing a table full of food.

"Surprise!" the white alicorn exclaimed. "Welcome back!"

Celestia was sitting at the end of the table waiting for them as she greeted them. A number of servants circled the table carrying various trays covered with various kinds of food.

"Hey, I'm supposed to be the one to do stuff like this!" Pinkie pouted.

"Oh hush Pinkie, I had to do surprise birthday parties for Sweetie Belle when you were away on party business in Dodge City," Rarity said playfully. "Let the Princess have a little fun."

"Princess, what's all this for?" Twilight asked.

"You always want to show off don't you sister?" Luna asked rolling her eyes at the white alicorn.

"Well, I at the very least wanted to thank and congratulate Gordon on his first official success here in Equestria. I thought a nice dinner banquet for my new friend from Earth would be appropriate." she explained.

"Friend?" Gordon asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Why of course!" she exclaimed. "You have helped us so much already and you have been so good to us. I already consider you a friend. I certainly hope you can feel the same about us Gordon Ramsay."

Everyone turned to look at him as he looked around the room scanning everyone in sight. A blank expression remained on his face for ten solid seconds until he gave them a small smile and walked tiredly over to one of the servants carrying a tray of wine glasses and took one for himself.

"Oh well, I don't see why not," Gordon said cheerfully. "You've all been a very pleasant lot to be around. I can't see why we shouldnt be mates."

The entire dining hall erupted into jubilant cheers as they sat down and properly enjoyed the feast that the princess had made for them.

"Now that we've become friends, I can make a Welcome to Equestria party for you Gordy!" Pinkie exclaimed happily.

"Just give me a bit of heads up first Miss Pie," Gordon said firmly. "I would prefer my heart didn't jump right out of my chest whenever somebody tries to give me a surprise."

"No promi-ses!" Pinkie giggled in a sing-song voice.

For the next hour, everyone say down as they enjoyed their tiny celebration conversing amongst each other about all of the things that they had to do during their respective capers. Celestia had one of her servants pour her and Gordon a glass of her finest red wine as she recounted her own experiences from the past few days.

"So, I hear you had quite an experience here as well while Twilight and I were dealing with Gourmand," Gordon stated.

"Why yes, members of the White Tail Deer Nation's royal family came here for a diplomatic visit," Celestia explained. "I have known their King for quite a long time. His kind are among the few groups of immortals other than Luna and I that are left on Equis."

"I heard a few things from Miss Rarity. They are deer correct?" Gordon asked. "The way they were described, it almost sounded like they were this crazy place's equivalent of high elves."

"Yes, in fact I have read of the high elves you speak of in your fiction and I do see the connection. They dwell within the deepest parts of the Everfree forest where only one of their own would be able to reach. King Aspen brought his son Prince Bramble here in order to learn more about Equestria and to attempt to strengthen relations. And to ahem...meet me personally after our dinner banquet."

"Don't beat around thy proverbial bush dear sister. He wanted to see his "sweet Celly-poo," Luna teased. "And don't play coy with us, I have seen his dreams and I know how he feels about you. We half expected to come out with another nephew out of this experience. If we don't have another already."

Every guard and servant around the table snickered trying to keep themselves from laughing. Even Pinkie and Rainbow had to shove their hooves in their mouths to stifle their laughter.

"I can assure you Luna, its been over a decade since Aspen and I have done anything...of that nature," Celestia replied dryly.

"Oh, so we might have a half alicorn/half deer nephew roaming around that has come of age? Splendid!" Luna continued to tease. "At least we know thou's love life has not gotten stale and rusty since we left Equestria."

Gordon simply ate and drank as he watched the entertaining display before him. Celestia and Luna's conversation ended up with the two wrestling each other to the ground while Twilight and Rarity just sat there horrified. Pinkie sat down in a chair next to the human and pulled out a comically sized bag of popcorn out of her mane.

The next morning after everypony had properly calmed down and gotten their sleep, Princess Celestia decided to take a small break letting Luna and Twilight take control of her day duties while she took Gordon, Pinkie, and Rarity around the city. She first took them to the plaza of fountains where dozens of giant fountains shot streams of water over a hundred feet into the air. Celestia's small escort of royal guards disuaded any passing noble ponies from disturbing the princess and her guests.

"Wow! That's rather pretty." Gordon said impressed. "Reminds me of the fountains in Madison Square Garden."

"Yes, I have always loved them. One of my more charming suitors during our first years here 1000 years ago had them built them for me as a potential courting gift. I turned him down, but I saw no reason to demolish them. They've turned into something of a beautiful tourist attraction for my little ponies."

"They look like they would make good swimming pools too! I got an itch for a cannonball!" Pinkie exclaimed excitedly.

"Don'y you dare-" Rarity whispered dangerously.

Pinkie jumped and curled herself up into a cannonball as she splashed into the fountain and sprayed Gordon, Rarity, and the Princess. Rarity shrieked as she looked at her mane.

"Pinkie! Was that necessary?" Rarity whined. "You've ruined my mane! It will take an hour to fix this up."

Celestia gave a melodic laugh as water dripped from her now wet, disheveled mane. Then she did something that made Rarity's jaw drop. The princess leaped up high into the air with a goofy grin and smashed into the fountain beside Pinkie with a giant splas spraying everypony nearby. The very sight of the Princess' uncouth behavior made every onlooker faint dead away.

"Oh don't worry about that Rarity," Celestia giggled. "I can get your hair fixed in half that time."

After drying off and giving Pinkie a scolding, Rarity offered to take the group to a proper restaurant after the many days in Zesty Gourmand's subpar restaurant as she called it. She led them back towards Restaurant Row where every restaurant there was preparing for the lunch rush that was sure to come shortly. Taking a turn into an alley, the group saw what appeared to be a rustic little diner that was all too familiar to Pinkie and the fashionista.

"The Tasty Treat!" Pinkie exclaimed. "Its gonna be fun to see Saffron again!"

Pinkie jumped up to Gordon and comically floated in the air for a few seconds as she whispered into his ear.

"Just try not to mention her growing popularity on the internet," Pinkie said quietly. "It might get weird."

Gordon just raised an eyebrow at her before just nodding and pretended he knew what she was talking about.

"Oh yes, Twilight told me about this place where you and Rarity helped a mare and her father deal with their business and save their relationship." Celestia mused.

"Well, the outside appearance of a restaurant doesnt always make the restaurant," Gordon said thoughtfully.

"Well, let's go in shall we?" Rarity said.

Inside, they found the charming eatery filled with exotic decorations of which Gordon recognized as being from the pony equivalent of East Indian culture. The hardwood floors were adorned in ornate carpets that covered every foot of the restaurant. Glowing lights were hung from every rafter and chandelier to illuminate the room in a unique fashion as ponies from every part of the city poured into the restaurant. Smells of various mouth watering spices permeated through the air from the kitchen.

A waitress unicorn pony with brown fur, purple eyes and a poofy black mane carrying a tray full of food noticed the group as she galloped up to them and gave Pinkie and Rarity a big hug.

"My dear friends, it is very good to see you all once again!" the mare exclaimed happily. "And to bring such glorious guests into our restaurant is spectacular of you."

"Well, you know us Saffron, we always want to make a big impression on ponies," Rarity replied.

"We missed you Saffie! We figured we should stop by and show you our new friend Gordy!" Pinkie chattered.

"That's Gordon-oh nevermind," Gordon chuckled quietly.

The pony Rarity identified as Saffron Masala kneeled down to show respect for the Princess.

"It is a great honor to meet you your majesty," she said respectfully. "Thank you for coming to our little restaurant."

"None of that Ms. Masala. We are all friends here. Besides, real one getting the treat is our interdimensional guest here Chef Gordon Ramsay," Celestia said as she gestured towards the human.

Gordon stepped forward as he kneeled down and kissed her hoof.

"A pleasure to meet you Miss Masala," Gordon said charmingly.

Saffron blushed as she quietly giggled at the human and brushed a lock of her black hair out of her face..

"The pleasure is mine Chef. It is not every day that we serve a guest from another world. I hope our curry dishes are to your liking."

"Well, I spent a good amount of time in my world's equivalent to your culture, learning how to make curry, so I'm hopeful."

"FATHER! WE HAVE ROYAL GUESTS! GET YOUR LARGE CUTARA OUT HERE!" Saffron bellowed.

Suddenly, loud banging and things falling on to the ground could be heard in the kitchen as a chubby pony with the same fur and mane color stumbled out of the back doors and clumsily stood up. When he set eyes on the Princess and Gordon, he galloped up to them and gave them a deep bow.

"Your highness! It is the greatest honor for you to unexpectedly grace my humble restaurant," the pony said. "I am Coriander Cumin. I welcome you and your human friend to The Tasty Treat."

"How do you know about humans Coriander?" Rarity asked.

"Princess Twilight's own human friend was here a few months ago." he explained. "The boy was quite enthralled with my cooking."

"Well then, I'm sure you shouldn't have much problem with me then," Gordon laughed.

Saffron and Coriander led the group to a large open table booth which was covered in an earthen green cloth and surrounded by plush maroon red pillows. A single glowing lantern sat in the middle of the table, illuminating the space even more. Saffron levitated menus over to the group for them to look at as she set up the table.

"What would our esteemed guests like? May I recommend our famous curry oat cake as a starting appetizer?" Saffron asked with a large toothy grin.

"I think that would actually be lovely!" Gordon exclaimed. "While humans definitely cannot eat grass and flowers, oats are pretty palatable in a vegetarian diet."

"Yes, I think that sounds just delightful!" Celestia agreed.

Saffron dashed into the kitchen to get their appetizers as the group scanned the menus for a potential choices for their lunch orders. In no time at all, she brought out a large tray full of appetizer plates and sat them down as she prepared to take their primary entree orders.

"Now, what may I get for you?" Saffron asked.

"Let's see. I'll order your Creamy Vegetable Korma," Rarity said.

"I'll have those yummy sounding Currried Carrots and Pickles!" Pinkie chattered.

"The Palak Paneer for me please," Celestia asked.

Gordon looked at the various selections on the colorful menu until his eyes laid upon a familiar dish.

"I'll have the Tikka Masala," Gordon finally stated.

"Excellent! I shall have them out as soon as possible!" Saffron said as she took their menus and dashed back into the kitchen.

The group talked amongst each other as their food were being prepared. Gordon wanted to know how they knew of The Tasty Treat and how they met Saffron Masala.

"So, I heard something about you and Miss Pie coming to this restaurant to help these two ponies in some way Rarity?" Gordon asked.

"Why yes, Pinkie Pie and I were tasked with coming here by the Map in Twilight's Castle." Rarity explained. "Saffron and Coriander were having a rather serious family problem with each other."

"What was the problem exactly?"

They were having disagreements. Saffron thought that they could revive the business with her new ideas for recipies and Coriander was just about convinced that closing their restaurant for good was the only option. Their business was suffering greatly as well thanks to Zesty Gourmand's rating system at the time. I foolishly thought Zesty's system would have benefited them because it seemed to work a short while with other restaurants, but it only ended up hurting them."

"So we just convinced Coriander to let Saffy do her stuff with her new ideas for recipies and the restaurant properly took off!" Pinkie finished.

"Quite an accomplishment. Family disagreements like that can be very difficult to resolve sometimes, as I've learned on my show, but I am glad to see it worked out well enough for you two."

"Family members fight all the time, but the important thing to remember in any good family is that you love each other no matter what," Celestia wisely said.

Thirty minutes later, Saffron emerged with two large serving trays in her magical grasp as their meals were finally ready. Gordon was the first to receive his meal as his eyes first caught the vibrant color of the spiced curry sauce that covered the chunks of tofu and rice. Gordon was impressed with the presentation of the dishes that Saffron had prepared for the group. The only thing to test now was the taste. Gordon scooped a piece of tofu and rice as he placed it into his mouth. A number of pleasant warming flavors danced across his tongue as his hopefulness for Saffron's food was fulfilled. The group ate their full as their lunch was quickly downed. Gordon offered, but Celestia insisted that she pay for their meal as she left a hefty tip.

"I could retire right now and be completely happy," Gordon said happily as they left the restaurant. "What about you Princess?"

"I wouldn't know. Retirement was never an option for my sister and I due to our immortality." Celestia replied. "It would just be ducking our responsibilities. But I do understand your metaphor."

"Yeah....Its kinda funny to think that there are writers out there who think that
you two would actually do that," Pinkie said as she looked towards the unseen audience with an unamused face.

Suddenly, a scroll appeared out of thin air with a pop from a ghostly green flame. Celestia reacted as she grabbed the message and began to unroll it. Her eyes quickly darted across the letter as she turned to Gordon and the others with a big smile.

"Pack your bags Gordon. You and the rest of the girls are heading to Griffonstone first thing tomorrow. It seems there is another Kitchen Nightmare up there for you to tackle," Celestia said.

Next Time: Casing Greta the Crazy Griffon

Gordon began to stir as the soft golden rays of the morning sun steadily shone on his face. The gentle warm feeling was relaxing and invigorating for his mind and body. It was probably the most restful sleep that the human chef had in a while. The list luxuries of an Equestrian royal guest bedroom certainly was not short. Silken sheets made from Crystallian Ice Worms, a blanket stitched together by the finest sorceress seamstresses in Canterlot and feather pillows stuffed with the feathers of Zebrican Crimson Ostriches accompanied by its own luxurious enchanted cloud pillow case to give the occupant the best support possible. And to top all of it, it included a perpetual enchanted cloud mattress mixed with Mareuvian Wandering Spider web silk gathered by a mysterious pony obsessed with jelly foals, bowties, long scarves, and the color blue. No hotel he has ever been to could possibly compare. The only thing that felt off to Gordon was that there was a strange pressure on his chest that went all the way down to his nether regions.

Daring to open his eyes, Gordon slowly opened them, and the first thing he saw right in front of his face was a curly mess of pink poofy hair. His confusion immediately skyrocketed as his brain desperately tried to understand what he was looking at. When he tried to lift his head to get a proper look at whatever it was, two massive lifted up and stared back at him. The eyes were full of untamed energy and excitement as two words caused Gordon to throw himself out of bed.

"MORNING SLEEPY!"

"HOLY FUCK!"

He threw whatever it was off of him and rolled out of bed and on to the hard floor with a thump.

"Oooh! That didn't look like fun. Well, I did come to tell you that we are all packed up and ready to head out sleepy head. We're gonna see Gilda!" exclaimed the owner of the familiar voice.

Then the owner of the voice bounced off somewhere as Gordon began to process what had just happened.

A few minutes later, Gordon got himself dressed into casual clothing as he made his way out of his room and started making his way towards the royal dining hall. The Daytime Guard had already switched out the Night Guard and begun patrolling the castle for the day. One of them was walking in the same direction as him. A guard mare with a wide gait and a dirty blonde mane. Gordon could swear that he had seen her standing guard outside of his room a few times, but it was difficult to tell being all the guards shared the same mane, and fur colors.

Gordon came in to the dining hall to find the Royal Princesses and the girls eating fruit salads with plates of sunny side up eggs served on the side. His team wasn't there, so he assumed that they were still asleep.

"Gordon, good morning. I hope that you had a pleasant rest." Celestia melodiously greeted.

"Oh sure, its just my awakening that got a little precarious," he said as he looked at the oblivious Pinkie Pie with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, Pinkie has done that to me at least five times now," Rainbow Dash chuckled.

"Six times," Twilight added tiredly.

Celestia politely giggled with her hoof up to her muzzle before taking another sip of her morning coffee.

"Well I hope a little bit of food before your long trip will help. Griffonstone is at least two days away by train and the next train to Griffonstone leaves at 3 in the afternoon. We would go with you since your mission is also political in nature, but Luna and I both need to be here when King Aspen's daughter Princess Cherry arrives. She's known to be judgemental and demanding, so it is crucial that everything is set up perfectly.

"Ah, that's alright." Gordon insisted as he sat down at the table. "I'll make sure as to not have too much fun without you two."

"Be sure that you don't milord Ramsay." Luna said dreamily. "We wish to show you a number of eateries in our fair city that have not met our quota."

As he began to eat his breakfast, he started discussions with them on what to expect in the Griffon Lands once they finally reach Griffonstone. A little bit of information to prepare couldn't hurt."

"I wasn't allowed to go there last time, so I'm just a little bit in the dark too. But from what I understand, their city was completely in disrepair." the lavender mare explained.

"Yeah, when Pinkie and I got there, Griffonstone was a total dump," Rainbow said disappointingly. Griffons were living in rotting houses, their food supplies looked pretty low, and their city defenses looked really awful."

"There was a lot of messed up books, destroyed buildings, broken branches, it looked worse than a New Year's party at my house!" Pinkie exclaimed as she stuffed her face with fruit.

"Your house always looks bad after every party Pinkie darling," Rarity snidely remarked.

"True, but its more fun that way!"

"Regardless," Luna said to get the subject back on track. "Ever since our last skirmish with the Griffon Empire a thousand years ago, their country has been on the decline ever since. Even their most recent King Guto was unable to properly unite their nation and restore it to glory. More and more griffons have been moving permanently to Equestria to become citizens and they have become less and less trusting to foreigners."

"Even with Gilda, there's still a long way to go to getting Griffonstone to lighten up," Rainbow said.

"So a town filled with aggressive douche bags," Gordon reiterated. "Sounds like New York on a Monday morning. Or a typical Friday morning in San Francisco. Nothing I can't handle. I've dealt with all of them."

"All I can tell you is that we might not be able to help you once you head out of Equestria and into Griffon territory. That's why I'm sending Twilight and her friends to accompany you." Celestia stated.

"The biggest question though is who am I supposed to be helping and/or improving?"

Celestia grabbed a scroll with her magical grasp and handed it off to Gordon who unfurled it and read the message inside.

"We received that message from our Elite Solar Guard outpost there in Griffonstone. Apparently, the same mysterious afflictions affecting Equestria, has also been affecting some remote cities and towns. One of our Elite Praetorians there fell ill after visiting a local bakery. I believe they called it Greta's Baking Company."

"Oh yeah! Dashie and I know Greta!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"Since we have returned from the moon, we personally hoof picked out the best and brightest of our guard ponies to become our Elite Praetorians Gordon Ramsay. They go through the most rigorous training of body, mind, and spirit and learn war tactics that haven't been used since our suitor Lord Leo Neighdus was still alive. If something has caused them to fall ill, there is surely something horrendous there that deserves our attention. I must implore you to find whatever is causing this."

"I'll certainly give it 110 percent of effort," Gordon replied.

"Who is Greta?" Twilight asked. "I dont think you mentioned her."

"When we visited Griffonstone to help them with their friendship problem, Greta was Gilda's neighbor I think. Gilda tried being friendly with her, but she didn't like her at first. But after Pinkie's little baking lesson, they hit it off pretty well. From her last letter, I guess they have been doing okay, but that's been at least a month ago since her last letter. I hope everything is alright."

"Didn't you tell me that she was...uhhh...asking about me Rainbow?" Spike nervously questioned.

"Yeah, its kinda embarrassing. Ever since she saw you in Ponyville, she's been wanting to properly meet you. Something about "seeking a potential relationship" with another carnivore, I dunno," she shrugged.

Spike and Twilight's face heated up.

"Gilda's a big birdy, she'll be okay." Pinkie assured. "If she isnt alright, we will just have to do something about that."

Pinkie giggled mischievously causing everyone in the room to give her looks of concern and vague fear.

After breakfast, the Princess helped Gordon gather the rest of his crew as he started packing for their long train ride. Rainbow sent a message to her friend there in the city that they would be arriving soon. That way, they could have a guide throughout the city. Rarity spent the day buying cold weather clothing for the entire group in the city before they had to head to the train station. She had enough money left over from the Spring business rush to splurge on many expensive things.

Twilight was in the royal library for a few hours reading up on Griffon politics in an attempt to be sure that she could be as diplomatic as possible when visiting a foreign land. Pinkie was holed up in the royal kitchen, baking a giant cake for Gilda and planning a party for her. She had learned that her birthday was a few weeks ago so she took it upon herself to plan something great for her.

Applejack, Fluttershy, and Spike remained in the castle as they accompanied Celestia for a few hours to observe her Day Court. It was relatively boring, listening to all of the whining politicians, some having ulterior motives which Celestia spotted almost immediately. Like every day, a few noble ponies even came in tried courting the Princess to gain a higher position of power. Each time, Celestia was forced to gently put them down and send them on their way. It concerned Applejack greatly for the Princesses safety should a noble pony decide to take his advances a few steps too far.

The hours passed until it was finally time to head off to the train station. The sun was still high over head and the temperature slowly began to rise. Gordon and his team gathered their equipment as they followed the girls back across the city. The princesses took a few minutes to see them off as they finally departed for the Griffon Lands far to the north.

Next: Casing a Mad Griffon

Gordon did not anticipate how long the coming train ride would be once he and his motley crew of ponies, humans, and a dragon stepped off of the terminal and into the train. Only a few dozen other ponies came on to the train headed for Griffonstone. The chef hypothesized most likely because of the great distance to the city and hostility of the Griffons scares most ponies off. From what little he had heard about the griffons, apparently they were mostly omnivorous like humans were. With an instinctive lean more towards meat rather than vegetables. However, he would have plenty of time to think of all of these things and more after hearing the projected time of reaching the Griffon Lands by train would take a solid three days to undertake. The Princesses were there at the terminal to wish the group luck as the train began to depart from the terminal.

The last thing Gordon's attention was on before they left was how Luna was gazing dreamily into his eyes. He could have sworn he saw her saying something rather suggestive to him as the train moved further away, but he convinced himself that his eyes were just playing tricks on him. It unsettled the man to say the least leaving him with confusing, disturbing, and rather pleasant dreams the following night.

Gordon and his production team were forced to bunk with each of the girls in separate rooms that housed eight people each. Twilight trusted him enough, so she chose to share the same bed with him on a top bunk. Rarity, Pinkie and three other members of Gordon's crew bunked together in each of the other cots while Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack had to bunk together with Gordon's director Jay.

"I'm so sorry about this Gordon, the train to Griffonstone doesn't typically carry a lot of passengers, so I'm assuming there isnt much of a need for a bunch of bedroom cars here." Twilight apologized.

"Ah, that's alright. No harm done. It will be like camping with a mate," he replied cheerfully.

"Mate?" she asked beginning to feel her face begin to heat up.

"Friend".

"Oh, yes. That's right. Mate is also another word for friend, not...something else..eheheheh," she replied sheepishly.

The rest of the first day passed relatively quickly as it was spent getting their luggage stowed away. Most of which belonged to Rarity who had brought over fifty cases with her to promote her business in Griffonstone. Gordon's crew found places for their luggage under each bunk bed as they settled in for their long trek. The second day was spent relaxing in the lounge car with a few other ponies and griffons who had taken the trip to visit family and friends. A couple of obstructions found their way on to the tracks every now and then that blocked the train's rapid progress north. One of which was a small tribe of Buffalo who were making their way to the east for their yearly migration. After a heated argument with the engineers, the train was soon back on its way.

The second unfortunate obstruction came in the form of a small band of rogue Caribou who were trying to cause trouble with the mares on the train. They tried forcing their way on board, but Twilight and Gordon quickly made short work of them as Twilight threw two of them over a hundred feet into the air and Gordon drop kicked two in the jaws and broke their back legs with a meat tenderizer. They were left unconscious in the snow as they quickly moved on before the Caribou could regain consciousness. All the passengers came to their car to thank and congratulate them, including the conductor who had the train's chef prepare their absolute best food for the group. Much to the conductor's delight, Gordon gave their kitchen staff a four star rating on their food and went to bed that night thoroughly satisfied.

As soon as the train passed through the Northern border, vast plains of emerald green grass gave way to snow covered tundra as the train went into its third day of travel north. For a hundred more miles the train was able to go until the border of the Griffon Lands became visible. A checkpoint was waiting there with a group of mountain guides through the steep cliffs of the Northern Mountains.

The trek was arduous and dangerous as the ponies and the humans alike had to lug heavy equipment through twenty miles of steep inclines and knee deep snow. Pinkie and Rainbow Dash had brought their old mountaineering hats to keep themselves warm. Gordon couldnt help but make a mental comparison to Mongolian head wear as he stared at the hats. Twilight resorted to using a snow plow spell in attempt to make the journey somewhat safer as they marched onwards through the unforgiving weather. Once or twice, Gordon nearly slipped and fell but was saved by a lasso tether Applejack took the liberty of placing on to all of them.

Finally, they made it to the great city of Griffonstone, which was in average condition compared to when Rainbow and Pinkie last saw it. Griffons were in the process of repairing the tree city's limbs with thousands of scaffolds and repairing many houses that had been damaged or destroyed. Twilight became livid and manic once she saw how in disarray their city library was with pages and books scattered about all over the city. Rarity loaned her her fainting couch when she was unable to handle the sight.

"Just let her have a few minutes," Spike humorously said as he started fanning her. "You guys head over to Gilda's and see what is up."

"You sure Spike? We could wait if you want," Gordon courteously offered.

"Nah, that's alright. The same thing happened when her other human friend showed her those "Dead Sea Scroll" thingies you guys have on Earth. She just has a hard time seeing damaged literature. Its up there with her fear of gooey cheeses."

"Heheheh, thanks for the tip Spike. Now I know what to do for Nightmare Night in a few months." Rainbow chuckled darkly.

As they passed through the streets, Gordon saw that he was being noticed by many of the griffons living there. A lot of them stared at him suspiciously

They made it to the main street of the city where Rainbow Dash and Pinkie walked up to a tall but rather run down four story building. It was more in disarray than the others which all seemed to have construction crews working on renovating them.

"Is this where your friend lives?" Gordon asked nervously. "I would like to avoid going into a building where the floors could collapse."

"Well Gilda hasnt been answering my letters, so I figured going to the source would be best." Rainbow said thoughtfully.

"Yuck, why is she living in such a horrid place?" Rarity asked disgusted as she flinched away at every speck of trash littering the area around the building.

"Oh dear, I hope she's alright," Fluttershy said thoughtfully.

"We'll just have to play things by ear and be careful once we get in there," Applejack concluded.

They went inside which was just as run down as the exterior of the building. The stairs creaked with every step as they climbed each flight. When they made it to the top floor, Rainbow Dash came to a door with scratch marks on it that looked very recent. Gordon was able to vaguely hear the sound of muffled sobbing just beyond the door.

"Gil? Are you there pal?" Rainbow called into the door.

They heard some shifting around and a tired voice groan from the other side of the door and then a thump on to the floor.

"D-Dash?"

"Come on! Open the door! I've been worried! You haven't answered any of my letters!" Rainbow chided.

Pinkie leaned up to Gordon to whisper into his ear.

"Can we chill it on the foodie stuff until Gilda is hunkey dory?" she asked. "She needs some TLC and huggies."

"Oh sure, go ahead. I'm in no rush here. We aren't exactly on a tight schedule. Family and friends come first and all of that." Gordon replied kindly.

Sounds of over a dozen latches, chains, and locks being undone could be heard as the door finally cracked open slightly to reveal a dark room. A dreary, feathery face peeked out from behind the door to meet her guests. Streaks could be seen coming down her eyes as she vainly tried to put on a tough facade.

"Dash? Pink? What are you two doing here?"

"Well first of all, we've been worried." Rainbow replied. "Like I said, you haven't been answering any of my letters."

"Yeah, don't you like us anymore?" Pinkie said as she gave Gilda a quivering lip.

"Please...just go. I don't want you to see me like this," Gilda begged with her voice breaking.

"Like what?"

"....Weak, lame, and vulnerable."

Rainbow just smiled and gave a small chuckle.

"Gil, you are always awesome no matter what happens. You are the awesomest girl I know next to myself and Daring Do Please, open the door. We can help, whatever's going on with ya."

"Yeah, we love you Gilly!" Pinkie whined. "I can throw you a new party if you want?"

She opened the door a bit more where they could properly see her. Her feathers and fur were unkept and dirty, as if she had gotten into a fight. Bruises and welts covered parts of her body that barely covered over a dozen scratches. The griffon looked exhausted as shown by the bags that were beginning to develop under her eyes.

"GILDA! Are you alright? What happened? What bucktard did this to you?"" Rainbow asked frantically as she zipped over close to her.

"You should see the other guys," she chuckled weakly.

"Oh, you poor thing!" Fluttershy said as she flew up and started gently prodding the griffon.

Gilda started chuckling and groaning as the pegasus started scanning her body.

"Flutters, what are ya doing? Stop that! I can only take so much abuse." she chuckled weakly.

"What happened?" Twilight asked.

"Princess Twilight? What are you and these other guys doing here?" she asked as she looked around at the other girls and the humans.

"Well like we said, we were here to look for you to see how you were doing. We also heard that a restaurant around here has been getting Solar Praetorian Guards sick. We thought we might pick your brain about that." Twilight explained.

Gilda wiped her eyes and looked at each of the group, including the humans up and down with a tired gaze until she finally relented.

"Sure, whatever. Come in."

As they went in, Gordon caught Gilda staring at Gordon curiously. The inside of her apartment was in a complete state of disarray. Empty food packages laid all over the floor, dirty tshirts hanging from the couch, large stacks of mail were right by the front door. Gilda brushed garbage off of the couch to let the group sit down. Gordon and his crew were fine standing as the griffon hen tried to compose herself.

"What the hell happened Gil? Why didn't you write back or visit?" Rainbow asked concerned as she wrapped her forleg around Gilda's neck.

The griffon looked like she wasnt going to respond at first but Pinkie stood up, sat next to her, and gave her a pleading look.

"Pretty please?"

After a few seconds, she let out a deep sigh and began to recount her tale.

"Greta bucking happened that's what," she muttered angrily with red eyes. "I try making friends and a solid business with another griffon and she stabs me in back. It happened...not too long after you and Pink left Griffonstone. Greta and I met up a few times, she seemed to like my sweets and my scones. So we met up a few times and exchanged a few ideas. We eventually got enough money together to build a bakery. After a few months, things started to change. Greta started stealing money and changing my recipes."

"That's awful!" Rarity gasped.

"And on top of all that, she's written me out of ownership of the bakery," Gilda growled. "She had the Griffon Mercenary Guild throw me out of my own damn bakery. They were the ones who....did this to me. I thought I made a good friend, but she stabbed me in the bucking back!"

She motioned to the numerous injuries all across her body. Fluttershy pulled clean bandages out of her pouch and then began to silently wrap her wounds up. Gilda just remained quiet and somber while she did this, thinking it would help her mood.

"Whoever did this to you is gonna wish they'd never been born," Rainbow threatened.

"Though its impossible to control who your friends hang out with, it is possible to control your own behavior. Just continue to be a good friend. In the end, the difference between a false friend and one who is true will come to light." Twilight recanted quietly.

"What's that?" Gordon asked.

"...Something I learned a while ago. And ironically enough, at first, Gilda WAS that false friend, but now Rainbow and Pinkie are like family to her. It's just kind of funny how things turn out."

Gordon and Twilight continued listening to Gilda until Gordon had a thought that came into his head.

"Sounds like a legal issue and a serious attitude issue. I've dealt with that kind of thing before," Gordon stated matter of factly. "Anything we could do about that Twiliight? This whole thing sounds incredibly illegal. I don't care what country or world you are from."

She put her hoof up to her chin in a thinking manner.

"Well we would have to see the documentation that she's talking about, and then prove that Greta is unfit to own the restaurant. Unfortunately we would have to get Steward Denethor of the city to cooperate with us".

"Steward? I heard somewhere that the griffons had royalty."

"Not for a while. King Guto was the last king, and then the royal family just disappeared. Some say his daughter Princess Anise Starzia escaped to Equestria, but the reports are fuzzy at best. Now the city's Steward has pretty much assumed power."

'Well that sure sounds familiar', Gordon thought.

"Well, if she's making your special forces sick, then I'm assuming that would be ample enough reason to get his permission to look into it."

"Gilda, we may be able to help you get your restaurant back," Twilight stated.

Gild looked at Twilight with a brief angry glare,but when Rainbow patted her shoulder comfortingly, she mellowed out and decided to hear what the alicorn had to say.

"Really? What can you do? The guards around here have been pretty much payed off, so they won't listen to me."

"Oh, you'd be surprised on how many people and ponies I've been able to convince. Even if they are greedy, corrupt griffons. Given the right incentive anyway."

So for the next few minutes, Twilight introduced Gordon and his team to her and explained her plan on how to properly deal with Greta if they are able to at all. Her first order of business was to get the authority of the city's Steward to enter Greta's restaurant as a dignitary since she has no official power in the Griffon Lands. Gordon meanwhile was tasked with sending a letter to Greta and setting up camera equipment so that she can expect his arrival. Rarity decided to take the time to take measurements of Gilda to see if she can come up with proper clothing for Griffons, considering that she's only catered to ponies, a zebra, and a short, stalky dragon. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie sat with Gilda as they just talked and talked in an attempt to help her feel better.

"By the way," Rainbow started. You wouldnt happen to know where Silver Quill is would you? He was supposed to bring me your mail, since Griffon mail is cheaper across the border, but I haven't seen that or him for a while now."

"I'm keeping him in the closet over there," she said nonchalantly as she pointed to a door with her thumb. "He's been flirting with me for a while, so I thought that would mellow him out."

"Chef, is it okay if you can...ya know?" Rainbow motioned to the door.

Gordon went over and opened the door. A griffon fell out with his beak taped shut and his arms and legs bound. He seemed to be screaming from behind his gag. Gordon carefully peeled back a little bit of the tape and then ripped it off.

"Oh thank Celestia! I thought I was done for. She had me stuffed in there for days and would only let me out for food and water! Though this kind of thing is what I usually do to ponies and it does feel somewhat nice. Princess Luna did it to me but then she started to feel me up-"

Gordon slapped the tape back on to his face before the hippogriff could continue that disturbing sentence.

"Well, enough of that. Let's see if we can't get started on our next project shall we?" Gordon stated with forced cheerfulness.

Two days later, Gordon sends Twilight and his team along with a griffon noble to Greta's Baking Company to inform them of his arrival and begin recording footage for the upcoming Nightmare. The griffon noble was sent alongside Twilight to prove her authority in the city and to act as the instrument of the Steward's will. He was more than cordial and respectful with Twilight when she was introduced to him, so she appreciated his company. Though she couldn't help but stare at him from time to time. His resemblance to another griffon from her past was almost uncanny. She debated with herself on whether or not she should bring this up at all.

The bakery was located in a barren sector of the tree city where only a few houses scattered about dwelled. High gusts of wind in this area prevented the group from flying in which meant three miles of walking to the bakery.

The kindly old Griffon noble walking with her seemed awfully familiar, so Twilght decided to spark up a friendly conversation.

"Forgive me for prying, Count but did you say your name was Le Grand? You wouldnt happen to be related to a baker named Gustav would you?"

"Oui, your highness. My youngest son. We sent him to the finest schools in Equestria to get a good education and to learn the culinary arts." he explained. "Do you know him?"

"Sort of. I met him on the Canterlot Express on the way to the Canterlot Dessert Contest a few years back." she admitted casually."

"Oh yes, he told me about that. I'm to assume that the purple unicorn was you then?"

"Lavender, but yeah."

"I thank you then for helping to clear my son's name," he said respectfully with a short bow. "You and your....colorful pink friend."

"We were happy to help. I certainly look forward to working with you Count Le Grand."

"And I you Princess. Assisting that wonderfully odd "human" as you call him will bring some excitement into my old life."

After thirty minutes of walking, they finally made it to the site of the restaurant where they saw big line going into the immaculate building. The building was clean and tidy on the outside, with the exception of the calligraphy sign that had the word Gilda scratched out and replaced with Greta in a tacky black marker. Twilight felt somewhat confident for the first few minutes prepared to see if the interior was just as tidy as the outside, until they made it to the door and opened it to see a screaming match between a customer and one of the owners.

"YOU MUTHAHFUCKAH, GET THE FUCK OUT!"

"JUST GIVE ME THE GUTO DAMN REFUND!!!"

"GET THE HELL OUT BEFORE YOU GET FUCKED UP!!!"

"FINE YOU DUMB TURKEY!!! I'LL JUST MAKE SURE ALL MY FRIENDS STAY FAR AWAY FROM THIS SHIT HOLE OF A BAKERY!"

Twilight and the Count just looked at each other with shrunken pupils and absolutely terrified faces as they said one solitary word.

"Mother"

Next Time: Greta's Baking Company - Part 1

While Twilight and Count Le Grand took the business of going to Greta's Baking Company to inform Greta of their authority to evaluate her restaurant. Gordon and the rest of the girls remained behind in an attempt to help Gilda get out of her emotional rut. Gordon tried helping by making her an excellent meal with stuff she had lying around the house, and thankfully it seemed to be working.

Going to her pantry, he found a few ingredients that he could use to make a great omelette. Then he went to her tiny stove and turned it on with Rarity's help. Pulling out a pan from one of the cupboards, he placed it on the stove and poured a small amount of oil into it.

"Just watch, this is awesome," Rainbow said excitedly to Gilda.

"First, we pour the oil in and get it piping hot." he started. "Then we go to a cutting board and cut up some of these mushrooms, tomatoes, and onions."

Pulling a knife out of her drawer and began to cut up the veggies and slip them into the pan, hearing it sizzle as they started to cook.

"Add a pinch of salt," he added as he sprinkled salt into the pan.

He started to shake the pan around which mixed the flavors around.

Pulling out another unknown spice, he opened it up and gave it a deep whiff, nodding approvingly when he liked what he was smelling.

"Sort of reminds me of a Moroccan spice I have used back home. I'll add a small pinch of that as well. But afterwards, you want to drain the mushrooms or else they will get the eggs all watery and you don't want that."

He then pulled out a carton of eggs he had found in her refrigerator and generously cracked five of them into a bowl. Pulling out a fork, he started to slowly beat the eggs into a viscous yellow goo.

"Lightly season those eggs, and then slowly pouring them in, mixing and mixing as you go. You want to get a nice distribution of mushrooms all across the plate."

He slowly stirred everything around with the fork, letting the heat of the pan do the work.

"Then we sprinkle a thin layer of cheese all on to that, and start the process of folding it in half," he continued as he lifted the pan on one side.

Grabbing a spatula and a plate, he delicately lifted the omelette from the pan and let gravity fold it in half as he slid everything on to a plate where he finished off his creation with a decorative piece of basil he found in the cupboard. He presented the dish to the griffon who gladly accepted the food and began wolfing it down as if she had just gone through a break up.

"Holy shit, what do you call this?" Gilda asked pleasingly as she pitifully shoveled the food down her beak.

"A mushroom omelette with onions, chopped tomatoes, and a couple of habaneros I found in that tiny garden of yours." Gordon explained happily.

"You have a garden?" Fluttershy cooed.

"I dont usually say this to people, but buck, that's heavenly," Gilda complimented with her mouth full. "I'd weh yo bwoak meh heh rot naw on da floo ih I wadnt sa depressed."

"What was that my darling?"

"NOTHING, NOTHING, IMPORTANT!" Rainbow shouted abruptly as she rushed over with a heated face and started moving Gilda's beak for her, helping her chew."C'mon Gil, don't ya know it aint polite to talk with your mouth full?"

"Like your one to talk darling. You and Applejack are the messiest eaters I know," Rarity added with a raised eyebrow.

"Cant argue with that!" Applejack chuckled.

"Oh, ya know me. Helpful Rainbow Dash, always trying to help out," she said sheepishly while Gilds has a look of utter confusion on her face.

After Gilda finished her comfort food, she calmed down enough to properly sit down and talk to them.

Rainbow and Pinkie remained silent as they heard Gilda's stories about all of the things that had happened during the months after they left from their first visit to Griffonstone. Gilda's newfound kindness had inspired the descendants of the old Grifffon Empire's nobility under Guto to regain power in the form of a fledgling Griffon Republic. She explained how wealth started being distributed around instead of just being hoarded by individuals, which was a challenge to conquer in of itself. Then she went into all of the things that she had to do to put together the restaurant. Some of which were heartbreaking for the rest of the girls to hear.

"I put all of my bucking life savings into building that bakery," Gilda sobbed. "Thanks to her and that bucking boyfriend of hers, I'm pretty much broke now. Except for a few bare bones sacks of bits I get from Grandpa Gruff. I only get just enough for basic food, drink, and a few grooming things every now and then."

"This whole thing sounds incredibly illegal and criminal. Aren't the nobles or your police doing anything about it?" Gordon asked concerned.

"Until you guys came around, the new nobility has been more interested in setting up their new government than helping little griffons like me."

For the next two hours, all of their discussions and thoughts with Gilda continued to devolve into unpleasant territory until the group heard an awful grumbling. They looked around and found that the grumbling had come from the tiny adolescent dragon.

"Sorry, I think I might have eaten something on the train that might be disagreeing with--"

BLEAUGH!!

He let out a huge belch of green flames and smoke which conjured a scroll bearing her seal.

"Excuse me". he said sheepishly.

Rarity walked over to the scroll and gingerly picked it up in her magical grasp as she unfurled it and began to read it for all to hear.

Gordon.
Bring Rarity, Fluttershy, and Applejack to the Bakery with you. Tell Spike, Rainbow, and Pinkie though to stay behind and look after Gilda. It looks like she could really use the company.

With a bit of magical threatening and the presence of two members of royalty, one of them being myself, I've finally convinced this Greta to open the bakery's kitchens and storage to you. Your production team is already in the process of setting up your equipment. Her Neigyptian boyfriend Garai is being kinda difficult. I was hoping that you can help me mellow him out Gordon.

With love,
Twilight

"Alrighty then, let's get a move on shall we?" Gordon declared as he began walking out of Gilda's apartment.

"Wait a minute. Gordon was it?" Gilda asked as she stopped him.

"Do you really think you can help me or bring down the bakery? Greta and that retard Garai are a lost cause, but they still kicked my ass."

"Oh don't you worry Ms. Gruff." Gordon reassured the morose hen. "You'll find that Im a really tough bird too."

"If they try to give ya grief, you could always use me to break some bones sugar cube." Applejack offered.

"Isn't that a little excessive Applejack?" Fluttershy asked timidly.

"Maybe," the farmer shrugged. "I don't know though. I just got a strange feeling that a bit of hoof throwin and buckin might be needed."

Meanwhile, at the restaurant, Twilight and Count Le Grand were having problems trying to get through a sea of customers and brawls trying to help Gordon's production team set up their equipment. Gordon's producer pulled Greta aside for their customary interview with the "owner" before operations with the Nightmare went underway. Afterwards, the producers decide to record a few hours of the restaurant's typical activities before Gordon and the others arrive.

"So how does this work exactly?" Greta asked. "Why do I have to do this Princess?"

"Just listen to them," Twilight scolded.

"Just look into this little black box here, and tell us a bit about yourself. Its for the show."

"Alright, whatever. I guess I'll start by saying a "former" friend of mine helped me discover that I had a real good talent for anything having to do with food." Greta explained "So about a year or two ago, Garai, ahem acquired and invested one million bits from my "former" friend to help build this restaurant But I'm in the food business and it's not all sunshine, teacakes, and kittens like those wimpy ponies down South would lead you to believe. Not long ago though, when griffons found out they can make money off of saying they don't like something, critics and reviewers have been popping up saying they ate the food and they think it belongs at the bottom of a hole. Yeah, we lost some business thanks to those assholes."

"There's a lot of problems with the food here, a blonde furred griffon waitress explained to her interviewers. "Too overdone, to under cooked, too much of one spice. But if anyone has criticism for them, Garai just tells them something along the lines of you have no idea what food tastes like."

<----->

"So you don't even fucking know what is even wrong with it? Garai asks one of his patrons angrily. "Why the fuck are bothering me then huh?"

"If anyone dares to tell me that Greta's food is no good, I just have my bouncers force them out and tell them to never come back," Garai says menacingly as he motions to his mercenary guards by the front door.

<----->

"Not only are they so mean to the customers, they retaliate by nearly poisoning their food." the waitress exclaims. "It really makes me miss how nice Ms. Gilda was to everyone. She was so nice to me and everyone that worked here. I hope she's okay."

"Did you have some kind of relationship with Gilda?" the interviewer asked.

Her face turned beet red as she rapidly shook her head.

"No, no, nothing like that. I like to think anyway that we're friends. I was terribly shy and timid when I was still in school. I was picked on a lot for avoiding fights and being vegetarian. Which, as you can imagine is rare here in Griffonstone. Miss Gilda stuck up for me a lot and when I got out of school, she gave me a job at her restaurant."
<----->

Looking around to see that nobody can see her, Greta sneaks a powerful pepper spice into a patron's meal.

"Maybe a bit of toxic mountain pepper spice will tune that fucker up. I really hope it hurts him," she growls.

<---->

"In my place, the customer is not always right. I'm here to make money, not take shit from anyone."

"If this "human" has any honor or credibility as the Count and the pony princess say, then he should be here to tell the people what good food is."

<----->

The waitress Goldie Pheasant, is the only server on staff, but she isn't allowed to handle bits, pour drinks, or write order tickets for the kitchen.

"Garai doesn't let any of us do anything," Goldie says annoyed. "I think it hurts his male hood if any of us chicks do stuff for him, even ya know, its our jobs to. He just messes everything up when he tries to do our jobs for us!"

To add on to problems, Greta constantly pulls the reins from her head chef Gulag and cooks only one order at a time. Even when they have over thirty orders to be done. This ends up creating excessive wait times for the customers.

<--->

"I have never had to wait this long for one crummy little meat pie!" one patron complains. "Id rather go all the way to Manehattan for a slice there. They would at least have it done and out to me!"

<--->

Even after all of the waiting, the one table that finally gets their food is not satisfied in the least. However, Garai just argues with them when they try to bring up their issues with the food. Eventually, he takes their food back to the kitchen, much to Greta's anger.

"They didn't like the meat pie."

"Are you fucking kidding me? I spritzed it up like they asked." Greta exclaimed.

"Don't worry yourself love cake, I told them to fuck off."

"Maybe they don't understand that it isn't packaged like these ponies do to a lot of their food."

When more and more patrons find their food under cooked, Goldie tries to bring it to Garai's attention. Unfortunately, it only angers them even more when their food is not blindly enjoyed.

"Greta my sweet, table G4 says their food is under cooked. Put it back in the oven."

"Sure, I'll burn it for them," Greta retorted. "This food is going straight to the trash. People here could be eating it, but someone decided that they are going to come fuck with us."

Twilight and Count Le Grand watched with mouths agape as the situation quickly devolved. The patrons tried to come to the front counter to figure out why their food hasn't been prepared or come out. However, even the simple act of asking the question causes Garai and Greta to finally explode.

"We were just waiting on one meat pie," one of the griffon patrons said to Garai in an irritated manner. "Can you tell us if its even being made?"

"I know, I know, Its coming out!" he snapped back. "Now shut up and stop bothering me!"

"You've been saying that for two hours, its just one ruddy meat pie!"

"Send him home if he's gonna be making a fuss!" Greta yelled from the kitchen door. "We already have enough idiots to feed without him getting thrown into the mix!"

"Alrighty then, if you want to wait, you can wait, but if not FUCK OFF!" Garai shouted at the customer.

"But--"

"NO, FUCK OFF AND GET OUT!"

"Are you two serious?" he asked them incredulously.

"OUT YOU MUTHAHFUCKER OUT! TAKE YOUR GIRLFRIEND AND YOUR BOYFRIENDS AND GET THE FUCK OUT NOW!"

"Get him to pay first. Boys! Shake down this little shit until he gives us our money and then throw him out!" Greta commanded the mercs at the front door.

"I HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN ANYTHING TO PAY FOR! the customer desperately tried to say to defend himself.

The armed guards started to come towards the counter where a crowd was starting to form. This caused Twilight to decide to finally leap into action with her new friend.

"I think its time to break up the rabble rousers here, don't you, your grace?" Twilight asked.

The middle aged Griffon cracked his knuckles and chuckled.

"Absolutely your ladyship," he replied with zeal.

When the guards tried to pounce on the customer, Twilight held them still with her magic and shoved them into a nearby closet. This just made Greta and Garai even angrier though as they prepared to maul her.

"YOU LITTLE BITCH! IM GONNA--" Greta started as she raised her claws toward Twilight.

"What, if I may ask are you going to do?" the Count asked coldly as he pulled out his rapier and held it against Greta's throat. "Because unless you want to be hauled off and mauled yourself in the Leopard Pits, I suggest that you lower your tone against her majesty."

Everyone in the bakery was on a knife's edge as after a minute of tension, Greta finally relaxed, but then stormed off into the kitchen to cool off. Twilight told the small group of unsatisfied customers at the counter to disperse as she reimbursed them with small bags of bits. Garai went off somewhere, muttering about having to clean up a giant mess.

"Thank you Count Le Grand," Twilight sighed. "I was afraid that things were going to turn ugly for a sec there."

"My personal pleasure my lady," he replied respectfully as he sheathed his rapier. "My family owes a great debt to you and your friends. That and my personal honor demands me to protect one of the Griffon Republic's staunchest allies."

"I just hope this isn't this crazy for Gordon or we are really going to be in a lot of trouble," she lamented.

Next Time: Greta's Baking Company part 2

After an hour of walking across a wind battered part of town, Gordon Ramsay and the rest of the girls were close to finally arriving at Greta's Baking Company to find out just exactly why and how business and food coming from there has become so shady in the past few months. The weather however was beginning to turn for the worse as the wind began to pick up even more and the clouds overhead slowly drifted over the sun. Even in a thick coat, Gordon was slowly starting to feel the effects of the cold wind leaving him a shivering mess. Rarity thankfully had brought extra clothes with her and wrapped Gordon up in a long wool scarf. It didn't block the cold as much, but Gordon was very much appreciative of the gift. Soon the bakery finally came into view as they closed in on the entrance. There seemed to be a large crowd of griffons gathered just outside the restaurant. Angry yelling could be heard over the screeching wind as the group picked up their pace.

Two large griffons in heavy armor were attacking a group of younger griffons with Twilight right in the middle, doing her best to defuse the situation. Gordon politely pushed his way through the group making it to the center where he found Twilight and a regal looking griffon trying to hold off two others.

"LET ME IN THERE! GARAI AND THAT BITCH GRETA NEED TO LEARN SOME RESPECT!," one of the attacking griffons yelled.

"I CAN'T HAVE YOU DESTROYING THE RESTAURANT BEFORE MY FRIEND HAS HAD A CHANCE TO LOOK AT IT," Twilight yelled back.

"HE CAN LOOK AT IT WHEN ITS IN PIECES!"

Gordon turned to Applejack and Pinkie expectantly who nodded vigorously and calmly walked towards the griffons causing trouble. Circling around the first one, Applejack bucked at the joints of the first griffon's legs, causing him to fall and smash his beak into the dirt. Pinkie with a big smile shoved her tail into the other griffon's face as she began to speak a million miles an hour.

"Check out all the neat stuff I got stowed back there! My chewed gum collection, my scratched bit collection, my lint collection, my poker card collection, my confetti collection, my moldy balloon collection, my Ewe-Gi-Oh! collection, my rotten egg collection...."

All of the mixed offending smells bombarded the griffon's nasal passage, causing him to collapse from the stench.

"Unusual way for someone to dispatch an aggressor, but effective nonetheless," Gordon applauded with a chuckle. "Now, if you kind folks don't mind. I have a restaurant to either review and save or shut down!"

The crowd of griffons all muttered to each other, some of them mentioning wanting to show the "bald monkey" that they meant business. A look from Twilight though, discouraged any possible aggression. The crowd started to disperse in different directions a few going back to their homes and a select few going into the restaurant, allowing the gang to finally gather together.

"Well, why don't we get started on this shall we?" Gordon suggested. "Something tells me this is going to be quite the experience."

"And something tells me I'm going to have to keep my guard up," Twilight groaned. "Pinkie, head back to Gilda's apartment. She needs you there more than I do right now. We'll handle this don't worry."

"Okie dokie lokie!" she replied cheerfully as she hopped back in the other direction, not impeded by and obstacle in her way.

Gordon and Twilight followed by the rest entered into the restaurant to meet the griffon Twilight identified as Garai sitting behind the front counter counting bits. He looked up from what he was doing and put on a forced smile. Gordon could immediately tell that there was a lot of unresolved emotions behind that false smile, but he put the thought aside for the moment in an attempt to be civil and polite.

"Ah, you must be Chef Ramsay! And the rest of the heroes of Equestria! What an honor it is to have you grace my mate's humble restaurant." he snootily greeted. "I am Garai."

"Charmed," Rarity acknowledged neutrally.

Applejack just silently tipped her hat to be respectful, while also trying to keep her emotions in check

"Thank you. How are you doing Garai?"

Gordon looked at a sweets display from behind a glass and was quite impressed with the presentation and appearance of the pastries there, especially the scones. He was confused when Pinkie and Rainbow Dash simply glared at the glass.

"Wow! Take a gander at that!" Gordon exclaimed. "That all looks really good!"

"My mate Greta's finest accomplishments!"

"And uhh...may we meet the great baker of this fine establishment?" Gordon offered cautiously.

He knew that he couldnt just outright take down the restaurant right from the get go. He had to prove that they were a real health risk to the public as well as inept as a restaurant. Meeting with Greta would give him an impression on what kind of experience he was in for.

Garai went back into the kitchen and called the griffon in question as he showered her with praise.

"My darling, the human Chef Ramsay wants to meet you. He wants to hear all about how you made all of those beautiful pastries yourself!"

She came out and forced herself to smile as she walked around to the other side of the counter where she attempted to be cordial by shaking his hand.

"Welcome, it is nice to meet you!"

"Likewise. Are you the one who baked all of those scrumptious looking cakes?" Gordon asked her.

"Yes I am."

"They are quite extraordinary. Its some of the best looking baking that I have seen in quite a long time,"

"Thank you, that means quite a lot. I make all of those from specialty recipes that I procured recently."

Gordon noticed how silent the rest of the girls had become. Especially Rainbow Dash and Pinkie. He couldnt see their faces, but he had something of a sixth sense feeling that they were glaring angrily at Greta. If Greta noticed them doing this, she sure didn't show it.

The next thing that he noticed when he got a good look at the restaurant was how elegant the design was.

'If Gilda did all of this, she certainly has quite a woman's touch!' he thought surprised. 'I guess some just don't reflect that beauty physically.

"The other thing I had to say was how beautiful this restaurant is. Its immaculate!"

"Why thank you. We certainly put a lot of effort into keeping it clean." Greta replied.

"Why don't we show the chef our kitchen my darling?" Garai suggested.

"Yes, I was just getting to that," she replied sternly.

She lead the group over to the other side of the dining room and through one of the sets of double doors. Inside, they found a kitchen that was virtually spotless. Completely devoid of any dirt, grime, or dust, the kitchen looked like it had been washed and polished daily. Twilight couldn't help but make a mental comparison to the cleanliness of Canterlot Castle. The maids of the Castle had been trained and ingrained into their heads from youth that it was their life's work to make the castle look as heavenly and beautiful as the Princesses who occupied it. She thought that the employees at Gilda's restaurant must have been taught the same. Well "threatened" more than taught was the word that came to mind in this scenario that they found themselves in.

"Well my first good observation is that this place is very clean." he stated. "It's like a surgeon's operating room in here."

"Thank you chef, we take great pride in the cleanliness of out restaurant," Garai replied with his beak held high.

Another thing that he noticed about the kitchen is that the walk in cooler and the freezer was well organized. Labels, dates, times when the food was set to expire. Food was separated properly on different shelves in different bins, properly sealed. Just like he would have expected of any restaurant back on Earth. Observing the mannerisms of the duo, he figured that it had to have been Garai that mostly handled the cleaning and organizing alongside the rest of the staff. Greta seemed to uncaring to want to deal with something of that nature.

"So, who is the head chef here?" Gordon asked.

"That would be me," Greta replied neutrally.

"Really?" Gordon asked with hidden disbelief. "You definitely got lucky then Mr. Garai".

"Oh yes, I am definitely" he said dreamily as he gazed longingly at Greta who just looked off in a random direction with a bored expression. "She's my soul mate and we...acquired this business together. We stand by each other against the ravenous critics and haters who wish to tarnish my Greta-poo's reputation. We stand up to them and sometimes that means we get physical. These heathens are used to eating processed wood chips and jerky."

'Jeez, I've seen people sucking wankers before but this is ridiculous,' Gordon thought. 'Love is one thing, but this guy has an obsession!'

"Well that does bring me to one of my biggest questions then Ms. Greta." Twilight interjected. "Where did my Praetorian Troopers fall under then? They came here to have a meal after a long day of guarding the nearby outpost and they came back to the outpost deathly sick. Would you care to explain why?"

"They were mouthing off to me and insulting my recipes, so I had to deal with them accordingly," the griffon replied snarkily. "I figured real stallions would be able to handle whatever I threw at them. I guess your stallions didn't have the balls to handle what I had to offer."

Twilight started to glow as her eyes turned angry and wrathful. The human knew he had to quell her anger for the time being until he got his full scoop on the restaurant.

"Sugar?" Applejack said trying to get Twilight to respond.

"Twilight? Are you alright?" Spike asked cautiously.

"YOU...WHAT???" she asked in a dangerous low tone. "You poisoned my troo-

Gordon placed his hand on her withers and pulled her over to the side to give her a quick word.

"Calm down Twilight," Gordon said. "We have a job to do. I understand you have to deal with this woman, but let me do my job first alright?"

Twilight was silent as she seemed to be looking right through him and in Greta's direction. Even for a hardened man like Gordon, it was unsettling watching her eyes move when she was angry. After a few seconds, she let out a breath as her expression softened.

"Alright, but promise me you will give her Tartarus," Twilight asked. "I'm beginning to really dislike that hen."

"Me too, but let me deal with the rage and the wrath alright? Let's get some more evidence before we give them hell."

He stood up as Twilight moved back to the group and he continued conversing with Greta and Garai.

"Now, may we meet the rest of of your staff?"

Greta brought her talons up to her beak and gave a sharp whistle, which brought two young and pretty female griffons running. One was a terrified looking girl with light brown feathers and brown eyes while the other one appeared to be fairly confident looking yet still nervous to be around Greta and Garai. Her silky golden yellow feathers made her striking blue eyes pop. Her color scheme made Gordon make a mental comparison to a cockatiel. Complete with a long wavy crest that stretched back over her head and down her neck like hair and seemed to move depending on her current mood.

"This is Gretchen, my sous chef," Greta introduced motioning to the brown feathered griffon.

"Hello there," Gordon greeted.

Gordon stepped forward and offered his hand to the griffon who shook it earnestly.

"It is nice to meet you. I hope we can learn a bunch from you."

She stepped back allowing the other griffon to nervously step forward and offer her claw.

"And this little gem is my main waitress Goldie. We're still trying to break her in." Greta explained.

"Good to meet you. Miss Goldie," Gordon greeted. "I'll definitely be glad to work with you my darling."

He tried to help her loosen up by pouring on the charm as he gingerly kissed her claw.

The griffon seemed to blush as she giggled quietly and let out a gentle "thank you" before pulling back.

"I shouldnt be saying this but, the restaurant itself is very nice and clean, but Greta and Garai do seem to cause a lot of the problems around here," Godiva says to her interviewer. "It sure was nice when Miss Gilda was still in charge around here. Then we wouldnt have irritating wusses like those two. I hope that charmer Gordon can do something about them."

The rest of the pony group scattered around as some stayed in the restaurant posing as undercover customers while Applejack and Rainbow Dash went back outside to watch for any trouble makers. They had received word that there would be a local gang coming through to cause trouble, so they kept a constant look out. Count Le Grand kept a constant vigil over Twilight, almost acting as her body guard as she observed Gordon's process closely. She did her best to keep her peace and to not get involved too early. Although hearing Greta and Garai go through their life's story made her mimic the noise Spike was making as they pretended to dry heave mockingly. Gordon sat the two down to get the low down on their backstory in an attempt to make a reasonable deduction on what is going on. They offered him one of their signature cake scones to try.

"So, take me back to the beginning. How long have you two been together?" Gordon asked calmly.

"We met while I was on a trip to Neighgypt to see family," she explained. "When he laid eyes on me, at that watering hole, he never stopped following me around."

"It was love at first sight," Garai said dreamily.

"I thought it was cute in an annoying way how much he followed me around, so I let him go on a few dates with me."

"Next thing I knew, we were in head over heels for each other. Our most recent date took us to that pony city Las Pegasus," Garai continued.

The human was doing his best to remain polite as best as he could, but the way they were talking about each other was too hilarious for him.

"So do you have any experience in the restaurant business?" Gordon asked hopefully.

"No, I worked in construction before, but when the crisis in Neighgypt hit, I still had a lot of money."

"My previous partner and I gathered a bit more money to build this restaurant. When I had to cut her off, the wimp was eager to take her place. So I let him."

'Okay, so that's how it is,' Gordon thought in realization. 'Its no wonder why that girl and her apartment are a complete mess.'

Eating the scone, Gordon immediately loved how rich and flavorful it was. It was firm, but dense enough to not fall apart as soon as he stabbed a piece of it with a fork.

"That's lovely. Very nice crust and ganache frosting."

"Thank you. The original recipe came from my previous partner, but we built on top of it. I am the only one equipped to make them. If Garai and I are not here, nothing is made and the restaurant is not open."

Everything was beginning to sound far too familiar for comfort for Gordon.

"Say that again?"

"If neither of us are here, the restaurant is not open." she repeated.

"You can't run a business doing something like that," Gordon chided. "The last time I saw someone try that, it didn't turn out so well."

"We cannot trust anyone to properly handle the restaurant. Griffons here are looking for quick pay instead of working hard."

"How many employees have you gone through?" he asked nervously.

"Counting the ponies that come to Griffonstone for work and the Griffons here? Well around a thousand."

Gordon nearly had a heart attack after hearing the outrageous number come from them.

"A thousand?!"

"So...other than that. What in your opinion is going on with this bloody damn restaurant?"

Greta then went into an explanation on how not too long ago, bad reviews started coming in, mostly thanks to Gilda who tried to sneak back into the restaurant in disguise. Gordon could tell that Gilda legitimately got terrible food, but he figured that Greta would never openly admit that fact. She was unfortunately caught and thrown out again as more and more bad reviews started coming from the public. When a pony from Manehatten wrote a letter to Greta, she in anger sent a scathing letter right back.

"Well one thing I definitely want to tell you two before we get started here, is that you are both fucking nuts!" he stated in a playful nonchalant manner.

Twilight and the rest of the girls still inside the restaurant just gawked at the man incredulously.

"Well, this is certainly gonna be interesting," Twilight stated morbidly.

After arriving at Greta's Baking Company, Gordon met with Greta and Garai to get a first impression of them to see what he had to work with. It seemed that Twiilight and her new companion Count Le Grand were already on edge from a prior run in with the duo. He didn't directly see exactly what happened, but from what he was able to see up front, it couldnt be good at all. Sitting down with Greta and Garai to get an idea of what their personalities were like was a surreal experience for him. Both seemed very similar to another failed restaurant duo he had tried to help years ago. Twilight wanted to outright arrest Greta and extradite her to Equestria to stand trial, but Gordon held off her wrath until he got more definite proof of her negligence other than hearsay. He wanted to be civil as possible and not just come out guns a blazing.

"Okay, give me one of your menus, and I will see what I have to work with here," Gordon said. "All you have to do is just do what you do normally every day with every other customer."

Greta did as what he asked, as she uncaringly left a big white menu on his table before moving off to the kitchen. The first thing that Gordon noticed about the menu is that it was horribly formatted and written. Menu items and entries were far too close together and much too small. The size of the text forced Gordon to pull out a pocket magnifying glass just to read it. Goldie Pheasant, the server of the restaurant came over and offered him some water while he waited for someone to take his order. She quickly brushed her head feathers back, in an attempt to look good for the restaurant's esteemed guest.

"Hello there. How are you my darling?" Gordon asked the hen kindly. "What's your name?"

"Goldie sir, Goldie Pheasant," she said with a little curtsy.

Gordon couldnt help but smile at the girl. He could tell that she was young and trying her absolute hardest to do her best at her job.

"Well, its a pleasure to meet a lovely young lady like yourself Miss Pheasant." Gordon said as he kissed her claw.

The shy gryphon giggled and blushed as she started to set up his table.

"Is it just normally you and Garai in the lobby here?"

"Yeah, pretty much," she replied with a shrug.

"How long have you been here exactly? Cause I hear many here unfortunately dont stay around very long."

"About two months roughly," she replied.

"Do you get any good tips through here?"

She seemed to look irritated as she looked around for someone or something before leaning in closer to Gordon while she was carrying the pitcher of ice water.

"I uhhh....don't get tips here Chef," she replied nervously and quietly.

"What?"

"I make daily here," she replied with restrained frustration.

"D-Daily? Are you serious?" he asked surprised. "I don't know how different things are between worlds, but in America, we tend to tip our servers. And as far as the pay, its supposed to be hourly as well."

"Yeah, it works like that in other places too. Just not...here for some reason."

"Where do the tips go then?"

"....To the owners" she said with a disappointed shrug.

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah, and I've tried to tell them, but you can probably guess how that goes".

Afterwards, Goldie went off to help someone else, while Gordon spotted Garai wandering around the lobby, talking with other patrons there. Calling the griffon over, he decided that his first order of business would be getting an explanation.

"We spoke earlier about problems in the restaurant Mr. Garai, but lo and behold, I already come across one that is pretty major. You don't give your employees their tips?"

"No."

"Garai, you cannot take away tips from servers who earn them," Gordon scolded. "Especially not from a nice girl like Goldie."

"Then bring me some damn employees that can do their jobs properly, so I won't have to interfere." Garai retorted.

"If you saw in front, I already took three orders and sent them already to the kitchen."

Garai motioned to a table near the front door with snooty looking griffons in formal wear.

"You're the OWNER! You aren't supposed to be doing that," Gordon replied as calmly as he could.

"I'm doing most of the jobs around here!"

Gordon rested his head in his hands with his elbows poking into the tablecloth as he rubbed his temples and gave a big tired sigh.

'I don't feel like arguing with this literal cock head right now' Gordon thought annoyedly.

"Okay, let's just order right now shall we? I'd like to get down to brass tacks and see what I have to deal with right now."

Garai pulled out a pad and a pen and started writing down everything that Gordon was saying.

"I'll start out with the pear, fig, and pork salad, and then I'll try that mountain ram burger of yours. I'll try the trout cakes at the same time. Then I'll go to that red pepper and beef ravioli. For the main meat entree, I'll go for that seasoned rack of lamb ribs."

"Excellent! We shall have it out right away. Although, the ravioli may take some time. We did not have time to prep them earlier in the morning." Garai attempted at an apology.

Gordon simply looked at him with disbelief as he grabbed his menus and walked back into the kitchen, leaving the human with his thoughts and a purple alicorn who came up to the table to check in on his progress.

"So how are we doing?" Twilight asked hopefully.

"Not too good I'm afraid my darling," Gordon lamented. "The story with what is going on in this place is starting to become clearer and clearer the longer this goes on. I can only hope that the food I get isn't tainted or something."

"That bad huh?"

"And its probably only gonna get worse."

Twilight deflated and mimicked the human's anxious actions as she sat down in the chair across from him. She began to rub the bridge of her snout with her hoof and hold her eyes closed. He could tell that she was upset or having some unresolved anxieties that were eating at her. Her eyes were beginning to get bloodshot and ragged and upon further inspection, he saw that her fur was hastily brushed and somewhat unkept.

"Why don't you just sit right there and keep me company while I go through some of this food?" Gordon suggested. "Or better yet, join me in my process once again? You seem a little stressed out. Giving you something to do might help you with whatever is going on with you."

She looked up at him and gave a tired smile.

"I'd love to," she replied, "It might even be cathartic to scream like you do."

Gordon called Goldie back over who gave her a glass of cool ice water to sip on as they conversed with one another.

Suddenly, a loud bellowing gong rang throughout the restaurant, making Gordon and Twilight nearly jump out of their seats. Twilight was drinking her water when it went off, causing her to breathe in a bit of the water, sending her into a coughing fit. Pinkie Pie and the other girls were startled themselves, as they had various reactions ranging from mild surprise to nearly violent reactions.

"What the fuck was that?" Gordon asked no one in particular.

"I'm not....sure," Twilight replied looking around.

The same gong rang just two minutes later, forcing Gordon to attempt to get an answer out of somebody.

"Goldie! What the hell is that?" Gordon exclaimed.

"Oh, whenever we have dirty dishes, the busser is supposed to come out and grab them. Garai implemented it not too long ago." she humorously explained.

"Isn't that a little, I don't know, disruptive?" Twilight asked with a raised eyebrow. "That scared me! I nearly sucked water into my windpipe because of that."

"If people get startled by that like you just did, I would probably say so," Gordon added. "Why wouldn't you just walk around to the kitchen to wash them?"

When Goldie started to look embarrassed, Gordon shared a little laugh with her.

"Nothing to feel ashamed about my darling. But I will admit that this is the first time in my career that I have seen a gong used to pick up plates," he chuckled. "Cause that is pretty funny".

A few minutes later, Gordon saw Goldie walking up to Garai at the counter and tell him what the orders were. Every time she walked back and forth between customers, it seemed to waste valuable time. Instead of writing down the orders herself, she was forced to go to someone else to input the orders.

"Table G2 wants three fois gras salads"

"Ah, yes. Those are very popular lately,"

Twilight was following what Gordon was looking at as she tried to understand more of what he was looking at.

"Doesn't that take up time?" she asked. "I may not know that much about restaurants, but if I'm doing an important experiment in my castle, I don't want to have to walk all the way back downstairs to where Spike is and have him write observations down."

"Slightly different, but a good example nonetheless." Gordon replied. "Yes Twilight, that definitely wastes time. When you have a big rush of people, and orders constantly coming in, you don't want to rely on another person who could be too busy just to take down an order."

Calling the Neighgyptian Griffon over, Gordon decided to look into why the restaurant used this poor method of taking orders.

"Garai, does Goldie fill out your P.O.A forms?" Gordon inquired.

"No, she doesn't know how to do it. Nobody does, I'm the only one who does it," he replied.

The statement only served to make Gordon laugh at the griffon's stupidity.

"Wouldn't it be better if she actually knew how to fill them out so you can take orders much faster?"

"She will be taught when the time comes that she is ready."

"And while you are waiting for her to be "ready", things slow to a crawl," Twilight muttered.

To prove his point, Gordon called Goldie back over who looked flushed at being put on the spot.

"Miss Pheasant, have you ever used a P.O.A. system before?"

"Oh yes, every restaurant that I've worked at," she meekly replied.

"That sounds about right, and how many jobs exactly have you had before coming to work at Greta's?" he asked.

"Five Chef, All of them in the restaurant business. I came back to Griffonstone for my sixth job to be closer to family."

"Five! She doesn't need training of any kind."

Garai simply scoffed and brushed him off, storming back into the kitchen while Gordon just sat there aghast.

"That would be strike one for him," Gordon whispered over to Twilight who snickered back at him.

"Honestly, I'd prefer if they stayed just inept and stubborn as opposed to screaming and violent," she replied while rolling her eyes.

Gordon continued waiting for his food which was taking well over an hour to come out of the kitchen. Looking around, he didn't see that many patrons in the restaurant to cause them to slow down that much.

"Is your order even getting made?" Twilight asked with disbelief. "The castle kitchen staff don't take this long on their biggest Octuple tiered chocolate cakes."

"Octuple tiered chocolate cakes?"

"The Princess...has a...weird...somewhat disturbing problem-- anyway," she continued. " Why isn't your food out yet?"

"That I intend to find out in due time my darling," he assured. "I'm really hating how familiar all of this is starting to get."

"I read up on some of your past exploits and I heard something about your only failure in a restaurant located in Arizona?"

"Yeah, I prefer not to remember that. It was a very unpleasant experience. Why do you ask?"

"No reason right now anyway. I'm doing studies on different realities and the similarities between two or more of them."

"Actually that sounds interesting." Gordon said with a thoughtful look. "Right now though, I'm very hungry and the only exploit I want to have is filling my stomach."

Finally, as if on cue, his food finally came out of the kitchen after an hour and a half of waiting. Twilight began to feel sick when she saw the giant mass of meat slabbed right on to the big plate coming out. Gordon noticed how much it distressed her, despite how controlled Twilight's emotions were.

"Is that?

"You can step away for the moment Twilight. I'll call you back over when I'm done with this. Or if I need to toss it out."

"Are you sure? Do you need any help--urp" she forced out.

"No, you just step outside for a moment to see how things are going. This probably won't take long," he chuckled.

Twilight nodded and stepped away while Goldie came out with his food. Garai was close behind as he came out to see how the Chef would respond to their food. Each plate was set down upon the table as the Griffon went through a short description of each individual dish.

"A rack of lamb encrusted with macadamia nuts, fresh herbs, and a little bit of Griffon mustard." Garai stated. "It is served with a mountain berry vinegar reduction."

Picking up his utensils, Gordon began to saw into the lamb and his expression darkened when he saw how pink the meat was.

"That is just so under cooked." he lamented. "It is definitely not a good sign when you see that much white fat. Especially when its on the side of the rack like that."

"Is it to your liking?"

"Its raw in the center and whatever that reduction is, the sweetness just overpowers everything else. Its like its smothered in sugar or something."

"I don't know what happened," Garai insisted. "It is usually well made and people usually love it!"

"Well I'm telling you that I got it raw, dangerously raw in fact. Just touch that."

Garai inspected the meat and grumbled when he saw how badly it was cooked.

"I'll take that back..." he muttered angrily.

"Yeah, you do that. And I have a feeling that's gonna be happening a lot in the next few hours!"

Goldie picked it up for Garai as she sneaked into the kitchen as best as she could and laid the ruined lamb rack right by the trash can. Unfortunately, Greta quickly caught this as her rage began to quickly bubble back up to the surface for all to see.

"What's wrong? What happened?" Greta asked.

"Nothing happened my darling!"

-----

"I feel like Garai literally and figuratively sugarcoats everything that goes on in the restaurant," Goldie says to her interviewer. "So Greta gets a lot of false feeling about how she does absolutely nothing wrong and every thing that she does is absolutely perfect."

-----

"Don't worry my darling don't worry." Garai encouraged. "Everything is okay."

"I'm not worried. I just have a feeling this upstart human is going to say something bad," she replied.

-----

"I know my henfriend quite well, I assure you. She doesn't take criticism very well. If someone tells her something that she doesn't like, it goes very badly for the other person."

------

"I will tell you all about it afterwards, I promise. Just do what you do normally."

"What I'm gonna do is start tearing their throats out if I don't get some good reviews. I'll fuck him and that pretty alicorn up." Greta growled.

After sitting at his table for well over an hour, the first and only meal he has been served was of exceedingly poor quality. It was beginning to make Gordon rather impatient having to wait so long for meals that seemed so small. The beautiful decor and the stunning pastries that had been displayed near the front counter of the bakery seemed only an afterthought now that things were beginning to turn sour and tense as time went on. He could tell that there was poor communication between Garai and Greta every time that an order passed their counters and he could tell that it would only be a manner of time before everything breaks down into chaos.

While this was all going on, the rest of the girls had been getting just as hungry as Gordon was and many of them couldn't tell how much longer that they were going to last. Griffon food was notoriously inedible to ponies that have not trained their stomachs to accept it. Twilight didn't want to bother him, but with the lunch hours passing by quickly, the feeling of hunger was beginning to affect her and the others as well. Gordon was pressed for time in this environment and the wait time for his food was not helping his case at all. He would more than likely have to go behind the scenes if he wanted to wrap up the first day of his evaluation on schedule. Hearing that there was Equestrian royalty in town, griffins were flocking to the restaurant in droves. The growing crowd forced Twilight and Applejack to work double time to root out the ones who were only there to cause trouble.

Coming out of the kitchen, Garai came back to Gordon's table to inform him of the situation with his food.

"I am sorry Chef, but I was unable to tell my hen friend how you felt about your meal," Garai stated.

Gordon was taken aback by how crass and blunt his statement was given the severity of the situation.

"You...didn't even tell her...when she made a mistake?" Gordon asked in disbelief.

"She can be a little scary sometimes even for me. I know her. She gets nervous and--"

"You get scared of telling her the truth?!"

"If YOU want to tell her then follow me back into the kitchen," he replies quickly.

"I just want her to know so she can fix it! Is there something wrong with that?" he asked the Griffon with a bit of hear in his voice. "Now anyway, I'm an hour and a half into this and I've only had one badly cooked rack of lamb. I'm about ready to fuckin eat my napkin."

"Alright, Alright, I shall do what I can to get her to know that you are hungry and she must quicken her pace," Garai said respectfully as he sped back into the kitchen.

Soon enough, Garai came back out with Goldie who was carrying what appeared to be a delicious looking burger at first glance. He half allowed to bring down his guard to enjoy the thought of being hopeful about what he was going to eat. As they sat the next dish down however, everything wrong with it was made apparent right away as he went through the components of the burger.

"Hard bleu cheese, over marinated mushrooms, garlic aioli, some kind of truffle oil, bacon bits, scorched lettuce, and a bun soaked with grease," he lamented.

He opened the burger and touched the bun as it let out copious amounts of grease and oil.

"Crap, that is just messy there."

Trying to cut the large burger in half to get a better look at the inside, he found the meat relatively tough. Pulling up one half so that he could see the meat, he saw that it was under cooked in some spots and overcooked in others. The meat was also darker and beat up inside, giving the indication that it was a bad cut of meat that Greta and Garai had used for grinding into burger meat.

"Medium rare this is definitely not."

Trying to take a bite into the underwhelming burger, it began to dribble a lot of water and various other liquids into the plate, startling the man.

"Oh my god!"

He carefully put the burger gently back on to the plate before it made even more of a mess and pushed it away, giving the signal to Goldie to come pick it up. She rushed over with an apologetic look on her face and took away the disappointing food.

"I'll take that away from you." she said sadly. "I'm sorry."

"Not your fault my dear, you've been nothing but delightful." he said encouragingly. "Its whatever black magic those butchers are doing back there with the food. That burger has been overcomplicated. So very un necessary."

Breathing out a sigh of anxiety, Goldie went back into the kitchen with the dish and dumped the food into the trash can before retrieving the third dish Gordon had ordered in his first round of meals.

"Take that to him quickly if you know what's good for you," Greta growled at Goldie. "I'm on a very short fuse today."

Goldie brought his pasta dish out to Gordon where he was almost immediately bewildered by what he was served.

"Some kind of ravioli dish. With some kind of meat bits, spice, and sweet corn." he identified. "It smells bizarre."

"Your fourth dish is supposed to be coming out soon here."

"Can you go back and see how long before that will come out my darling?" Gordon asked. "I have a feeling that I won't be looking at this for very long."

"Right away chef."

After a tense moment of Greta snapping at Goldie, Gordon got his fourth and final dish in his first round of dishes to evaluate. The salmon dish he received was not only bad, it was so overcooked and over spiced that he nearly vomited right on the table in full view of everyone. He had quite enough of being fed Greta's horrifying concoctions, and was more than confident with his next course of action.

It had been clear from the very start that Gilda's stellar five star restaurant had been stolen out from underneath her and replaced with two poor owners, and a lack luster menu. Now all he had to do was find out exactly what manner of mistakes they had been making with the food so he can go into the final stage of his plan for Greta's Baking Company.

Gordon walked up to Greta who was at the counter to give her his most honest assessment of his meals that he had been through. Count Le Grand was overlooking the conversation from afar just in case that things started to become violent.

"Miss Greta? That was a lot longer than I thought it was going to be." he began. "There were some pretty big, pretty major bumps in the meals that I got from you."

"What...bumps?" she asked as her face began to turn brick red with anger. "What exactly didn't you like human?"

"First of all, cool your pretty little head. You look like you're about to explosively shit all over the floor." he replied dryly. "We can talk about all of those bumps in detail later. I'm going to go get changed into more appropriate attire for my next step. I want to see how this place functions when I get back. Then after service, we will cover all points here."

"You seem to be disappointed," Garai stated.

"I am very disappointed," Gordon replied. "But we shall go through all of that later."

"Are you sure?" Twilight asked. "We did walk all the way out here after all."

"Yeah, call the others back, we'll be back here soon enough." he affirmed. "Let's just regroup back at your friend's apartment, relax, go over a few more details of the plan, and we'll be back this evening.

"Very well," Garai replied. "We shall endeavor to get ready once again for your arrival this evening."

Garai coaxed Greta into the kitchen and into their walk in freezer where they could talk in private.

While Gordon was leading the way out of the restaurant, he cheerfully called Goldie back over who skipped towards him.

"May I do something else for you?" she asked sweetly.

"No, but I can do something for you," he replied charmingly. "Twilight, uhhh do we have anything in the way of currency we can give Miss Pheasant here as a tip?"

"Well, I shouldn't be giving money away from my purse like this, but I guess she was nice enough to us," Twilight replied with a smile.

She pulled a large diamond out of one of her bags with her magic and handed it to Goldie who looked at it with great gratitude.

"This is for you, and for you only," Twilight said with a sideways glare at the retreating Garai. "Put it somewhere safe please."

"Oh thank you, thank you, thank you, your highness! I shall do just that."

After Count Le Grand had sent for a small platoon of guards to keep relative peace outside of the restaurant, him and Rarity followed the others out and Applejack and Fluttershy followed close behind. They all headed back to Gilda's apartment where Pinkie and Rainbow Dash were busy keeping the emotionally distraught Gilda company. They moved back across the city and entered into the building without much incident where they found Pinkie and Gilda eating a tub of maple bacon pecan ice cream together while Rainbow was leaning up against the wall. Gordon could tell that she was still clearly distressed, but with Pinkie and Rainbow Dash, her mood improved at least a little bit.

Sitting down on one side of Gilda's messed up couch, Gordon talked over the last stages of his plan for Greta and Garai before anything drastic would be put into action. A lunch for the entire group made by himself and Applejack was most appreciated, especially by Gilda who wolfed down all of her food quickly. The human didn't notice it at the time, but while they were satisfying themselves, the young griffon hen was eyeing him hungrily with a light blush under her golden yellow eyes.

A few hours later as evening approached rapidly, Gordon quickly washed up, dressed himself in his finest chef uniform and the entire group made their way back across the city towards Greta's Baking Company. Dinner service was about to begin and Gordon wanted a better idea as to how Greta and Garai operated their restaurant from behind the counter. Fluttershy volunteered to stay behind with Rainbow and Pinkie Pie to comfort Gilda. Soon enough, they made it back where the duo was waiting rather impatiently for them. Airing on the side of safety, Gordon brought Twilight along with him. Greta was looking more and more unpleased every second that they were inside the restaurant and he figured that it would be a good idea to get everything finished in a timely manner.

Already a few fights had broken out outside of the restaurant, forcing Applejack to stick around outside with Count Le Grand and his platoon. Griffons were screaming and throwing things at each other as they argued over who liked and hated the restaurant.

Inside, Rarity stayed in the main lobby of the restaurant while Twilight and Gordon made their way behind the counter and into the kitchen.

"Okay, now the first order of business here is how does the line work here? Who does what?" he asked the griffon.

Garai directed the human and alicorn around the large kitchen, introducing them to the members of his kitchen staff.

"Gemma does the salads for the rare griffon who likes that sort of thing. Or the ponies who wander in. My henfriend and I are the ones who handle the meat pies and other dishes that require protein."

"Well, I can tell you that the meat I got was severely undercooked."

"What...didnt you like about the lamb rack that we gave you?" Greta asked slowly.

"I told Garai that it was too sweet and that the meat was dangerously raw and he told me that he cant talk to you about that sort of stuff. Why is that? You are boyfriend and girlfriend, not manager and assistant manager, so I would assume that you would be able to talk to each other civilly about "stuff like that".

"Because, I know my henfriend--" he tried to start.

"Well, obviously you don't if you have to resort to sneaking around the restaurant," Twilight retorted.

"Exactly! Fucking wake up! My food was undercooked! Something that obviously shouldn't be happening!"

Greta looked like she was about to bite off her own tongue.

"I don't think your lamb rack was undercooked. I checked it after I took it out of the oven, just like I do with every dish that I take out of there, and to me, it was cooked and brown like good meat should be."

"Okay, okay," Gordon replied annoyed. "That's your fairy tale version, cause you didn't see it come back. However, the lamb was pink as my earth pony friend's fuzzy arse, and my burger was soggy as hell in the bun, and all of those ingredients. The bacon bits, the bleu cheese, the marinated mushrooms, the white truffle oil. Those first three things are amazing on more successful burger recipes, but the fourth thing completely ruins the rest. Who comes up with those ideas?"

"I did," Greta said through a gritted beak.

"Cause there are certain things that just do not go together at all."

---------

"This human and that precious, perfect little princess are standing there, riding my ass about my ingredients, like they've never heard of any flavor profile in the world."

---------

"I can tell you that I've never had any problem with that burger from anybody."

"Probably because your own boyfriend can't even bear to tell you about the problems people have with it," Twilight remarked.

"Not only that, that weird salmon burger I got there right around the end, it was like a dry fish patty put in between two buns. I've had fast food fish burgers that tasted better than that!"

"Was it a dry or a soggy bun?" Garai asked.

"What does that matter?" Twilight asked in disbelief.

"Dry, like patte dry."

"We have people tell us that its good like that."

"Probably because you threaten their lives if they don't compliment your food," Twilight snidely said out of the side of her mouth.

"Whatever bitch," Greta replied bitterly.

Moving over to one of the prep tables, Gordon observed the way some of the cooks were preparing the dishes.

"The ravioli dish, do you cook those from frozen?"

"Yes?...."

"Do you know how you can make those better?"

"I could probbly make them from scratch but--"

"No, take them the hell off"

"Of course!" Greta sarcastically replied. "Why don't I just start taking everything off of my fucking menu? And then just close my doors. What the hell do you want me to sell exactly?"

"These are frozen, crap, store bought raviolis and you shouldn't be--"

"I've tried them myself, and they are delicious! Did you even taste that one?"

"I can't even get feedback most of the time from here! They were disgusting!"

"And let me guess? People usually love them?" Twilight asked.

"Yes, actual customers, not people coming here to make a fucking problem for me,"

"Oh come on Greta...."

Unfortunately for him, Greta wasn't listening to him and just went back to cooking like normally. Gordon had enough of her foolishness and decided to attempt the shame angle to see if he can't get the whole of the restaurant to turn on her methods. Twilight and Garai followed him out into the lobby where he got every customers' attention.

"Ladies and gentlemen! May I have your attention for a few seconds please?"

Every griffon and pony in the restaurant turned their attention to the strange creature in the center of the room, wearing eye catching white clothes.

"The owner is trying to pull the wool over your eyes, by offering you frozen raviolis that aren't even made within hundreds of miles of this damn place. So would you mind personally if I eighty-sixed them? Just so I can stop you from eating complete crap?"

Many of the patrons had vengeful and entertained looks in their eyes.

"Sure, go ahead." one of the griffons allowed. "This might be entertaining."

"Well the language might not have been called for, but I am for anything being made for me fresh." Rarity said with confidence."

"Alright then," Gordon said as he turned to Garai. "86 those raviolis. Will you tell your damn girlfriend or should I?"

Garai simply looked back at him like he was going to his grave.

Next Time: Greta's Baking Company Explosive Finale

Evening has fallen upon the mountain city of Griffonstone. The sky is filled with a small layer of clouds, the air is crisp and cool, and snow is steadily falling on every building and road. Wind can be heard whistling through the air, tossing snowflakes to and fro. Construction crews continue to labor away into the dead of night, doing their best to rebuild homes, places of business, and even the very branches of the titanic magical tree the city was built into. While not as friendly as their pony neighbors to the South, more and more griffons passing each other on the street could be seen being more cordial with each other as they went about their business that evening. Unfortunately, the relative serenity of the city all around was being drowned out by the chaos that is happening at a restaurant just a few miles from Downtown.

Greta's Baking Company, formerly Gilda's Baking Company, was about to become a war zone between two growing groups of hostile griffons and a small group of ponies that had arrived from Equestria. Griffons were starting to argue with each other and even started throwing things at one another, despite the ponies best efforts to cool the hostilities of everyone present. Things inside the restaurant weren't faring much better.

Chef Ramsay and his new royal assistant Princess Twilight were doing their best to work with the two owners of the restaurant to fix their problems. The hostile Greta and her submissive boyfriend Garai have made things difficult for the human chef all day. Lunch was a complete disaster as round after round of dishes turned out raw, uncooked, and downright bizarre concoctions straight from Greta's kitchen.

Members of her staff were forced to endure her attitude and horribly slow cooking habits or risk being fired. Which included being forcibly thrown out by Greta's personal bouncers at the front door of the restaurant. Goldie Pheasant hadn't fared much better in the short amount of time she had been there. Gordon had learned from her that she was not allowed to look through orders, nor was she ever allowed to keep tips.

The kitchen staff had it the hardest. Her own sous chef had no control over the kitchen most of the time as Greta hovered over everyone and did the majority of the main courses herself. Talking to each member of the kitchen staff, Gordon learned that they were hardly ever allowed to handle any food themselves, despite each of their numerous years in the culinary field. Cleaning, stocking, and handling food deliveries was all they ever did most of the time. Only ever if Greta had a large order that she felt she was unable to do herself, would she call upon her staff's help. The only griffon in the kitchen who had free rein of her own work was the salad mixer Gemma. She had told Gordon during her own interview that as long as she came no where near any of the meats used in the kitchen, Greta left her to her own devices.

Dinner service has arrived at the restaurant and Greta still continued to deflect everything thrown at her. To make his point very clear to the stubborn griffons, Gordon decided to do a little research involving the customers who were currently eating in the restaurant that night. After getting express permission from the patrons at the restaurant for him to dispose of their food, Gordon walked right up to Garai and bent down so that he was looking straight into his eyes.

"Now are you going to fucking tell your "henfriend" about any of this? Or would you rather I be the actual male here with balls and do it?" Gordon growled.

"I'll do it! I'll do it!" Garai meekly replied as he dashed back into the kitchen.

"Alright my love, just for tonight, no more of those raviolis okay?" Garai tried to say.

However, Greta was in no mood at all for compromise.

"No more meat pies, no more burgers, no more nothing! People can only have cakes tonight," she snidely remarked.

"You know, throwing a temper tantrum isn't going to help yourself. I may not know much about the food industry, but I've ran a business before and if you want to make money, listening to your customers does tend to help," Twilight tried to offer.

Greta just ignored whatever they were trying to say to them and went back to her business. Gordon pulled Garai by his crest feathers back into the dining room to try to get a better understanding of Greta's behavior.

"Why is she being such a stuck up bitch? Why can't she take criticism? You need thick skin in this industry!"

"If I knew exactly chef, I would tell you. All I can think is it might have something to do with how her parents brought her up," Garai did his best to explain.

Meanwhile, Goldie was having quite a difficult time. Many customers had been without their food for well over an hour, and every dish that did make it out of the kitchen decreased in quality as the night went by. Every time she had a problem, she was forced to walk all the way across the room and get Garai just to look through their order records.

"Can you look on G4 and see if they have a ram meat pasta dish on their order?" Goldie asked.

Garai briefly looked through their order records with a tired look on his face and told Goldie that he was unable to find any such order. Afterwards, he quickly made his way back into the kitchen, saying something under his breath about drinking after work.

"So, are you just ignoring a customer's problem?" she quietly asked the absent Garai. "That's pretty negligent.

Quickly looking through the box of previous order slips herself, Goldie eventually came across the slip she was looking for and tried bringing it to Garai's attention without causing problems for herself. Unfortunately, she ended up bumping into Greta and took the risk of asking her instead.

"Yeah, yeah, I got it," Greta snarked. "It goes to table B5."

"Are you sure? It wasn't on the slip," Goldie tried to ask.

"ARE YOU FUCKING QUESTIONING ME? GET THE HELL OUT AND GO BACK TO THAT CRUMBLING SHITHOLE YOU CALL A HOME IF YOU ARE GONNA QUESTION ME!

Goldie slunk back into the dining room saying I'm sorry over a dozen times, while Garai did his best to calm Greta down. Gordon's anger at Greta nearly exploded right out of his chest when he saw Goldie sneak into the bathroom, trying her best to stifle her tears. Rarity saw her and looked over to Gordon who nodded and pointed, giving Rarity the go to assist the distressed hen.

"Greta, that was not okay snapping at her like that--" Twilight tried to start.

"Are you two trying to talk to me right now? Cause I'm not listening to anyone and I'm not dealing with that pretty little shit of a griffon right now."

"Well, I'm just about ready to deal with YOU right now," Twilight growled under her breath.

"I have a feeling my dear, that you are probably going to get your wish very, very, soon here." Gordon replied with a sigh.

In the bathrooms, Rarity walked in over the white tiles hearing faint crying coming from one of the stalls at the far end of the room.

As the hours of the evening passed, food continues to leave the kitchen at a snails pace and every time, it continued to leave restaurant goers unsatisfied and disappointed. Count Le Grand even tried to order a simple Shepard's Pie to sate his appetite, but his order throughout the night went unanswered. Leaving him waiting for food for three hours.

When Goldie finally calmed down, she did her best to gather plates of food from unhappy customers and discreetly bring them back into the kitchen. Gordon took one of the plates from Goldie and decided to look at them for himself. It was even worse than what the patrons had described, forcing Gordon to try to get through Greta's hostile demeanor once again.

"Greta, this food has hardly been eaten at all. Do the servers or the customers tell you?"

"No, cause every time the customer doesn't even lick their plate, nobody tells me anything!"

"Nobody is licking that, let alone eating it!"

Brushing him off once again, Greta went back to her work, blissfully uncaring of all of the problems that were popping up all around her.

"Just ignore him," Greta says to Gemma. "I'm ignoring everything else going on tonight."

Gordon just slapped his face in frustration as Twilight decided to step in with a solution.

"Gordon, if we can't get her to change anything, maybe we can get that boyfriend of her's to. Cause I'm getting fed up with this place, if you'll excuse the expression. There's griffons fighting outside, all of the people here haven't been served anything good all night, and I'm really getting tired of being around this girl. Her boyfriend seems to be a little more reasonable, let's try talking to him."

"No, that's alright. I'll deal with things for now. You go and see if you can't find anything that might help Miss Gilda. If her story is anything to go by, Greta and Garai have been suckering people for quite a while now." he replied. "Take a look around, but do it quietly mind you. We don't need any more trouble than we already have."

"I'll need a distraction then if I'm gonna get back into Greta's office. There's too many people around, and I'd rather not tangle with those mercenaries of her's again."

"I think Greta will probably provide more than enough of a distraction for you once she starts screaming her head off like a ruffian," Rarity chimed in coming over to meet the two. "Perhaps though I can use a bit of my charm and display some of the finer pieces of my boutique.

"A bit unorthodox, but alright. Advertise to your heart's content. Please don't pull out that aluminum monstrosity you brought with us though. They might start vomiting all over the restaurant." Twilight wryly replied to the mare.

Rarity politely coughed into her hoof and sheepishly giggled.

"Oh alright, but its gonna be fabulous when I finally get the details down," she proudly replied.

"Aluminum what?" Gordon asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Ugh, Rarity found some weird article on dresses made out of recycled things during our visit to Earth." Twilight explained while rolling her eyes. "Then, she started making the weirdest dresses imaginable."

"They weren't weird darling. I just haven't managed to capture their true inner beauty as of yet."

"Oh those!" Gordon said in remembrance. "Yeah, I believe they were part of the green movement to encourage people and corporations to reuse various waste objects."

Rarity immediately went to work as she pulled out a large trunk she had brought with her to the restaurant and started displaying some of her more lavish pieces to the customers. The distraction worked flawlessly as the griffons' eyes were glued to many of the jewel encrusted dresses the unicorn advertised. Their greedy instincts kicking in as a few of the younger griffons tried fighting off the urge to steal the ensembles. Meanwhile, Gordon went back to work trying to help Greta and Garai successfully get through a dinner service. His next step was attempting to knock some sense into Garai about confidently talking to Greta. He found another dish that Goldie put straight into the sinks and brought it to the Neighgyptian griffon's attention.

"So that just goes right from the table, and straight into the wash?" Gordon asked.

"They probably did not like it," Garai replied.

"So if they didn't like it, what are we gonna do about it?!"

Garai vainly tried to calm down Gordon and get his attention on something else.

"Let's just finish for today and--"

"No! The kitchen needs to know!" Gordon urged.

"Fine, Fine, Fine," he relented. "Do not blame me though for what happens afterwards."

Going back into the kitchen, Gordon accompanied Garai who looked like he iwas going to his own execution.

"Uh Greta my sweet? The Fish platter? They didn't like it," Gara said cautiously.

"This is all just bullshit," she snidely remarked under her breath.

Greta just grabbed a large cleaver by the side of the wall and began violently chopping ribs. The action made Gordon rather nervous as he made sure there was enough space between each other.

"None of you seem to know about this because that young girl, Goldie, just brings dishes back from the dining room and plops them right into your pot wash there. Is that just a common thing that happens every day? Are your employees too damn scared to say something? You are making mistakes and this business is suffering as a result!"

"Fuck off! I don't want to talk to you right now," Greta said as she brushed him off. "That pony loving hen is behind this I jut know it."

For the moment, he thought it was best to give Greta some room to cool down before he brought down more things on her. Gordon went back out into the dining room where Garai was and found himself face to face with one of the most bizarre sights he had ever seen, Right in the middle of the restaurant, Rarity was conducting her own fashion show. Somehow, in the five minutes he had been in the kitchen with Greta and Garai, Rarity found a way to construct a full size walkway with flashing lights, dancers, and even a few griffons who participated in wearing her dresses. The entire dining room was fixed upon Rarity's impromptu show, who seemed to be enjoying it more than she should have been. Needless to say, Gordon's confusion only skyrocketed as he tried to figure out how Rarity could have accomplished all of this in such a short amount of time. The mare in question was standing beside the walkway on the floor below, cheering on many of the various models who were wearing her dresses.

"Rarity?...How did you do all of this?" he asked the white mare over the sound of the blaring music.

"Hm? Oh Gordon darling, what do you think of my little show? It was quite difficult to find such wonderful models at the last minute but I did it nonetheless." she cheerfully replied.

"We just said to distract the patrons and those guards so Twilight could slip into the back office, we didn't say anything about putting together a whole damn fashion show. How did you even put all of this together?"

"Oh pish posh, this is nothing, you should see the events I'm able to put together back in Ponyville." she replied. "Besides, advertisement here will only do good for my boutiques back in Equestria. I've been running into something of a dry spell as far as customers go."

He looked at her in disbelief before just turning around and going over to a nearby wall. He pressed his face into it and breathed in and out deeply.

"I'll only end up giving myself a fucking stroke if I try to think too hard about it," he reassured himself as he pressed his hands together against his face. "Its not worth it, just let it go and breathe."

Trying desperately to shake a thought about crazy women, Gordon looked around the restaurant for something to check on, Gordon saw Garai at the register cashing out patrons after they had finished their meals. What was interesting is that when he walked closer, he heard a few of the guests offer to give a sizable tip to Goldie for doing such a good job. It was a big sack of bits one of the customers had dropped right on to the counter. They were speaking of her excellent service and her charming demeanor, despite the lackluster nature of their meals. Unfortunately, after the customers left, Gordon spotted Garai pocketing the tip for himself, forcing him to confront the male on the matter.

"That's a pretty nice tip there. Is that for you?" he asked sarcastically.

"Yes, of course. Why not?"

"Don't you think your employees deserve some tips tonight?" he asked accusingly.

"No. They get hourly."

"So do you think if I asked every customer, that when they leave a tip and it goes right into the owner's pocket, do you think they are going to be very happy about that? You know what, why don't I ask a nearby table?"

Gordon found a nearby table of ponies and griffons eating together who were watching Rarity's fashion show. They turned over towards the counter when Gordon called for their attention.

"Sir, if you intend to leave a tip for Goldie, your server, I just thought you should know that the owner takes those tips for himself."

"Wow...that's actually kinda horrible," the gray pony at the table said.

"Yeah, I mean we griffons are greedy, but we don't downright steal these days," a black griffon at the table added.

Garai however, wasn't going to hear anything else as he tried to interject.

"Don't FUCK around with me anymore you whimpering pansy!" Gordon growled.

"I WILL FUCK AROUND WITH YOU ALL I WANT, WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?"

"I'm the guy YOU and your little girlfriend called in to help you and pull your heads out of your arses. I'm tired and fed up with all of your damn bullshit."

"Don't speak to me like I'm some kind of villain," Garai replied with venom. "I am the gangster here, not you."

"Then fucking answer my damn question. Your customers need to be told that YOU are taking their gosh damn tips. Cause wonderful servers like Goldie there deserve them."

"Don't you fucking talk to me like that."

Their conversation devolved into a rant of questions, curses, and arguing as Gordon found absolutely no common ground with Garai. Eventually, the griffon just gave up and moved back into the kitchen to vent his frustrations out at Greta who was still in no mood to talk to anyone.

Meanwhile, Twilight was having her own problems as she rummaged through Greta's heavily disorganized office in the back. She had difficulty sneaking in with Spike in tow, but she miraculously found a way to do so. Each of the filing cabinets were stuffed to the brim with papers, junk mail, letters, financial statements, trash, inventory lists, and various other documents. The disarray of the office sent Twilight into a giggling frenzy as she caved into her base compulsive desire to organize everything in sight. Her attention was split all over the room as she levitated everything with her magic and examined everything. She was forced to shut the blinds when one of the employees passed down the hallway, nearly spotting her inside.

"Whew, that was close," she quietly said to herself. "Now, what system should I use here for these? Numerical, Relevance, or Alphabetical?

"Aren't we trying to trip them up or something? Why should we be helping them?" Spike asked with his tiny arms crossed. "And isn't this considered breaking and entering?"

"Count Le Grand and Steward Denethor gave us full legal reign of Greta's business as long as we stay within the city limits of Griffonstone. Also, we aren't helping them Spike, more we are helping ourselves. Any office that's in this state needs expert hooves to return to its former tidyness. And I like to think that I am those expert hooves."

"Whatever you say miss expert," Spike said rolling his eyes at the mare. "So what are we looking for exactly? Gordon didn't really give us an exact goal here to go by."

"Anything that might help prove Greta's criminal nature in stealing the rights and ownership of the restaurant away from Gilda."

Sighing at the prospect of shoveling through mountains of papers, Spike begrudgingly tromped through the mess of papers and trash in the office and started searching around on his hands and knees for anything that might be helpful to their efforts.

Twilight and Spike spent well over an hour searching through the cramped office, but were no closer to finding anything that might help Gilda's plight. The mare continued to tediously search through every piece of paper in the office, levitating stacks at a time with her magic and float each one in front of her face. Organizing it by relevance and alphabetically as the filing cabinets all around the office soon became full and Twilight was forced to stack papers up against the wall.

"Twilight, this is getting us nowhere." Spike whined as he continued crawling against the ground. "We've been at this for a while. I'm starting to think that Greta didn't want to leave any clues for us to find--urkk!"

BANG

Twilight jumped at the gonging sound, nearly firing off one of her offensive spells.

"What was that?!" Twilight whispered fearfully as she searched around for the source of the loud sound with her glowing horn.

"Just me. Ow! Just me and my aching head. Owwwww! I think I bumped into something," the little drake said gripping his head in mild pain.

Twilight looked down at the drake and helped him up.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I get worse hits from the books back home."

Looking up, she shined her horn's magic light on what Spike's head bumped into. To her surprise, she found a small silver safe tucked underneath one of the desks. It was a fairly newer model, most likely purchased in Equestria. Up till Griffonstone rebuilt its crumbling economy a few months earlier, griffons had to special order certain things. Twilight figured that Gilda was most likely the one who acquired it, knowing that she used to live in Equestria.

"A safe huh? I wonder..." Twilight thought aloud as she approached the safe.

"Are you gonna try to open that thing?" Spike said in an annoyed tone as he rubbed his head.

"I've read a few books on safe cracking and acoustics. Although the only practice subject I've had recently was the Cakes recipe safe. This one is mostly magic proof. I'll only be able to grip the knob with my magic without being forcefully shoved backwards by all of the security measures."

"That was you?" Spike asked humorously. "Pinkie isn't going to be happy when she finds out."

"Hey, I'm trying to go on a diet and she wouldn't tell me what she puts into my breakfast muffins!"

"Go on a diet? Why? You look fine to me. Plus, I've never seen you worry about that sort of thing before. What, are you getting yourself pretty for someone? Unless its for....ohohohohoho!"

Spike began to giggle mischievously as Twilight started to turn beat red.

"It IS for him!" Spike confirmed with glee and humor.

"NO!" the mare snapped quietly, clearly embarrassed. "I just thought, maybe he'd like to see me in better shape when he, you know, finishes his semester on Earth. Can we just skip this conversation please? I'd rather get back to helping Gordon."

"Alright, alright..."

Pressing her ear up against the cold, rough metal of the safe, Twilight cast a hearing amplification spell on herself and started to turn the knob in front of the safe. She could hear the cogs and gears click, clack, twist and turn every which way as she tried to figure out the combination.

Suddenly, a severely loud shouting match coming from the main dining room interrupted her progress, causing her to jump in alarm. The sudden emotion caused her to put more power than intended into her magical grip, which sent the knob on the safe flying off and right through the wall.

"Geez! I wish Gordon would warn us when he's going to start going rapid on people!" Spike said quietly.

"Well, it helped us this time I guess." Twilight chuckled tiredly. "Now, let's see if we can't find something useful here."

Calling Spike over, he placed his claw in the whole where the knob used to be as he pulled the heavy door of the safe wide open, revealing all of its contents inside.

Inside, they found a few large sacs of bits, four gold bars, a small bag of rare gems, and even a small tiara that appeared to have belonged to royalty.

Disappointed by their lack of progress, Twilight was just about to turn around and leave the room to apologize to Gordon. However, her eyes spotted something hiding under the literal treasure hoard that Greta had been hiding away. Lifting and moving the bags, she found an amber colored folder with a number of files and letters inside. Quite a few of them appeared to have both Greta and Gilda's names on some of them.

"This is it! This is what we've been looking for!"

Flipping through the folder, she found a number of letters, correspondences, bank statements, and licenses to the building. She finally came across the deed to the restaurant that was in fact, under Gilda's name originally. Her name had been crossed out and Greta's name was placed above. A letter underneath from a member of the Griffon Royal Bank detailed a plan to root out griffon's friendly to Equestria and bankrupt them. Twilight tried to look for a name to put to the culprit, but none was written down.

"Why that little dirt eating feather brain," Spike said angrily. "If Gordon doesn't do something to her, I can burn her tail feathers if you want. Gilda's our friend now, and nobody does something like that to her and gets away with it!"

"Oh don't you worry. Once I bring this to Count Le Grand's attention, Greta and Garai won't be around for too much longer."

Back outside, things were starting to unravel as Greta finally gave up and decided to shut down the kitchen for the night, completely unable to handle her own stress and anger. Applejack and Count Le Grand weren't faring much better as they were finding it harder and harder to quell the violence of the growing crowd outside the restaurant.

When Goldie tried to go back into the kitchen to clean up before she left for the night, Greta found her and immediately started screaming at the distraught hen. Gordon couldn't believe his eyes what was happening as Greta just vented every ounce of her anger onto Goldie.

"Goldie, get the hell out of here won't you?" Greta snapped.

She tried to quietly leave as best as she could, but Greta simply would not give her a single moment's peace.

"Don't you fucking walk away when I'm trying to talk to you. You don't work here anymore. And don't give me that sissy little crying."

Goldie just couldn't take any more pressure and bullying from Greta as she started bawling right in the middle of the dining room. Garai tried to comfort the hen, Goldie she just shoved him away, unable to process anything. Rarity just watched closely, completely saddened with how bad things had become for everyone there.

"I WASN'T DOING ANYTHING!" Goldie cried out desperately with tears streaming down her face. "I DID NOTHING!"

Garai loudly tried to interject, but everything just ended up turning into an incomprehensible noise.

"YOU'VE BEEN HAVING AN ATTITUDE WITH ME ALL NIGHT LONG!"

"FINE! FINE! I QUIT I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!"

"No, don't do that--" Garai tried to start.

"LET HER! SHE IS QUITTING! SHE COMES INTO MY KITCHEN AND GIVES ME FUCKING ATTITUDE!"

"I just, I...." Goldie tried to start.

She continued crying as she bolted out the door with Rarity following behind her.

"I'll talk to her Gordon. I think I have an idea for Goldie if you and Twilight will allow it." Rarity said with a sad smile.

"Sure, go ahead. She definitely needs it. I'll finish up here and I'll meet you back at uhhh...HQ".

"YOU CAN WALK AWAY WHEN I'M THROUGH TALKING TO YOU!"

Greta tried to sick her personal guards on Goldie, but stopped when Gordon and Twilight stepped in front of her.

"Please Greta, if she doesn't work here anymore, then she is no longer your concern." Twilight wisely stated.

Greta just scoffed and walked back into the kitchen screaming her head off.

"WHAT THE HELL DOES SHE KNOW? WHO IS SHE? SHE IS GONE! THAT'S WHO SHE IS!"

Later, when the crowd outside started receding and going home, Applejack and Count Le Grand came back into the restaurant to find Twilight, Spike and Gordon speaking with Greta and Garai in the center of the room.

"Now you've just fired that young girl." Gordon said in the calmest voice that he could muster. "Let's all just take a deep breath and see if we can't find some form of a resolution here."

The two said nothing, but they reluctantly nodded as Gordon continued.

"Believe it or not, my intentions are pure, despite what may or may not ultimately happen to this place." Gordon said looking at Twilight out of the corner of his eye.

Greta just continued with her bad attitude as she instinctively started shaking her head.

"You're shaking your head."

"I'm listening. Despite how much I don't want to." she added under her breath.

"Look, we are here to try to help this business, but you don't seem to want to let us." Twilight said firmly. "We came here because our best soldiers were getting sick after coming here."

"And that's my problem why?"

"I'm just an apple farmer, but I'd say harming another country's soldiers is the quickest way to create an international incident." Applejack said accusingly.

"Yeah, no kidding." Spike agreed.

"Regardless...the biggest thing here as far as the restaurant goes anyway is that you and Garai are completely unable to take any criticism. From anyone! Why is that?"

"Are you seriously asking me that?"

"Yes, I am. And I want a serious answer from you."

Greta tried answering Gordon, but Garai just interrupted once again, forcing the dysfunctional couple back into an unwinnable argument.

"What I do normally is good and I don't usually have all of this happening," she said.

"The reality of it is you don't know about anything that's going on! Food comes back and goes straight into the dishwasher. That's one of the biggest issues here and it really seems like you both have been avoiding everything! Behind you in that display case are some of the most amazing scones and pastries I've ever seen, even back on Earth. I'm starting to get the idea who was the real genius of this restaurant, and it certainly isnt you two. You are serving food that is crap frozen, and you will never convince anybody with a stable head on their shoulders that they are actually good."

Gordon just ignored the faces that they were giving him as he stood up with the others and prepared to leave for the night.

"Now. I'm going to give you a chance. But only a chance. If things work out, then great. I will be happy for you, but if not, well I will not be responsible for what happens. Come back in tomorrow with an open mind, and let's all try to find some kind of compromise here. Good night."

He walked out of the restaurant with his production crew and the ponies in tow as they started on their back to Gilda's apartment building to get some rest for the evening and plan the final phase of Gordon's attempt to bring order to Greta's Baking Company.

"Well that was one of the craziest things I've ever done," Applejack chuckled in pain.

"I concur Lady Apple," Le Grand replied. "it certainly has been a while since I've defended against a riot that large."

"Let's hope that we don't have to deal with anything like that tomorrow," Spike added. "I'm exhausted."

"Well, if what I found plays to our advantage, I have a feeling that Greta and Garai won't be there for much longer," Twilight said with a grin.

"What did you find?" Gordon asked curiously.

Twilight pulled out the folder and showed it to Gordon who read through each of the contents and slapped it closed.

"Gilda would probably appreciate seeing all of this very much. We should probably hurry back though. If Greta goes through her safe tonight, she's gonna go ballistic." Gordon stated.

"I say bring her on! That girl is more ornery than a cat with a thorn in its paw." Applejack said.

"What do you have if I may ask?" Count Le Grand inquired.

Gordon handed the folder over to the Count who went through it.

"This is quite serious. I'm going to have to take this up with the Steward. This letter was not written by any legal member of the Royal Bank I can tell you that. We got rid of that paper stock over two years ago."

"Well it came from somebody who works or at least worked there!" Twilight snapped. "And that somebody is trying to get Greta to start a war with our two countries."

"That's what I'm afraid of milady. I'm afraid if Chef Gordon is unable to resolve this, the Castle shall be forced to take drastic actions to rectify the situation. I bid you all a good night. I must be off."

Then Count Le Grand took off into the night as he started his flight back to the royal griffon castle.

"I hope I'm not causing anything bad by being here Twilight," Gordon said apologetically.

"Its nothing you are doing Gordon. You've been nothing but helpful and nice to everypony since you got here. You've taken us all in stride and I'm thankful for that." Twilight replied reassuringly. "I'm just hoping what we are doing here doesn't provoke anybody to try something drastic or this is going to get ugly really fast."

As soon as they got back to the apartment, they found Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie playing cards with Gilda who was starting to look a lot better than she did before. She appeared to be a lot cleaner too than when they first had met. Gordon theorized that the girls had finally convinced the griffon to finally bathe and take care of herself. The apartment was somewhat cleaner as well. Trash had been picked up and thrown out, dust had been cleaned out, the shag carpeting was cleaned, and even her large stacks of dishes had disappeared.

"Oh hey, you're back," Gilda greeted tiredly. "Good to see you survived that place."

"Sooooo, how did it go?" Pinkie cheerfully asked.

"Did that grumpy bird finally get some comeuppance?"

"Not quite...yet anyway." Twilight admitted. "A lot has happened today that's for sure."

As if to extenuate her point, Rarity came into the apartment with a still sobbing Goldie.

"Hello! We're back!" Rarity greeted. "Give this one a minute, the poor daring needs some time to get her thoughts together."

Gilda lifted her head and her face somewhat brightened up when she recognized the hen.

"Goldie? Is that you? What are you doing here?" Gilda asked curiously.

"M-Miss Gilda? Oh, I'm so, so sorry, I had no idea that this was your apartment. I'll just go and be on my way," Goldie said as she tried to leave.

"No! Wait! It's...cool. I like you. You can stay if you want, but...why are you here exactly?"

"I'm afraid that's my doing Gilda dear," Rarity chimed in. "After what happened at the restaurant, Goldie wandered the streets for well over two hours before I convinced her to come here with me."

"What...happened at the restaurant exactly?" Gilda asked cautiously.

"From the way you look, it must not have been very fun," Pinkie added.

"Or safe," Fluttershy said. "You have a lot of scratches on you Applejack! I'll get some of the bandages and patch you right up."

"I hope I didn't miss the chance to bash some skulls in," Rainbow said with humor and vague irritation.

"Ya didn't miss much sugarcube," Applejack said while rolling her eyes. "Just a bunch of dumb drunk males throwing ale bottles and knocking heads at each other."

"Getting back on topic..." Gordon said firmly to the group. "We definitely have quite a few things to update you on. Especially given that its your restaurant that I'm evaluating at the moment."

Twilight, Spike and Gordon recounted to the group everything that had happened that day up to that current point. Gilda's expression meanwhile remained unchanged and disappointed the whole time their tales of the day were told, as if she had expected everything from the beginning. When Gordon got to the point about what happened to Goldie, Gilda got up on to her paws

"Greta and Garai...fired you, FOR THAT?" Gilda asked in a dangerously low tone. "AND MADE YOU CRY?!!!?"

The griffon inhaled and let out a roar that shook the entire apartment, scaring Fluttershy to flee underneath the cushions of her couch. Her roar was so loud and thunderous that it shook the very floor beneath their feet. Some night time passersby could hear it all the way down from the street below. The other members of the group, including Gordon, covered their ears and tried to subtly distance themselves from the griffon. All the while, Pinkie and Rainbow just sat still with grins on their faces.

"Hold on Gildie, hold on!" Pinkie said encouragingly. "Your cuttle bone! Where's your cuttle bone? Where's your cuttle bone? Get your cuttle bone!"

The griffon struggled to control her anger as she pulled a giant tan bone with a strange texture out of a nearby drawer and started to grind her beak down on it. The sound of her beak grinding against the bone was horrible, like nails on a chalk board. However, the strange method seemed to work as she started to calm down after a few minutes.

Placing her cuttle bone back where it was, she walked up to Goldie and gave her a hug.

"Why didn't you come to me earlier kid?" Gilda asked. "You're my pal, and you were my best employee. You can trust me."

"I...just didn't want to see you disappointed in me Miss Gilda," Goldie said sadly. "You've always been so kind and helpful, ever since you hired me. When I was thrown out by Greta, I just...didn't have the heart to come see you. It took a lot of convincing from Miss Rarity to finally come see you."

"What happened isn't your fault Gold. Its mine," Gilda lamented. "I was so caught up with the idea of making a new griffon friend in Greta that I didn't stop to see what kind of person she was first. I tried to help her when she met Garai, but nothing I said seemed to do much of anything to change her mind. Heh, maybe I can write one of those little letters to that pony princess of yours Dash. Might make me feel a little better venting to someone."

"I think we can arrange that." Twilight said approvingly.

"Why don't you stick around for the night Goldie?" Gilda asked. "I'd love to have ya."

"Really? I'd hate to be a burden on you." Goldie said while pathetically clawing at the floor.

"Na, you're fine," she reassured. "We're all friends here."

"The big point I wanted to get to though, is while I was reviewing the restaurant, Twilight and Spike found something very important that I think you should see," Gordon said.

He had the griffon's attention as Twilight levitated the folder over to her with all of its incriminating evidence against Greta.

The griffon snatched the folder out of the air as soon as it was close enough to her and read through everything, just as Twilight, Gordon and the Count had done prior. As soon as she was done, she angrily slammed it on to her coffee table with a pained look in her eyes.

"I KNEW IT! SHE HAD IT IN FOR ME FROM THE VERY START!" she cried. "ALL BECAUSE I LIKE YOU GUYS! She-she was never my friend at all was she?"

"This is bigger than just Greta I'm afraid. Somebody in your government is trying to return the Griffon Lands to the way they were thousands of years ago by rooting out griffons who closely affiliate themselves with ponies." Twilight added. "Count Le Grand said he would look into it, but I have to admit, I'm not expecting much from his intervention."

"So what happens now then?" she sniffed out.

"Now, I'm gonna try one more thing to try to get through to Greta. But unfortunately, if I can't, Twilight has told me that your Steward has finally allowed us to use some...extreme measures, now that he's heard some of Equestria's troops were more or less poisoned by Greta there." Gordon explained. "It will probably be even more necessary knowing that riots are starting to crowd outside of that place on a daily basis.

"What kind of drastic measures do you have in mind?"

After getting some well needed rest, Gordon, the girls, and the production crew return to the restaurant once again for their final attempt to make some sort of headway with Greta and Garai.

When they approached the restaurant that morning, they were confused to find it unusually dark. Gordon tried approaching the doors to open them, but when he gave one of the handles a tug, he found them locked up tight.

"Oh fuckin hell..." he swore under his breath.

"Anyone at home?" Pinkie asked in a sing song voice as she pressed her muzzle up against the glass.

"It doesn't seem like it." Gordon said. "I've seen this before. Sometimes, its rare, but sometimes when the restaurant owner isnt there, they have the restaurant closed. Even if its on business week days."

"Mr and Mrs Cake always try to have people handling the bakery whenever they aren't around." Pinkie said. "That's why they hired me to be their new manager!"

"Something I'm afraid Greta, it seems did not take to heart Pinkie," Twilight added. "So what do we do now?"

"Now, we do a bit more background searching. Why don't we see if we can't find former employees of the restaurant?" Gordon suggested.

Doing a bit of searching, Gordon eventually found two former employees of the restaurant a few hours later. He arranged for them to meet him at a fountain near the restaurant where they could talk about their experiences at Greta's Baking Company. The group found two sitting at a table next to the fountain, as Gordon approached them in a friendly manner.

"Hi there. I'm Chef Gordon, nice to meet the two of you." he greeted.

"Likewise. I'm Gus and this is Gwen," the male griffon reciprocated.

Gordon pulled out a chair opposite from them and sat down, leaning forward slightly. The girls decided to hang back as they continued to observe Gordon's methods from afar.

"So what was your job at the restaurant when Gilda hired you Gwen?" Gordon asked.

"At first, I was hired as a food runner." she explained. "Garai told me that they didn't like griffons who went to culinary school in Equestria. He said that he thought we didn't really know anything. When Miss Gilda was thrown out, I was only allowed to pour water glasses for the customers and set them at the table. So I worked up front for a few months and I basically had to beg on my claws and back knees to get back into the kitchen."

"Wow!" Gordon said with disbelief. "What about you Gus?"

"I was a busser for the most part." he answered.

"How long ago were you there?" Gordon asked.

"A little over a month."

"And what kind of things did you see in the dining room?"

Gus adjusted his chair to let his tail move more freely and scooted in so that his elbows were resting on the table before he continued.

"Garai and Greta were always in a bad mood in one way or another. I've never seen them in a good mood ever. I don't think they are capable of taking complaints in a professional manner. That's not even the worse part."

Gus's face started to turn red with anger and embarrassment as he started to recall a rather painful memory.

"Did something happen?" Gordon asked cautiously.

"Garai...made me wash his damn racing chariot one day." Gus said through a gritted beak.

"What???"

"That was probably the most humiliating thing I've ever been forced to do by them."

"Chef, I think I've seen at least 70 people come and go from that restaurant while I was working there." Gwen added. "I know we griffons can be a bit difficult sometimes, but we aren't exactly assholes to each other any more. Which is why I don't get why Greta is acting like this is still ancient times when we were at war and shit."

"Excuse me, 70???"

"Yeah, and they were just in and out of that place so fast."

Gordon swore he could vaguely hear Rarity, Applejack, and Twilight mumble to themselves about inept managing of a business, but he decided to ignore it for the time being.

"What happens there exactly, when customers complain about their food?"

"They get told that they're wrong," Gwen explained. "They are always like, "No, your wrong. We have the best food in the world and nobody can tell us differently." There have been many times when customers have gotten food that never so much as touched a stove and when they tell Greta or Garai to cook it, they get insulted, and in the rare occasion, she has her little guards throw the poor souls out of the restaurant and on to the dirt. The customer is always wrong there."

"That is insane."

"Those two couldn't manage a restaurant if you personally taught them to chef," Gus said. "Everything was awesome when Gilda was running things."

"Yeah! I remember how she would always compliment us when we were doing a good job"

"And don't you remember when she baked us all of those great scones to have on our break that one time?"

"Yeah, she was the best."

Rainbow and Pinkie were silently congratulating themselves for helping the former bully unlock such a tender side of herself.

The two griffons sat there for a moment with content smiles on their faces, recalling good memories, until Gordon cleared his throat to get their attention.

"So what exactly do you personally think is their problem?" Gordon asked sincerely.

"I don't think its anything exact chef," Gwen stated. "I have no idea what it is, but either she's doing it intentionally or they genuinely believe that the entire world is just going out of its way to attack them at every possible moment. That hen and her boyfriend are nuttier than squirrels."

After the interview, Gordon thanked them for the feedback and went on his way with the rest of the girls, feeling that he now had enough to confront Greta and Garai.

When they returned to the restaurant later that afternoon, Pinkie and Rainbow said that they were going to head back to Gilda's apartment, but they never clarified why.

Going inside once again, the group found Greta and Garai wandering around the front house of the restaurant preparing for their early evening service.

"Afternoon, you two,"

"Afternoon" Greta replied in a monotone voice.

Garai just grumbled something under his breath.

"You don't seem very happy right now Garai," Gordon stated.

"I'm exhausted." he replied.

"Well, today is a new day, and that's always a good thing."

"Yeah, I hope so. I've never had an experience like this before, and its very tiring."

"Well, that certainly makes two of us because I've never had an experience quite like this either.

Going over to a table in the middle of the room, Gordon motioned for them to sit down on one side while he sat down on the other. Greta looked like she was putting on the fakest smile imaginable as she went into an apologetic tirade.

"We wished to clarify a few things with you good sir," she said in a rehearsed tone. "Just so that there is no longer any animosity between any of us."

"Gotta try lot harder than that for that to be a reality," Applejack muttered under her breath.

Greta was trying her hardest to ignore the wave of angry glares that was coming from the group of ponies that had come with the human.

"Alright, let's clarify. What exactly did you want to clarify?" Gordon asked the duo patronizingly.

"What I had a problem with is the comments you were making to me last night when I was trying to focus on the food." Greta said indignantly.

"Let's just look at one thing at a time, as I will try to be brutally honest with you," he replied. "For me, coming to Griffonstone to help the ponies was only part of it. The biggest part of coming here was to uncover the truth in many aspects. As far as the food goes, I definitely uncovered a few things. When I'm told the raviolis are fresh--"

"Nobody told you that," Greta snidely interrupted.

"Can I finish? Thank you. When your boyfriend told me that the raviolis were fresh, I naturally wanted to order them. The raviolis I got were disgusting and they certainly were not fresh as you claimed."

"I forget, why is that such a big deal?" Rainbow whispered to Twilight.

"Apparently Gordon is a stickler for the claims people make about their food," she replied quietly.

"Well of course sugarcube," Applejack quietly chimed in. "I of all ponies would like him to call me out if my family doesn't use fresh ingredients for our recipes. The freshness of our products is something the Apple family is known for. And we are sure darn proud of it. It would be a sin to use any of that chemical crud companies use nowadays."

"If you are going to try and continue to pull the wool over the customers eyes by sending them fake made raviolis, they need to know," the man continued. "That set my alarm bells off."

Greta tried to interrupt but a look that the girls couldn't see made the griffon look off in a different direction.

"Now you may want to sit there and argue, but you do not seem to be prepared to know that I am here to show you what is the right thing to do here. I am actually trying to help you, but you can't seem to take that."

"I have no problem with the food."

"I told you about the burger and again you refused to listen,"

"I ASKED YOU WHAT WAS WRONG WITH IT," she snapped.

"Again, you come with excuse after excuse, after excuse, and I did tell you what was wrong with it."

As if to put her into her place, he signaled to his producer, two of his camera men quickly set up a projection screen that played a recording of what happened the day before.

The camera played the footage that was captured in the kitchen:

-----

"Fucking wake up! My food was undercooked! Something that obviously shouldn't be happening!"

Greta looked like she was about to bite off her own tongue.

"I don't think your lamb rack was undercooked. I checked it after I took it out of the oven, just like I do with every dish that I take out of there, and to me, it was cooked and brown like good meat should be."

"Okay, okay," Gordon replied annoyed. "That's your fairy tale version, cause you didn't see it come back. However, the lamb was pink as my earth pony friend's fuzzy arse, and my burger was soggy as hell in the bun, and all of those ingredients. The bacon bits, the bleu cheese, the marinated mushrooms, the white truffle oil. Those first three things are amazing on more successful burger recipes, but the fourth thing completely ruins the rest. Who comes up with those ideas?"

"I did," Greta said through a gritted beak.

"Cause there are certain things that just do not go together at all."

-----

When the recording stopped, both of the griffons were starting to boil as Gordon could hear some of the girls behind him, try to stifle their giggling.

"W-Well, what about the salmon burger? It didn't seem that you could make your mind up about it. You said it was wet and you said it was dry, well which one is it?"

"I TOLD YOU IT WAS FUCKING DRY! IT WAS FUCKIN RANCID YOU STUPID DONKEY!!!"

Somewhere back in Canterlot Castle, Luna had a strange pleasant sensation go down her spine like a tingle. Like the feeling of adrenaline rushing into her blood before a violent battle. She looked dreamily out of a window thinking of the human chef and fantasizing about the damage he could do to his enemies.

"One of the things that astounded me most of all is the way that you screamed at that delightful young girl last night."

"Would YOU let anybody come into your restaurant and into your kitchen and speak to you the way that that little harlot spoke to me last night?" she growled.

"Yeah," he replied nonchalantly. "She was just asking a question. A simple clarifying question."

"Do you think we are gonna let some fucking punk hold a sword to out necks and we're gonna give them our ass and let them do anything they want from us?" the griffon ranted.

"All she asked, is are you sure?"

"NO she said that with an attitude. A serious attitude."

"No she didn't. She was working late for you, she was tired, and her voice just dropped a little in tone," Twilight added. "A common side effect of exhaustion."

"Nicely said." Gordon thanked. "And YOU are over exaggerating again. You blame her, and you blame the customers, but customers were waiting for their food, through your boyfriend's constant mistakes.

Garai tried his hardest to brush off the negative emotions he was feeling and negotiate with Gordon.

"Let's just forget all of that for today, if we are gonna continue the show and we are going to try to start here from scratch--" Garai started.

"I'm going to forget that you said the word show, cause while the recording equipment is here for people back on Earth, all of this here is not a show for me." Gordon stated. "I was brought here to root out restaurants and hotels starting mass epidemics all over the world, which at the moment, includes this restaurant as well."

"I don't know what you want to call it then," Garai angrily said back.

"This is a dead restaurant with a delusional owner that can't take criticism or when she does get it, she physically harms the people that give it out. I met two of your former employees Gwen and Gus. And I got told some pretty awful things. The way you treat staff, they are forced to clean racing vehicles in the middle of service because the boss wants his racing chariot cleaned, and then witnessing over 70 staff members be fired. 70! In such a short time."

"Really?" she sneered at Gordon. "You are saying that I fired 70 staff members since those two were here, YOU are saying that?"

"I am."

"Can you prove that to me?"

"Here we go again Greta, just look at yourself," Twilight said sitting down in the chair next to Gordon. "Just look at how bitter you are being at everyone who talks to you. Gordon and I tried to help you at first, despite how much I dislike you for the things you did to my new friend, but you just keep rejecting everything!"

"TELL ME RIGHT NOW! HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE BEEN FIRED HERE?" Gordon growled at the two.

Greta went silent, defiantly refusing to answer his question until it looked like that Garai had something to say. He tried to move his beak, but looking over at Greta caused him to seize up.

"GARAI!" Twilight shouted. "Do you have anything to add to all of this? It looks like you do."

He just looked back and forth at everybody in the room sweating profusely, until he nervously let out his answer.

"Sh-She was wrong your highness." he stuttered. "Its not 70, its closer to 1200. Maybe more."

Gordon , Twilight, and Applejack simultaneously nearly had a heart attack when that number was spoken.

"Fucking wow! So the stats are actually a LOT worse than even what Goldie told me they were, cause she said a thousand."

"Are you even able to tell your henfriend that?" Applejack interjected as she approached the table herself. "You don't have enough balls to tell that to your own girl? My big brother hardly says a word and his gall could probably block out the sun compared to you."

Rainbow and Pinkie had to shove their hooves into their mouths to keep themselves from violently laughing.

Greta just angrily got up, telling everyone that she needed a drink..

"Where are you goin exactly? We still have more than a few bones to pick with you lady," Applejack snapped.

Greta retreated once again to the safety of her walk in cooler as her top was about to blow off for good.

Twilight and Gordon and the rest of the group could hear her ranting and raving all the way from the dining room as they all prepared for the worst.

"I DID NOT COME HERE TO BE ABUSED IN MY OWN FUCKING RESTAURANT!" she roared as she came back out to the dining room. "All that has been happening all week is we have been constantly attacked."

"Attacked?" Gordon breathed out.

"YOU have been the one that's been attacked?" Applejack cried incredulously. "Give me a break."

"YEAH! FUCKING ATTACKED!"

"Why do you behave like this all the time Greta?" Twilight asked genuinely. "We've seen you like this when we first stepped into those doors a few days ago."

"BECAUSE YOU FUCKERS INSULT ME EVERY FUCKING DAY! YOU INSULTED ME YESTERDAY AND I BIT DOWN ON MY TONGUE TO KEEP MYSELF FROM RIPPING YOUR THROAT OUT! I DIDN'T TELL YOU ANY NASTY THINGS!"

"Really?" the whole group asked in unison

"Every time I told you about an issue with my food, you constantly refused to listen and you still refuse to listen now." Gordon said.

"YOU ARE JUDGING ME BASED ON YOU COMING IN HERE AND DISRUPTING THE SERVICE!"

"Disrupting???"

"YOU DID DISRUPT US YOU FUCKING SMART ASS!"

"What about my lunch? What about everyone's food that they were waiting patiently for YOU to get your claws out of your ass? Who disrupted you then?" Gordon asked.

"EVERYONE!!!!!!! ALL OF YOU!!!! EVERY LAST FUCKING PONY, PONY LOVER AND LIMP DICK GRIFFON WHO COMES INTO MY PLACE!!!!"

The kitchen door slammed open as everyone turned their heads to see a familiar griffon step out with teary eyes filled with rage.

"Your place?" Gilda said in a low roar."It wasnt ever your place. It was MY place. Until you stole it from me."

"What are YOU doing here? You aren't allowed in here any more. BOYS!!!"

She tried to call for her mercenaries, but Rarity just stepped out from behind Gilda giggling like a school girl.

"I'm afraid your boys are a little tied up at the moment darling," Rarity said mischievously.

Somewhere in a nearby ditch, three griffons were tightly bound up in durable twine and clothing fabric, struggling desperately for their lives.

"Did--Did you ever like me at all? Was our friendship ever real?" Gilda asked with tears falling down her cheeks.

"Of course not you weak, little runt!" Greta vilely spat out. "You were only ever my pay day to get to the top. My helpless in need girl act caught you hook, line, and sinker back then, and you fell for all of it. Besides, you could have helped me with my bigger plans, but you were too caught up in the stuff your little "pony friends" taught to you. Fucking gag me! This is my money machine and I'm never gonna ever let it get away from me. It doesn't matter anyway, I'll just rip all of you to shreds and clean up the trash before dinner service comes around".

Greta roared and tackled Gordon and Twilight to the ground before they could react. They struggled to hold back her beak and her powerful talons from ripping into their flesh. Gordon grunted in pain as Greta managed to make deep scratches into his arms, sending blood trickling down. Twilight didn't fare much better as Greta managed to latch her beak onto her shoulder, making her scream from the searing pain. Her back paws dug into Twilight's leg, scratching it badly

"GET OFF OF THEM!!!!!" Gilda screamed at the top of her lungs as she launched herself across the room.

The others jumped in to help as they tried to pull Greta off of the two while also fending off Garai who was trying his best to defend his mate.

Gilda used her beak to bite down onto Greta's tail, causing her to shriek as she turned onto her new target. Pinkie and Applejack lifted a nearby table and smashed it into Greta's head, sending her into a daze. Gordon got up on to his feet and got in three solid punches to the face and chest before Twilight finally blasted her through the front windows, sending millions of shards of glass flying in every direction. Greta slid over ten feet across the dirt outside before she finally came to a stop and slipped into unconsciousness.

"Greta! My dear! Why you!" Garai tried to start before Gilda smashed his face into the front counter and knocked him out.

"I never did like that guy."

Pinkie just started giggling, which sent the whole group into a fit of laughter for two minutes, before they returned to the reality of the present moment.

"Ow, that definitely makes a record on Kitchen Nightmares," Gordon groaned painfully as Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash gently helped him off of the floor. "I just hope that this doesn't start becoming a habit you know. As much as I like all of you, I'd rather get back to Earth alive,"

"Most violent probably," Twilight added as Applejack and Pinkie supported her.

"Don't worry, Gordon, we got your back every step of the way." Rainbow proudly proclaimed.

Silence returned for a few seconds as they gathered themselves until Gilda finally said something.

"I think...you guys can do that thing that you said. That extreme thing." she said sadly.

"Are you sure? Cause once I do it, it can't be reversed. Without the Elements, even I'm not powerful enough to." Twilight asked.

"No, that's okay. This place died off long ago. And I think its time that I moved on. Just give me a moment all right?"

"Take all the time you need Gil," Rainbow Dash said kindly. "We are in no rush."

For the next twenty minutes, they watched the griffon slowly go through the entire restaurant, looking at things of significance or stroking items that she had used in the past. It was heartbreaking for everyone who watched, like seeing somebody say goodbye to an old friend for the last time. After she was done, she somberly walked outside on to the curb with everyone. Gordon's production team took only ten more minutes to take down all of the gear that they had set up inside the restaurant. Pinkie went back inside one more time to grab Garai by the tail as she dragged him across the floor and outside, where they were all standing, waiting for something to happen.

Gordon turned to Twilight who nodded at him and stepped forward.

"I can't believe in my lifetime that I get the chance to say this, but: "You may fire when ready." he said with an unsure voice.

Twilight kneeled down and closed her eyes as her horn started to whir and glow brighter and brighter. The whirring became louder and louder with each passing second until finally, her eyes opened, showing an explosion of power as her horn blasted out a blinding beam that engulfed the entire restaurant. The light became so bright that everyone present was forced to cover their eyes.

When they opened their eyes, they found that the restaurant had completely disappeared, leaving nothing but a black smoldering spot where the restaurant used to be.

"Holy shit," Gordon swore. "You vaporized the place."

"Matter cannot be created or destroyed, it can only be moved from one place to another," Twilight recited. "I hope that's right anyway."

"What?" everyone asked in unison.

"I didn't destroy it, I just, teleported it. I'm not entirely sure where though," she remarked.

Meanwhile, a certain draconeques took quite a scare seeing a building pop into existence right outside of his shower room window.

The thundering sound of marching could be heard from behind them as the group turned to find a small platoon of guards led by Count Le Grand approaching what was left of the restaurant.

"Ah, I take it then that things didn't go too well. Are you quite alright milady Sparkle?" the Count asked earnestly.

"They got in a few scratches, but all in all, I think we're alright," Twilight chuckled.

The Count merely shook his head in disapproval and ordered his men to gather up Greta and Garai. They were picked up off the ground and placed in cuffs as they were slung across their backs.

"For the crime of not only harming the soldiers of a fellow nation and attacking a ruler AND an an ambassador of two separate nations," Le Grand proclaimed referring to Gordon and Twilight. "The Griffonstone citizens Greta and Garai shall be sent to prison where they will await trial in the high court. I am truly sorry that it had to come to this Lady Sparkle and Ambassador Ramsay. I must also apologize to you too as well Miss Gilda."

"Me? Why apologize to me?" she asked confused.

"My son Gustav has spoken highly of you. I believe he used to be your teacher?"

"Chef Gustav is your son? Yeah, I took a lot of his classes way back when."

"He often spoke of how beautiful your mind and soul were when you interacted with food. It is tragic what happened to your legacy here, and I failed to stop it. For that, I feel as if I should apologize to you."

"Its not your fault." she assured.

"While you can't control the actions of others, you can control the people you hang out with, in time, the difference between a false friend and a true friend will surely come to light," Gordon recited.

"Hey, that's my line," Twilight jabbed at Gordon with a giggle.

"It sounded good at least."

Next Time: Down the Mountain.

The morning was progressing steadily over the heart of the city of Griffonstone. The cold crisp air bit through even the thickest of fur and feathers as it whisked through the mountains. A snow storm that was blowing harshly the night before was coming down gently and gracefully, painting a calming picture on this winter morn. A few warm rays of sunlight peeked through the clouds as a silver lining in the sky began to form. One new sight in this relatively perfect scene is the smoldering black spot of land right outside of the city center. Here was where the viciously unpopular Greta's Baking Company used to stand. Ponies, Griffons, and a small group of humans could be seen gathered in front of the disaster sight, lamenting on the events that have happened over the past few days.

Gordon Ramsay and Twilight Sparkle stood there in front of the smoldering piece of land with somewhat sad, but also content faces, glad that the Nightmare was finally over. Each of their party took the events of the day differently and were doing different things to cope with the stress. Applejack was trying her best to stay strong for everyone else, despite how exhausted she was feeling. Fighting off crowds of angry griffons was not something any normal pony did and it took quite a toll on her stamina. Rarity looked on at the destruction with a hint of disappointment and sadness, but also sympathy. Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie just stood there huddled up against Gilda as she stared at the now empty land with despair and gloom.

It was a feeling that Chef Gordon had seen in many a person who had their restaurants closed down for one reason or another. It was like seeing one of your children die. Something you had put so much of your life and precious time into, and watch it grow with pride. Only to have it disappear due to circumstances that were often out of the owner's control. However, while many of the owners he had come across squandered their chances, Gilda did the best she could and made something beautiful. Especially in a place like Griffonstone that seemingly rejected beauty. He couldn't help but feel bad for the griffon. She was young, kind, strong, rather pretty for being a different species, and she was talented. Seeing such talent be rejected by the world did break his heart every now and then.

The tension and depression of the situation was so uncomfortable to everyone. But not more so than Spike, who had been doing his best to be as silent and supportive as he could.

"So what now?" Spike asked. "

"Now my boy, I think its time we should start heading on home." Gordon muttered to the drake. "However, I have a feeling that the girls have something in mind before we start heading home."

"Really? What?"

Gordon gestured to Twilight and Rarity who were slowly walking towards Gilda and Goldie, both of which looked like all happiness had disappeared from the world entirely. Twilight did her best to show as much tact and respect as she could muster, given the circumstances.

"So...what are you going to do now?" Twilight asked the somber griffon.

"Who cares anymore?" she sniffed. "I'll probably just head back to Grandpa Gruff's Cafe and hope that I can make enough money to get by. Even that is doubtful considering how bad his business is."

"Your Grandpa does his best Gilda," Fluttershy reminded. "He's just a little bit, bad with normal world things."

"Well he called me statue lover and feather snatcher, so he can't be all bad," Pinkie added goofily.

"ITS NOT FAIR!" Rainbow Dash cried. "You didn't deserve any of this. Why did we have to destroy the restaurant?"

"You know why Rainbow," Twilight scolded gently. "Equestrian laws are clear. Deliberately attacking or incapacitating Elite Troops, let alone Celestia's personal Solar Praetorians is a grave criminal offense. It would have led to an international incident if we didn't resolve things quickly. Our friendship with the Griffon Republic has always been questionable and shaky at best."

"Still, this whole thing is a steaming pile of Minotaur shi--" Rainbow started.

"Rainbow! Please!" Rarity pleaded calmly. "This was nobody's fault. Except Greta and Garai's fault maybe. Despite all of that though, I believe I might have an easy solution to our predicament here."

Gordon had heard Twilight, Pinkie, and Rarity's suggestion for the two griffons the previous night when they talked alone and he was quite happy to see such a resolution come out of such a bleak situation.

"What solution?" Gilda asked in disbelief.

"How would you both like to become official citizens of Equestria?" Twilight said with a smile.

"WHAT?" everyone there gasped.

"Citizens?" the griffons asked confused.

"Why yes darlings," Rarity spoke up. "It would certainly make setting up your new employments a lot easier. Not to mention less paperwork."

"You do paperwork?" Twilight asked humorously.

"Its mandatory in my line of work dear. How else do you think I keep track of all of my supplies and products? I'm actually thinking of taking a Financial Accounting class at Ponyville Town Hall in a few weeks here. It would certainly benefit me to learn more."

"Wh-What do you mean new employments?" Goldie asked nervously.

Pinkie zipped in front of the griffons and pulled them into a painfully tight hug, all the while maintaining an abnormally large smile.

"We're giving you new jobs silly geese!" Pinkie jumped in. "The restaurant business is kinda lacking in Ponyville and another one is always welcome. I have enough money from being an Element to help you start up a location. Plus, Mr. and Mrs. Cake's bakery is getting rough to run with only three of us. I kinda need an assistant manager if you catch my drift Gilly."

"And with my boutique becoming more and more of a success, I need someone to promote my brand. How would you like to become my fashion model/store supervisor Goldie dear?"

"You mean they can come live with us? Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh!" Rainbow said ecstatically.

The bombardment of offers stunned the two griffons. Everything seemed to freeze as they heard those words being spoken. It was like waking up from a terrifying nightmare and being introduced to something wonderful. Their beaks began to twitch up into warm thankful smiles as tears of joy. Suddenly, Gilda leaped off of the ground without a moment's notice and tackled everyone into a big group hug, sobbing joyfully. The hug in of itself felt nice, but Gilda put more strength into it than she intended, and knocked the air out of every pony present. It made their lungs feel surprised. The bad kind of surprised. Except for Pinkie Pie who was loving every second of it.

"Does that mean yes?" the pink mare asked.

"OF COURSE YES, YOU WONDERFUL PINK IDIOT!!!" Gilda cried.

"I will agree, ahem." Goldie coughed politely. "It is quite an offer. One that, I honestly did not expect you to make to someone like me your Majesty."

She squeezed tighter, making Pinkie screech in the way that only a squeaky toy would. After a few seconds, she loosened her grip upon the uncomfortable ponies, feeling better than she felt in years. Gordon and Spike sat on the side lines with his production crew, amused and charmed at the scene unfolding before them. Twilight and her friends needed a moment, but after they were able to properly breathe again, they regained their composure.

"This is awesome!" Rainbow hoof pumped. "You can bunk with me again! I've always wanted a room mate!"

"What about Griffonstone Gilda? Isnt this like your home or something?" Applejack asked.

"Isn't your family here?" Fluttershy asked hopefully.

"There's...nothing here for me anymore. I never knew my birth parents, they died in Grasputin's revolt right after I was born. Grandpa Gruff has my aunt to take care of him, and my apartment is falling apart at the seams."

"Oh Gilda, I'm so sorry," the butter colored pegasus consoled.

"My condolences Gilda, that's always rough. I may not know them, but I'm willing to bet that they loved you a lot."

"Thanks Gord. I appreciate that" Gilda said with a sad smile. "I just had a crummy deck all my life filled with nothing but bad claws."

"Doesn't she mean bad hands?" Jay asked with an eye roll.

"What about you then Goldie?" Twilight asked, rubbing her sore chest.

"Are you sure you want me miss Rarity?" Goldie asked timidly. "I'm nothing special. I'm just a poor waitress."

"You're a beautiful young lady who could go far in the fashion industry darling. Don't ever sell yourself short like that," Rarity said firmly. "I simply won't allow it. Your performance in the fashion show the other night was absolutely stunning. Most adult mare models don't move as gracefully as you do."

Goldie felt her face grow hot as she blushed heavily. The praise was almost too much for the poor girl to take.

An hour later, the group had arrived back at Gilda's apartment and started helping her pack. Thankfully, Rarity had brought along a few extra trunks in the event of an emergency. With the addition of a pocket dimension enchantment Twilight placed upon the trunks, Gilda was able to gather every last piece of furniture, clothing, and stationary that she had in her apartment. The group was quite surprised to see how many things Gilda had been hoarding in her closet alone. Soon enough, all of her belongings were safely stored away in her new enchanted trunk. The only thing to do before heading on their way was gathering Goldie's belongings.

Goldie led them to the western part of town, and towards one of the large branches that was under reconstruction. Gordon was astounded as to how the griffons could build fully functional houses into the sides of branches hanging over the side of a cliff. Fully equipped with plumbing and electricity. The only explanation that he could logically come up with is that the Griffons had a source of magic of their own. The branch was massive and quite a sight to behold to be sure. It spanned the length of a football field across and reached over the cliff for several miles.

"Where did this thing come from exactly?" Gordon asked. "Its fucking immense."

"Nobody is quite sure, but it is in our legends, it is said that our first king, Growler the Fowl snuck into the goddess Faust's palace and stole a seed from her Garden of Eternity." Goldie explained timidly. "By bringing it back, he proved himself to all the people here. When he planted the seed in the heart of the mountain, it is said that it grew to the size that we see here today, but destroyed all plant life in our country."

"I've read about that legend. After most all plant life disappeared from the surrounding mountain range, King Growler declared war on all ponykind, starting the Thousand Year Griffon War." Twilight added. "Our two species would keep fighting until Celestia, Luna, and my ancestor Clover the Clever finally put a stop to it. With the help of King Grover at least. It would be interesting to meet a direct descendant of him."

"Well, I'm glad that we're friends now at least," Fluttershy said nuzzling Gilda.

The hen chuckled and patted Fluttershy on the head, silently walking on as she listened to Twilight.

"Kinda hard to believe any of you have ever done anything bloody at any point in history." Gordon wondered. "You ponies, griffons, and dragons have to be the most pleasant mannered people I've seen in my whole damn life."

"I'm afraid I'm the only nice dragon like me Gordon," Spike said bashfully, rubbing his head in embarrassment. "Most other dragons except for Princess Ember and I are pretty big misogynistic, racist, crazy jerks."

"Good to see you've been keeping up on your Equish vocabulary homework," Twilight added humorously.

"Well I am glad then I know you at least my friend," Gordon remarked with a warm smile.

Walking across the massive branch may have been technically safe for all of the magic users all around, all of the humans present were sweating profusely. All that stood between them and falling thousands of feet to the ground below, was a hunk of old wood beneath their feet. Say nothing of the camera crew who were desperately trying to make sure they remained as close to the winged ponies as they possibly could. Added with the relatively slick surface the snow had left behind, the walk turned into quite a harrowing experience.

Fifteen minutes later, the group stopped off at a humble little house, neatly tucked into the left edge of the branch. It barely held on to the titanic tree limb, making Gordon's crew want to remain outside.

"Are you sure this is safe?" Gordon asked nervously as he stepped on to the rickety porch.

"Griffon homes have similar constructions to Pegasus homes, so don't worry Chef," Rainbow chuckled. "And if you fall through the floor, Gilda and I got your back.

"That's reassuring," Gordon scoffed in disbelief.

Heading inside, Gordon saw that Goldie didn't seem to have much in the way of amenities. A simple kitchen with a few pots and pans, a single beat up couch and a bed tucked into the far side of the room. A medium sized bookshelf was tucked into the left side of the house with a number of old books. A small red dusty plush chair was tucked into the corner that had signs of being well used and well loved. A tiny little table made of scraps of driftwood sat beside it, adorned only with a single candle holder, a quill, and a few scraps of paper. Other than its age and its diminutive size, the house seemed to be very well kept.

"I'm very sorry, I didn't get a chance to serve you anything decent at the restaurant," Goldie said.

"That's alright Goldie," Twilight said kindly. "We're heading back to Equestria in a few minutes, so you don't have to make us anything."

"Oh...." she said awkwardly. "Well, at the very least, allow me to thank you your majesty with a few drinks."

Goldie smiled sweetly and then zipped off to her cupboards.

"She has a hard time talking to some people," Gilda explained. "Just let her get this out of her system and she'll be good."

"It's fine," Fluttershy replied. "She reminds me of...well me. I'm still a little bit like that."

Pulling out a dozen drink glasses with one of her claws, she reached far back into her cupboard and pulled out a large bottle filled with a fizzing clear liquid inside. Placing the glasses down, she poured the drink into each one and handed them off to each member of the party.

"Looks a bit like sparkling water," Gordon said as he gave a whiff. "Sure doesn't smell like it though. What is it if I might ask?"

"Griffonian Fizzy Lifting Water." she replied. "Its one of my last bottles."

"Are you sure you want to give this to us?" Twilight asked. "I've read that this stuff is pretty valuable and not much of it is made every five years or so. Clan Wars were fought in the early days of the Griffon Empire for the spring this is made from."

"I've been trying to get a case of the stuff myself for a while," Gilda admitted. "Grandpa Gruff keeps his under lock and key."

"It sounds fun!" Pinkie chattered.

"It looks promising enough," Rarity said with surety.

"Fizzy Lifting Water?" Gordon asked. "That sounds familiar..."

"Oh please your majesty," the hen pleaded. "Let me show you some hospitality before we go on our way."

Twilight felt reluctant to accept such a lofty gift, despite her royal status, but when she looked to Rainbow and Gilda, they simply shrugged and downed the drink.

"Alright," she breathed.

Watching everyone else drink the liquid without too much problem, Gordon deliberated with himself and gingerly sipped on the drink. Immediately, his taste buds were shocked with a wonderful tingling feeling of carbonation as the sensation danced in his mouth. He detected hints of many minerals and a few different berries, notably juniper. Just like the others, all of the water in the glass was soon downed as he felt his stomach begin to grumble. It was an odd feeling that turned into a slight pain that moved up and down through his abdomen before settling, leaving him with a good citrus after taste in his mouth.

"Well, that was quite nice. Reminded me of some sparkling wines back home," Gordon said in approval.

"That was pretty yummy! Maybe I should try making it when we get back," Pinkie said.

"Not sure how long it will take for the effect of this stuff to kick in," Gilda giggled.

"What effect?" Gordon asked suspiciously.

"You'll see soon enough."

Her evil chuckling through the next few minutes disturbed the human greatly, wondering what harm such a simple looking drink could wreak upon his body.

An hour later, the group started on their way back down the mountain and toward the border. The trek was a lot less harrowing this time around, due to the break in the weather. The clouds began to part and soon the sun was showing its face to the world once again, bathing the landscape in mid day light. The snow though, was still rather deep, making it difficult for most of the party members present to trudge through. Their load was doubled, having to drag not only Rarity's heavy trunks, but also Goldie's large trunk which she had stored all of her valuables for the move. The humans were great to have a rise in temperature from the deathly chill that nearly killed them on the way up. Rarity thankfully provided all of the humans with warm winter clothing for the trip, while she dressed herself in her own thick coat and ushanka.

The trek down the mountain turned out to be a lot easier than their trip up to Griffonstone. As long as they held their footing at the very least. Their loads made moving through narrow passes dangerous. One false step or a wrong shift in weight could send them tumbling to their deaths. Twilight took notice of how well Gordon was doing in these harsh conditions, even taking lead with her ahead of the group. The constant gusts of wind in the Griffon mountain ranges made it almost impossible for any of the winged members of the group to lift themselves off the ground without getting tossed into the mountainside.

They came to a deep spot in the snow where their progress slowed down exponentially. Twilight tried pushing the snow out of the way with a plow construct for some time, but was halted soon afterwards when she smacked head first into a thick layer of hardened ice.

"You alright there Twilight?" Gordon shouted from behind.

"Yeah, I think I'm okay." she whined. "I've got a hard head. This ice is gonna make things hard for us. Be careful everyone! We're coming back to those narrow cliffs again. Keep a tight grip on everything. The rise in temperature is compacting the melting snow into ice. Everything is going to get really slick."

"It's time like this I'm glad I brought my ropes and ice axes," Applejack said as she pulled gear out of one of her saddle bags.

"Why do you have an ice axe? Let alone two?" Rainbow asked.

"You go into the Ice Box business too Apple?" Gilda snidely remarked.

"Apple Bloom has a bad habit of climbing up to the roof of the barn whenever we get some deep snow." she replied with vague annoyance. "Plus, it helps clean the ice off, so there's that."

"Good thinking Applejack. Why don't we use your ropes to make life lines?" Twilight suggested.

"That actually does sound...smart here," Gordon said straining as he carried a heavy suit case. "Why...didn't we fucking do that...before? Especially if a gust of wind could blow us off a fucking cliff?"

"Its usually safer in these mountains in the morning and evening when the winds have died down. We came up the mountain in the morning." Twilight replied.

"Jeez, she sure did her homework," Gilda added with a raised eyebrow.

Applejack started wrapping everyone together in chains of rope interconnected with one another, creating a stable life line. Fluttershy insisted upon having her wings tied down for extra protection. Gilda and Goldie declined the offer, having more experience dealing with the harsh terrain.

"You have no idea," Rainbow whispered back.

"Twilight got a little nutty about the idea of coming to Griffonstone the first time around," Pinkie said quietly as she comically stretched her neck.

"The amount of books she made me study up on," Spike said with a shiver. "That test was enormous."

"I heard that!" Twilight said with a smirk. "It was only fifty pages."

"One hundred Twilight! You used both the front and backs of the pages."

Everyone started laughing as they continued on their way. Every few minutes or so, they were forced to huddle up against cliff faces to stop themselves from being blown off. Their progress soon payed off as three hours later, their progress payed off. The group finally descended to a lower elevation where the snow and ice finally began to thin out. They came to a ridge, overlooking the border of Equestria, and they saw the afternoon train, waiting patiently for them at the bottom. Its vibrant pink coloration made it easily visible against the frost covered tundra of Northern Equestria.

"There it is!" Twilight said. "The Equis Express."

"Been a while since I've seen that eye sore," Gilda joked.

"Yeah, it don't really have a good color combo there, but its mighty comfy and really friendly." Applejack remarked.

"Its really quiet and peaceful whenever we want a private moment," Fluttershy said cheerfully. "The conductors are always so nice."

"During the winter, they bring out dance groups into the cars and sing about hot chocolate," Pinkie chattered. "One of them always sounds like Tom Hanks!"

"I've never been to Equestria before, so this is all going to be new for me," Goldie said nervously.

"Don't worry kid, we'll show you the ropes," Rainbow said as she wrapped a hoof around Goldie's shoulders.

"It certainly will be nice to be in a warm place again," Gordon said with satisfaction in his voice.

The last stretch of mountain went by like a blur as the group found themselves back on flat land. Thin layers of ice crunched beneath their hooves and feet as they approached the train platform. The conductor came out on to the concrete platform and greeted the group cordially.

"Welcome back your majesty," the conductor said. "I was starting to get worried."

"The weather slowed down our progress a little bit," Twilight explained."But we got through alright."

"If you don't count nearly slipping off of a fucking cliff to our doom several times," Gordon dryly stated.

"Oh hush Gordon, we made it didn't we?" Rarity snapped.

"I had to use my claws several times to hold on to the ice," Spike whined. " They're all warped now. I'll have to do several clawicures when we get back home."

Gilda and Rainbow covered their mouths as they started snickering violently at the teen reptile.

"Would you like us to do your toe nails too? Maybe with a little bit of polish?" Rainbow said through her laughing.

"Laugh it up. Your hooves and claws are gonna get messed up and I'll be waiting when they do," Spike replied snootily.

Boarding the train, the conductor showed them to their car as everyone settled in and waited for the train to depart on its three day run back to Ponyville. Goldie was thoroughly impressed with the great service and comforting atmosphere that the Equis Express provided them. The baggage attendants had a rather hard time going through everyone's luggage and storing it on the train, but they eventually got the job done when Twilight provided them with a little help on her behalf. When all of their luggage was safely aboard, the train waited a few more minutes for any late arrivals, and then slowly departed southward. Back towards Equestria and Ponyville where they would regroup with the other princesses.

Gordon coordinated with the train's chef and prepared hearty lunches for all of them. Gilda and Goldie opted to do a semi vegetarian breakfast without any meat. They claimed that some griffons are adopting more Pony like diets for health reasons.

Midway through their lunch, Gordon began to feel his stomach rumble and gurgle as gas began to build up inside.

"I think there might be something that's disagreeing with my stomach." Gordon said with discomfort.

"Well you did put cheese on those scrambled eggs you brought out. Are you lactose intolerant?" Fluttershy asked.

"Not to my knowledge my dear. I can eat cheese just fine."

"Dont you humans eat a lot of meat?" Twilight asked unamused. "Its no wonder that you are feeling gassy right now. Spike had issues for the first few weeks when he tried his first steak."

"It was your horrible baked beans that did that Twilight. Dont blame my poor steak." Spike sassed back.

Gordon then saw Gilda begin to snicker at them, but he couldn't fathom why, until his body did something unexpected.

All of a sudden, everypony's stomach including his own, started to growl violently as they started floating off the ground. The whole group began to panic while Gilda was laughing so hard that she was starting to cry. Pinkie was having the time of her life, Fluttershy was absolutely terrified, while everyone else was screaming their heads off.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Goldie repeatedly apologized. "I completely forgot about the effect the Water had on non-Griffons. It creates excessive buoyant gases in certain kinds of digestive systems."

"GET ME FUCKING DOWN FROM HERE AND FIX THIS!" Gordon screamed, before hitting his head into the door frame.

Goldie and Gilda simply looked at each other fearfully.

"Do over," they said in unison.

Next Time: Back to Ponyville

Light wind and snow flurries whispered over the top and around the sides of the train as it continued southwards back to its homeland. The engine cranked and chugged over the frozen tracks, billowing out a thick grey river of smoke out of its stack. Nothing except an empty tundra for miles blocked its path. A few tufts of grass or the occasional weed popped up out of the surface of the ice, displaying the drop in temperature, despite how minimal it was compared to the sub zero temperatures of the receding Griffon Kingdoms. The pink exterior of the Friendship Express was completely frosted over, dulling the rich colors of the fantastical locomotive.

Inside however, was a different story, as Gordon and his new friends were enjoying the peak of warmth and luxury in their train car. Now joined by Gilda Gruff and Goldie Pheasant, Ponyville had gained two new permanent residents. Both of which who were spending their long ride mostly relaxing with the other girls and talking about everything that had transpired in the past week alone. Twilight however, had more pressing matters to attend to with her human friend. She was coordinating with Gordon and his production team on next possible locations for their team to cover. Spike was listening intently, trying his best to understand all of the technical details. A trolley mare rolled her cart in and brought treats and drinks for all of them. Spike immediately snagged a plate of chocolate chip cookies and began stuffing his tiny mouth.

"So what's next?" Twilight asked.

"As we've explained before, we take calls from locations and get the go ahead from the network to follow up on the tip," Gordon's producer explained. "Since there's no way for us to contact anyone, let alone do any sort online research on anyone, we are kinda at a loss here in your country."

"Maybe when we get back to Ponyville, we can use my library in the castle to come up with some more concrete plans. The princess has some friends in Canterlot News that can do some research for us. I'm sure I can get the message out to Equestria about the services you and your team are offering Gordon," she said matter-of-factly.

"Well, your princess did say to have us look into your hotels as well, so we might as well start up a new season of Hotel Hell," Jay stated. "If we are doubling this as a campaign of improving public health and safety, that might be better for us if we go on multiple fronts."

"A season of what?" Spike mumbled with his mouth full of cookies.

"Hotel Hell. Back on Earth, I would evaluate some hotels in need of changes and renovations. Their personal restaurants would be evaluated as well on the side." Gordon explained. "More often than not, their level of cleanliness would also be a factor I would have to look into."

"Really? That actually would be very helpful to our efforts." Twilight replied thoughtfully with a hoof to her chin. "Though we only have a few bed and breakfast motels in Ponyville, I'm sure I can help you dig up some information on any hotels in nearby cities."

"Don't we have a few cafes and diners in Ponyville?" Spike asked. "Maybe Gordon can give them a look."

"Well Sunshine Daisy's Cafe and Butter Mellow's Coffee Shop are usually pretty good with keeping everything top notch. Both of them used to be honors students in Canterlot University. I'd hate to pick on that place though....."

"What place?" Gordon asked curiously.

Twilight suspiciously looked over to Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash who were still talking with Gilda and Goldie at the other side of the train car. She then scooted over to Gordon until they were pressed up against each other and then whispered into his ear.

"I'd recommend you give Burger Princess Shack a check. Usually they are pretty decent at least and make good bean burgers and fries, but lately, I've been getting stomach issues from their food. One night I even got sick and threw up a couple of times." she said quietly.

"Why are you talking like that, my dear?" Gordon asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Its Rainbow's favorite place to go out to eat when she hangs out with Pinkie. She gets a little defensive when someone criticizes things she likes."

"Ah, I see. I'll give it a look and see what comes up."

"You got her all worked up now," Spike giggled. "She's going to stay up all night making a million checklists and surveys for you guys. Might as well get a few lattes to go."

Spike hopped off of the seats and walked towards the dining car. Twilight slung a small bag of bits towards the young dragon who caught it with two of his claws.

"Get me a small Hazelnut latte." Twilight instructed. "No cream."

He saluted and went on his way to complete her request.

They all continued conversing about various ideas for their future operations as the train continued onwards. Gordon smiled when he saw Goldie enjoying herself trying on some of Rarity's dresses and listening to Gilda talk about her "flight camp" stories with Rainbow Dash. Applejack meanwhile came over and sat down by the group, beaming with shiny teeth. Twilight had a feeling about what the earth pony mare wanted to ask Gordon, but she kept the idea to herself for the time being.

"While all you humans are gonna be in Ponyville, why don't you come over to Sweet Apple Acres one of these days? We'd love to show you all the famous hospitality of the Apple family." she asked.

"That would be lovely Applejack, if I find myself with a bit of free time, I'd be glad to pop over," Gordon replied happily.

"And uhhh..." Applejack started. "I did want to ask you something else to be perfectly honest."

"Yes?"

She seemed to want to say something, but was too nervous to get it out.

"Everything alright Applejack?" Twilight asked.

"Yeah, Yeah, I um, just wondered Gordon uh, if you would be willing to...ya know. Bring some of my family's goods back to Earth with you?"

"Bring your goods back to Earth with me?" Gordon repeated, trying to confirm what she was saying.

"Yeah, I figured it would be a good idea to capitalize on the permanent connection we have with Earth, so I was wondering if you could advertise my family's brand a little bit once you go back?"

She just stood there sweating, dreading any answer that was bound to come out of the blonde haired human. What she didn't expect was a sudden chuckle out of him. The action nearly made the mare faint from anxiety.

"Oh calm down, I'm not about to bite your head off." Gordon laughed. "From what Twilight has told me, you could kick my fucking head off of my shoulders easily even if I tried. Sure, I'll give your products a once over and see if I can't come up with any marketing plans. Though I may have to get Twilight's permission here to actually do anything with that. As well as the other Princesses I'd imagine."

"I personally don't see why not, it sounds like a good opportunity for a bit more inter species and inter dimensional interaction between our worlds." Twilight shrugged. "But yeah, I'm going to have to take this up with the Princesses. You may have to send a message to your government as well. I'd imagine selling products in between dimensions will come with a lot of paper work."

Applejack breathed out a sigh of relief at hearing that.

"Ah heck, I was getting all up in a tizzy over nothing," she stated. "I'm sorry. I was just a little nervous cause I didn't know when it would have been a good time to ask. I heard about your, "celebrity status" over there on Earth and I figured a few shout outs from you, might push my family's brand a bunch."

"Its an admirable quality, Applejack. A little bit of boldness can get you far in the food industry." Gordon replied.

Applejack blushed with pride and tilted her hat to cover up her face.

"Ah shucks, thank you kindly Gordon."

A few minutes later, Twilight noticed Gordon pulling out a small pocket calendar out of his jacket and observed the date. She was having some trouble still reading human writing, but she could make out the symbol marked upon the specific day. It appeared to be a four leafed clover colored a vibrant green.

"Its that time of the year already? Oh fuck me. Oh well. Might as well have fun with it while its here," Gordon groaned.

"What's wrong Gordon? Does something bad happen on this particular day?" Twilight asked curiously.

The man took off his shoes and socks and reached into his bag, pulling out a pair of black and green striped socks. Putting them on, he slipped his shoes back on to his feet.

"Not bad per sey my friend, but certainly a little annoying. Despite how much I've come to tolerate this holiday."

"Well, you're in Equestria, not Earth, so you don't have to abide by anything here, but what exactly would you be celebrating today back on Earth?"

"That would be St. Patrick's Day, my friends. Its an Irish holiday in origin, though America has somewhat commercialized it."

"Aren't you uhhh, British though Gordon?" Spike asked.

"English and Scottish technically, and I guess American by sheer dedication too, but yes. I suppose its more out of tradition that most people celebrate it despite not being Irish. Basic thing to do today is wear green or get pinched. Or just wear green just because and either eat some kind of Irish food, or go out drinking." the human explained.

Rainbow Dash, and Applejack zipped over to Gordon in a flash, nearly putting a scuff mark across the velvet carpeting of the train car.

"You have a holiday on dedicated to drinking? That's awesome!" Rainbow cheered.

"Well, that is a big part of it, but not the whole thing. Like I said, Americans have brutally commercialized it. Something I admit I'm slightly guilty of right now."

"What spawned this...unique holiday then if I may ask?" Twilight inferred. "I'm in the process of studying human history and culture."

"Basically the idea is there was a Roman British boy in the late 4th century who was kidnapped and taken to Ireland as a slave. He escaped soon after, but later in life, he felt that he should do something to help the people of Ireland and save their souls as it were." Gordon explained. "He returned to the island and converted most of the people to Christianity. By the time he died, he had created many schools and churches. Though most people remember the legend about him driving the serpents out of Ireland and using the Shamrock as a way to preach."

"Fascinating." Twilight mused.

The mare pulled out her notebook and began writing a thousand words a minute, recording everything that she had heard.

"So you humans get into drinking competitions cause of this guy?" Rainbow asked excitedly.

"Not really, its just Celtic insanity and tradition to do so and now a lot of people do it nowadays. Biggest ones to drink are malt beer or ale. Or even mead if you can find the rare brewery who still makes it."

The two dare devil ponies turned to each other with challenging looks.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking sugar cube?" Applejack asked mischievously.

"Absolutely!" Rainbow replied with a smirk.

"DRINKING CONTEST!"

They dashed out of their train car and into the dining car where they pelted the poor barkeeper pony with nonstop requests for their biggest mugs.

"What the hell was that about?" Gordon asked.

"Oh don't worry about it darling, they always like competing against each other like that in their spare time. They'll either tire themselves out or wake up with a bad hangover," Rarity replied rolling her eyes.

"Dash probably won't last long. Darn lightweight doesn't handle her liquor very well," Gilda added with snark.

"I suppose I could go for a small pint myself. Jay?"

"Sure, I'm game." his director replied. "Who's buyin though?"

Twilight absent mindedly threw a small pouch of bits at Gordon who caught it with ease.

"Thanks."

She just continued writing down in her spiral bound note book while Gordon, Jay, and the rest of the humans followed Gilda into the dining car.

Half a day later, the train made its way out of the frozen tundra and back into the familiar rolling green pastures and thriving forests of Equestria. Gordon and his production team took the time to record a few segments of the train's kitchen staff. Both parties learned much from one another, especially Gordon. He considered the fact that if he was going to remain in Equestria for any period of time, it would be prudent to learn as much as he could about the various diets and eating habits of the locals. Keeping recording equipment steady on a shaky train, proved to be an interesting challenge for his Director, but with a little magical help from Rarity, they managed to keep everything still. In one instance, Gordon's boom microphone operators slipped and fell and accidentally clubbed two of the sous chefs in the head. Pinkie Pie provided them with more difficulties as she became a little too acquainted with one of their cameras.

"Is..there something that you needed Pinkie? We're a little busy," Gordon asked

Opening her mouth over the lens, she breathed on it and polished the glass with her mane, making faces at her own reflection.

"Can I help huh? Can I? Can I? Can I? Its really shiny! Bleauggh! Bloooo! Bleeeee! Blaaaaa!"

Pinkie just kept on repeatedly pleading with Gordon and everyone in the room for the next few minutes. The pony kitchen staff had mortified looks on their faces watching the pink mare's hyper excited attitude

"ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! Jason, let her use the camera, before she gives us a fucking coronary."

"Its $2000 equipment Miss Pinkie, can you be careful with it?" the cameraman in question said in a worried tone.

"Now we will be broadcasting the use of flowers in various Equine dishes--" he started before Pinkie wobbled the camera around.

"Upsy Daisy! Downsy Wownsy!, Upsy Daisy!, Downsy Wownsy!," she chattered as she tilted the camera up and down.

"Pinkie can you please not?" Gordon said through gritted teeth. "We need to be filming this properly if you don't mind."

Rarity tried increasing the intensity of her stability spell to account for Pinkie Pie's rambunctious actions.

"Darling, please. I am trying to help Gordon with his work." Rarity insisted. "It really is fabulous what he does."

"Awww, but I'm having so much fun!" the pink mare replied.

As she kept playing with the camera, Spike walked into the kitchen and saw what was going on. He shook his head and rolled his eyes at the pink mare.

"Any of you guys got duct tape?" Spike asked dryly.

"Why?" Gordon asked.

"Just cough it up," he said firmly.

One of Gordon's team members reached into his back pack and threw him a roll of heavy duty duct tape. The tiny drake unraveled the tape and held it in both claws menacingly as he stepped towards the playing pink mare.

The sound of something being beat up could be heard in the kitchen car as a convenient comedic dust cloud cloaked the young dragon's actions.

"Stop it! You are going to wreck my kitchen!" the chef pony wailed.

"Uhhh, is everything alright you two?" Gordon asked nervously. "I'd rather not have a fight start up in the kitchen."

"Everything is cool Gordon." Spike assured. "Rainbow taught me to do this in case Pinkie ever gets out of hand."

"Just like Rainbow to teach my Spikey something uncouth," the white unicorn grumbled.

The comedic dust cloud in the car dissipated as Gordon saw Pinkie completely duct taped to the ground still having an abnormally large smile on her face like she was enjoying every minute of it."

"Oooh! I feel heavy." she said excitedly. "My hooves are all tingly and sticky!"

"Have you been getting into the coffee again Pinkie?" Spike asked suspiciously. "Last time, we caught you screaming into a tree when you had caffeine.

"NO! Well, maybe a little. I just can't help it Spike, I LOVE ME A CUP OF JOE! Hey, why do they call it Joe? Did Pony Joe make it? Can there be a Cup of Sam? Cup of Bill? Cup of Harry? Cup of Greg? Cup of Dan? Cup of Mark?"

Gordon looked at Spike with a look that just screamed "what the fuck is going on?"

"She'll tire herself out soon, just ignore her. She collapses asleep when the coffee wears off." Spike said nonchalantly as he reached into a nearby fridge and pulled out a tub of ice cream.

"Thanks then...I guess. Fuck, this place is going to give me a heart attack." Gordon cursed.

"You'll get used to it eventually," Spike said as he grabbed a spoon and headed out of the kitchen car.

A day of complicated filming situations later, the train finally approached Ponyville, as it slowly but surely screeched to a halt at the Ponyville train station. The doors opened as the Twilight and Gordon stepped out first, followed by the rest of their unusual group of friends. Gordon's team carried their equipment and luggage out of the train and on to the platform as they all made their way back to Twilight's castle. Applejack, Fluttershy, and Rarity went on home to take care of a few things for the day. The others followed Gordon and Twilight back to the castle and into the main entrance lobby where they unloaded their luggage. Goldie and Gilda were enthralled by everything in Twilight's castle. Their eyes were glued to all of the crystalline structures and jeweled wall hangings.

"Dash...why didn't you tell me Twilight has a castle that is made of solid crystal?" Gilda asked slowly.

"Oh, yeah, sorry. Slipped my mind I guess. Didn't think it was important," Rainbow shrugged.

"Your home is very beautiful your highness!" Goldie exclaimed. "Its a real honor and pleasure to be allowed inside your castle."

"Just Twilight is fine Goldie." Twilight said kindly. "We are all friends here."

"Had about the same reaction," Gordon chuckled. "Multiplied by a million."

The two spotted Gilda messing around with a solid crystal lamp that sat in the middle of the lobby surrounded by plush velvet sofas. She pressed her face into the crystal like a little kid pressing their face into the window of a toy store. Her eyes seemed to be twinkling as she made low joyful chirping noises. She then started to grind her beak against some of the dangling pieces on the lamp, making an awful scratching, scraping noise. Rainbow just stared at her horrified and weirded out, like she had grown a second head.

"You okay there Gil?" Rainbow asked nervously as she slowly stepped towards her griffon friend.

"Shiny..."the griffon cooed.

"Is she alright?" Gordon asked Goldie.

"Drugs tend to do that to people," Gordon quipped.

"Oh hush you Gordon," Twilight snapped playfully.

"This happens with some griffons. Our avian sides from time to time pop out, resulting in unusual instincts." Goldie explained.

Rainbow tried to swipe the lamp away from the griffon, but the hen just clamped her beak tighter around the bottom. The two got into a tug of war over the appliance.

"MINE!" Gilda cawed.

"HAND IT OVER!"

"MINE!"

"GILDA! HAND IT OVER AND KNOCK OFF THE CRAZY!"

Gordon walked over and tried to help Rainbow pry the lamp from Gilda's beak without losing a finger himself.

"Calm the fuck down you crazy fucking chicken lady!" Gordon snapped.

A few seconds later, the trio slipped and launched the lamp into the wall, shattering it into a thousand pieces.

"Oops".

"This is why I miss my library," Twilight groaned.

Next Time: Burger Princess Shack part 1

That afternoon after arriving back to Ponyville from Griffonstone, Twilight permitted Goldie and Gilda to stay in the castle guest rooms until Rainbow and Rarity can properly prepare build rooms for each respective griffon. Gilda was a little too thrilled about the idea of staying in a castle practically made entirely out of shiny objects. Rainbow spent the better half of the afternoon chasing her around the castle, trying to keep her from stealing any of Twilight's appliances. In one extreme case, Gilda even tried stealing the memory gems off of the Golden Oaks Root Chandelier in their Throne Room. Goldie provided an odd calming device for Gilda in the form of a ball of yarn soaked in steak sauce.

Twilight meanwhile took both Gordon and Goldie on a proper tour of the castle. Going through each of the main hallways, her endless library wing, her large kitchen, the throne room, her indoor swimming pool, and even a royal study that she had not previously discovered up until that point. A few of Gordon's cameramen who were still awake after arriving back were filming every inch of the castle, making sure that everyone back on Earth could have a chance to see it.

By the time that the day had come to a close, Gordon was quite tired but he committed to making dinner for the gang to celebrate their success in Griffonstone. He helped Twilight and Spike make a sizable feast for everyone staying at the castle. Rainbow Dash decided to spend the night at the castle to help Gilda with the transition to living in Ponyville. Gilda tried to protest, but Rainbow Dash wouldn't take no for an answer. She had become very protective of the griffon ever since she had seen what went on at Greta's Bakery.

Twilight, Gilda, and Spike spent every moment in the kitchen watching Gordon and learning as much as they could from his every action. The lavender alicorn in particular felt ecstatic to have a worthy teacher once again, even if it was in a unique niche. She always had her trusty notebooks with her to document everything. Each of them was organized by color, subject, and relevance to the topics she was learning.

"What kinds of dish did you want to make tonight Gordon?" she asked excitedly. "Cooking is surprisingly fascinating! Especially the way you do it. "

"There is more than just eating you know," Gordon said matter of factly. "Cooking is math, chemistry, and physics as well. Everything has a reaction depending on what you add."

"Wow, I never thought about it like that."

"Well, you do tend to measure a lot when you're cooking," Gilda affirmed.

"You just want to stuff your face," Spike snarked at the mare.

Twilight batted at one of Spike's spines in humorous annoyance.

"I figured tonight, we can try something a little familiar to Las Vegas. Mexican food." Gordon replied.

"What's Mexican food?" Gilda asked. "And what the heck is Mexican?"

"Mexico my darling, is a country south of the United States. A beautiful mix of desserts, jungles, open fields, tiny mountain ranges and warm coastlines. Their food specializes in the use of processed corn and hot peppers in their cuisine. I believe your pink friend already knows how to make one Mexican dish. The classic chimichanga. Though, I'm still not entirely certain why ponies have their own versions of burgers and tacos here."

"Oh yeah," Gilda replied in confirmation. That cherry changa thing of hers. Pink has always been a little bit out there, but I never thought she knew about you humans before we did."

"She didn't" Spike added. "Its just--"

"Pinkie being Pinkie," Twilight and Spike said in unison.

Gordon grabbed two large frying pans and set them on the stove. He then poured a small amount of oil into each pan and turned on the stove, looking slightly satisfied when it sparked to life.

"First thing we have got to do is get those pans nice and hot," he instructed as the group watched him. "Twilight my dear, hand me some of your salmon would you?"

Nodding, Twilight ignited her horn and opened the nearby freezer, levitating a case of cleaned fish fillets on to the counter next to him.

"That's a lot of fish," Rainbow said jokingly.

Some of the humans in the room groaned in annoyance while the ponies just looked at them in confusion.

"What?"

"Don't fucking ask," Gordon groaned. "A fucking stupid line from a bad movie."

"Well, Spike is a great fisher pony," Twilight replied.

"These will do quite nicely actually. Thank you Twilight."

Gordon carefully pulled the lid off of the container and pulled six medium sized fillets out, setting them on a wooden board.

"All of that flavor in that fresh flaky meat. We start with adding freshly grounded salt and pepper." he continued.

Taking nearby salt and pepper grinders, he cranked them and watched small shining crystals of salt and robust black specks of cracked pepper fall on to each of the fillets.

Lifting the pan up, he moved the oil around and plopped the fillets into the pan away from him.

"Always try to place the meat in the pan away from you so you don't splatter yourself. Give the pan a couple of shakes to keep the meat from sticking to the pan. If it sticks, it'll burn really quickly."

Then he grabbed a couple of small jars from one of the nearby cabinets, opened them up and gave each of them a deep whiff to identify their contents. Satisfied with what he found, he placed them next to the stove and began scooping from each jar and mixing them into a small bowl.

"Here, I will show you a really easy marinade to use for the fish. Start out with two tablespoons of fermented soy beans. Which is also called Misu Paste back home. That gives it a really nice, rich sort of sweetness to it. A tablespoon of sugar, a couple of table spoons of white wine. Do you happen to have any on hand Twilight?"

"Oh sure! I usually have a couple of bottles of chardonnay around for Rarity or the princesses." Twilight replied.

"Have any beer in this place?" Gilda asked curiously.

"In the cellar, though I try to stay away from it unless we are having a party here or something."

Heading into her wine closet, Twilight rummaged around through her various bottles. Gordon heard her drop and break a couple of bottles. A small flood of red liquid came pouring out of the, closet and into the kitchen like a red river. Twilight started cursing up a storm, using new unique words that made even Rainbow Dash cringe. A flash of violet appeared in the closet, and Twilight trotted out with her hair sopping wet, smelling of wine. The bottle was floating in her magical grasp as she handed it off to Gordon. He gave her an amused look which she did not have at all. Her annoyance only increased when Gilda and Spike began giggling at her expense.

"Spike?...Do you think you can get---" she started.

"The mop, sure yeah," he snickered as he ran out of the room.

"Sweet jesus, are you alright?" Gordon asked with concern. "I hope you didn't step in any broken glass."

"I'll be fine...I just need a towel...and a shower before I go to bed. I smell like a brewery. Is this bottle alright?" she asked through gritted teeth presenting it to Gordon.

"Hey, you'll be the life of the next party at least!" Gilda guffawed.

Twilight just shot them a silencing look before turning her attention back to Gordon.

Grabbing the bottle out of her magical grasp, he looked over the label. It had a small image of an outline of a hoof and the golden words said Bare Hoof Chardonnay.

"Not sure if its like the brand back home, but this will do okay. I'm looking for the vinegar kick it will give the marinade anyway." the human said. "Spike lad! We need that towel on the double! I'd rather have a happy alicorn watching me work."

"I hear ya!" Spike called from down the hall.

Spike came dashing back into the kitchen with a mop in one claw and a large white towel in another and began wrapping up Twilight, patting down every inch of her. She seemed to feel a bit better once her coat wasn't soaked in wine, though her annoyance at Gilda and Rainbow didn't stop as the two continued to snicker at her.

"Please continue Gordon and let's never speak of this again shall we?" Twilight insisted.

"Fine with me. Long as you are alright to continue. I'll add a few table spoons of olive oil to my marinade. Then a bit of salt and pepper. I'm looking for a sort of nice, thick, rich marinade out of this."

He took a whisk and mixed the mixture together until it was smooth and viscous like honey.

"Now, we've gotta flip our fish fillets." he continued.

Using a spatula, he carefully flipped each slightly darkened fillet over on to their uncooked sides for a few seconds, and then placed all of them into a large raised pan where he poured the marinade on top of them.

"Let the fillets soak in the marinade for a few minutes. Now, we want something sort of pickly. Got any cabbage in here?"

"Coming right up chef!" Spike exclaimed as he ran into their produce cooler and came out with two big cabbages.

"Beautiful. Those will do nicely."

Grabbing both and placing them on a cutting board, Gordon sliced them length wise and started dicing them into tiny strips. He then placed the shredded cabbage into another small bowl and began seasoning it.

"A pinch of red chili flakes to give it a small hint of spice and a touch of fresh lemon juice," he said as he grabbed a lemon from a nearby fruit basket and squeezed out some of the juice into the cabbage.

Opening the spice cupboard again, he looked around the various bottles until he pulled one out that had a golden liquid dancing around inside of it. He then unscrewed the lid and smelled.

"Toasted sesame oil," he said with assurance. "Just a couple of drops of that into the cabbage.

"How can you tell?" Spike asked as he jumped up on to the counter.

"Smell is a sense we gotta improve in our field, sport," Gilda stated. "The scent of the food and the ingredients is part of the experience."

"And it certainly helps when a difficult owner won't tell me what they are putting into their food." Gordon added.

"You are REALLY into this Gil, I'm surprised." Rainbow replied.

"What, you just think I was into stunt flying, scones, and sleeping?" she asked.

"No, I just didn't expect a hobby like this out of you. You're what we like to call a valkyrie chick Gil, you're pretty hardcore. So its just a little jarring is all."

Gilda just laughed pridefully at that statement. Then she looked off into the distance with a dreamy gaze as if she was recollecting something from a long time ago.

"When I was a hatchling, I liked reading some of the ancient cook books in what was left of the Imperial Library. I guess it inspired me."

"The state of that magnificent library still haunts my nightmares,"Twilight shivered. "I wonder if I can convince the Steward to send them down here so I can repair all of the damaged books in Equestria?"

"Come on! What's next Gordon?" Spike asked impatiently. "This is making me really hungry!"

"Next, we mix the cabbage together, and set it aside into a bowl. Then we need something to bring the tacos all together. Have any wasabi around here Twilight?"

"I ALWAYS SAVE SOME FOR MY SPECIAL CUPCAKES!" Pinkie shrieked as she popped out of a pot.

Everyone in the room nearly jumped out of their skins at the sudden arrival of the pink mare

"HOLY SHIT!" Gordon swore. "Can you please not fucking do that Miss Pie? You scared the living daylights out of me!"

"I heard a cry for help, and here I am!" she said innocently as she presented some ingredients to Gordon.

"Don't you have to babysit the Cakes again tonight Pinkie?" Twilight asked with a raised eyebrow.

"The little sweeties are fast asleep. I was getting booooooooored." she whined.

She handed over a tube of wasabi paste and a big bottle of Barbecue Sauce. Trying to compose himself, Gordon reluctantly grabbed the items. His mind did a double take however, when he took a look at the second item.

"I needed the wasabi, but not the Barbecue Sauce...."

"It's for tomorrow silly! Don't let that lady push you around!"

Pinkie ducked back into the pot and disappeared into thin air once again. Gordon tried his best to calm his breathing.

"That fucking mare is going to kill me one of these days, I just know it."

When everyone was calmed down, Gordon continued his cooking. His last step was creating a spicy mayonnaise and toasting tortillas on the stove to turn them into crunchy shells. He then used a rolling pin to shape them as they cooled and hardened. Preparing over a dozen plates was quite a hassle, but Gordon pulled it off rather nicely as he placed the plates on to a large tray.

His skills once again impressed the residents of Equis as they all sat down at a small table waiting for their food.

"That smells really awesome Gordon," Rainbow said as she licked her lips greedily.

"I agree. Every time Spike or me cooks dinner, its just something relatively simple. Maybe we should invest in a head chef for the castle. Interested in a permanent job here Gordon?" Twilight asked jokingly.

"I guess I can consider anything at this point," Gordon chuckled in response. "My career has gone through some odd turns as of late."

The human chef didn't notice that all the while he was serving their dinner, a certain brash griffon in the room was eyeing him longingly. A longing look that she was certain would continue far into the future....

After dinner, Gordon and the girls all went off to bed to get an early start. Twilight was still unsure about any legitimate leads in the surrounding cities of Equestria, so she considered that searching around in Ponyville first would be a safe enough start. At the very least it might give them the home field advantage with their endeavors.

The next morning, Gordon woke up once again to another sunny day in the land of Equestria. The warm sunlight creeped through the curtains of his bedroom window and landed on his blanket, where it warmed him up delightfully in a comforting hug. Pulling off his blankets, he swung his legs off the edge of the bed and stretched them, hearing a satisfying pop from his joints. He couldn't help but feel quite grateful that he had the honor to live in a castle with a princess while he conducted his services. When he first arrived, he was apprehensive to how unusually forward and friendly everyone in this dimension was. However, it was very refreshing as opposed to many of the abrasive people he had encountered in his long career. Out of all of them though, Gordon had found something of a kinship with Princess Twilight Sparkle and her adoptive son Spike. They reminded him much of his own family and in many respects of himself. They both shared a passion for learning and traveling to different places. The only difference was she was a bit more tolerant of foolish people than he was. Ever since he had arrived there in Equestria, she had treated Gordon like he was very much a part of their unique family. It got him to considering maybe owning a second house, in Ponyville, apart from his home on Earth. His wife and daughters would probably get along with his new friends swimmingly.

Gordon had a small breakfast with Twilight and Spike as they went over a few final plans before setting up the newest Nightmare. Rainbow and Gilda left soon after to Cloudsdale to get acquainted with her new permanent lodgings at Rainbow Dash's Cloud Mansion. Goldie sat down with them at the table and at quietly as she listened in on their conversation.

"Do you know the owner of this...Burger Princess?" Gordon asked the alicorn.

"His name is Skillet. He's a nice unicorn stallion," Twilight said cheerfully. "I've known him and his family since I moved to Ponyville. He runs the restaurant with his mother and father. Apparently they moved here from Clawstraila when his grandfather passed away. I remember hearing that something about a large inheritance was involved but I don't remember much else."

"Clawstralia? Fuck me freddy," Gordon swore silently at the inter dimensional pun. "Okay, so a literal family run business. A dying business type, but it is good to see it still in practice over here too."

"Lately however, I've been hearing that they have been getting sloppy with their quality and fights have been breaking out a lot more often than usual. Plus, they've been adding some...really weird native Clawstralain Aborigine dishes."

"Like what?"

"The usual really weird stuff," Spike replied nonchalantly. "Bat soup, Stuffed Beetles with Garlic Paste, Kangaroo Pies, Termite Dip, Eucalyptus Wraps, and even Scorpion Pops. I'm pretty sure those last two are extremely dangerous though. I'd rather not eat something that could poison me from the inside. I hear humans eat those things sometimes without any problems though."

"Ohhhhh," Gordon said in realization. "Yeah...that type of eatery is tricky to set up, especially if you arent catering to a specific audience. Plus, working closely with your own family in a business can be both a curse and a blessing, given the circumstances."

Twilight lifted her glass of orange juice and gave a big swig of the drink.

"Twilight and I have always done business with each other and we still love each other," Spike insisted as he shoveled a pancake into his mouth.

"That's because you listen to me and follow my directions," the alicorn added as she rubbed the dragon's head affectionately.

Spike simply smiled at the display and went back to eating.

"Boys are definitely easier too when they are little," Gordon chuckled. "You should have seen what my daughters and I were like."

"I hope I get the chance to meet them one day. Anyway though, after we're done eating, I should probably clean myself up a bit. We should probably get started on our newest operation soon."

"I'll wake up Jay and the others and give them a quick run down of what to expect. Take them with you and start setting up the recording equipment at the restaurant. I will arrive there this afternoon like I did the last two nightmares."

"Why do you do that anyway? Wouldn't it be easier just to go there the first time around with your team?" Spike asked.

"For recording a show, its better that the production team gets there first and lets the owners of the restaurant know what to expect. That way they will be a bit more familiar with our equipment and how we conduct the interview segments for each Nightmare." Gordon explained.

"I would imagine that it also gives the restaurant time to prepare themselves for your arrival." Twilight added.

Gordon shook his head.

"Sometimes, but more often than not, they either forget to or think that their restaurant is perfect."

"Well I certainly hope they can clean up their act before you arrive," Twilight said.

After they finished their food, Gordon woke up his production team and gave them a quick run down on their newest gig. He instructed Jay and his camera crew to follow Twilight across town, and begin their pre recordings for the episode. Gordon remained behind and went to Rarity's with Goldie to see her new living arrangements.

At the other side of town in the growing 2nd street, Twilight escorted the humans through the various new shops and restaurants that were slowly emerging in Ponyville. Her recent ascension to the throne attracted many a pony from all over Equestria to set up their businesses in her town of residence. Today was somewhat more relaxed and a small number of ponies were out and about spending their bits at each of the locations on the street. Twilight spotted the Flower Sisters setting up shop by the side walk, attracting many ponies with the scents of their plants and spices. The light sound of cello music could be heard through out the street, coming from one of the cafes.

Twilight directed the group towards the left side of the street where their objective lied. It was a single story building with a more contemporary design, like one would find in Manehattan as opposed to the rustic aesthetic Ponyville was known for. It had a simple white and black color scheme. Simple, but striking enough to capture the attention of the passing pony. Across the front side of the top of the restaurant were the words Burger Princess Shack in bold yellow lettering. A vague outline of Princess Cadence's crown sat at the top of the B in Burger, most likely as a trademark.

Heading inside, Twilight was met by an older light green unicorn stallion who recognized her instantly. He was a portly stallion with a blue shirt draping down his side.

"Your highness! Crikey! Its been a while since we've been graced with your presence," the pony beamed. "Are you here for lunch? And who are these...fellas with you?"

The humans there recognized the accent as clearly Australian, but obviously it had to have been Equestria's version of the nationality.

"Its nice to see you again Red Skillet. I've been pretty busy with my royal duties. Not enough time for a nice burger out on the town unfortunately. I've really missed eating here a lot. Right now though, I am here for something else." she replied cheerfully.

"What can I do ya for your highness?"

"I would like to talk to all of you before we can get down to business if that's alright."

The pony's smile turned into a frown of confusion, but he then shrugged and complied with her request.

"Alrighty. Tulip! Come out here sheila! We've got a prestigious guest who wants to talk with us!"

An older pink pegasus mare with a blonde mane and tired looking eyes came out of a back room and smiled when she saw Twilight.

"Princess! It is good to see you again! We have missed hosting our finest customer!" the mare said.

She trotted up to the front and gave a quick bow to Twilight who felt slightly embarrassed by the display.

"Apparently the princess here has something she wants to tell us." Skillet said with an unsure tone in his voice.

"What would you like to talk to us about? And who are these strange people?" she asked

"Is there a place we can sit?

They nodded as they directed Twilight to and empty booth by the wall where they sat down on either side. The couple scooted over to give themselves enough room to move.

"What can us blokes do for you?" Skillet asked.

"Its more what I can do for you Skillet. I've heard that your restaurant has been having a lot of problems lately and I would like to help."

Both ponies had looks of exhaustion and disappointment on their faces as they lightly nodded back at her.

"Fair dinkum my lady," Skillet replied. "We've been having problems with our business ever since new ponies started showing up in Ponyville. These reviewers and big city folk are giving us a bad time. Our food used to be good, but our staff has become convinced that its bad now. Our son is working with us now, but even that has been causing some....family problems with us."

"We are at the end of our rope your highness. Our business is suffering and we don't know why." Tulip stated. "Can you really help us?"

"Its not what I can do to help you, but what my new friend from Earth can do for you. His name is Chef Gordon Ramsay and he most definitely can help. I just hope you can take a lot of raised voices in here."

Next Time: Burger Princess Shack part 2

Its the most intense Kitchen Nightmares of the year. Chef Ramsay is tasked with heading to a Ponyville Burger joint. Little does he know that he will find a family of unicorns at war. The Clawstralian immigrant Red Skillet and his son have lost the bond they once had. Red Skillet and his wife's relationship is tested every day, and Tulip can no longer communicate with her son. There are so many leaks in this family business, that it might be impossible to stay afloat. Stay tuned to find out how Gordon will deal with this severely dysfunctional family.

On the east side of town, Gordon was following Spike through the open green streets of Ponyville, towards Carousel Boutique. The human's presence was still something of an oddity in Ponyville as some of the ponies couldn't help themselves but gawk in fascination at the blonde Scotsman. He didn't mind though, as most of the ponies he had come across in Ponyville were friendly and welcoming as can be. He ran into Applejack and Rarity's sisters Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom digging holes in the middle of the street. Apparently, they hoped that they would find buried treasure under the town. Goldie followed alongside to be introduced with her new place of employment. The idea of working with not only an Element of Harmony, but also one of Equestria's premiere fashion designers excited her greatly.

A few minutes later, the group arrived at Carousel Boutique. It was a large three story building colored in various shades of lavender, white, pink, and yellow. The doors were a deep violet with large glazed windows placed in the center. The primary windows of the ground floor were tall and circular, giving them a vaguely gothic style. A construction crew was busy setting up two separate new sections to the Boutique on either side of the building. The sounds of jack hammers and saws echoed through the area, almost blotting out the sounds of their own voices.

"Is this Carousel Boutique?" Gordon asked Spike.

"I hope it still is," he replied unsure. "Where did all of these guys come from?

"Perhaps we should inquire within?" Goldie suggested.

Making their way through stacks of lumber, irritable worker ponies, and tools laying about all over, the three went inside. All they found however was more of a mess as the door opened too rolls of fabric, boxes of needles and pins, mirrors, sequins, collars, and all sorts of various tools and objects thrown all over the inside of the room. What Gordon was able to make out through the mess is the inside of the boutique was stylized in a vaguely classical French style with golden Fleur Dis Lis emblazoned upon many of Rarity's crimson red tapestries and curtains. Much of the white walls were inlaid with gold leaf and swirling patterns of the sort. Unfortunately, all of this was overshadowed by the abysmal mess in Rarity's home.

"Shit, does she ever do any cleaning or organizing?" Gordon asked. "It looks like my living room after I let my daughter fool around with the laundry bin."

"Rarity likes to call it organized chaos. She can't find things if they are organized," Spike stated.

"Oh I can Spikey, I just like having my things in certain spots, but maybe I should pick up a little bit," the unicorn in question said.

Rarity strode into the main room of the Boutique wearing small purple glasses and a roll of measuring tape.

"Miss Rarity! How are you this fine morning?" Goldie politely asked with a small bow.

"Quite good! I have had a few ideas bouncing around in my brain for days that I must attend to and a few curiosities that I must sate," she stated.

"What are you?--" Gordon tried to ask as Rarity approached Gordon with a look of mischief and determination.

She dashed up to Gordon who tried to protest her advances but was silenced when she wrapped the human every which way in measuring tape.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!? HEY, HEY, HEY, WATCH THE MERCHANDISE IF YOU WOULDN'T MIND!"

"Oh quit being a big baby, you are my first celebrity client from Earth, I must make a good impression," Rarity sassed.

Gordon yelled incoherently and made an uncomfortable noise when she tied her tape too closely to a sensitive spot on his lower body.

"Rarity who were all of those ponies out there?" Spike asked.

"For dear Goldie of course," she replied. "And for myself I have to admit."

"For me?" Goldie reiterated. "Really?"

"Why yes darling, you must have a suitable room and living area here in Ponyville. You are now my top assistant and my first model, I won't have anything but the best for my new friend. Also, since business is booming more than ever, there is need for me to expand the floor. I'm just killing to birds with one stone, so to speak."

Goldie yanked Rarity away from Gordon and lifted her into the air, hugging her tightly. The sudden action surprised Rarity's vital organs. The bad kind of surprised.

"Oh, thank you so much! You are so wonderful miss Rarity!"

"You...are quite welcome. I am always happy to help. Now...if you don't mind, can you....please....put me...down?" Rarity gasped out. "I am having a hard time...breathing."

"Oh, yes! Yes! Of course! My apologies."

Goldie gently placed Rarity safely back on to the floor and coughed politely as she blushed in embarrassment.

Rarity composed herself and made a short little giggle.

"I'm glad you are grateful anyway Goldie," Rarity said. "This is taking a bit out of my pocket book."

"Oh, I'm sure," Gordon rebutted with an eye roll.

The pitter patter of a small set of hooves came down a nearby stairwell. Gordon wondered if it was a dog Rarity might have owned.

"Rarity, have you seen my shovel? Scootaloo, Apple Bloom, and I are digging for jewels this afternoon," a sweet little voice asked the white unicorn.

"Oh Sweetie, must you always pick the most filthy of activities in the middle of the week? Cleaning your coat takes two hours and I have a lot of work to do today!"

"I promise I'll use more shampoo to--night,"

Gordon watched as a tiny unicorn filly with lavender and pink hair and a white mane step around the corner and take in the view of her new house guests. The filly's eyes widened and her pupils shrunk in surprise as they darted from person to person, trying to process everyone's presence.

"Rarity? Is there a human in our house? Or am I still feeling the effects of that funny looking drink Miss Berry gave to me?" the filly asked.

"Yes, Sweetie Belle, he is real. This is Chef Gordon Ramsay, and this is the newest member of our household. Goldie Pheasant. She just came down from Griffonstone. She shall be working as my assistant from now on."

Sweetie Belle walked right up to Gordon with a raised eye and touched his leg with her hoof, half expecting him to be an illusion.

"So you're a real human?" the filly asked puzzled. "Not some dream?"

"You never can tell can you?" Gordon replied with a hint of snark. "Nice to meet you regardless Sweetie."

Gordon grabbed Sweetie's hoof and gently shook it. She was apprehensive for a moment but then reciprocated the gesture.

"Nice to meet you too Chef. Do you think you can teach me a few pointers? My Mom is coming over next week and I'd like to cook for---

"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" Rarity shrieked. "Do you have any idea how long it took to clean the kitchen last time?"

She grabbed Sweetie Belle with her and shoved her out the door, despite her loud protests, encouraging her to find her friends. The action startled Gordon and Goldie, leaving them with a large variety of unanswered questions.

"Something I'm missing Rarity?" Gordon asked concerned.

"That seemed...a little harsh perhaps?" Goldie offered.

"Eh, she's like that with everyone sometimes," Spike added.

Coughing into her hoof, Rarity opened a nearby drawer and pulled out a roll of black cloth, beginning her next creation. She talked as she was working to try to defuse the oddly tense atmosphere.

"My apologies Gordon. I love my sister. She has the most beautiful voice and an imagination that rivals my own, but her cooking is absolutely appalling. Or you might say her ability to ruin food is absolutely extraordinary. Her idea of toast was a black glass of burnt mush."

"I'm sure it isn't that bad, but if you want, I could spare a little time to assist her with a short beginning cooking course after my next Nightmare. Twilight is busy scouting the place downtown."

"I would hate to take up your time Gordon, you are quite busy after all."

"Ah dont worry about it. I love working with kids. She seems like an adorable young lady," Gordon said with a smile.

"She is at that," Rarity giggled. "I only wish she and her friends would stay out of trouble."

Just then, five flowerpots fell from off of the roof, followed by a cheer from three fillies.

"Oh dear."

Gordon and Goldie spent an hour talking with Rarity about a variety of things. Spike just lurked around the room rummaging through Rarity's belongings whenever he thought nobody was looking. Gordon could already tell that the young drake had a rather unhealthy obsession for the mare. He thought about discussing the sensitive topic with Spike later when they weren't in the presence of other women. When Gordon asked about their parents, Rarity had explained that their parents were cruise liner agents and were almost always away from home.

After two hours of friendly conversation had passed, until they finally had to go. Rarity gave Gordon his gift which he was ever so honored to receive. Gordon tried to insist on paying for the expensively made item, but the mare would not have it. Relenting, Gordon helped tidy her main work space a little bit before heading back out to his next Nightmare in Ponyville. Goldie decided to go back to the castle with Spike while he took care of the first phase of his new Nightmare.

Walking down the streets of Ponyville, soon he came to the location of the Burger Princess Shack and immediately noticed the beautiful surroundings of this particular part of Ponyville. Emerald green grass lining the streets, tiny little trees on either side of the building attracting all manner of birds, and a view of Twilight's Castle and the distant mountains in all directions.

"Quite the gorgeous spot for a restaurant actually," Gordon stated to himself, thoroughly impressed. "Smack dab in the center of Ponyville."

While he was enjoying the scenery, Mayor Mare was once again, busy stalking the human, watching his every move from the bushes, peering right through a pair of binoculars.

Not noticing the creeping politician pony, Gordon went inside the front doors and noticed how nice and decent the interior decor was. Very bright and vibrant, as the sun shined through, the colors seemed to pop even more.

"Promising, not a bad start," Gordon mused.

Gordon saw Twilight sitting by the entrance on a long red plush bench. Her face perked up once she laid her eyes on the human.

"Gordon! You're here! I was starting to get worried." Twilight stated cheerfully.

"Rarity isnt Pinkie, but she can still talk a man's ear off with the best of them."

"She gets like that when she gets excited."

"I know I certainly am. Do you know where the owner is my darling?" Gordon asked patiently.

"He went back into the kitchen before you showed up to check on something, I hope he doesn't take too long. I helped Jay set up your cameras and lights around the restaurant. I believe we are all ready to get started."

Just then, a light green unicorn stallion came out of the double doors to the Kitchen into the main dining room. He came bounding over to Gordon. Gordon walked over to him, to meet the stallion halfway.

"Good morning," Gordon greeted.

"Mornin mate, I'm Red Skillet, yeah I know, color is a bit misleadin aint it? Green Skillet was my father and you can guess what his color was", Red Skillet said laughing at his own joke.

A pink pegasus mare came from around the corner and shook Gordon's hand warmly.

"I'm Tulip Mr. Gordon, Its a pleasure to have you," she said.

"Likewise, why don't we sit down and have a chat?"

"We have a great opportunity here! We have Princess Twilight and a great human chef to improve us!" Red Skillet exclaimed to his interviewer. "Otherwise, what the hell are they here for?"

Twilight came over to the table and sat down next to Gordon.

"How long have you been open here?"

"We came here not long before the Princess first moved here, so about five years," Red Skillet explained.

"So you're acquainted with the area then? Good, good. Would you say that the business here is making money?" Gordon asked firmly.

Red Skillet gave a big depressed sigh as he prepared to respond.

"I am afraid not Chef, we have been losing nine to ten thousand bits a month. Every month."

Gordon was surprised by this, especially with a restaurant in such a beautiful town like Ponyville. Twilight even more so, not knowing how much her former favorite hang out place was suffering.

"What happened exactly?" Twilight asked.

"How did everything go so wrong?"

"It may have been a combination of a lot of things that we did wrong. I think it might be because that we changed the menu too many times."

"How many times did you change the menu exactly?" Twilight asked.

"Thirty times your majesty," Tulip replied.

"Thirty?!"

"That's gotta be multiple times a month!" Gordon exclaimed. "What about the Head Chef? You normally only change when the Chef changes. How many Chefs do you have?"

"Ten."

"Jeez. What about the front of house? Has it been as bad?"

"Yeah, we've been through about 40 servers." Skillet replied.

Twilight was taken aback. She knew they were having problems, but she couldn't imagine that her former favorite restaurant was in this bad of shape. It pained her to think that there were many more friendship, marriage, and family problems in Equestria that the map never told her about.

"So thirty menus, ten head chefs, and forty servers. What the hell is going on?" Gordon asked concerned.

"Neighers killed us," Skillet said bluntly.

"The what?"

"Neigh is pretty much Equestria's version of Earth's Yelp." Twilight whispered to Gordon. "Its kind of strange how similar they are actually, just without the use of a smart phone over here. Instead, its more of a physical message board placed in Town Hall.

Gordon nodded, starting to understand what was occurring at Burger Princess.

"The Neighers trashed us terribly. They are also taking down and ripping up five star reviews that we once had." Skillet continued angrily.

"Oh come on--" Gordon groaned in disbelief.

"I can prove it! I can show you the bits of paper that used to be our reviews!"

"Are you seriously telling us you think that there is a plot against you, from Neigh?" Twilight asked sternly. "To close your business?"

"No question about it Princess," Skillet nodded.

"He's been reading too many Con Mane books, cause that is highly unlikely Gordon," Twilight discreetly whispered.

The tension started to rise as Gordon and Twilight slowly started to build a concrete picture in their heads about the overall situation.

"How did you come to build a restaurant here in Ponyville?" Gordon inquired. "I would imagine building in a prime location like Ponyville would be costly. Back on Earth, its expensive as it is. Especially in America. Where did the money come from?"

"Skillet inherited 500,000 rainbow opals from his father's estate." Tulip explained.

"Nice, those are quite rare and extremely valuable on Earth, good to know there's at least a bit more of them here." Gordon mused.

"They are very valuable to unicorns in enhancement of earth elemental magic spells as well," Twilight added. "I wouldn't mind acquiring a few of my own if possible. Spike's species can apparently breath 4 elemental magics other than fire."

"So he put all of them into it, but then we soon started running out of money, and in order to open, my husband turned to my son. My son Ayers is also in for another 500,000 of the rainbow opals, because he inherited some as well."

Twilight notice that Red Skillet was starting to fidget around in his chair.

"I was managing his money, so I actually took part of the money to put into the restaurant," Skillet explained.

"And as the manager of his funds, you invested it into the business?"

"Yes."

"Did Ayers even know about it?" Twilight asked feeling anger start to boil in her.

"Of course, he knew about it! .....Eventually at least."

Twilight and Gordon gave each other a disbelieving look, about ready to rip into the two ponies.

"What do you mean eventually?" Gordon asked.

"I told him after the fact."

"What???"

"It was necessary to sort of coax him into it Chef, we had no other choice," Tulip added. "Taking a bit of his money was a necessary evil."

'Remain civil, remain civil,' Twilight thought to herself. 'I have no idea how Gordon has managed to deal with humans like this for years, let alone for a few days.'

Gordon rubbed the bridge of his nose and brushed his hand through his blonde hair in irritation.

"Seriously? Is Ayers here? I would definitely like to talk with him," Gordon requested.

"He does the evening shift,"

"I assume then the both of you work the daytime shift?"

They nodded vigorously.

"You don't work together at all?"

"Not that much no. As typical Clawstralians we tend to lock our horns like a couple of crook mongrels."

"My son has a great deal of resentment towards me and I have no idea why," Skillet explained.

"How do you think the food you serve is here?" Gordon asked honestly.

"I think its pretty ripper!," Skillet replied with zeal. "I would say its four to five star. Worthy of being within proximity of our newest ruler. I know for a fact she shall love the food now just as much as she did when she was still visiting."

To punctuate his point, Red Skillet bowed his head to Twilight in subservience. The lavender alicorn raised her eyebrow at the display and felt strangely sick to her stomach by it.

"Four to five stars wow! Okay, so you are one star out. I got the background thank you, and now I think my royal friend and I would very much like to start ordering."

Red Skillet and Tulip got up out of their chairs slowly and started making their way back into the kitchen to continue their work and await Gordon and Twilight's orders.

"I'm sure this Dag human chef will love my burgers. And I know the princess will continue to support her favorite restaurant. She has been one of my most faithful patrons ever," Red exclaimed with pride. "Without a shadow of a doubt."

One of the waitress ponies came around to take the duo's orders. It was a brown pegasus pony with a large black mane shaped like a butterfly. It was all held together by what appeared to be a golden bow. She wore a long sleeved peach colored shirt with light pink accents and a tightly worn pink scarf around her neck. She seemed friendly enough, if a bit tired.

"Hello there my darling," Gordon greeted.

"Oh my! I didn't realize we were having royal guests here today!" the mare said startled. "Please forgive my ignorance Princess Twilight."

"Just Twilight Iris, we've known each other for a few years," the alicorn replied gently. "Your cousin Daisy has been a dear friend for ages."

"Oh, sorry! Its just so weird to see you as royalty now. I want to show my respect after all."

"Iris huh? Pretty name. A lot of mares here seemed to be named after flowers," Gordon quipped.

Iris shook Gordon's hand firmly and gained a big smile on her face.

"Oh yeah, but I'm lucky enough to be the only Iris. Its nice to meet you Mr. Human."

"Gordon is fine," he chuckled. "Now on to business I'm afraid. What would you say is the problem here at the restaurant?"

Iris' smile left in place of an exhausted frown.

"There's a serious lack of management in this place. The hay burgers used to be delicious, and now they are never cooked right. They are always sent back. Whatever mixture Red is using for these burgers smells funky and tastes as bad as it smells."

"Oh wow," Gordon groaned out.

"That sounds like a health issue we should probably look into Gordon," Twilight suggested.

"I am finding myself apologizing to our customers probably three dozen times a night. It gets really bad really quickly." Iris told her interviewer. "As a pony, that seriously wears on my patience and my spirit.I go home and I always feel guilty for selling bad food to hungry ponies."

"There is absolutely no rhyme or reason to the way anything is made anymore. I'm not exactly sure what happened myself."

Gordon looked over to Twilight while twirling around a straw from a container on the table between his fingers. She nodded tiredly back at him signaling that they should probably begin with their ordering.

"Alright well, let me go for an old classic to see if it still holds up. Give me a Las Pegasus Hay Burger with extra avacado. Light on the Fat Free Cheese please." Twilight instructed. "A side of Phrench Fries as well please."

Iris pulled a notepad seemingly out of nowhere and pulled a quill out of her mane and started writing down their orders.

"What about you chef?"

Gordon picked up one of the menus left on the table and browsed the selections until he found something potentially promising.

"I think I will try the Cowpony Veggie Burger. Fully herbivorous food isnt my style but it can't hurt to try out," Gordon stated.

"How would you like it cooked?"

"Medium rare please. And I should definitely take a gander at that Clawstralian Meat Pie."

"Oh, are you omnivorous?" Iris asked. "I hope you enjoy that one, its exceptionally popular with Griffon, Diamond Dog, and the occasional dragon we get through here."

"I will certainly try my darling thank you. To end off my selection, I will try your award winning Wagyu Hay Burger."

"Did you want to order anything else?" Twilight giggled.

"Oh don't you worry about me Twilight, I can take a few extra hours to work out," Gordon replied humorously. "I think we are done here Miss Iris, thank you very much.

Iris gave a quick bow to the duo and took their menus, heading back into the kitchen to relay their orders to the cooks. The head chef Jack Pot was completely exhausted and tired of everyone in the kitchen constantly making mistakes. The stress of every continuing day was beginning to wear on him and his temper. He had just come back from a supply run to the local market and found the kitchen littered with filthy cook ware. The kitchen staff was cooking in piles of food, plates, pots and pans that were stacked up everywhere.

"Dirty plates everywhere! Come on you damn slackers, I'm working the hardest here," the buff unicorn snapped.

Jack Pot jeered at his staff as they hurried to clean up their work stations before doing their next orders. When Iris trotted in, the stallion's face lit up slightly and waited for her patiently to approach the line.

"We got two royal guests and a lot of food. Princess Twilight and that human chef from Earth want a good meal," Iris said confidently.

"I'll certainly do my best," Jack Pot sighed tiredly.

"Working at Burger Princess used to be a great experience, and now I am always battling with the management." Jack Pot said. "In many particular cases, Tulip can't keep her muzzle out of my kitchen and constantly hovers over everyone. It has turned into a runaway restaurant and I just have no control."

"Chef Jack for whatever reason does not like me," Tulip stated to her own interviewer. "He doesn't want me in the kitchen. And I notice that he tends to gossip and blame me for a lot that is going on. I would certainly say we have made some errors here...in staffing."

When the duo's meals were being cooked, Red Skillet hobbled out of the kitchen and sat down across from them.

"Chef Ramsay, I noticed that you ordered the Coypony Burger. That one may take a little longer," he warned the human.

"Don't you worry, just let me worry about that," Gordon replied.

"Why is that one gonna take longer?" Twilight asked curiously.

"Its a one pound burger your highness".

Twilight then looked down to the menu and scanned all of its other selections for a few minutes until her eyes came across something familiar at the bottom of one of the pages. A name that she had heard of from some of her friends.

"Executive Chef: Jack Pot?" Twilight asked in disbelief.

"Yes.

"Someone you know Twilight?" Gordon inquired.

"The...pony illusionist?" she asked carefully.

"No, not him." Red chuckled. "Just a humorous coincidence. He was the head pastry chef at the Cliff Hotel outside of Canterlot. I believe Miss Pinkie Pie trained him for a few months."

"And now he's the executive chef for a burger restaurant?"

"Is Hoofdini your desert chef or something?" Twilight asked with a bit of sass.

"No."

Twilight and Gordon looked at each other and got the instant urge to rub their faces in annoyance.

Back in the kitchen, Iris and Chef Jack Pot were overhearing their conversation.

"Jack, the princess was like Chef Jack Pot? Like the illusionist?" Iris laughed.

Jack Pot had a nice little belly laugh that made his day feel a bit better.

"Too bad that I can't really disappear from here," he snarked.

"When I came here, the food was amazing at first and Red and Tulip were great, but then, they wouldn't let me use any of my recipes, I had to do exactly what Red told me to do. Even if I knew it was wrong, I still had to send it out or...ya know. Crazy Clawsies screaming down my throat."

"Boy, I really am starting to rub off on you aren't I?" Gordon laughed. "From what your friends tell me, you get flustered, but this is the first time I've seen you start to get irritated."

Twilight smiled as she took a sip from her glass of water.

"Well, I'm your partner in this whole thing now Gordon, I suppose it kinda comes with the territory, she replied.

"You know what Twilight? You sort of remind me of my daughter," he stated.

"How so?"

"Extremely cheeky and brutal, but a great, kind person,"

"Aw thanks,"

Soon their orders were up as Iris brought the duo's meals quickly to their tables. What came out first was Twilight's unique burger and Gordon's odd pony rendition of an Earth favorite. Iris went away and came back with a hollow cone filled with what appeared to be fries.

"I got the Las Pegasus Burger for Her Highness and the Cowpony Burger for the Chef," Iris announced as cheerfully as she could muster.

Red Skillet left their table and went back into the kitchen to give them a bit of privacy while they ate their meal.

"So how is yours?" Twilight asked.

Gordon looked at the strange concoction as he grabbed a knife the restaurant had provided and sliced lengthwise down into the burger. When he lifted one half of the burger, he found that the patty was completely un cooked.

"Its fucking raw!" he swore. "Real meat or veggie patty, that should not be that pink in the middle like that. I mean come the fuck on!"

Trying to take a bite out of it to see if it tasted better than it looked, his taste buds were assaulted immediately with an overpowering sweet flavor followed by the overly chewy dough of the buns. Multiple things came falling out of the burger in a wet soppy mess.

"What a mess!" Twilight exclaimed.

"Whatever bread that is, its too sweet! Sweet and doughy. You want a nice tasty bun on a good burger, but nothing overwhelming. Just a nicely toasted brioche bun would do. Bland, tasteless, raw, no good flavor at all," Gordon said grimly. "That's nasty."

Iris saw his distaste for their food and quickly trotted over.

"How are you doing?" she asked with dread.

"That's rough," Gordon said as he pushed his plate towards her. "Doesn't anyone ever season anything in this place?"

"I know they throw a little bit of salt in there, but other than that, I don't think so Chef."

"They are obviously blind then, cause that is really ghastly."

Red Skillet watching the scene from afar did not like where this situation was going and went to confront Iris about it. The mare in question took his plate as she started heading back into the kitchen. Red Skillet headed her off in the hallway to try to get some answers.

"Stop, Stop, Stop, what is wrong with this one?" he demanded.

"No seasoning, he doesn't like it," she replied bluntly.

"What? That is one of the best burgers I've ever tasted in my life!"

"Well not to the chef I suppose," Iris said as she rolled her eyes.

Back in the dining room, Twilight started to get into her own meal to see how it fared. She was deeply disturbed by how Gordon's was poorly cooked and didn't have very high expectations for her own meal. Upon further examination, she had found that her burger was overflowing with too much avacado and pickles, creating a goopy mess.

"So what is the verdict my darling?" Gordon asked.

She grabbed her fork and knife and sliced into it like Gordon did. Just like before, she found that her own burger too was raw, but to an even worse extent this time around. The hay patty was as red as a strawberry and extremely slimy. The alicorn started feeling sick to her stomach. The smell of the undercooked patty was revolting as well, making her nose itch and her eyes water.

"Oh that is so gross," Twilight whined. "I don't feel too good--urp."

Twilight's stomach gurgled in a bad way as she started to hold her mouth closed. Gordon witnessed as the fur around her face started to turn green.

"You alright there my darling?" Gordon asked concerned.

"Yeah, I...think I just need to sit down, and not think about anything. Maybe I should take a bathroom break after this."

"We're in no rush, I don't want a princess fucking throwing up on me," Gordon giggled ironically.

Iris came back and retrieved their plates, seeing how unsatisfied they were with their meals. Red Skillet saw this as well and slammed his face on to the counter.

"I had no idea that my burgers were that badly cooked!" Red Skillet lamented. "It was just shocking!"

Heading into the kitchen, Iris left the plate on the line to show Jack Pot.

"Its entirely raw Jack Pot," Iris said cautiously. "The princess said she was starting to feel sick.

Jack Pot yanked the plate off of the counter forcefully and looked down at the burger. His face contorted to one of rage as he started going off on his kitchen staff.

"I was extremely embarrassed that one of our rulers had to taste such a horribly cooked burger. Especially since I was the one who sent it out. But this is NOT my fault. We are under so much pressure and stress from Red and Tulip and I just know that they are going to lay all of the blame on me," Jack Pot tried to explain. "Instead of looking at their own deficiencies!"

"Come on Jack! That was awful! Get your act together!" Red snapped.

"AND I'M ABOUT DONE WITH ALL OF THIS CHILDISH SHIT FROM YOU!" Jack roared as he threw six pots at the wall.

Jack started fuming as he walked out of the kitchen and into the back alley of the restaurant, completley ignoring the pleas and shouts from everyone else.

Next Time: Burger Princess Shack part 3

The madness continues at Ponyville's own Burger Princess Shack. A once prestigious gourmet hay burger restaurant with Clawstralian routes and the regular patronage of Equestria's newest princess, now struggling to stay afloat. With the survival of the restaurant on the line, Princess Twilight Sparkle and Chef Gordon Ramsay pull out all the stops to keep it from going under. Unfortunately, the owners and the kitchen staff may not even believe it can be saved at all. Gordon hears rumors of a dysfunctional family unit running the Shack, to which he is determined to get to the bottom of.

Right when their food was taken back, Twilight heard a familiar whipping of air followed by a glittering pink flame that appeared right over her head. A letter rolled up and stamped with Princess Celestia's official emblem appeared into existence and landed in front of Twilight on the table.

"Wonder what she wants?" Gordon inquired curiously.

Wondering herself, Twilight opened the letter and read it thoroughly

My Dear Twilight,

Tread carefully with Gordon on this particular outing. I have received word from the Clawstralian Ambassador that someone in Skillet's family was involved in a hostile criminal coup that nearly destroyed our colony there. Food and bad service isnt the main issue in Equestria anymore. Be on your guard. Message me immediately if anything changes.

Love,
Celestia.

Sending the letter back to her study in the castle, Twilight turned her attention back to Gordon who was looking at her expectantly. Not in a rude way like forcefully making a demand, but in a genuinely calm, but curious fashion which the alicorn was somewhat surprised to see coming from the aggressive human.

"So what's up?" Gordon asked.

"I think we may need to investigate a little more seriously here, because things have gotten a little complicated," Twilight replied.

Twilight explained the full extent of the situation to Gordon who listened intently to everything his equine companion said. At the end of it all, he laid his head on his fist in thought, trying to come up with a reasonable plan for their next step.

"Send a message back to the Princess. Tell her to do some more digging on her end. I'm no policeman. I don't interrogate people about crimes on a daily basis. I'm just a chef that's good at figuring people out. However, I do know that we dont have enough information to go on to make any accusations of that magnitude. Let's keep going and do some snooping around their office when we have the time. With your authorization of course. You're their princess."

"I suppose that's fair." Twilight replied understandingly. "I'll send a message to Princess Luna, see if she can't probe Skillet's family for information from the dream realm."

"Not sure if Skillet would be stupid enough to keep around any physical evidence in his office that might point to criminal activity in his family, but its certainly worth a shot. Perhaps you can try getting into contact with this Clawstralian Ambassador yourself? See if he can tell you anything extra?"

"Actually, that's not a bad idea. I'll ask the Princess for his address."

Gordon paused for a moment in thought but then turned back to Twilight.

"Please be a little more ready this time when some nut fuck tries to tear us to shreds," Gordon urged with humor. "You're the one with the magic darling."

"I'll be sure to keep that in mind sweetie," Twilight snapped back as she playfully stuck out her tongue.

After finding out another dish had been sent back to the kitchen, Red Skillet, ended up getting into a heated argument with the executive chef Jack Pot. The chef in question, wanted nothing more than to disappear from Ponyville and never see Burger Princess Shack again. Cursing out Red, Jack Pot abruptly stormed out the back door and into the back alley behind the restaurant to try to get a grip on himself and his sanity. He was alone out in the alley, save for a long row of dented and dull silver trash cans that lined the back wall. A single rat skittered by, only paying attention to the smell of its next meal and not the pony stamping his hooves on the ground. Thankfully, nopony was around to hear the flustered chef lose his temper right there.

"I will admit, I left out of anger and frustration," Jack Pot tells his human interviewer. "When I came on to Burger Princess shack, I made a deal with my staff that I would stay. I will really try my best to keep my word. Even though it might be difficult to do so."

A few minutes was all Jack Pot needed to cool down before he decided that he could go back inside and get back to work on the double. His staff was a little on edge from his presence but after a calm discussion and a quick meeting, he assured them that he was thinking clearly. He carried on with Gordon Ramsay's order, hoping that something else on the restaurant's menu would be to the human's liking.

It took longer than they thought, but they finally managed to finish Gordon's hay burger. They quickly brought it out to him for the human to hopefully enjoy. Iris was the one once again to deliver the concoction to the table.

"Finally jeez. I was starting to worry about what was going on back there," Twilight stated sternly. "That took what? an hour to get done?"

"I can guess a few things, but I'd rather see how this burger compares to the ones we had before," Gordon replied.

The first thing Gordon and Twilight noticed about their "award-winning" hay burger was the patty's immense size. Gordon for the life of him could not figure out how he was going to pick it up, let alone eat it. He tried his best to pick it up, but started laughing when he couldnt find a good place to bite down. As he kept turning the burger around to get a better starting point, he laughed even harder when he couldnt find a small enough bite to fit into his mouth.

"Come on! Seriously?" Twilight asked herself in disbelief. "Even I would have a hard time biting into THAT!"

"Usually burgers like this are sold at specialty restaurants that are known for these types of stunts. This is Kitchen Nightmares, not Man vs Food!" Gordon laughed ironically.

Gordon tried a different strategy as he grabbed a fork and knife and started cutting the burger in half.

"Forty bits for a hayburger," Twilight winced. "You should at the very least expect a decent bun. Who is going to pay for these anyway?"

"I believe Luna said she was going to pay for all our expenses in Equestria. She seemed awfully happy to do it too," Gordon shrugged.

Gordon opened up the burger to show the innards of it to the camera for the people back on Earth. Cutting a small piece of the patty with his knife, he took a small nibble and did not like what he tasted. He gave a piece of the burger to Twilight to let her taste it as well.

"Its just so bland! Greasy, and its overcooked 50 degrees more than it should have been," Twilight whined. "The texture of the hay is wrong too. I've gotten their burgers down to a science."

When Gordon put his utensils down, Iris walked over tiredly and took their plates for them.

"That is just dreadful." Gordon stated.

"What happened here?" Twilight asked no one in particular. "This isnt the Burger Princess Shack I know!"

"Very sorry about that," Iris apologized.

"Not your fault," Gordon replied to the waitress.

As Iris went back into the kitchen to throw the food away, Red Skillet just stood there by the bar with a stunned look on his face.

"I was shocked, embarrassed and quite hurt," Red said. "No point in crying though, I have the highest of hopes that he will love my Clawstralian Meat Pie. It is probably one of the most different things here. Meat Pies are a staple in Clawstralia which is filled with Griffons, Wyverns, and Opal Dogs. All omnivorous like the chef. The Opal Dogs are an off shoot of the Diamond Dogs here in Equestria but they are much more friendly to the colonists there than the Diamond Dogs are here. I am certain this time that he will love it!"

"One Meat Pie up!" Jack Pot called from the kitchen as he placed the dish on the serving line and tapped a bell with his hoof.

"Chef Ramsay's food! Good!" Red Skillet exclaimed.

"Don't hold your breath Skillet. He aint gonna like it." Jack Pot jeered at the older pony.

Red only glared angrily at the head chef who laughed back at him at his expense and went back to his work.

Iris brought Gordon's next meal out and sat the plate down on the table.

"Here you go chef, our Clawstralian Meat Pie. I hope this is more to your liking"

Twilight looked at the dish with the same apprehensive look that Gordon was giving it. It was a rather small little pastry, barely the size of what classified in Ponyville as a pie. Twilight had a bad feeling that even Pinkie herself was going to sense such a minuscule serving.

On the other side of town, Pinkie started to randomly growl at everything and nothing behind the counter at the bakery.

"Somepony is giving Gordy a bad pie!" she shrieked to the confusion of her customers.

The pie itself if Gordon could call it that was more lightly colored than it should have been for something that was supposed to be cooked all the way. It was sprinkled with small flakes of parsley which did nothing to add to Gordon's confidence.

"I'm not much of a meat eater, but I hope you like it?" Twilight offered.

"Well, let's see. Time for a trip Down Under," Gordon said sarcastically.

He cut into the pie which fell apart almost instantly. It was filled with ground beef, carrots, and pathetic little pieces of wilted spinach. The consistency of the filling was rather gross and he didnt want to taste it. Reluctantly, he scooped up a small bit with his fork and ate it. Salty, slimy, and under cooked textures and flavors assaulted his senses.

"Another disgusting mess," Gordon groaned as he wiped his mouth clean with his cloth napkin. "This dinky little pie here can fuck off back to whatever country it came from. Got a raw, doughy pastry on top and a soggy gooey thing on the bottom."

"I'll take your word for it, since again, I don't really eat meat," Twilight replied sheepishly.

"I'll make you an omnivore yet Miss Sparkle," Gordon said mischievously. "I know the head chef at the hotel you stayed at back in Vegas. You tried to eat the lasagna didnt you?"

"How did you--you know what? Nevermind. Yes, I did and it was definitely a...new experience for me. I just figured that if I'm going to be living in a world of omnivores every so often, I need to rediscover my ancient omnivorous routes."

Gordon laughed when Twilight tried to obscure her voice with a napkin while saying all of this.

"Maybe I'll invite you to a Barbecue joint next time we head back to Earth,"Gordon chuckled.

"Without puking my guts out? That's gonna be hard Scottish boy," the alicorn teased back.

"For now, better me than you," Gordon laughed.

Red Skillet and his wife Tulip were not happy at the fact that Gordon and Twilight have hated everything they have been served thus far.

"I believe Jack Pot is not good enough to handle our menu. He's not a head chef as he claims to be. He's a pastry chef unworthy of our restaurant."

Gordon called Red and Tulip out to have a word with him so he could get started on the next step of his process. Twilight stood right beside him the whole time, continuing to make mental notes just as she has been on the last two nightmares.

"Wow, that was quite the eye opener, I have to say," Gordon stated grimly. "Let's meet the team then shall we?"

Red called Chef Jack Pot and the rest of his staff out of the kitchen where they each got a turn shaking hooves with Gordon until he got to the head chef himself. Red Skillet and his wife Tulip sat down behind the bar counter, each drinking a cup of coffee to wake their senses. Jack Pot's white uniform was grimy and dirty, presumably from years of use. Twilight noticed that most of the kitchen staff seemed to be dressed rather poorly, mostly with old and tattered uniforms that should have been thrown out months ago. Jack Pot extended his hoof and shook Gordon's hand vigorously. Then they all took turns greeting Twilight until they went down to business.

"Pleasure to meet you . I'm Jack Pot."

"Like the Las Pegasus magician?" Twilight asked dryly.

"No relation, Your Highness."

"Well, you certainly didn't work any magic today, I'll give you that." Twilight snapped.

Gordon almost laughed at how much Twilight was starting to sound like himself.

To lighten the mood, Jack Pot introduced his sous chef Bell Pepper. A diminutive green colored earth pony with a dirty grey mane who looked like he was screaming for help behind a fake smile.

"Let's get down to brass tacks here Jack, as they say it in America. All our food was fucking grotesque." Gordon said bluntly. "Everything Twilight and I have tasted here has been nasty, awful, and disgustingly bland. Do you cook any of that?"

"I partially help cook everything, yes chef," Jack Pot said as the blood drained from his face.

"And you can't work your magic on a burger? Seriously?"

"A burger that I used to love coming here to eat!" Twilight exclaimed. "When I first became Princess of Ponyville, I was so busy didn't have much time to cook food for myself, so I came here. I instantly fell in love with your hay burgers. Maybe a little too much of a love for them, but still. They provided me with a bit of an escape from the daily grind of my duties. What happened here?"

"And that is one of the core issues I am trying to work out here," Gordon added. "You are PAID, as an executive chef. Wow!"

Jack Pot just smiled tiredly back at the human, who was not amused in the slightest with his attitude.

"What's funny now? Is this a massage for your over inflated ego or something?"

When Tulip smiled victoriously at how Jack Pot was being unloaded on, a glare from Twilight sent her back into a more appropriate demeanor.

"No chef, this has just become too much for me working here. I follow the recipes as I am told by these brick headed owners and if I try to change the recipes I am tossed out of here!" Jack Pot complained.

"What?"

"Not quite true chef." Red Skillet replied.

"Not true? REALLY? You've been freaking drinking again."

"Drinking again?" Twilight wondered aloud.

"My husband does go behind the counter on OCCASION, and fixes himself a small drink. But he's not an alcoholic like the chef here is implying." Tulip insisted.

"I cant seem to get the truth out of anybody here!" Jack Pot exclaimed.

"Explain all this to me Tulip," Twilight asked. "What happened here?"

"Jack Pot has a lot of control in the kitchen--" she started.

"That is a lie your majesty," the chef butted in.

"What about the mushrooms when you changed the whole recipe around and you added wine?"

Jack Pot seemed to be getting more angry just standing within a few feet of the mare.

"You told me you wanted just salt on the mushrooms knowing that particular species of mushroom needs stronger ingredients to get rid of the pungent taste! Let's tell the truth!"

"I will ask again, did you add wine to the mushrooms?!"

"That is how you make sauteed mushrooms!" Jack Pot jabbed back. "So you can shut the hell up, I did add some hay wine to the mushrooms!"

"Are they getting into an argument about mushrooms?" Twilight asked her human friend in disbelief.

"People argue over fucking more stupid things than that in my line of work." Gordon replied.

"You didn't tell anyone that you added hay wine to the mushrooms!"

"Honey, you are missing the point! You are focusing on a bloody bucking mushroom!" Red Skillet added.

"Mushrooms are important to me, I'm from Poneland."

"I think the crux of the problem is instead of downing coffee, you should be downing some sedatives darlin," Jack Pot spat angrily at the mare.

Twilight gave Gordon a dumbfounded look as they continued to watch the chef and Tulip constantly snap at each other with passive aggressiveness.

"Jack Pot, I just want the truth from you, is that so much to ask?" Tulip inquired.

"That's what I have been telling you! EVERY DAY! You just dont want to listen to the truth from me. Here's the truth right now, I'd rather work as a royal guard on the Arctic border of the Unknown Lands than be here with you running this restaurant."

The duo could tell that there were some very deep seated issues between Jack Pot and the owners of the restaurant. Twilight herself was about to step in to defuse the situation if it got any worse.

"Tulip, let's get to where things really are here. The Princess here needs to know. You treat us all like stupid children! The way you manipulate everyone with that sad sorry sob attitude of yours. How we have to get groceries for this stupid restaurant of yours. Where's my money for the groceries? The money you owe ME! I havent been paid in over a month!"

With that last statement, Jack Pot stomped the ground so hard that some of the bottles behind the counter at the bar were knocked down and hit the floor with a shatter.

"Now first of all," Tulip started. "My son Ayers was wired the money--"

"I'd say he was a bit more than wired, I'll tell you that much. I come in here, I work, I open the place, I work my flank off, and I dont get paid. Where are my bucking bits?"

Tulip giving the Chef a death glare, stormed off somewhere into a back room while the others continued their serious discussion.

"Why isnt he getting paid? I dont exactly condone long time unpaid manual labor. Mostly because its a tiny little outlawed thing we civilized ponies have called slavery in most places!" Twilight exclaimed angrily.

"Chef Jack Pot has been working in the spirit of eventually getting his next payment of bits."

"In the spirit of eventually getting paid? Do you have any idea how fucking horrible that sounds?" Gordon asked. "This whole thing is insane!"

"Where did Tulip go off to?" Twilight asks in a tired tone all of a sudden.

"Probably to go get me a payment that isnt there." Jack Pot shrugged.

Red Skillet had to go into the back room where his wife was hiding to get her to calm down before she was able to come back outside.

"I feel like we are just stuck in the looping land of upside down. So much bull shit is being thrown around from all sides that I can hardly think!" Gordon screamed. "Your chef is telling me that not only is he forced to follow your crummy recipes, he isnt paid for jack shit in this place!"

Twilight was getting very tired of the constant back and forth yelling between everyone and had already concocted a simple solution to their current problems.

"Instead of continuing to scream at each other, why don't we see if Chef Jack Pot can make something delicious independently from the recipes of the restaurant?" Twilight suggested to Gordon.

"A sound idea my darling. Uhhhh, you wouldn't happen to have some spare pocket change on you would ya?"

Twilight smiled and rolled her eyes as she pulled a sack of bits with her from her side satchel that Rarity had lent to her. She grasped Jack Pot's hoof with her magic and plopped the sack into his outstretched hoof.

"Go out there, get some hay pate, and cook us some hay burgers! And make them good like the way I used to love them!" Twilight snapped.

When Jack Pot sat there stunned, looking between her and the sack of bits in his hoof for a solid minute, Twilight zapped Jack Pot and his sous chef on the flanks, which scared them out the doors of the restaurant and on to their assignment. Twilight sped over to the doors and screamed at the two in a goofy rage.

"AND DONT COME BACK UNTIL I GET MY BURGERS!"

The alicorn walked back to Gordon with a much calmer disposition. Unfortunately for her, the human couldnt stop staring at her like she had grown another pair of legs on her forehead. Twilight laughed nervously at the human, realizing the way she was acting.

"What the hell was that? Since when did you scream obsessively like me over fucking burgers?"

"Princess Celestia and I have some slight obsessions over specific food items. Mine just happens to be hay burgers."

"More than a slight obsession there darling."

Afterwards, they silently left the restaurant together to go to their next objective on their third Kitchen Nightmare in Equestria.

"Tulip and Chef Jack Pot do not treat each other very nicely. Jack Pot is a very opinionated pony with a bit of a temper and that's something that my wife just hasnt been able to handle very well." Red Skillet explained nervously.

When Twilight and Gordon left the building, Red Skillet and Tulip started shouting at each other, unaware that the cameras set up in their restaurant were still recording everything going on. Some of Gordon's production team had left behind small microphones hidden all over the building as well to get the clearest quality audio for the show.

"What in tartarus was that all about huh? I try my best to work everyday as hard as I can and this is what I get for it?!" Tulip violently snapped at Red. "You just sat there like a bucking deer while that Chef of yours attacked me! You didn't even have the balls to stand up for your wife!"

Tulip then started stomping off as Red Skillet vainly tried calling after her.

"I am doing my best to stand up for you, but its a little hard when everyone is screaming at each other!"

After leaving the restaurant, the duo decided their next course of action would be to find the location of Ayers Gold. The son of Red Skillet and Tulip. Twilight led Gordon to Ponyville Town Hall in the center of the city where business was starting to pick up.

It was around noon time and Ponyville Square was bustling. The Farmer's Market and Traveling Vendor Fair was in town again, drawing in ponies from neighboring villages to buy their wares. Gordon's presence in Ponyville was still something of an oddity, but thankfully most of the locals were used to the human at this point. Town Hall was brimming with activity from out of town politicians paying a visit. Twilight knew she would have to stay out of their sight as much as she could. Being the newest princess, the alicorn figured many politicians would consider her ripe for influencing. It was an unfortunate drawback to having both a horn and a pair of wings on her back.

Ducking into the building, Gordon helped Twilight sneak around towards the Citizen's Registry Office where every pony's general and personal information is stored. The human declined rather vehemently when she tried to get him into a skin tight black suit. Most of the ponies working there were too busy with mounds of paperwork to notice them, some being at least ten feet high. The occasional tourist from Manehatten would almost detect their presence, but Twilight found plenty of obstructions in the form of trash cans and cardboard boxes.

Mayor Mare was at the far end of the building where she was busy dealing with town council ponies from Las Pegasus and Dodge City. Gordon was afraid at first that he might be getting an earful from the overzealous white maned mare, but thankfully seemed to be thoroughly occupied.

They went down the left hallway of the building and stopped at the first door on their right. The way to the registry office was blocked by a rather thick wooden door reinforced with a number of metal plates, latches, and locks.

"What the hell?" Gordon asked quietly. "You said that this was a public access building, why are there so many of these fucking huge doors in here?"

"My fault really." Twilight admitted. "Villains as of late have been taking ponies' personal information a little too easily. One of my first mandates as princess was to install security for record places like this."

"Massive wooden doors are part of that?" Gordon asked further.

"Clawstralian Buloke wood doors. One of the strongest woods here on Equis. And one of Clawstralia's biggest imports here in Equestria. Even Applejack would hurt herself trying to break this wood. The locks are crafted with titanium which we've only recently discovered in Equestria. So the locks cant just be broken easily."

Twilight knocked a couple of times on the massive security door, hoping that any pony on the other side would hear her.

"Who is it?" a female voice inside called out.

"This is Twilight Sparkle! I would like to find some pony's personal information." Twilight called back through the door.

There was a pause before she could hear a mocking laughter which sounded patronizing.

"Oh sure, and I'm Princess Cadance," the mare inside said sarcastically. "Go away before I call the guards, I'm busy!"

Twilight tried to convince the mare, but she wasnt having any of it. After a few minutes of shouting, Twilight gave up and slumped against the wall.

"Ugh, I know I'm strong enough to break this door down with a spell, but I'd risk destroying the whole building if I tried," Twilight groaned. "And only the Mayor has access to the keys around here. She's a little preoccupied right now and I don't think you want to deal with her frisky attitude towards you right now."

"How are we gonna find Ayers house?" Gordon asked seriously.

As if their prayers had been answered, Pinkie Pie came down the hallway and noticed the duo instantly. With a big stretchy smile, she dashed over to the duo to say hi.

"Hey there silly willys! What brings you two here?" she asked cheerfully.

"Oh hi Pinkie," Twilight groaned. "We're just trying to find somepony so Gordon can get some information for his show, but we cant get into the records office here. What are you doing here?"

"I come in here every Tuesday to send letters to friends in Vanhoover. I can help though! I know where everyone lives in Ponyville! Who are you looking for?"

"Man by the name of Ayers Gold. Strange name but all the names here in Equestria are strange for me." Gordon stated.

"Ayers, Ayers, oh yeah!" Pinkie cried. "They live in the new Sunset Apple Apartment Complex on Cherry Top Road. I can take you there!"

Gordon and Twilight couldn't process properly what was happening as they felt themselves being grabbed by Pinkie with each hoof and then dashing out of the building at light speed.

"YOINK!"

In an instant, the duo found themselves across town with no reasonable explanation as to how they got there. They were standing on the street in front of a line of apartment complexes fenced off by a low gate that divided the property from the side walk. Pinkie then pulled out a fruit basket from her mane and handed it off to Gordon who took it while still desperately trying to process what he had just gone through.

"Here's a hello gift from me to them. Sorry Twilight, I can't stay. Gotta get back to my shift at the bakery! BYEEEEE!" Pinkie shrieked as she dashed off somewhere.

Silence greeted the duo, allowing them and their brains to come back to reality for a moment before Pinkie dashed back into their faces.

"Oh, and by the way, their apartment is 5A. Bye again!"

Pinkie dashed away again, leaving the duo alone in front of the main gate.

"That was something." Gordon stated.

"I'm almost unfazed by anything she does at this point. Just almost though," Twilight replied.

Looking around the building, they soon find Ayers apartment and knocked on the door to announce themselves. A few minutes passed until they were greeted by a tiny little orange pegasus mare who seemed to be glad to see them. With Twilight there, she couldnt stop apologizing for the state of their apartment which was filled with all manner of unorganized furniture and objects. After hearing about the ruckus at Burger Princess Shack, the mare, aptly named Clementine had a feeling that they would be visiting very soon. Ayers himself came out of one of the rooms and greeted Twilight and Gordon with a great deal of respect. He was a dark yellow unicorn with a shaved head, a blonde tail, and tired green eyes poking out from behind a pair of narrow glasses.

"A pleasure to meet the two of you," Ayers greeted tiredly. "The Princess and Equestria's first human celebrity."

"We are just here as guests, trying to solve a problem." Twilight replied. "A problem that has spread all over Equestria to other businesses, but for now we'll just focus on your business."

"How long have you lived here in Ponyville?" Gordon inquired.

"A bit over a year now. We lived in Las Pegasus for a few years before moving here. Heard this town was growing, especially with the newest princess. So we figured moving to Ponyville would give us some new opportunities. New though, obviously meant bad for us in the end."

"Is Clementine your marefriend?" Twilight asked.

"Yes I am, and happily," the orange pegasus said nuzzling Ayers. "I mostly work the restaurant at night when "you know who" isnt there."

"Sit down, let's talk about that."

"There was a nasty fall out between Clementine and my family." Ayers explained to his interviewer. "They dont respect her or treat her very well and I have no idea why."

Twilight sat down in a loveseat next Gordon while Ayers and Clementine sat down together on their sofa. Clementine held Ayers tightly as they recounted their experiences thus far with the restaurant.

"So how did this whole thing start?" Twilight asked.

"Take us back to the beginning. When you invested in the restaurant. Unknown to you." Gordon continued.

Clementine laughed ironically and switched to a tired angry face.

"At least somepony in this town is getting that right," she said.

"I'm assuming you didnt take that very well," Twilight asked.

"Yes your highness, I will admit I got pretty angry when that happened." Ayers replied. "It was in a trust account, that my father had access too. In all his wisdom and idiocy, he finds ways to manipulate things to his own benefit. He said, "Why dont we try to open up a restaurant in Ponyville? I said, all we know about cooking was a little carrot dog cart back in Clawstralia filled with carrot dogs that were premade and delivered to us. So let's not do that."

"They knew absolutely nothing about how to run a restaurant, and yet they did it anyway." Clementine added.

"I'm afraid to even ask, but how much did he take out of your account?" Twilight asked nervously.

"250,000 opals. Each of which are worth 100 bits here in Equestria." Ayers growled.

The room went completely silent as Gordon and Twilight looked at each other, quickly doing the math as to the exact amount of the money he inherited.

"Your father stole the equivalent of 25 million bits from you?" Twilight asked taken aback. "If each of you were supposed to get 500,000 opals, that means all together, you were inheriting 1 billion bits in opals!"

"And he took half of your share away? That's ridiculous! It's your money!" Gordon exclaimed.

The lavender alicorn immediately knew something was up. No family of food vendors or cooks just so happened to be carrying a billion bits around with them. Not unless they had some deep connections. She needed to delve deeper to investigate if Ayers family was involved in any criminal activity and who among them was involved in the coup in Clawstralia years ago.

"He is so thick that he didnt get that I would obviously hate it. When I asked him why he did that, he said that he thought that I would love the idea," Ayers explained.

"What was your grandfather's job over there Ayers?" Twilight asked apprehensively. "What was his occupation?

"Honestly, I'm not even certain. Dad said once that he worked with him as partners in a major cargo distribution line but he never elaborated on that. I often suspected he was involved in the government there though. I often heard him arguing with someone from the Governor's office but he kept all his doors locked."

Twilight had a thought starting to grow in the back of her mind as she put her hoof up to her chin but dismissed the thought for now until she had concrete information.

"In light of that, how is your relationship with your parents now?" Twilight inquired.

Ayers took off his glasses and put them on the coffee table as he slumped down.

"Not good, your highness. We haven't made any decisions together since before we moved to Equestria. He still treats me like a foal and it got worse when he just so happened to hire a couple of good chefs that got him some local fame for awhile."

"They were so mean spirited about it when they rubbed it in his face," Clementine continued. "Then when things started going downhill there, he keeps trying to come over here and steal more of my Ayers' money!"

Twilight smiled at the fact that at the very least it seemed like Ayers had a loyal marefriend to support him in all of this.

"He started changing the menus too often without telling anyone, which was only one of the many problems." Ayers stated. "Over 40 different menu changes, all of them exceedingly different which confused every single customer that came into the restaurant. On top of all that, I can't get on to the books, I'm not on any of the records of the restaurant, I've asked him numerous times."

Ayers got up, went over to a dresser and pulled out a small piece of paper which he presented to Gordon and Twilight. The duo could tell that he was on the verge of tears as he gave them the paper.

"This is the only proof I have that I'm involved with the restaurant at all. It doesnt mean anything! I dont even get any benefits from it!"

Twilight examined the document closely. It seemed to be a certificate of ownership at first glance, but there were many legal things wrong with it. It had not been notarized, the emblems of authentication were missing, and the stamp of approval from the mayor's office was faked.

"That is nothing!" he yelled with pure despair and sadness in his voice. "That's just a piece of toilet paper!"

To punctuate his point, Ayers yanked the "certificate" out of Twilight's magical grasp and ripped it into shreds.

"I thought that it was going to be bad, but I didnt think it was going to get this bad." Gordon said.

"I just...I don't trust my father anymore. Its taken me a while to come to grips with that." Ayers said with his voice breaking.

He tried to continue talking but he just sat there staring into his hooves like he had blood on them. It was sad to see anypony like this and Twilight couldnt help but feel angry for Ayers sake.

"Its just hard to see this happen. See the love of my life get beaten down so much that the fight isnt there anymore." Clementine cried.

She went up to Ayers and hugged him tightly, trying her best to cheer him up.

"I think we now have a good amount of insight as to what is going on here." Twilight stated. "Gordon, may I speak to you outside for a moment?"

Gordon raised an eyebrow at her, but complied when she gave him an urging gesture outside. They quickly excused themselves and went right outside their apartment to talk.

"Something the matter Twilight?" Gordon asked curiously.

"Nobody just owns a billion bits of opals in their possession. Its obvious that Red Skillet wasnt telling us something about his father." Twilight replied.

"Yeah, I caught that as well. Perhaps we can do some digging around his personal affects when we head back to the restaurant. I've dealt with a few dangerous things like this before, so let's just tread carefully alright? I'd prefer to get the whole story before we go in guns a blazing."

"Agreed."

Going back inside, they told them to run the restaurant normally for their dinner service and pretend that they arent there. Twilight decided to head over to Sweet Apple Acres to invite Applejack to the dinner service while Gordon would watch over how the staff worked all together. Meanwhile though, Gordon walked back to Burger Princess to see how Chef Jack Pot's burger fared against the sub par burgers that came from Red Skillet's new recipes.

Jack Pot and his team ordered some of the most high quality ingredients that they could find and dashed around the kitchen for an hour, preparing the best hay burger that they ever could make. For the first time in a few years, Chef Jack Pot was finally using his own recipe that he was proud of.

"This time, I am mixing and seasoning the burger our way. Food is a very important factor in my life. Its my passion. I thank Lady Pinkie Pie for showing it to me." Jack Pot stated confidently. "When I make this burger, I want it to be a great hayburger and it will be our creation. Not whatever witch craft Red and Tulip mix up in here."

Jack Pot's blood started to boil as Red came hobbling into the kitchen and pulling out two of his patties, seasoning it with random spices from around the kitchen without any rhyme or reason. He grilled them alone in the corner while all the kitchen staff were slaving away on Gordon's hayburger.

"I actually have a brain stem hidden under this thick skull here," Jack Pot scoffed. "I'm smart enough to listen to Gordon when he tells me that he wants a hayburger that's fresh and juicy. The last thing he and the princess wants is a damn frozen patty with out of date spices!"

His sous chefs finally finished the burger as they carefully assembled it all together, being careful as to watch the placement of each component. They scrambled to get ready and place the burger on a plate with a piece of honeydew when Gordon entered back into the restaurant. Red Skillet plopped his cheeseburgers onto a plate and rushed out to meet Gordon and Twilight first as he placed them down on a table that Tulip was sitting at. Jack Pot and the rest of his staff followed behind with their perfected burger as their faces flushed at what Red Skillet was pulling.

"Hello again, I'm here for lunch" Gordon greeted.

Twilight's stomach growled loudly as she gained a crazy look in her eye after smelling the hayburgers that they were making.

"I just made two burger patties for you chef and for her majesty." Red said. "My own ingredients."

"Your own ingredients?"

Gordon could tell what kind of harebrained stunt that Red was pulling on his kitchen staff but he decided to humor him anyway and see what the middle aged pony had up his sleeve. He didnt have much faith as all it was was a tiny patty covered in cheese sitting in a puddle of grease on the plate it was served on.

"Would you like to try it?" Red asked. "People have called me a hay patty sculptor or a burger artist. A lot of different celebrities like yourself have tasted my different patties and said that they were fantastic. I hope you are the same."

"A lot of bold claims after another. Let's just take a look shall we?" Gordon replied annoyed.

Gordon sat down with Red and Tulip as he grabbed a fork and knife and began sawing off small pieces of their burger. He tried asking what ingredients they put into the burger, but they refused to answer him.

"Just fucking tell me what is in the burger. Is that so hard?"

"Its our Wag-ewe hayburger mix but with my own blend of spices. I left it bare cause normally I personally dont like a bun."

"Well it was supposed to be for me wasnt it? Why place your own preferences on the burger?" Gordon inquired.

Red didnt answer the question as he sat down at Gordon's table and moved around uncomfortably.

"The last thing Red Skillet could ever be is a patty expert." Jack Pot shouted. "He doesnt know a thing about hayburgers. Without me, he would have been in the outhouse a long time ago. All he knows how to do is sit in his office like a fat tub of lard and change menus five times a week. That's what he does!"

Gordon kept a neutral face as he chewed each piece of the burger while Red and Tulip looked at him expectantly. Twilight picked up her own patty with her magic and slipped the entire thing into her mouth with one bite. She chewed down on the burger, confused by the tastes that were dancing on her taste buds.

"You made this?" Gordon asked seriously.

"Its amazing isnt it?" Tulip asked with a bit smile.

"Not really," Twilight replied. "It tastes like a piece of rubber."

Gordon laughed and pushed the plate with his unfinished burger over to them.

"I have to agree with my friend here. That is hideous." he snapped. "At least its seasoned! This burger that Jack Pot is treating like a newborn baby over here is the one that I'm dying for."

Jack Pot gained a triumphant face as he watched his employers squirm in their seats, relishing every moment of their despair.

Jack Pot and his team carefully walked over and placed the plate on the table in front of Gordon. The human chef was already liking what he was seeing. The burger that he made resembled one of his own back on Earth. Perfect ratio of toppings, veggies, and patty thickness, a nicely colored bun, a drizzle of dipping sauce that encircled the burger like a halo. It was all held together by a specialty red colored toothpick that stuck out the top. Gordon appreciated the addition of a nice slice of honeydew melon on the side to cleanse his palate. Twilight was desperately trying her best to contain her obsessive attitude towards hay burgers. Though she knew she couldnt hold back her desires for long.

"The presentation is great! I always urge any of my students that food is also a visual art as well as entertainment for your mouth. A perfect blend of unique colors, scents, smells, and tastes, which you seem to have accomplished here!" Gordon congratulated.

"Thank you chef," Jack Pot replied as he calmly took in the praise.

"Explain your recipe, please."

"We used a smoked Gouda with a sun dried tomato, an arugula spring mix, a garlic mustard aioli and a jumbo pickle made in house."

"I'll tell you, what I ate a few hours ago, this looks night and day."

"As long as that cheese isnt too gooey, I'll be fine with it," Twilight said laughed nervously.

"Oh yeah, I heard about your fear of cheese." Gordon giggled at the alicorn.

"Ah, Ah! distaste for gooey cheeses," she corrected. "I had a bad experience with an enchanted quesadilla. I still have the nightmares..."

"I gotta hear THAT story at one point."

Gordon cut the burger perfectly in half, first taking out the long toothpick which he deposited on to the table. Opening it up, he liked all of the fully cooked colors that he was seeing. Giving a quick whiff, he had a surprised look on his face.

"You try not to use meat a lot, I get that all part of the culture. But that smells wonderful! Its like a meat burger I would get back home! Let's see if it tastes as good as it smells."

Gordon picked up one of the halves and bit down into it, chewing slowly as to savor and detect every flavor placed into his food.

"That is bloody delicious!" Gordon exclaimed. "Temperature is perfect, and the roll has a really nice crispy toast to it. One of the keys to a good burger is a nicely toasted bun that holds everything together. It locks in all that moisture and juiciness from the patty."

Gordon noticed Tulip and Red's sour and jealous looks as they watched what was happening.

"Perhaps you would like to have a taste?" Gordon offered as he handed the other half of the burger to Tulip.

"I'd love to," Tulip replied with a vague hint of spite.

Tulip grabbed a clean fork and knife and gingerly cut off a piece of the burger. Placing it into her mouth and chewing, Gordon and Jack Pot held in a laugh when she forcefully made herself cough uncomfortably.

"What is that strong taste that I'm tasting?" Tulip asked snootily.

"Gouda cheese I believe he said?" Gordon repeated. "And its smoked."

"Yes chef," Jack Pot replied.

"Does that go through the patty? I taste something stronger in there like a dry aged spice or a different kind of hay. I do like my patties to have a little bit of redness, I am a medium rare mare."

"The problem is that burger isnt medium rare as it should be," Red added.

"It may be medium, but I'll tell you one thing, Its bloody damn juicy." Gordon bluntly replied. "That is delicious. I give that burger nine out of ten. Why don't you give it a bite Twilight?"

Twilight couldnt contain her temptation any longer and slammed her face down on Gordon's half of the burger, nearly breaking the table with her face. She ravenously devoured the half of the burger within seconds, not caring about Gordon who had just taken a bite from it. She made content moans of delight while she quickly chewed down and slowly swallowed, savoring every last taste.

"Fuck girl, calm down" Gordon cackled. "Its like you're a wolf disguised as a horse. I can tell you like this burger too at least."

"Yes mommy!" Twilight deliriously replied with ecstasy.

Jack Pot was hardly able to contain his joy at the praise from Equestria's newest celebrity chef and their newest princess. He had one of his sous chefs bring out the recipe and present it to Gordon who was thoroughly impressed with the composition.

"The Redeemer Burger. I love the name. You have certainly redeemed yourself here in my eyes. So why aren't you serving burgers like that anymore Red?"

"I thought that my aunt's Wag-ewe mix was better." Red insisted.

"You have your priorities wrong here. Just because it has a lavish name like that, doesn't instantly mean its gonna make everything taste better. I've seen people botch recipes with the most expensive ingredients imaginable. It really does depend on how you use them. Its clear here that this particular mix wasnt used, nor even made the right way."

Twilight saw the opportunity to turn her attention to Jack Pot and start wailing on him.

"If you know that what you make is really good, and other people have told you that its good, why are you serving these patties?" Twilight asked honestly.

"Unfortunately my lady, they are the owners and they are the ones that always dictate whatever I make in the kitchen. If I try to suggest or even change anything or make any new recipes of my own, I get persecuted for it. Then I get threatened with a deduction on my pay."

"HE WANTS TO BLAME ME FOR EVERYTHING!" Tulip exclaimed. "I'm not that powerful here
Your Majesty. I'm an old mare, I cant control what he does or says. How am I that powerful? Do you see a chef hat on me? Do you see me swirling the pans or making the patties or chopping the mushrooms or putting the salt on?"

Jack Pot could only smile and shake his head in disappointment as the mare continued to rant and rave excuses to the human Chef.

"What really frustrates me is we get served that mediocre crap and yet YOUR burger is seasoned beautifully. It has a nice cheese with a nice smokiness to it. Its absolutely delicious!" Gordon continued.

Tulip had enough of Jack Pot and his success with their guests, not being able to take the shame as she grabbed her purse and angrily walked out the front door.

"What the buck ever," Tulip blurted out. "I don't need to take any of this."

"Tulip? Tulip? Where do you think your going?" Gordon questioned forcefully.

Next: Burger Princess Shack Part 4

Chef Jack Pot had now proven to Gordon that he was fully capable of making good food without Tulip and Red Skillet's interference. A confident chef had arisen where an angry bitter stallion once was. Even Twilight was once again impressed with the stallion's cooking. A little bit too impressed as Gordon had to keep the deranged Princess from kidnapping the chef to make him her personal cook. It was a little amusing for the human, seeing a pastel colored pony obsess over a burger the same way a dog would over bacon. Unfortunately, Tulip was not feeling the same way.

After being made to look like a jerk, she stormed right out of the restaurant and into the back alley. Jack Pot just celebrated his success with his team, all the while secretly poking fun at their manipulative co-owner. Gordon had suspicions about what really was going on with the elderly mare, but he kept it to himself for now. It took a bit of coaxing to pry the alicorn away from her food but Gordon brought Twilight to talk to Tulip who was sulking behind a bush that was growing back there alongside all the trashcans and dumpsters from the surrounding buildings.

"Tulip has never liked me, so I've never liked her." Jack Pot explained. "She wanted me to be the reason that her pitiful restaurant has been failing. So she just got up and left right in the middle of the tasting of my burger."

"Why are you out here?" Twilight asked impatiently. "What is wrong? Hiding here is not going to solve anything."

Gordon tried being patient with the mare, despite his preconceptions about her as he waited to speak while Tulip spoke to Twilight.

"I'm an old mare, Princess, I've been through many circumstances. My situation here is to help my husband get this restaurant back to the way it once was. It's not about some bully or some fool."

"Fool? Bully?" Twilight questioned.

"Is that why you randomly walked out of there?" Gordon interjected. "Because Jack Pot was telling me the truth?"

"Because my heart hurt" Tulip replied. "Is that a wrong thing? That I have to sit there and smile and say that everything is fine? I can't do that!"

Twilight groaned inwardly at her first statement.

"Just tell us what is going on," Gordon replied. "Don't walk out because your husband's food doesn't match up to your chef's food."

"I've been facing a bully, who's been abusive to me," she started.

'Jack Pot hasnt laid a hoof on you lady,' Twilight thought with disdain.

"Then you need to address it, because for you to just get up and walk out, it looks pretty vindictive. Red needs you back in there. He needs your support in getting through this. Regardless of who is to blame."

She reluctantly agreed as they followed her back into the restaurant. Red was sitting there patiently at the table, waiting for them to sit back down.

"What happened?" Red asked.

"Tulip got a little upset," Gordon explained.

"I get it, the chef has a high quality that he can bring to the restaurant and he should be doing that now."

Gordon beckoned the pony chef to come over to the table and he sat down beside the rest of them with a smug smile on his face.

"So why did you go outside, Tulip hmmm?" Jack Pot asked.

"That was a different issue, Jack Pot, no need to bring it up again," Red replied.

"Because you're a bully and you say so many vile things to me all the time!" she replied.

"Eight to twelve chefs have walked out of here since I first joined on to this restaurant and that is partially' cause of your fake little emotional outbursts to manipulate everyone here!" Jack Pot exclaimed. "When things don't go your way, you try to pin things on me and my kitchen staff. You have wanted me to fail since day one so that can happen."

"I think Tulip is a shark pretending she's a helpless little foal." Jack Pot explained to the interviewer. "You try going into the water with her and you get your nuts sliced off."

"You want Chef Ramsay to have me fired, that is exactly why you walked out the back door there."

'I'm starting to think that's probably only part of what's going on with this place' Twilight thought.

Tulip and Red Skillet started screaming and shouting, forcing Twilight and Gordon to separate all of them before a fight broke out.

"Stop! I want to see all of you doing your jobs before I make a decision on what needs to happen," Twilight declared.

"We will watch each of you during dinner service to see how you handle everything in a big rush." Gordon said. "Finish service, and then we will talk more in depth afterwards, alright?"

They continued glaring at each other but they agreed as they got up from the table and went back to what they were doing.

Twilight decided at that moment that she should take the time to find Red and Tulip's house to snoop around before dinner service came around. Their house was just up the road right by the Ponyville Supermarket. It didn't take long to get there while Gordon was keeping an eye on things at the restaurant. She made up an excuse that she needed to attend to her princess duties elsewhere, which seemed to be a good enough lie for her.

Along the way, she bumped into the Flower Sisters who talked her ear off with random girl things for fifteen minutes. It annoyed her, but she tried being polite to the hyperactive mares every time she interacted with them. Even if it was only by accident.

She moved on soon after and came to Red Skillet's house which was a two story red apartment building squashed in between two others. It was a very ornate building with statues sitting up on the roof and marble steps that led right up to the front door. Twilight suspected that Red most likely used a portion of the money on his house, which made her like the colt even less. Trying for the more discreet side of things, she slipped into an alleyway and pulled out her old black leotard she had tried to use to sneak into Canterlot Castle.

Looking around, she started going through the back door which was unlocked. Only to be assaulted by a gang of cats hiding out in the alleyway. They clung to her and scratched at her violently as she comedically panicked and bumped into everything in the house. Making as much noise as she possibly could have. She couldn't tell what each of the cats looked like as she pried each of them off quickly with her magic, but they were all ragged and were a variety of colors. Black, orange, grey, white, brown. She had to launch them over a nearby fence to save herself from them and then shut herself inside.

"Ugh, must be their security," Twilight halfheartedly quipped.

She carefully went through the house, making sure not to trip any security magic they may or may not have installed. She made sure to tip hoof around any rug or anything that looked like it could hide any pressure plates or special trap runes. Not that she actually knew that there even were any in the house.

The first room she came into was a small storage room filled with cardboard boxes and dusty wooden crates. It was quite dirty and filled with cobwebs which gave her the urge to clean everything in sight. Unfortunately, since she was on a tight schedule, she would have to put all of that on the backburner.

Into the living room, it was set up neatly, if a bit rustic with all manner of black and white framed photos along each wall, and old pieces of glazed driftwood hanging from the wall facing the front door like trophies. A simple fireplace and some simple furniture was lined up against the right side of the room. The hearth was covered in many little porcelain figurines which were shaped like foals. She was rather creeped out by the way the lifeless little things seemed to be following her with their eyes. At least in her mind they were.

Just around the corner from the living room, she found the staircase which creaked loudly with every step, forcing her to use a muffling spell on her hooves. It worked fairly well as she cautiously rushed up the stairs and looked through each of the bedrooms and closets on the second floor until she found her quarry. An office which presumably belonged to Red Skillet.

The desk pushed up against the back wall of the office was a rather nice cherrywood desk. It stood tall with many small drawers and compartments for all manner of letters, documents, and office supplies. There were slots for letters to go into before they were taken to the post office. Two inkwells were mounted into the wood just by a row of tiny drawers where the table of the desk unfolded by its hinges. It looked like the kind of desk Twilight's grandmother had back home in Canterlot. She approached the desk cautiously, waiting for any sign of something bad to happen.

"Let's see if we can't find anything you're hiding Skillet," Twilight stated to herself.

An hour later back at the restaurant, Gordon was talking with his production crew on proper lighting for specific shots in the restaurant. A small corner table by the front door of the restaurant was where he waited for Twilight patiently as dinner service slowly started to creep around the corner. Rarity had insisted upon getting the word out of his and Twilight's appearance at the restaurant so as to draw in a crowd. He was starting to get concerned about where Twilight was and was about to head out to look for her.

'I hope she didn't get into any serious trouble,' Gordon thought concerned.

Suddenly, the front doors of the restaurant slammed open and a pony covered in smoke and soot hit the floor. She smelled like burnt fur and had eyes that were bloodshot and clearly irritated. Her mane was all ragged The mare hobbled into the restaurant, struggling to keep her balance as she held what looked to be a journal in her magical grasp. Gordon was about to ask who this strange pony was until he saw the wings and the horn sticking out of the burnt mane that was sticking up every which way.

"Holy shit! Twilight is that you?" Gordon exclaimed. "What the fuck happened?"

"Booby trapped desk." was all the alicorn would say.

"What?"

"I don't want to talk about it," she groaned uncomfortably.

She handed the journal off to Gordon who delicately grabbed onto its leather bound cover before watching the mare teleport off somewhere. Gordon waited for a moment, hoping that Twilight didn't just disappear on him again. Not a few minutes after, she teleported back in to the room looking more fresh and clean, but somewhat damp. Like she had just gotten out of the shower but tried quickly drying herself off.

"Better?" Gordon chuckled.

"A little. I'm still sore from getting trapped in a Firestorm Cone and getting pelted with meteorites. I didnt even know mages still made those things."

"A what?"

"Extradimensional hammer-space trap that bombards its victims with fire magic and molten rock. Red had one stashed in his desk."

"I'm assuming they are gonna discover that tonight when they go home." Gordon said with a raised eyebrow. "How are you gonna handle that?"

"I'll tell them afterwards I had to relieve them of the journal. Its evidence in a royal investigation."

"Isnt that breaking and entering?"

"Under article 2, section 5-B it states a Princess is allowed to enter another pony's property without permission under the premise of an officially recognized investigation as long as another Princess knows what is happening."

She seemed to realize she brought up a problem upon herself as she quickly took out some parchment paper, made a quick report to Princess Celestia and sent it off via dragon flame.

"I'm not even going to try to ask you about the fucking weird laws here," Gordon chuckled painfully into his hands.

Twilight went on and explained what she found in the journal. Gordon promised her that he would look it over after service when they got back to the castle. She collapsed to the ground in exhaustion, lying on her back and snoring away.

From the moment the both of them arrived earlier that morning, Twilight and Gordon had been hit with a variety of issues. It was finally time for dinner service and Ayers had arrived at the restaurant with his girlfriend. For the first time in a very long time, Ayers was going to be working alongside his father and mother. At Gordon's request.

Twilight watched from the front of the counter how Ayers greeted customers and took their orders. She was fairly impressed with his polite behavior and cordial performance. One pony in question that came to the counter was Thunderlane. One of Rainbow Dash's friends that she had always liked. He had heard about Twilight and Gordon's appearance at the restaurant and decided to try it out.

"What can I get for you sir?" Ayers asked him as he held out a notepad.

"I think I'll try the Dodge Junction Chili Burger." Thunderlane replied cheerfully. "That one sounds tubular."

"How would you like that?"

"Uhhh, cooked?" Thunderlane replied.

Ayers hoof faced himself and tried remaining patient.

"How cooked? Rare, Medium, or Well Done?"

"Oh! Medium!"

Twilight giggled good naturedly at the stallion from afar as she watched.

Ayers brought the order to the back and after a small case of miscommunication from the overworked Jack Pot, they started on the order. Gordon followed Ayers back to the front to get a clear understanding of his duties in the restaurant.

"Okay, so what are you doing tonight?" Gordon asked.

"I've been hosting, expediting, serving. A lot to say the least."

Gordon looked out to the packed dining room and saw Red Skillet walking around from table to table, talking to ponies with no rhyme or reason.

"Is your father taking orders?"

"No he's just hosting tonight."

"I've been wanting for him to just stay by the register and just run bills," Ayers added through his gritted teeth.

"He doesn't seem to be listening," Gordon replied.

"No one is listening to me!"

They watched and cringed as Red Skillet tried to awkwardly talk to one of the customers about the beer that they were drinking. Ayers reared back in embarrassment as he watched the customers lean back in their chairs from his father.

"I want my father to get back to just being at the register, but he just likes chatting up with the guests where he is not needed. Not to mention, he's had a bad breath problem for a long time. I know for a fact that when he trots up to ponies, they lean back or get out of their chairs for a moment." Ayers said with disgust.

Ayers discreetly walked out and tried to tell his father not to linger by the tables as he pulled the reluctant Red Skillet back behind the counter. Red Skillet unfortunately wasn't listening to his sons protests as he went into the back office to speak with him. Twilight stayed close behind, already able to tell that it wasnt going to end very well for either of them.

"I don't want to talk to you right now! I have work to do!" Ayers insisted loudly.

"Just give me a few bloody damn seconds to talk to you!" Red retorted.

"What is it?!"

"You are mistaken about me. I was just greeting, that's all I was doing and I'm always happy to do it!"

"You're lingering by their tables and bothering them! They dont need you hovering over them all the time!"

"I'm not lingering! You are mistaken!"

Meanwhile, Gordon remained up front behind the counter, speaking with Ayers marefriend, hoping to get more information.

"So Clementine, Ayers and Red don't really work together at all do they? Not even normally?"

"Nope." the mare replied. "All they really do every time they are together is go to the back room and yell."

"Their relationship is that fragmented?"

The mare simply shrugged.

"Its just how things have been for a long time!"

"Ayers' father will not listen for any reason," Clementine explained. "He doesn't understand the meaning of the word "NO." No matter what Ayers says, he is just like a brick wall most of the time. And just as stubborn as one."

When Ayers got back into the kitchen, he found mistakes were already starting and confusion was beginning to boil over. Countless orders were being stacked up on the line, and Jack Pot was having a difficult time catching up. The pressure was already starting to get at the bulky stallion as he snapped a couple of times at his staff and at Ayers. Burgers and other meals were being sent out quickly, but unfortunately, the meals had many things wrong with them.

One breakfast hay burger sent to the local carrot farmer Carrot Top, was soaked in grease and came to her table looking like an oozing wet pile of mush. Just one look at the burger made her sick as she pushed it away and tried closing her eyes to settle her stomach. Another hay burger given to a locally known vegetarian gryphon who was visiting town, received his burger medium rare and almost pink in the middle. It reminded him too much of meat which made him flag down one of the waitress mares.

"Excuse me miss, I ordered my hay burger medium well. Can you get that fixed?" he asked nicely.

"Sure, I'll take that off your claws," she sighed as she picked up the plate and trotted back into the kitchen.

A pattern of unhappy customers continued well into the evening as food kept getting sent back into the kitchen. Gordon just told Twilight to wait and watch with him until things really started going downhill. He had some semblance of hope that Ayers might have had a chance to pull things together and get the night back on track. However, that didn't seem to be helping at all either as the tickets continued piling up. So many had piled up that they had to lay them next to each other, covering all of the counters. Twilight was completely aghast and felt lightheaded from how disorganized everything was.

"This is completely unacceptable! Everything is so chaotic!" Twilight shrieked in distress. "Its like a game of Solitaire!"

In the kitchen, the tension between Ayers and Jack Pot was at its breaking point as miscommunication started turning into attacks. One of the orders was written improperly on one of the tickets, causing confusion.

"Does table #2 have their hay fries?" a sous chef asked.

"Table #2? There is no Table #2." Ayers replied.

"Table bucking #2!" the chef snapped back.

"Jeez guys, why is this so hard to understand?" Jack Pot groaned angrily at everyone.

The chef pulled the ticket down from the line with his magic and handed it off to Ayers assistant.

"It says #42." she corrected.

"ITS 42 you morons!" Ayers shouted. "There's two guests at the table! There isnt going to be 42 bucking guests at some fictional table!"

Disagreement continued to mount up as they continued shouting at each other. Tulip tried calming down Ayers who was starting to scream at them.

"I'm gonna jump over this counter and knock your ass out if you don't calm the buck down!" Jack Pot threatened.

"OH YOU ARE? YOU ARE? COME HERE RIGHT NOW!" Ayers roared. "YOU WANT TO THREATEN ME? THEN GET THE BUCK OUT OF HERE!"

Jack Pot came over and got into a shouting match with Ayers that lasted for three straight minutes. The sound of the fighting could be heard all the way from the dining room which was disturbing the diners.

"I don't give a damn--" Jack Pot started.

"YOU ARE DONE! GOODBYE!"

Jack Pot angrily left out the back door kicking a coat rack over.

Twilight and Gordon waited for the commotion to stop before running into the kitchen and following Jack Pot out.

"Should I have done that?" Jack Pot asked the interviewer outside. "Probably not. But I'm not just gonna stand there and let some crackhead and his mother yell at me like I'm the one doing everything wrong! We should not be treated that way."

The assistant chefs were getting angry at how unfairly their former head was treated as one of them tried defusing the situation.

"Come on Ayers, there's no need for any of this--" one of them stated.

"What the fuck did you say?" Ayers growled.

"Dude! It was a miscommunication on the line!" he insisted.

"I DONT CARE!"

Tulip got in between the two and got the angry unicorn to be quiet for a moment.

"Let Ayers handle it. Everything is fine!"

"I've taken shit from so many ponies tonight, that I just cracked." he said with his voice breaking.

Right outside, Gordon and Twilight went to talk to Jack Pot, hoping to figure out what started the fight.

"What happened, Jack?" Twilight asked.

"Ayers is in there, screaming his head off like a maniac." he chuckled grimly as he shook his head. "I told him that if he didnt stop screaming and treating us like crap that I was gonna go over there and kick his ass."

"Probably not the smartest thing to say to your boss." Twilight remarked. "You're lucky being fired is all that happened."

"I do get it though," Gordon said with sympathy.

"Your Majesty, I don't need him doing that to me and my staff in there. There's too much confusion going on. You got Ayers, you got his marefriend, you got his evil mother, you got that dumbass of a father of his...none of them go to the top floor. They all have serious mental problems."

"Did he ask you to leave or something?" Gordon asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, I got canned alright. Now I need to find a new spot in Ponyville," Jack groaned.

Twilight rubbed the bridge of her snout with her forehoof, mimicking Gordon involuntarily as she materialized a piece of parchment and a quill as she wrote down a letter of recommendation for Jack Pot. Hoping that would get him a new job at one of the other restaurants in Ponyville. He took the letter thankfully as he somberly walked off into the streets .

"How do you want to play the rest of this Gordon?" Twilight asked. "We need to see what's in that journal before going after them."

"Yeah, we can give it a look tonight and then come up with an endgame for this whole thing tomorrow." Gordon stated. "I'd rather not hit a family with anger management and manipulation issues with criminal accusations until we have something concrete."

"I'll send a message to the Royal Guard Bureau in Canterlot and have them relinquish the evidence from the coup. We need to see how it connects to them and then compare that to what's in the journal."

"You try to get Ayers to calm down and open up a bit, see if we can't resolve any more of these problems, while I talk to the sous chef, see if I can't get some more information."

Unfortunately, the night was already starting to go down in flames as ponies tired of waiting, were starting to get up from their table and leave. The waitresses gave the customers drinks and Root Beer Floats on the house, hoping to appease them.

Some of the kitchen staff were fed up with how the owners were treating them and their former boss as they started to quit and walk right out. But not before they demanded their pay from Red Skillet. Twilight and Gordon tried to let them handle the situation unless it devolved into shouting and fighting. She realized that the restaurant would need to collapse before any meaningful change could begin to happen.

"I don't have your pay right now, but I will tomorrow--" Red tried to offer,

"We demand that you give us our pay right now. Equestrian law states that you give us our pay before we leave." one of them growled. "Plus who knows if you are going to even be here tomorrow?"

"We are going to be here tomorrow, that's obvious," Red replied.

"Well, we don't know that. You've been treating us like shit for months. Tulip will probably just hide the money and pretend she lost it."

Tulip's face started to turn beet red at that remark.

They stormed off into the back room as Ayers and Clementine followed alongside Gordon and Twilight.

"Write the check for a thousand bits," Ayers instructed.

"Will you put the money in tomorrow?" she asked the colt.

"Why would Ayers be the one putting in the money from his own pocket?" Twilight asked. "You should be paying from the restaurant's accounts, not his!"

"They are what!?" Clementine shouted as she pushed through towards Tulip. "I don't think so! You already stole his money once paying for the restaurant, you are not taking any more money out of his account!"

"Clementine, butt out please and don't get involved!" Tulip snapped.

The mare started tearing up as she turned to Gordon.

"His parents will never respect him, Chef, they are the most fucked up ponies I've ever seen." she cried.

Red and Tulip just continued as they swiped one of Ayers checks and filled it out, handing it to one of the chefs, despite all of Clementine's protests.

"Can't you do something Your Highness?" Clementine pleaded with the alicorn. "Ayers doesn't have the money in there to give to any of them! He's given them too much!"

"She's right, Red, if Ayers isn't giving you permission, then that's theft. I cannot allow that in my city," Twilight declared.

"ITS NOT YOUR CHOICE!" Red barked at Clementine and Twilight.

"Its not your choice either! Its Ayers' choice and you aren't letting him have it!"

"We have the deed to this place and access to all our family's accounts, you are not an owner!" Red replied.

The rebelling staff tired of waiting and left the building, threatening to take their complaints up with the Royal Guard to get their payment. Ayers, unable to take the stress anymore, went into a corner of the kitchen and started to bawl his eyes out. His assistant tried cheering him up, to no avail. Twilight stayed behind in the back room, having a harsh conversation with Red and Tulip while Gordon went to Ayers.

"That was pretty horrendous back there," Gordon said.

Ayers couldn't do anything but sniffle as his bloodshot red eyes looked off in a random direction. He slumped against the counter and sniffled, trying to keep his emotions under control.

"You gonna be alright, mate?" Gordon asked concerned.

"I got threatened and shouted at...my parents are treating me and my marefriend like shit...All I want to do is make something good for Ponyville...Go back to the days when Twilight loved coming here." he sobbed. "I'm paying for everything,..I'm always getting all the supplies...directing the kitchen, and nothing works. My ma and pa get in the way of everything! I'm the only one keeping this place from closing down!"

Gordon couldn't help but feel sorry for the colt as he tried patting him on the withers to get him to calm down.

"You're in your mid twenties and you've got the entire world on your back for God's sake!" Gordon exclaimed. "None of this is right!"

"I just can't do this anymore! We are going under and I can't stop any of it from happening!"

Gordon coaxed him to go outside with him to get some air while the other sous chefs try to restore order.

"It all hit me like a flood gate. Every bad emotion from the past few months just came colliding into me at full speed. I just can't take it any more!"

Next Time: Burger Princess Shack Finale